Confusing Girl Problems.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Okay, some of you may dismiss this as just normal teen problems that aren't really problems at all, and it probably is but nonetheless it's confusing me a whole heap.

Anyway, I met this girl at camp (CTYI, for those interested) called Sarah and we became really good friends. I've known her two months or so now and we really have become great friends. We talk almost every night and see each other sorta regularly. (She lives about twenty minutes away from me by car and seens as neither of us have a car it's hard to see each other that much.) Sarah is, in my opinion, a really (!!) pretty girl but it's more her personality than anything that I like.

Anyway, I have some problems with low self esteem and low self confidence. You would too if you looked like me. I really don't think I have a chance with this girl, but there is an extremely small part of me who thinks I do. Maybe I am kidding myself or whatever, but there is a tiny part of me who thinks I have a chance.

Anyone who has seen use together says we flirt a lot and almost everyone who knows both of us says I have a chance but I really amn't convinced. I am also really afraid of telling her I would like to be with her as more than a friend and then her not only rejecting me but not wanting to be friends with me, or being a bit wary of me or whatever. I basically don't wanna ruin the friendship.

I guess my main problem here is my low self esteem / self confidence because I've been in the same situation a few times but I've always blamed it on "not wanting to ruin the friendship" when really I knew I was too ugly or fat to have a chance with the girl. I confuse myself. Anyway, thanks for reading and thanks for any advice offered to me.

-B

Clintons Cat

friends are usually better judges than ourselves in these instances,they can read the whole body language that goes along with flirting a whole lot better than the person doing the flirting is aware of.
Its a hard thing to call but if you are spending so much time in contact chances are she sees something in you,so go with it.
Dont come on to heavy but spend as much time together as you can manage and try to engineer times when you can be alone together away from your friends,such as offering to walk her home after meeting up with a group of friends in town or a place close to hers.try holding her hand,if she recoils you can brush it off as being taken by the moment with no detrimental effects to your long term friendship.
take it easy and if it feels natural give her a kiss goodnight,but dont rush it,look into her eyes and smile if she smiles back slowly lean in and kiss her.
Thats it,you will know wether she likes you or not.
After that you should feel confident enough to ask her out formally.
Good luck

Thanx 4 The Fish

Try posting it on the teen angst (CTYI) board. Odds are that one of her mates is on who would say it to her. If she doesn't come back to you and get all "how you could do such a thing"ish then that's a good start. Have you had any feedback from any of her close mates on what she has said of you, maybe she would like to be with you too.

Anyway, besta Luck with it.

smiles

Bob, I don't know if you're still scared of me or not, but I think you trust my judgement at this stage.

Who you are is an absolutely bubbly gifted guy, and quite frankly that shocked me to the extreme.

If you and this girl are so friendly then just chance your luck, you already flirt, just make it a bit flirtier, and catch her eye when you make a suggestion, you should be able to tell if she holds your glance or if she looks away embarrased that she'd go for it.

If she does? Then kiss her/hug her/hold her hand, whatever you want and see how she reacts, friends are good things, and she wont hate you if you make a mistake.

Good luck, but quite frankly, i doubt you need it.

Fionnuala

Tails

I got a piece of advice when i was just starting second level froma guy just finishing it was "Never be afraid to ask someone out you wont regret it, you will regret if you dont"
So far i have to agree with that statement, i was afraid of it "ruining the friendship" at times but even if they say no, everything will be back to normal in no time.

PyjamaMan

catch her in your dead lights, look her in the eyes for about 5 seconds, if she doesnt look away ask her to go out with ye, works for meh

Hat Girl

yeah that should work.
if she really is a good friend then nothing can screw up what you already have with her, so go for it!

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Thanks a lot guys, I think I will just grow some balls (and produce some confidence from somewhere) and do the whole catching her eye, staring into her eyes and then just lean in. I don't wanna do the whole "ask her does she like me?" thing 'cos, well, I dunno. I guess I just prefer honesty and if I ask someone to ask her for me and she says no then whoever asked for me wil probably make up some excuse for her. At least this way I'll know the truth.


And Fio, I amn't scared of you! Your post nearly made me cry though, so, thanks a whole lot. Seriously. I wish I got to know you better when I was able to spend three weeks with you, alas, I didn't. I really miss you though.

Note to self: get to know Fio better. And hug her.

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Oh, Theresa, thanks for the advice. But, could you sorta not tell anyone from CTYI 'cos they might say something to Sarah and, just, please don't tell anyone. Pwetty Pweese!

Thanks honey,
-Bob

EvenStar

Im having that same problem with a guy, so I know what ur going through. im extremly shy, and so is he. Whenever we see each other we talk about really personal stuff and we flirt a lot. I want to tell him, but we dont see each other a lot now because of summer break, so i miss him so much. theres only one problem: one of my best friends is her brother... so thats the only reason i havent talked to him about it. I dont think dating my best friends brother is a good idea...

Mutz

Gwan m8y... when I Read that, I sort of got a twang in the old ticker and smiled to meself. Everybody can and will Remember something similar to your situation. Its the Best feeling in your Life.

The lads above are giving ya good advice with trying to hold her gaze. Take Her hand and then smile and see what the Reaction is, if positive, Lean In and aweh wi' ya

If negative, Pretend Your Messing and start play dancing (swirl her under your arm...) with her or somit else.... Thats ONLY if you dont want to admit your feelings.

Gauge the timing and Atmosphere as well as you can m8 and the Gods will be good to ya. Best of Luck

thedrowner

yeah exactly what everyone else says

my boyfriend is the same, hes got such a little amount of confidence its amzing, and i know most people dont like the way they look and it btoehrs them to an extent where things like asking someone out becomes a huge issue. but even if u cant accept ur not so bad, try to accept that she probably doesnt think ur that bad! So give it a go, take the others advice and see what happens.

Hat Girl

bob! all is ok...and you know you can trust me at this stage!:)

irishguy

go for it, it doesnt matter wot u look like girls dont pay as much attention to looks as guys do [i read it in some survey thing] and one of my friends just proved this cus in the last 3 1/2 weeks he has been with 3 really FINE girls [model material] and god bless him he is a sound guy but he is an ugly c**t, just dont know how he does it. anyway what i mean is go for it cus u never know.I chanced some girls that i perseved to be out of my class [alot older,better looking] and i got quite a few of them.go on

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Thanks for all the help guys, but sorry for wasting your time. A mutual friend was talking to her and she (Sarah) said that she would hate it if I did anything like that, or asked her out because it would make things get all weird. So I'm guessing not only would she reject me but it would wreck the friendship, so I guess I'm just gonna leave it alone and drown my sorrows in the water of the communal Roman pool. (Don't ask, Theresa knows though!)

Still, thanks a lot for the help guys ... if anyone has any insights or opinions to offer, feel free.

daveirl

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oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Um? There's a scam going on here? Well, none of my siblings know any of her siblings so I'm guessing she's talking about a different guy ...

SOL

i can tell you from experience, one quite similar actually that if it does screw anything up it will only be temporarily screwed, go for it go for it and when its over (sorry to say but nothing lasts forever but, carpe diem)you'll prolly be much better friends,

daveirl

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WhiteWashMan

like the nike ad....

just do it...

rymus

Go for it!

staring elf

holy shiiiiate, i'm in practically the same situation as you. i'm going to the cinema on sunday with her....i think we should both go for it. what's the worst that could happen? well, ok, we might die or get food poisoning from the dodgy buttery popcorn or pee in our pants from the anxiety and excitement but apart from that what could happen?? WHAT i say!!???
good luck mate. may the horse be with you.

Jak

"Dr.Pepper what's the ... "

photty

as an aside. This lack of self confidence issue thing seems related to you're physical appearance. If you feel overweight and are unhappy you should make the decision to do something about it. I guess you're pretty young so I'd say in a matter of a few months with moderate regular exercise and sensible healthy eating you could resolve the weight (confidence) issue. for good. Find a sport you enjoy and get involved in a club or something. I'd suggest cycling but thats just my thing. You never know perhaps the girl you like is into some sport you could do together. Like jogging or squash or whatever.

The Sweeper

Originally posted by photty
You never know perhaps the girl you like is into some sport you could do together. Like jogging or squash or whatever.

...must....resist...

Something

you don't need to change your diet drematically to loose weight, just give up a few 'treats', only eat at meal times and never ever use a vending machine, there evil. Also don't drink, drinking is the worse thing to do if your trying to looseweight . within a few month you will notice a diffrence, physically, mentally and in otherways.

p.s. All that i say is probably wrong, so ignore me im just bored

Clintons Cat

get a pushbike,it will mean you are not dependant on others for lifts to see her ,thus giving you a new sense of independanceplus the exercise will make the pounds drop off and tone your muscles ,and there is nothing that turns a young girls head like a well polished chopper.*1
And Dont Forget That Holding Hands Tip,As Confusedus says
"Her Eyes May be The GateWay To Her Soul,But Her Hands Are The Drawbridge To Her Knickers"

*1 An Old Fashioned Bycycle A Bit Like A Penny Farthing

Oeneus

Advice for this weight issue. I know this girl who used to be overweight. She took a up the same Kung Fu class with another friend of mine and now she's dead fit.

Plus she could probably kick someone's ass if they slagged her about her weight!

oq4v3ht0u76kf2

Yeah, thanks guys.

Firstly, I don't really feel the need for a bike seens as the magic of Dublin Bus can get me anywhere I need to go and taxis can get me anywhere else. Although it would be some exercise.

Secondly, the weight. I'm 12 stone and about 5'10" ... I don't know if I'm overweight or if I don't carry the weight very well or what. My lower half is pretty fit but I have a really upper body with almost no muscle. I don't really have a pot belly or any of that business but I do look stocky / fat. It's never bothered me though, people give me abuse and stuff over it but it's never really bothered me. I don't eat any chocolate or crisps, I don't eat breakfast or lunch. I normally just have one meal a day at dinner time, and that's usually pasta and some sort of sauce. Never really anything fatty though ... I don't eat chips, sausages, eggs, rashers ... any of that business. I do have a fondness for those Big Al's greaseballs / burgers though. Hmm, I shall have to contemplate this. And I am a pretty active person, I walk most places that are within 5 miles or so. I play soccer / run most nights and I play rugby during the school year. Yet I still seem to be fat. Ah feck it.

daveirl

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Hat Girl

honey, the perfect weight for someone your heigh IS 12 stone...
god knows i get enough hassle that i'm underweight coz i'm 5 foot 10 and i'm 9 stone. by the way bob, your not fat.
i loves you!
xxx
t