i need some oppinions

Satan's Kitten

i dont know if this is the right place to ask bout this stuff, but its the only place i know really. i want oppinions on self-harming. u know cuttin urself and stuff like that. i know what i think about it and i know what ppl who do it or did it think about it, but i wanna know what everyone else thinks. i know its a bad question, but i need to know what ppl think bout this stuff.

its something that effects more irish ppl than u'd think.

thanks

Is1ldur

I don't know too much about it, so feel free to disregard what I think. I visit another forum, The Black Metal Board, for people into black metal, and there was a post by a guy a while back showing pictures of the injuries he had inflicted upon himself. Quite a few of them had been through it and found it very difficult to give up. The guy who posted the pictures had managed to give up but said it was very addictive. It seems stupid to people that are not into it. Myself, I am a bit too squeamish and don't like pain, so I have not partaken, but I would say it reflects something seriously wrong at a deeper level.

Satan's Kitten

thats what everyone thinks, its a physical manifestation of an inner problem, but i dont have any inner problem. it is addictive tho and if done wrong can be very dangerous. alot of ppl know how to do it, with clean blade or whatever and disinfect wounds, i've been told that ppl who know how to be careful and arent have a subconsious wish to do more damage to themselves and at times are suicidal.

thanks for sharing ur thoughts on the subject

Repli

it's not normal i think u are doing it to look for attention
otherwise u would not have posted it on public forums
go to a doctor

Satan's Kitten

yeah i cut myself cuz its a good way to get noticed, c'mon be realistic. this isnt about me wantin attention. i have seen doctors and they make me feel worse. and i posted this cuz its easier to tak to strangers than ppl i care bout cuz i dont have to watch what i say to ppl i dont know.:mad:

STaN

can i ask, why do u cut yourself? Do u get a rush or something from it? Its something ive never understood.

And where does it all come from, trend wise?

Satan's Kitten

i dont know what u mean by 'trend wise' i dont get a rush off it no. i guess maybe it serves as a release of a kind, i'm not sure why i do it, just that i do.

i regreting starting this now, but i just wanted to know what ppl who arent effected by this think bout it.

Is1ldur

Are you happy, Satan's Kitten. I don't mean just now, but in general, are you a happy person? Do you have a good life?

Satan's Kitten

sometimes i am. other times im borederline suicidal. i depends on alota stuff. i'm startin to think i may be suffering from an eatin disorder cuz i only eat at the most 1 proper meal a day, but im probably not and i just have a bad appetite. sometimes i think i'm happy, i have good friends and a great boyfriend, but then i get depressed and worry if maybe my friends only put up wit me cuz they gotta and that i dont care bout my boyfriend as much as he does bout me! also my bestfriend brought something to my attention a while back, when im around my hyperactive giddy pals i get like that, all bubly, but i dont stay that way for long. i tend to addopt the personality of those around me. ledin me wonder if i even know myself.
any1 have any idea what i mean?

ThrAx

Seb, I love you loads an' all, but I really think you should stop that. The other night when that cut opened up again I was nearly sick to my stomach. I really do hate it and I know it serves you as a release of a kind, but I really wish you would stop hurting yourself.

Satan's Kitten

if it were that simple i would

papashiv0

Something tells me that you are searching for attention satan's kitten. If you were cutting yourself for 'pleasure' or as some type release I doubt you'd be sharing it with this many ppl. Cutting yourself like that is something you will regret. Those scars will haunt you in later life, you'll look back and think of how mindless it was to hurt yourself in an attepmt to solve lifes trivial problems. Boyfriends and friends alike come and go. You need to be happy within yourself. Everyone has there own sh!t and they deal with it in their own way, you need to find a less emotionally desrtuctive way to vent your frustration and perhaps to grow up a little.

thedrowner

i dont approve of it, i think its a painful and haunting way of dealing with problems, but sometimes its all that people know. maybe you need to seek proffessional help to deal with it, its better sorting the problems out now then leaving them till later.

Hobnail Monkey

I did it for a while back about 2-3 years ago. I used to put gashes on my thighs, lower abdomen and chest. Why I did it?? Y'see, I've got really bad acne (or at least I did have) and I hated my body with such an intensity that I just wanted to hurt myself all the time. A few more scars wouldn't matter much, would they? I didn't mind the pain or the sight of my blood or anything, but nor did I get a rush or enjoy it. I was just my frustration at having a skin condition that I couldn't handle, and the fact that each day it felt like my body was rebelling against me. When I look back, it does seem a little deranged, but then again, I've always had anger management issues (to put it mildly)...this temper didn't help much, I can remember that there were times I'd put a razor against my stomach and start to run it across and then I'd just get a rush of annoyance or frustration and really dig a hole into myself. What did I gain out of my experience - a realisation that this self-destructive behaviour wasn't doing me any good, and a bunch of horrible looking scars on my body (along with the one's the acne caused). I've since gone on Roaccutane (an experience in itself, I'll tell you) and I should be off them in November some time. They are working, albeit slowly, but in time I should look.....ok. To poke some humour into the situation, if I can, I've got a bunch of scars on my chest that looks like the star constellation The Plough (how Ironic considering it was my ploughing with a razor that did it).
So, if you want my opinion, then here it is:
DON'T DO IT, IT SOLVES NOTHING.
There are many many people out in this world who will try to hurt you - don't add your own name to that list.

Clintons Cat

to be honest,if your cutting your self but not recieving any kind of masocistic pleasure from it,its probally a problem of underlying self loathing or helplessness ,do you feel empowered when you cut yourself? as if it is the only thing you feel you have control over?Does your cutting occur on a regular basis or infrequently follow a pattern?If you can isolate a pattern to your behaviour you can probally begin to break the cycle of abuse,but you have to be honest with yourself try to look beyond the cause/effect to try to find out what it is that motivates you to act the way you do.
I dont think posting here will help you much,i would if i were you seek out counselling through your GP,
Please stop doing it,those scar are disfiguring and could become infected and lead to blood poisoning which could prove fatal.

SOL

If you don't have problems then why do you need to cut yourself? </lecture of usual stuff>
I would suggest smiling but i'm really not one for helpful advice,

LegacyUser

There was quite an excellent and balanced article in Bizzare magazine, last issue I think (but don't quote me on that) about self-cutting, why it's done, and the various groups available for various kinds of support - from therapy to encouragement groups. You might find it interesting.

AFAIK, you can view some articles on their website, or email them for specific articles.

Hope that helps

hedgetrimmer

sorry..that last post was by me..had to delete cookies, so didn;t log in again

Dave

Originally posted by SOL

I would suggest smiling but i'm really not one for helpful advice,

Because that will make everything better?

I suggest you get proper counselling. The people on these boards aren't even remotely qualified to deal with these issues. Granted the might get you to type what your feeling, and telling people online might help you on the road to recovery marginally. But you do need proper qualified counselling. It may be a hard first step to take, but in the long run it will help easse the apparent emotional trouble you're going through.

eth0_

I used to cut myself between the ages of about 14-16
At first It was down to quite severe depression, mostly because my parents had made me move from Belfast to the Republic and I found it hard to fit in at first.
After that, It was more because I like the feeling I get when I cut myself, although I haven't found the need to do it in quite a long time. I was never the type to do it with a razor or a compass....I used to steal scalpels from the science labs in college and steralize them so I was always clean and never had suicide on my mind....

WhiteWashMan

teenage girls are more than likely to cut themselves in an attempt to get attention.
its not just a few, its quiet a high percentage.
its not uncommon, and yes it is attention seeking, even if you dont believe it to be so.

try talking to someone next time, its easier, and a lot less painful and will probably not leave you feeling very confused and fúcked up about why you did it.

if you say you dont have an attention problem then i think you have not looked hard enough. the fact that you would put it up here leads me to believe the same.
sorry, but thats the way it is....

eth0_

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan
teenage girls are more than likely to cut themselves in an attempt to get attention.
its not just a few, its quiet a high percentage.
its not uncommon, and yes it is attention seeking, even if you dont believe it to be so.

Way to go, stating the obvious, self harm is a cry for help. I agree with you about some kids just doing it for attention in the bad sense of the word though.
I never cut myself for attention, no one ever saw, and I never showed it off.

Even when I was just doing it for ****s'n'giggles, I never did it anywhere someone would SEE.

So I don't think I was in need of attention.

And I posted here because I don't have a problem with telling people I used to cut myself. There's a variety of reasons people might take a knife to themselves for, hey, it can even be a sexual fetish, it's not always the 16 year old hoodied korn 'fan' sitting in her bedroom feeling sorry for herself.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by eth0_


Way to go, stating the obvious, self harm is a cry for help. I agree with you about some kids just doing it for attention in the bad sense of the word though.
I never cut myself for attention, no one ever saw, and I never showed it off.

Even when I was just doing it for ****s'n'giggles, I never did it anywhere someone would SEE.

So I don't think I was in need of attention.

And I posted here because I don't have a problem with telling people I used to cut myself. There's a variety of reasons people might take a knife to themselves for, hey, it can even be a sexual fetish, it's not always the 16 year old hoodied korn 'fan' sitting in her bedroom feeling sorry for herself.

well, if its not a cry for help and you go and cut yourself up then you have serious fúcking problems, and i would rather you didnt sit near me in the pub whilst in possesion of a steak knife.

eth0_

Originally posted by WhiteWashMan


well, if its not a cry for help and you go and cut yourself up then you have serious fúcking problems, and i would rather you didnt sit near me in the pub whilst in possesion of a steak knife.

Aww, such compassion and understanding, little camper. Now I know why you're not a PI mod.

I like the feeling != Cry for help
I haven't done it in nearly three years. It was a cry for help perhaps at the start because I was feeling depressed, but in later years it was unconnected to any malevolent feelings.

And I certainly wouldn't KNIFE someone, if that's what you're suggesting.

The Sweeper

The PI board fascinates me sometimes, with what people think...

If you inflict harm voluntarily on yourself, there is an underlying issue. It may or may not be a cry for help, but it is certainly an indication that you are not happy.

When I was in my very early teens, I was pretty miserable for a number of reasons which I'm not going to go into, but those weren't happy times. I felt really bad about myself. I didn't hate myself, I never have, but I couldn't understand why the things that were happening to me were happening.

I started to cut myself - sometimes where people could see easily if I felt like showing them (forearms, shoulders, lower legs) sometimes not (tops of thighs, stomach). My tools of preference were a scissors and a compass. Thankfully I was too chicken to take a razor blade to my body and subsequently have no scars to speak of - I have the occasional pale patch on my skin, but 12 years on they hardly show up.

Looking back now I understand why I did it, but back then I could no more explain the reasoning that made me take the point of a scissors to my arms than I could stop doing it.

Damaging my skin made me feel better, because it left me with a physical injury that I felt justified how miserable I was. I couldn't bear being in emotional pain because I didn't feel able to share that verbally with anyone, and through sporting an injury I felt better - I could get the sympathy I wanted if I showed it to people, and if I didn't feel like displaying it at least I felt that there was a reason I felt so bad.

I never got help, I grew out of it myself, things changed, got better, I learned to communicate with people through talking to them instead of trying to look injured, vulnerable and wounded so they would come to me and be nice to me.

I think we're far better equipped to deal with physical pain than emotional distress - when we hurt our bodies, adrenalin kicks in to give us a rush and block the pain. We have few chemical defenses against emotional distress, even though it can make us feel just as bad. Hence for me a self-inflicted physical injury reflected the distress I was in.

I'm glad the original poster didn't ask for advice, because for once I don't have any to offer. I don't think seeing a counsellor would have helped me back then, it was something I've only grown to understand with age.

I can tell you one thing with 100% certainty though.

If you cut yourself, it isn't normal. Even if it's common, it isn't normal. Dont try fooling yourself for a second - if you were happy, you wouldn't be damaging yourself.

WhiteWashMan

Originally posted by eth0_


Aww, such compassion and understanding, little camper. Now I know why you're not a PI mod.

I like the feeling != Cry for help
I haven't done it in nearly three years. It was a cry for help perhaps at the start because I was feeling depressed, but in later years it was unconnected to any malevolent feelings.

And I certainly wouldn't KNIFE someone, if that's what you're suggesting.

it has nothing to do with compassion and understanding.

so let me see, you are saying that you cut yourself becuase you enjoy it? in later years you actually cut yourself for reasons other than being depressed or anything.
why dont you make me understand why you cut yourself for fun.

i never suggested anything, but if you feel so much disregard to your own self, then who knows how much disregard you will show to someone else.

oh, and if you are going to get so easily upset instead of entering into a decent discussion, then its a good thing you arent a mod, isnt it now....

eth0_

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels


If you cut yourself, it isn't normal. Even if it's common, it isn't normal. Dont try fooling yourself for a second - if you were happy, you wouldn't be damaging yourself.

That's true in a sense, i suppose. But I resolved the issues that made me start cutting myself. Any other time I did it, it was because I liked the feeling, It wasn't an outlet by any means.

Anyway, I grew out of it, I get my 'pain' from other sources.
Would you consider piercing/self piercing a 'cry for help' also?

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

Dave

I don't think seeing a counsellor would have helped me back then, it was something I've only grown to understand with age.

Maybe a counsellor would have helped you reach that understanding quicker? But regardless of that Satans Kitty said

other times im borederline suicidal.

If more people sought therapy/counselling maybe 415 people wouldn't commit suicide every year because of depression.


(btw i'm not pulling this whole counselling thing out of my ass, my mother is a qualified counsellor)

The Sweeper

Originally posted by Dave
Maybe a counsellor would have helped you reach that understanding quicker? But regardless of that Satans Kitty said

Yes, very possibly.

If more people sought therapy/counselling maybe 415 people wouldn't commit suicide every year because of depression.

I'm not belittling counselling, but I reckon you have to want to be helped for it to help you. I'm just saying that personally back at that stage I don't think I would have listened to a counsellor, opened up to one or seen their presence as anything other than an intrusion.

Satan's Kitten

i shouldnt have started this thread in the first place but thats me i act b4 i think. i'm just gonna pretend it aint here and walk away. that tends to be easier. tanx every1 who gave the opinions i sought. some were helpful, others not so much.

ferdi

its far more addictive than you'd think. i gave it up though. i was a definite rush for me, i dont know if it was the pain or the blood or what, my life wasnt too great at the time.i just cut myself one time by accident there was the naatural reaction, but the i didnt ggo and wash the cut off or get a plaster, i just stared at it, and hour later i did it again and it went from there.

its quite fuct-up i guess, but dont knock till u've tryed it. ah no seriously its bad and unhealthy and dont do it.

ferdi

Shinji

i shouldnt have started this thread in the first place but thats me i act b4 i think. i'm just gonna pretend it aint here and walk away. that tends to be easier. tanx every1 who gave the opinions i sought. some were helpful, others not so much.

Translation: "Bah some people are saying stuff I don't want to hear, I'm going to ignore this now and continue living in a nice delusional world."

Let's get something clear. Inflicting deliberate damage on your body is not normal. It's not rational. There's a fairly compelling school of thought which says it isn't even sane.

People on this thread have told you to seek help in the form of counselling. They're right. Slicing yourself open isn't something you do on a whim, it's indicative of far deeper mental problems. Maybe they'll go away on their own and you'll grow up to be a healthy, happy, well-adjusted individual. On the other hand, maybe they won't and you'll end up at the bottom of a river.

Lots of people are afraid to go to see a counsellor because they think doing so somehow means there's something wrong with their minds. Well, you've crossed that line - you're cutting yourself, deliberately inflicting pain and damage on yourself, and you don't seem to be able to give any reason for it. There IS something wrong with your mind. If you have something wrong with your body, you go see a doctor and he fixes it. Now you need to apply the same to your mind - go talk to someone who can fix you.

I'm sorry, there's just no nice or happy or fluffy way to say this stuff. You have a problem. Talking to untrained strangers who know nothing about you won't help - and it certainly won't help if you ignore everything they're telling you that you don't want to hear!

RopeDrink

There was a time when I really wanted to cut myself, and not in order to get a rush. I don't mean "Oh, Im depressed thus im going to cut myself to shreds and hope everyone feels sorry for me" or "Hey, Im bleeding - And I like it!" - I mean all out intense frustration and fury at myself, mixed with boiling emotion and severe depression. I had the blade in my hand and I sat for an hour, straining. I never looked at anything else but my arms and wrists.

But Im still here, and scarless (Except for ones gained during my youth). I have never contemplated the use of a knife on myself other than that one time when things had truly gotten into my mind and stirred my brains to mush.

You, on the other hand, do it out of habit. Fair enough you don't do it in order to kill yourself, but for other reasons.

It took years of depression (Which I still suffer from to-date, albeit more controlled than before) and continuous harsh situations for me to even think about cutting myself, yet you do it as if it was like smoking a ciggerette.
That, to me at least, says that you are not doing it out of depression, or any other mental state other than a possible dislike for yourself, or something about you that you can't change or don't want to change, but feel you can control it by harming your own body.

Stop it, and stop it now.
It may escalate to the point where you want to cause more pain in order to hurt out whatever demons / emotions you're fighting, and that will, eventually, lead to you slicing your wrists. Even if it's just some sick addiction, it may come to the point where the deeper the cut, the greater the pleasure or whatever it is - This, too, can lead to severe problems.
There are so many other ways of taking your mind off things, and they don't have to be sharp objects.

Seriously, I can't think of what strange reasons would result in one wanting to cut themselves, but I can suggest that you try out new things, new escapes, new activities, going out more etc
Other than that, counselling is the only alternative and sane option.

ThrAx

Sebrina listen to them, stop it, please. I fucking hate it when u do it. I love you.

morticia

as i understand it self mutilation usually arises from self orientated problems i.e. problems with coping with issues, depression, self hate or an inability to vent ones feelings hence where to they go? nowhere but inside which is in my opinion why some ppl cut themselves as a release for emotions too painful or too hard to talk about. to some this may seem an ideal soloution but its not, once you start its very hard to stop and it can leave you with permanant scars which tbh are a hassle in themselves due to ppl asking where'd you get that from.
try to find a productive way to deal with stuff this will only create other problems
take care
**M;)

Silent Grape

hey Satan's Kitten. i know what you're going through, ive got depression for a year and half. about a month and a half ago i attempted suicide for the second time, having been cutting myself for about two months beforehand. ITS NOT ABOUT ATTENTION! all u arrogant, completely ignorant people who have been disregarding this girls post because she's 'just looking for attention' so FU<KING WHAT! it makes no difference, it duznt matter where u cut urself, whether its arms, stomach, whatever, it makes no difference, because when ur in that state of mind, the mental pain and trauma blocks out all reasoning and logical thinking. maybe a more compassionate and les ignorant word would be 'cry for help' as someone said. also, is it not fu<king brave of her to want attnetion by posting this??? would it be more noble or better if she cut her stomach and kept it hidden?? i got accusations like this before too, and it does FAR more harm than good. ask any fu<king psychologist, its about releasing feelings and mental pain and anguish that is too much to bear and cannot be described adequetely. when i came out of hospital i went straight to jon of gods, which is so not fun. i spent a month there doing all this group stuff. it didnt help me very much personally, but others found it excellent. im going to psychotherapy now and its just so good to be able to talk to someone who understands exactly why i self harmed, threw up after eating and all the rest, without any judgyness or whatever. trying to talk to my friends didnt work at all. something i learned while i was in jon of gods was that its very easy to help urself. distraction is the best known way to deal feelings like u want to self harm. ring a friend or ur boyfriend, ur mum. u dont have to chat about u selfharming, just take ur mind off it. go for a walk, hoover ur home, whatever, watch tv. try it every time u feel the need to self harm, at first it will be very very difficult, but keep trying and keep trying. read up on self harming and suicide if u havent allready, there's tons off stuff on the internet. i still want to self harm, and i still get suicidal. i know that i needto be a bit moreopen about my feelings, because a lot of selfharming involves self hate and frustration. if i let people know how much i dislike myself, and how frustrated i am with myself, they're more understanding. sometimes friends and family are crap, cus they dont know what to say etc etc, hence, go see a therapist if u can. dont ever give up, try shouting loudly when u want to cut. good luck , mia x

claire h

About what everyone has said about self-injurers doing it for attention - that is true in a lot of cases. Now, if people feel like they have to slice open their flesh in order to feel like others care about them, I would say that says a lot about their lives. Why is looking for attention considered a bad thing? Because it makes other people feel uncomfortable? Because they don't want their own good mood to be spoiled by someone with problems? A little compassion wouldn't go amiss...

In some cases it can be a trend. When I started cutting, about a year ago, I knew other people who did it, I knew it was considered a 'bad thing', something that only 'troubled' adolescents did, and it was my way of saying 'Look at me, for f*ck's sake, I'm bleeding, so will you please take me seriously and help me sort through all this crap!'

Then I started to realise that it does distract you, that the physical pain takes your mind off the emotional pain, and it becomes as addictive as any other way of coping with anything. Some people smoke, some people do hash, some people have sex, some people cut/burn. For me it was basically a way of deflecting my attention away from anything that I didn't want to think about, so instead I focussed on cutting. Before that, I focussed on the way I looked, and decided that barely eating anything was, yeah, a brilliant idea. I think it's a lack of coping skills more than anything else, or a lack of an alternative outlet for your feelings, that makes you hurt yourself.

It's pretty much the same as punching a pillow when you're mad, except you're dragging a razor blade across your skin.

I did have a point somewhere... meh. Oh, yes, it's a bad thing to do, but understandable.

deimos

Those cuts and scares will haunt you some day, when your 35 and you look at your wrist you will remember how messed up your life is, you are droping anchours in your life that are going to hold you back....

Your problem may be not that your looking for attention, but your just bored, you seem to overthink about a lot of things. But if you are cutting around your wrist area or other everyday visible areas then you are seeking attention.

pepperkin

Hmm, how to start a post on cutting?
I used to cut, too! Oh, my. So many of us attention-wanting, screwed up people on the planet.
I was the Hider-Cutter. Noone knew about it, not even my closest friends. Beyond the comment of "Good gods, Pepper, it's 105' (Fahrenheit) outside, why are you wearing jeans?!" noone even guessed.
Having read all the posts, I spotted one thing missing...Control.
When a person is in an untenable situation (and what is counted as untenable changes person by person...what one person can handle easily, the next finds traumatic) they have three choices...
1) Get out of the situation through whatever means, 2) learn to live with it and quit fighting it inside/outside or 3) Keep right on trucking, hating, being depressed, and staying in the situation.
When you're stuck in a situation you really can't get out of alive, can't learn to live with, and can't keep abiding by, you pick the first choice....get out of the situation through WHATEVER means possible, suicide or escapism.
In my case, I couldn't get out of the situation that had me completely miserable because legally I had to be where I was, at the age of 14, and if I ran away the cops eventually caught me and took me back. It's a long, screwy story and I won't go into it now. So, the big issue, CONTROL.
Many people are not in control of a lot of their lives. With me, I had no control over where I lived, whom I lived with (and it was bad) and how those people treated me. I couldn't control any of the pain they gave me, which was quite a bit, and I couldn't control whether I was locked in my room for a week with minimal food or locked in the bathroom for 24 hours under strict orders to scrub the mildew from the walls. (I still have a phobia of bleach.) Not that anyone cares about these personal remembrances, but it's the key point...control.
It started with a safety pin. I couldn't control anything in my life, but I COULD control ME. I couldn't control or deal with the pain others gave me, but I could control and deal with the pain I gave me. It made more sense, somehow...in s weird, 14 yr old kid kind of a way. One day I accidentally jabbed myself with the safety pin while playing with it (I had nothing else) and it was distraction enough from everything else to be interesting.
I found an old X-acto knife in the closet, probably used by my brother when he made models. That became my next coping tool. My upper arms, my legs, my stomach, as long as it was somewhere it couldn't be seen. What was amusing, is that when I got sent to a group home, I was still doing it, and they never noticed.
I started writing...poetry, prose, short stories. Some of my poetry makes Slayer lyrics look like church hymns. In writing I found the same cathartic relief as I had found in cutting, and I started writing more and cutting less. Eventually, I worked through my issues by writing them out, and the cutting became something that was in the past.
What do I think, looking back to a decade ago?
Cutting is about the same things as any other addiction.... escape. In my own view, addictions are formed through the desire to escape. If you have a glass of wine every evening because you like the taste, you enjoy it after dinner, you're probably a sensualist, or just someone who enjoys wine. But if you have a glass of wine a night because you simply cannot FACE the evening without the alcohol, can't sleep without it, don't want to face your abusive husband or b|tchy girlfriend without that, you're an addict, and trying to escape reality. Same amounts consumed, but the drive BEHIND it, is what changes the entire scope.
In cutting, you escape reality....escape the things you don't want to think about, don't want to know about, and many times the things you don't know about yourself and are afraid to...denial is a pretty common thing. In my case, I was told I was worthless, unlovable and unloving, heartless, selfish, a waste of breath, and etc etc...I was afraid that if I looked too deeply within myself, I would see that these things were true. Besides, I simply couldn't take being locked away in my room for a week or two at a time, and listening to those words filtering through the door day after day!
Once the need to escape is established, then it becomes easy...you tune out others whom want to help you, ignore what they say, even run away from it when it gets too much view. Once it is brought out in the sunlight and is brightly seen for what it is, it immediately becomes scary and 'impossible' to deal with, for someone who is used to hiding it in the dark. Running away and hiding in the dark zone of "If I don't look at it, it's not really there..." becomes the norm. It's not easy to understand from the viewpoint of someone whom hasn't been there, and it's insane behaviour in a lot of ways...I see both sides of it, now, because I came out of it a very upfront and disgustingly self-honest person. Now, ten years later, it is really easy for me to see when I'm being stupid, screwing up, or trying to hide from something, and it's hard to understand MYself back in those old days of cutting and hiding. I still flashback sometimes, tho.

Satans Kitten, you don't have to listen to anyone here. You can just keep going as you are, with cutting being a habit (or, perhaps, a sign of OCD...Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder...many things you want to stop doing, and can't, fall under OCD.) You can keep on hurting your BF (whom I assume is Thrax) and yourself, and someday, maybe cut a little too far or a little too much and really make a health issue out of it. Noone can stop you, and noone can control that. But imagine yourself in a year....five years....ten years....will you still be cutting, and going through depression? There's only one way to avoid THAT certain future, really...to get help from a licensed psychologist, or to start finding ways you can help yourself.
Do you really want to continue this for the rest of your life, times of cutting mixed with times of depression and not caring about anything? Sounds like an unkind future to set oneself up for, but, it's your life, and it's your choice. In the end, no matter whom pushes you otherwise, ONLY you can make that decision and then only you can stick to it.
Thrax, I hate to tell you this, and it's gonna be rough to read...sorry But there's not much you can do for her beyond being there when she needs you. You can't make her do anything and the more you push her, the more you could end up pushing her away...the chronic hider doesn't WANT to be dragged out into the sunlight....that's too scary....the chronic hider can ONLY do it if they make the choice themselves.
Think of it as sortof similar to an abused animal (not to make an uncomplimentary comparison!!) that's hiding from you, from the broom, from everything, under the kitchen table. The best thing you can do is talk to the animal under the table, love it anyway, and wait for it to gather it's courage and come to you.
Some people can do it alone, for various reasons, and some have to go find help, but *anyone can* do it. It's not a question of capability, it's a question of...will they?
I may be talking out me @rse. I can only speak from my own experience and from people I've spoken with about it, and from case studies I've read in studying psychology. I don't know Satans Kitten, so I might not have a *clue* what her drive is. I can only speak for the majority of cutters/addicts that I have known or read case studies about.
blah blah blah.

Good luck, Satans Kitten and Thrax and anyone else stuck in the same situation.

LegacyUser

Hi Sarah

I dont know if you still look at this site but I came across it by accident. I read your messages and some of the repies...... some of which i'm sure you were hurting afterwards. Sarah, I felt alot of your pain and confusion reading theose and I wonder how you are doing now. I hope things are better for you now. Just wanted to say I understand your pain, or at least try to. x

Catriona

Kell

From the majority of posts here, a lot of people, including you Satans Kitten have touched on the cause for it.

From my understanding, cutting yourself is essentially an emotional release of some description and it comes in two flavours. One which is where there is so much going on in your noggin that you want some sort of release from it and the physical pain is easier to deal with than the mental.

The second, is that you are feeling nothing at all, numb for all intensive purposes and the self harm kick starts your emotional response to pain therefore bringing back some form of emotion. I have a feeling you suffer the latter.

Those who have some clue here have pointed out that you should attend counselling to uncover what the underlying problem is. Perhaps you have suffered some physical or emotional damage you have suppressed to the extent of being convinced that whatever happened to you cant really matter that much to be a cause for the self harm. A lot of the time peoples brains suppress things so much that they cant see the wood for the trees.

What you need to be is picky about the therapist you go to see. A lot of therapists deal in common depression, middle aged menopausal women, dysfunctional retired men, but only the ones who really know how to roll their sleeves up and get down and dirty know how to deal with your particular beast.

Hope its been of some help.

K-

TattyTeddy

It usually stems from a lack of control in someones past. The person uses the self harming behaviour to regain control. It is very difficult to stop someone you love doing it as it is their only release(to them) Self harm is not just cutting - trichotillomania(pulling out your hair) and even smoking can be forms of self harm

LegacyUser

i used to do it myself, but tis slightly embarassing to admit it now...
it never felt like itw was solving anything, id just be lookin foward to it all day long, then id feel so calm afterwards.... all in my head, i know, but it was still there.
i've got some DAMN ugly scars and my friends are all startin to ask why i never wear tshirts.. i do regret it. most likely so will you...
it is a trend now though. when i did it, i wouldnt have been able to bear telling anyone or risking anyone finding out.
nowadays these crazy kids wear it like a badge! tis terrible, pain shouldnt be messed with like that.
anyways, the only advice i can give that i wish i had then is just dont bother. it makes stuff seem worse than it is and it'll make you feel mre upset in the long run. after cutting i got into burning bruising starving etc etc, it wasnt a fun time.
cutting makes it worse.
and it will get worse.