Story Board!!!!

Wyverne

How about anyone who wants to can post a
short story to this post. it cant be too
long, and can be about anything u like,
horror, sex, drama, sex,
erm.... fiction, sex, non-fiction, sex,
simply weird (tct), or sex, and so on, ok.


kewl, so lets hear those budding writers!!

Wyverne

TwoShedsJackson

Arrrr, 'twas a dark and stormy night.....

oh bugger it, I'll come back when I have it finished

Draco

I went down the seven flights of arthritic knee causing stairs for lunch.
Setting off at noon, on my own, I thought I'd have no problems getting a
bite to eat.
Arriving at the restuarant and immediately joining the large queue of
the anti-John Player Blue, prejudiced flock I realised my lunch plans were
ruined.

Hooting and screaming in their upper class tones and bumping from side to
side the hungry mob grew larger and yet I was somehow still at the back of
the queue.

With the sandwich bar far in the distance I decided to give up on the idea
of a roll made to order with all the onions you desire and the delicious
tuna and sweetcorn filling. I pushed forward into the sea of snobbery
stabbing my chip on my shoulder angrily at those who dared to look around
while they sniffed the food fragranced air with their up-turned noses.

Eventually after almost decapitating a few chattering clowns with the hook
on my bag I made it to the ready made sandwich section, which, for reasons
I found out not too soon after, was devoid of people.

Fumbling through the mass of sandwich cartons with beads on lettuce water
condensation on the inside my hand seized upon one which had a big red
"TUNA" on it. Flipping it side to side to get a view inside, through the
condensation which ran and dripped onto the bread, disturbed from it's
viscous slumber by my shaking, I noticed that the tuna was a fearsome
mixture of liquidised trout heads and what probably was rejected digestive
biscuits.
Fearing for my health and now running out of time my eye caught sight of a
chicken salad carton, which I promptly purchased.

The chicken salad, best before my fourteenth birthday, was so foul that my
tongue involuntarily lashed from side to side to fight off this evil
offel. The bread was soggy from the self contained eco system that existed
inside the carton. The cucumber had died long ago and was partially
fossilised in the soggy bread. The tomato was still red but seemed to have
been genetically enginnered to outlive it's fellow ingredients as it
tasted like the inner realms of hell.

This was written by a mate of mine.

Draco

Excelsior

For the past 25 years or more, the small Caribbean island of Banana Republic has been ruled by Rutiger Van Tartic Buttom, commonly known as El Presidente. He has developed a reputation as a cold, ineffectual leader driven only by his huge ego. His frequent stays at Rehab Clinics are well publicized in the world press, as are his brushes with the US administration, but he paints himself in a different shade, and here, in his first interview with the international press in over 20 years, award winning "HI!" Magazine writer and former Formula One team owner, Shane Reilly


talks to:


EL PRESIDENTE

The capital city of the Banana Republic, Arosa, is a testimony to the changes brought about in this country since he took control in the late 60's. Records show that when he took over, it was little more than a slum and ghetto. Now, those ghettos have been sizably reduced. The centre of the town is resplendent in it's Soviet funded buildings and this is where I met him, in a huge concrete palace on the outskirts of Arosa. His famous entourage, a drunken posse if you will, commanded that their great leader only be shown in the best possible light. This "HI!" MAGAZINE reporter wasn't going to argue. I was shown into a palatial office, quite suited to the palace it was situated in. El Presidente, as he likes to be known, and I began our interview, while we sipped some of the finest Bourbon available on the heavily embargoed island. His two closest assistants, General Mullen, and his Commander-in chief-Tracy hovered in the background.

SR: Good morning, El Presidente, how are you?

EP: Call me El Prez, call me El Prez my good son. I am quite delightful today, things are just "sweetie-pie," here in the Republic to use one of your Western sayings.

He laughs a great laugh that fills the leather and mahogany office. He is well dressed in a crisp, cream, Gucci, khaki suit. Upon his head rests a sun-hat and his appearance is of a healthy man, (certainly not one with his alleged cocaine habit,) enjoying his life.

SR: Let's get straight down to brass tacks El Prez. How do you feel about the U.N. Trade Embargo that has existed against your country for seven and a half years now?

EP: Well, Shane, the WESTERN INFIDELS ... no, no, what I mean to say, my good man, is that we are sure that this entire episode has been one big misunderstanding. We are committed here, to repairing and rebuilding our links with the outside world. We feel it's important that our people do not starve at the hands of rich nations. To begin with, the embargo was unexplained, and unjust, but we feel the time is right to sort this mess out.

SR: So, you don't begrudge America and her allies for so strictly enforcing the embargo?

EP: Well there'd be no point now would there, we just hope the blockade will be lifted and my people can get around to forgiving the American's ...

At this point General Mullen screamed out,

"FORGIVE THE AMERICAN DOGS, NEVER!!??!! YOU ALWAYS SUPPORTED GENOCIDE OF THE LOUSE AND NOW YOU BACK-TRACK? AHHHHH. YOU FU#*$R!!!"

Commander-in chief-Tracy picked General Mullen off the ground and out of his psychotic fit and escorted him out of the room. It was my opportunity to get down to some tough talk with the leader.


EP: Forgive me for his outburst, (he is remarkably cool, and continues after a long sigh,) Snorty has been having a hard time of it lately. He's on medication you know? And, well he's, he's had trouble with the Missus. She died. Oh, yeah! Horrible. Stabbed 57 times while asleep in bed.

SR: My God.

EP: (Under his breath,) No good talking to him.

SR: Do you have trouble with opposition?

EP: We do yes, it has grown considerably in recent times, and General Snorty Mullen didn't know what came over him that night. He had been stressed out and the whole event just kind of unfolded

SR: What readers of my magazine really want to know is more about, El Prez, the man behind the iron fist and the off switch of his enemies' iron lungs.

He lowers the gun pointed at my knees.

EP: Well that is a question I've wanted to answer for quite a while. I'm just an average guy, I love sports, we have a great hot-oil wrestling championship here on the island, and our gloveless boxing is unparalleled across the world. The same could be said for our ****-fighting, and foxy-boxing which are only rivaled by the great ****-fights of Wessex in England. We constantly strive to emulate them. I love spending time with my family, and the mothers of my children. Of course, Shane, your society shuns that kind of behavior, but I couldn't imagine any red-blooded man who'd turn down your lovely bo .... I mean, who'd turn down 67 wives.

SR: And do you have any fashion tips?


EP: Well, a moustache got me started out in life, but times change, and these days the, how do you say, young chicks, really dig my military style. It's at once both strong and sexy. Plus hey, they get to keep their wombs.

There follows an uncomfortable silence.

SR: I, I, I'll edit that, that bit out.

EP: Yes, you'd probably better do that.

He again, lowers the gun. The time is right to ask some really tough questions.

SR: So, El Prez, what's your favourite food?

He changes cue cards again.

EP: I like a local dish that goes by the name of, "Unlucky Fried Westerner."



SR: Really?, what's in that?

Long Pause.

EP: Um ......... let me check.

He runs outside and a frantic whispering can be heard outside the door. He walks back in, unruffled and cool

EP: It is a ...... a fish-dish.

SR: Maybe I'll order it in a local restaurant?

EP: But, doesn't your christian god forbid cannabili .... ahh, nevermind. Next question please.

He raises the gun

SR: What, exactly is your opinion on the fall of the Soviet Union, and Communism across the world. Doesn't the fact that only China can afford to fund your lavish central expenditure hurt your economy?

EP: THIS IS A FILTHY LIE!!!!!

He fires the gun wildly into the air until his round runs out.


EP: The western governments have corrupted the minds of many good men with these viscous rumours. Our economy is not hurt because the CCCP is still strong. If it is not, then why our we still getting donations from the Union?

SR: How do you mean?

EP: Every year we get a donation from the Iron Curtain of over $450 million. The only difference is it comes from an account in Seattle called, Gates.

My mouth drops open in awe.

SR: That ....... explains SO much.

He raises the gun menacingly.

EP: What do you know of Moscow's ally?

I answer quickly: Nothing, nothing, ........ I was just trying to understand if as was reported in the west, your economy was so poor, how could you afford to live in such splendor.

EP: Well now you know. The daor of this island are extremely happy with their leaders. They are proud to live in such a great de-moc-ra-cy. The western alliance often create these conspiracies to feed their ego's. They must make up for their deficiencies in other departments. Know what I mean? HA HA HA HA

I sensed a sinister change in the mood of the leader and tried to calm him.

SR: What do you feel about the new Mercedes A Class? I hear you are quite fond of an occasional Benz?

EP: Do not humour me, you rodent. The truth is we have built up, with our ally Cuba and our patrons, Sister China, and Moscow, a great force with which to invade the ore rich island of TRINIDAD, after our reign of terror visits Dominica, Martinique, St. Lucia, St. Vincent, Barbados and Grenada. From there, America is ours. Clinton has tried to kill my Third Kingdom with crude tactics but we have survived and grown stronger. I ask you: Which one of us has the less-straight genitalia? I will strike down upon those with great vengeance. Divine intervention! HA. You don't need that when you're as great as me.

You may join me Reilly, a man of your talents could be used to show the world what my system is really like. We can pay you well, we will be victorious. It will not be long before we have the capability of mass destruction. Thermo-Nuclear weapons are easily available these modern times, no? They imposed this blockade on us because they felt a need to interfere in interests not of their own. I did not lie when I said the Prime-Minister of Trinidad invited us to annex them and yet they used that and those fabricated human-right's infringements to convince the UN to blockade us.

His eyes now displayed a truly mischievous twinkle as he says:

I could let you in on a little secret, Shane. Once Trinidad is in our hands, we will build the world's biggest Van der Graff generator to reverse the world's magnetic polarity. With it in place, the earth will become, in effect, a huge magnet, and people's loose change will draw them to the ground. Then, they'll be prone and will be unable to prevent me from taking over the world. IT WILL BE MINE. ALL MINE!!!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha MU-HA-HA!

I was saved by the bell as Van Tartic-Buttom's secretary came in to inform us my 90 minutes was up. I made my excuses and left in a hurry. Shaken by my encouter with the dictator, I took the first plane out that night, and was happy to land safely in Miami the next morning.

Shane Reilly, May 24, 1998.


************************************************
copyright 1998 Andy Mullen, Kevin Hargaden, Ian Tracy.

---

It is so lonely here in my indecipherable tower of speech impedimency

El_Presidente

And that ladys and gents, is where I got my nick.

Monty - the one and only

Thats a long and gorey story El_Pres

Wyverne

I am impressed, but im still waiting for a response from tct????, its sure to be a weird and wonderful gorefest,

hmmmmm

still, great story excelsior

Excelsior

Smiles a smug smile knowing he has many more up his sleeve where that came from.

---

It is so lonely here in my indecipherable tower of speech impedimency

the celtic tiger

aarrrrrr.....When I was a youngster, no taller than three and sixpence if a day.....I chanced upon a part of my kingdom where I had nere spied on before. The year.....1632, the place Afghaneria (just France at that time) and my age was 3. I had spent the afternoon playing cricket in the yard with the dead caretaker. He bowled a quick, swerving ball at me.....being the quick reflexed lad that I am, I adjusted my stance accordingly and fired the ball through the zeppelin (twas perched gracefully on the telephone pole) and it bounced off down the road......Here starts the tale of .........THE MISSING EAR BALL!!!! Anyway....it's not weird....YET....wait till I have more time!

in the story (true) you can expect to see the words :thundercats, gloware, cliff, horse, glondoor, philip brennan, weirdy phil, Afghaneria (again), French multinationals, Baxter, bast@rds, battle of Hastings, King Richard III, Brazil, non-flammable and not forgetting Courtney Love and the my ever endearing best friend Joe Maplin.

Tomorrow my minions.....you shjall be rewarded.

that is all .......for now

tct

---

And with that I stand down as leader of this ancient and very sacred society. I just hope you will treat your new leader with as much love and respect as you have shown me. I bid thee farewell.
thank you

Wyverne

Looking forward to it kharn,

seriously though am too

Shiminay

There are only 4 poeple in the world that "get" it mind. 2 of them are online gamers

Before you read, please note. It's dumb!

Prepare for his coming

"Give us a toke!"

"Here"

He inhaled deeply. "Cheers man…" he whispered.

"Good ganj innit?"

"Hell yes partner!"

"Shhh, they'll hear."

"Who?"

"Them" he said pointing to a spot Jim hadn't noticed before. Figures loomed at them from what was once a perfectly innocent looking part of the wall.

"I think this ****'s really kickin' in man!" Jim said in excited tones.

"So it seems" snarled his smoking partner. Something didn't seem right to Jim. His drug-dulled senses knew that something was amiss, but he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He wandered back to where the two had first met and thought a while on the coincidence of his request.

"I'd give my soul for a bit of gear right now." Jim thought whilst coming down from a high-energy trip. That was when he appeared. So they went and found a quiet little corner of the hotel where the graduation was taking place and Jim started to roll.

When they finished their second joint, Jim remembered getting up to go back, but his newfound friend said,

"What's the hurry?"

"Won't we be missed?"

"Naaa. They're all way to ****ed to notice."

*hehe* "Yea." he said as the narcotics began to take effect.

So they continued to smoke and talk about themselves until now. It was then that Jim realized what was wrong. He didn't know his friend's name.

"Dude," he said still looking at the strange shapes, "what's your name?"

"That need not concern you James" he growled in return. It occurred to Jim that his mate's voice no longer sounded like it did when they first met. A small, distant voice called him, but he chose to ignore it. He turned to face his friend and was met with a pulsing mass of bone and sinew. He stumbled back in horror, his mind racing at a million miles an hour. Was this a hallucination? Was his friend really something from his nightmares? Shaking his head, he looked again and saw himself.

"What? What's going on?" he said in confused tones.

"What's wrong Jimmy-boy?" his doppelganger said in a deeply guttural and completely inhuman voice "don't you know who I am?"

"You can't be, I'm… What the hell is going on?"

"I've been watching the way you run your life James. I watch every day as you waste the gifts you've been given. You waste time drinking excessively and consuming narcotic substances - Mind Killers - and I've had enough. I'm taking over now and there's nothing you can do about it."

"NO!" screamed Jim, "I won't let you!" and with a sudden show of speed and strength, he charged at his mirror image shattering the glass.

Dazed, confused and bleeding, he stumbled around wondering what had happened. Something kept dripping in his eye and his vision swam for a moment until he fell onto his bed. A nervous hand reached up to his forehead and it felt wet and sticky. He brought his hand into his field of vision and saw red.

"Jim, what happened?" screamed his girl friend as she ran into the room.

"I, I must have slipped and broken your mirror. It looks like I cut myself a bit."

"Your face is a mess!" she yelled, frantic with hysteria.

"It's OK, just get me to the hospital. They'll sort it out."

"OK, OK, hold on, I'll get the keys. You'll be OK"

"Yes," said Puunack adjusting to his new body, "everything will be fine."

With a smile, the Receiver took one step, then another and with strides of a born ruler, he left the room and went to the car.

"Soon" he thought, "the Beefy King shall walk the earth once more. Then mortals, you shall know what real burgers are and you shall know what real hashish is."

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
http://homepage.eircom.net/~davitt

[This message has been edited by Kharn (edited 05-04-2000).]

Shiminay

I must get my brother to email me the first chapter of the book I'm writing

I'll post it tomorrow (hopefully)

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
http://homepage.eircom.net/~davitt

Excelsior

well Kharn, I was hoping that it would begin with,
"they were the best of times, they were the worst of times..."
but it'll do.
Thank you good sir.

---

It is so lonely here in my indecipherable tower of speech impedimency

Wyverne

Looks good to me so far.....


tell u what kharn, i'll write
an 'alternative story line to what uve
started and try and twist as much as possible
then we'll both post the chapters


it is of course ure decision as its ur idea,
and i have no wish to insult u or offend u
by doing it, so if ud rather i didn't then
no worries.....


Wyverne

the celtic tiger

I'm sorry lads....I don't have the time to recommence the story today. If you wait until next week maybe....I'll have a cracking one ready for ya????

anywho...see ya later

tct

---

And with that I stand down as leader of this ancient and very sacred society. I just hope you will treat your new leader with as much love and respect as you have shown me. I bid thee farewell.
thank you

Shiminay

Sounds like a great idea m8!

You see, I know where it all goes (worked the story out ages ago). There will be guest appearences by all kinds of celebrities!

I suppose now's the best time to tell you the background (it'll make way more sense.

Myself and 3 of my mates were in a house consuming *ahem* alcohol *ahem* Suddenly we were talking of Beefy Kings and Puunack the Receiver - High Priest of the Beefy Kings!
One of the most memorable quotes of the night was:

God damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a Beefy King!

which came from Eamon (you don't know Eamon, so it's ok to say his name).

So, I'll let you work your magic on it Wyverne m8! BTW - are you working in Nethouse Ranelagh tonight? I'll be going home from here at 17:00ish so post before then if u can!

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
http://homepage.eircom.net/~davitt

Excelsior

and now, for your reading pleasure, the manifesto by which El Presidente, (see above) lives and rules by.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
THE KRISITUNITY DOCTRINE.

We hold these truths to be false, that all men are created equal although some are more equal then others, that they are endowed by their masters (Us) with "rights", that among these are temporary existence, oppression and the pursuit of a flavorless mush I call "root balm"

All men are born free into slavery. To be crushed under the foot of their social betters ( Although all comrades are born as one.)

All races are embraced as one. Before being forced to truly become one , the uberrace if you will.

All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.

All individuals named Jim or Keri will be made "unpersons."

We hold a firm territorial claim over all lands which belong to us and don't belong to us and that may belong to us, (and the moon.)

Some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the "GANGSTA" of love , some people call me Maurice.

>-insert oppressive act here-

All men born of woman must dance around a large bonfire wearing nothing but a large purple banana and shouting "ALL HAIL!", on every 3rd Sunday of the month. Note: this also applies to women and men not born of woman.

"To be or not to be?" this is the question that must never be asked, under pain of death... oh ****.

The burning of a Republic flag is an offence punishable by having your earlobes sown on to your eyelids.

"America" does NOT exist , it is merely a story made up by parents to scare their children.

2+2=5

If your not like me I hate you.

Every family must have exactly 2.4 children. This will be achieved by using a large scissors some super glue and a cabbage.

My cat's breath smells like cat food. So... in theory it works . However in theory Krisitunity works, in theory. Oh no here come the thought police , tell my wife I faked every orgasm...

The joke is always on you. Everyone is laughing at you, not with you. HaHa.

No more Christmas!!!!!

If there is hope it lies with the Proles , Just kidding there is no hope. Its all lies, but their entertaining lies and in the end isn't that the ultimate truth. The answer is no. The jokes on you, again.
**************************************************
Copyright 2000 ANDY MULLEN, Kevin Hargaden, Ian Tracy.

---

It is so lonely here in my indecipherable tower of speech impedimency

Excelsior

hey sutty, haven't seen you posting recently, so i thought I'd throw this up...
An Ode to Sutty

I gave my love a penny,
A penny to my love
But
Rejection
Brutal Rejection
Why?
Why must my love reject me
Why must I be locked up
oH! I yearn for those leather
clad Nights
when
alone I lie in my cell
dank and
Dreary.
__________________________________
copyright 2000 Andy Mullen. Kevin Hargaden. Ian Tracy.

---

It is so lonely here in my indecipherable tower of speech impedimency

BossArky

Two high school sweethearts who went out together for
four years in high school were both virgins;
they enjoyed losing their virginity to each other in 10th grade. When
they graduated, they wanted both to go to the same college but,
the girl was accepted to college on the East Coast, and the guy went
to a college on the West Coast. They agreed to be faithful to each
other and to spend anytime they could together.
As time went on, the guy would call the girl and she would never be home,
and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return the letters. Even when
he emailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she
confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very
well and increased his calls, letters, and emails trying to win back her
love. She soon became very annoyed with his persistence and now with a new
boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So, what she did is this:
she took a Polaroid picture of her sucking
her
new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to
her old boyfriend
with a
note reading,
"I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone."
Well, needless to say, this guy was broken
but,
even more so, he was ****ed. So, what he did
next was awesome. He
wrote on the back of the
photo the following,
"Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at
college, please send more money - I'm getting
pretty desperate!"
and mailed the picture to her parents.

Shiminay

hmmmmmmmmm..........

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
http://homepage.eircom.net/~davitt

Shiminay

I might just write Chapter 2 his weekend

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
http://homepage.eircom.net/~davitt