i dont want to deal with the guy...

alaskagirl · 23-09-2002 3:53am #1

Okso, last night was homecoming dance at my school. I got there and was having a decent time, just dancing with some friends. But then i started relly missing ctyi discos and how you could meet someone without it really being a big deal if you didnt WNT it to be a big deal. So this guy i know grabbed me and started dancing with me during a slow song. And i say i know him, beacuse we went to the same elementary school , but he was never in my class or anything because he was a year older. plus, he was in my math class last year. And he's always been friendly and flirty and all, but i didnt think he would ever be very forward about anything because hes kind of shy and nerdy. nice kid though, right. and we dont have any classes together this year so i havent seen him much. but anyways he started dancing with me, and then i ended up meeting him, but afterwards i decided it wasnt worth it because i dont see him, and hes not really that interesting... and he has a beard which is scratchy, and he wasnt even a very good meet. but hes just so nice, and hes a friend of mine, so i dont want to hurt his feelings. but after i met him him, he was holding my hand and stuff and i just wanted to go dance with my friends and forget about it. and he kept saying, oh, i really like you, and all this. so...arg! i want to tell him that i dont want to go out with him or anything. but how? any suggestions? i mean, i know i have to talk to him. but what should i say? i want to be straight up with him, but how do you say politely that, " you werent that great of a kisser and i dont find it worth my time to be with you?"

ll=llannah · 23-09-2002 1:58pm

just tell him the truth. or a carefully worded version therein. I mean, he'll figure out eventually u don't like him, so better sooner than later. not that i know the answers to everything. hah. that i don't.
ah, i know what u mean about missing that aspect of the ctyi discos. its never the same- they always expect you to be in love with them or something after you meet, whereas at ctyi, half the time you'd never talk to the person again. i'm not sure why it happens like it does at ctyi- yet another thing we have to credit them with. (but somehow, i don't think they would put that in the brochure...summer courses...and free love? hmm..don't think so.)

claire h · 23-09-2002 5:02pm

Honesty is the best policy. Wait, that's a load of crap. Honesty is overrated. Seriously, though, just explain that you just got swept up in the moment but that you're not looking for anything more, and that although you're flattered and all, you're still not interested.

Failing that, tell him you're a lesbian....

oq4v3ht0u76kf2 · 23-09-2002 5:03pm

Okay... given I was rejected today (see the Bob likes girl thread) I can tell you this much... don't make up some bull**** excuse. For example "I'm a lesbian" even though he knows you're straight doesn't work. Ah well, one of lifes lessons... just tell him outright that you don't want to be with him now. Don't lie or make excuses, you do not need to explain yourself to him, simply "I don't wanna be with you" and if he doesn't accept that then it's his problem.

Edit: that was mean claire! Funny, but mean!

Crash · 23-09-2002 6:16pm

Hmmm..... lessee

"welcome to dumpsville: population, you."

"My face was eaten by crocodiles"

"frankly, i'm not into beastiality, sorry"

"as soon as you discover which way is anyhwere but near me, gmme a call"

shep the malevolent pixie · 23-09-2002 6:20pm

yep, you're just gonna havta say it straight out: "i don't want to be with you.". sucks don't it? but it bes the only feasible way of dealing with it. or you could say something along the lines of "i'm not comfortable with having a relationship right now." that tends to work. christ i'm in pain...sorry, em...yeah, whatever everyone else said. it's all good.
sHep :cool:

claire h · 23-09-2002 6:22pm

Originally posted by OrangeRhino
Edit: that was mean claire! Funny, but mean!

Hee hee. Bad me. I'm sorry. *bear hug*

Neil - you just keep on proving your evilness, don't you?

Crash · 23-09-2002 6:29pm

Lol, Claire, i had to prove myself more evil than you.

Now to be serious, the easiest way is to say something along the lines of how you we were feeling sad and vunerable that night and how you didnt want to ruin your friendship, but you felt that you werent ready to commit right now, but can you still be friends. there, that better Claire?

claire h · 23-09-2002 6:40pm

Yes, I approve, Neil.

Be careful about using phrases like 'not ready right now', though.... if you honestly don't see yourself being 'ready' in the future, then don't say it to soften the blow, because you might end up leading him on, which could lead to badness....

purplepolkadot · 23-09-2002 6:50pm

the nicest possible way to do that is say: sorry, (look him up and down and bite you lip) and say you're lovely and everything but i like someone else.

i know you shouldn't lie, but you're not saying you're gay, and hey maybe you do like someone else. plus it's less hurtful for him. somehow. (ok, it's easier to say)

oh, and when i go out no-one expects you to be in love with them. maybe its just a wherever-ye-all-live thing. cavan/longford rocks for free meaningless love. ohhh...yes

Crash · 23-09-2002 7:01pm

I'm wondering how long before someone gets amazed at my sensitive and kind side.....hmmm...

For thr record i am sensitive and kinda and am only an asshole a)when the person deserves it or b) for humour, as above

oq4v3ht0u76kf2 · 23-09-2002 7:15pm

Ah I know you're a sweetheart dude... we all know that.

claire h · 23-09-2002 7:35pm

Yeah, we do. You're all sensitive and strokable. It's all good.

(For the record I'm being serious here.... not sarcastic... it's an unfamiliar but not entirely unpleasant sensation.)

lordsippa · 23-09-2002 8:33pm

ARGH! I hate doing that. Do it as soon as possible. Trust me.

alaskagirl · 23-09-2002 10:42pm

i really like the biting your lip and saying youre into someone alse thing, i could use it some other time. i think that if i liked someone else i wouldnt have met him. my firends at school told me to tell him that i was a lesbian. he would see right through that. actually, my friends and i used to do that in elementary school. there was this guy that would follow us around all of the time and we would just hold hands and tell him we were lesbians. he never really got the idea that we wanted him to go away. so we just avoided him and took orchestra class beacuse he was in band.

ll=llannah · 24-09-2002 1:09pm

Ah, the wonderful art of avoidance ... teeheeehee.

s0l · 24-09-2002 6:39pm

<looks around nervously for Bob>

Tell him your gay *wink*

It wasn't me! · 25-09-2002 3:49pm

What's all this about CTYI discos being the only places to get a meaningless meet. I've known people to meet40/50 girls a night(See Bob likes Girl thread for reference to self-same guy) and keep in contact, but only as friends.

Then again I know guys who meet their friends on a regular basis, so that theory doesn't work. Meaningless meets are far easier to come by, in my opinion, than a meet that actually means something. That's rare. Think of it as service. It doesn't seem half as harsh if you do.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2 · 25-09-2002 5:03pm

Yeah... see, meaningless meets often happen in discos where you don't see the people again and if you do it's not regularly. The difference with school dances and CTYI discos is you are almost guaranteed to see the people the next day and what sets the CTYI discos away from the rest of that kind of disco is the fact that the meets can be meaningless in a place where the people see each other every day.

joe the coat · 25-09-2002 6:39pm

I've been thinking... CTYI seems to exist in a separate little universe where morals are... not quite suspended but loosened... Its very nice

.

alaskagirl · 25-09-2002 11:24pm

i miss the loosened morals!!! three weeks a year is not enough!1 or maybe its so that i will appreciate those three weeks... i bet thats it. i mean, if it was like that all year, what would be special about the loose morals at ctyi? hmmmmmm.....

ll=llannah · 26-09-2002 2:33pm

it's an alternate universe, really.
i think that's what makes it so amazing.

Moni · 26-09-2002 7:42pm

It is an alternate universe.

But if it were all year, it would be THE universe. and it would become routine. and that would suck.

Happy CTYI guy · 04-10-2002 10:29pm

Throw the guy on the scrapheap. Move onto new and better things...come on a beard what more do i have to say?

purplepolkadot · 05-10-2002 8:47pm

i really like the biting your lip and saying youre into someone alse thing, i could use it some other time.

i've used that three times and my best friends' used it five. works a charm. thought of it ourselves.

meaningless meets? come to longford, people just ask you in the street and you never have to see them again if you don't want to.

don't ever say you're gay (unless of course you are) that's cruel, unfair and bitchy.

Mystic Fibrosis · 05-10-2002 9:23pm

And "using" methods of dumping people isn't?

purplepolkadot · 09-10-2002 6:22pm

it's a lot nicer than saying. 'no i won't meet you because i don't like you/like your best friend/am afraid of the smell', which although would be truthful, would make you a heinous bitch.

ll=llannah · 09-10-2002 9:27pm

i agree- how is trying not to hurt pple bitchy?

purplepolkadot · 10-10-2002 6:35pm

maybe it is on some alternate universe we don't know about. who knows.

Happy CTYI guy · 17-10-2002 8:43pm

as i said earlier, SCRAPHEAP, the old heave-ho, uhhhhh all round dumping

It wasn't me! · 22-10-2002 7:52pm

I don't mind being used, seriously! I never could figure out what the hell is the problem with being used! I guess I'm one of those people. Feel free to use or abuse me whenever suits you! I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than a night so maybe that's it but come on! Everyone enjoys sex or sex-related entertainment so what's the problem with being used?! Sure you're just another meaningless statistic but at least you got your jollies too!!! For advice, don't come to me. I haven't got the balls to dump someone to their face. I'm more the subtle type who would say for instance, meet their friend in front of them and have them dump me! It saves me the hastle of working up the courage! Probably not some thing you should try though. It's more of a guy thing as far as I know. Try a subtle approach though, it works!

claire h · 22-10-2002 8:20pm

Originally posted by It wasn't me!
Feel free to use or abuse me whenever suits you!

Well, if you insist...

Mystic Fibrosis · 22-10-2002 9:21pm

Originally posted by It wasn't me!
It's more of a guy thing as far as I know.

What the hell kind of thing is that for a guy to do ? NO ONE does that. We're not (all) retarded. There are nice guys. But they get shoved into the bacground.k

claire h · 22-10-2002 9:37pm

Ah, it's just easier for guys to get away with it. There are girls that do it too. I personally don't think it counts as 'using' if you both enjoy it. Meaningless fun is good, really!

(I really need to develop some sense of morals and self-respect, don't I?)

It wasn't me! · 23-10-2002 1:29pm

That's kind of my point. I mean, if you enjoy it, then you're not being used! Therefore, since everyone enjoys sexual activity, there's no such thing as being used! Who invented using anyway. Also, to Dukman, I use that, most of my friends use that, except for one who is kind of an asshole, he just tells them to f*ck off! The point is it does happen!

ll=llannah · 23-10-2002 1:39pm

yeah, that's all fun and everything 'till you get hurt. just keep that in mind.

Mystic Fibrosis · 23-10-2002 2:23pm

Originally posted by It wasn't me!
Therefore, since everyone enjoys sexual activity, there's no such thing as being used! Who invented using anyway.

It's the emotional reprucussions that entail being "used" esp. if you like that person, it can really screw with you.

ll=llannah · 23-10-2002 4:13pm

and the connotation of being used is that someone is screwing with your feelings. a fling when both are flippant is entirely different.

qwidgybo · 23-10-2002 4:56pm

Originally posted by claire h

(I really need to develop some sense of morals and self-respect, don't I?)

not at all!keep up the free love!!!

purplepolkadot · 23-10-2002 6:00pm

I don't mind being used, seriously! I never could figure out what the hell is the problem with being used! I guess I'm one of those people. Feel free to use or abuse me whenever suits you! I've never been in a relationship that lasted more than a night so maybe that's it but come on!

itwasn'tme; you're one of those horrible manwhore bastards that go to underage discos duck with lots of gel in their hair and most of the buttons of their shirt undone, aren't you?

sex-related entertainment

porn-addict

It wasn't me! · 24-10-2002 4:53pm

First button only actually, and its not that much gel, seriously! But it's hard to find an underage disco when you're 13!! Also, "porn-addict". That I don't agree with! Maybe I phrased the question wrong but anyone who knows me won't agree with that. Actually they probably will! But I'm not! I'm really not!!

Littletinyman · 24-10-2002 5:12pm

In response to the original question: kill him.

Mystic Fibrosis · 24-10-2002 5:54pm

Originally posted by purplepolkadot
itwasn'tme; you're one of those horrible manwhore bastards that go to underage discos duck with lots of gel in their hair and most of the buttons of their shirt undone, aren't you?

OHH, you mean the assholes who get all the girls....

ll=llannah · 24-10-2002 5:56pm

not necessarily. usually they're just the assholes.

purplepolkadot · 24-10-2002 7:20pm

yeah they usually ending up meeting at least one person in the group i go with. or doing that strange drunken-yet-trying-to-impress-you dance behind you which puts everyone else off. bastards.

oh, and you're getting there itwasn'tme, soon you will be just like them, my son, i've seen it happen to may's the decent fella.

ll=llannah · 24-10-2002 11:07pm

yeah, lisa's right...first its one button, then its three and then four and then u might lose the shirt altogether. and the gel, goodgod, the gel. one morning you will wake up and the gel will never come out- you will have used so much that your hair will be permanently gelled. *twitch*

alaskagirl · 24-10-2002 11:46pm

well i agree that its not using if you both know that its no strings attached, but how do you know for sure what the other person thinks?

ya know, after all, its alot more fun when ya REALLY like each other.... or ..yeah. surprisingly, my favorite meet was with someone that i didnt really know i liked that way until afterwards...hm....

Littletinyman · 25-10-2002 12:18am

No really! Kill him!

ll=llannah · 25-10-2002 1:31am

alrighty then dear....don't forget to breathe every so often...

oq4v3ht0u76kf2 · 25-10-2002 10:25am

Yeah, it's really cool when you actually really like each other... sometimes things get in the way of that though. Things like the Atlantic Ocean, eh Clare?

Happy CTYI guy · 25-10-2002 2:14pm

excuses, excuses

i dont want to deal with the guy...

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