can men and women be friends?

mocar

Apologies if this has been posted before. Can men and women male and females etc., be friends without sex coming into it(excuse the pun):)
I have many friends of the opposite sex since i was a toddler. My partner says that men and women cannot be friends without one or the other fancying each other as in "When Harry met Sally"

What do you think????

Riamfada

I have alot of male and female Friends. I dont actually facny any of my friends but I believe that blokes and Chicks can't be best friends cause then there is a serious connection. If you spend alot of time with one person of the opposite sex and have a fantastic time and trust them dearly there is a mental connection deffinatly. Which is usually followed by physical connection. (I know from my own experience with a couple of female "friends")

The Sweeper

I disagree. My best mate is a bloke. We've been mates for nine years. He isn't gay, neither am I, (despite the incident with Fio *cough*) and neither of us has ever made a single move, even the suggestion of a move.

We have discussed our friendship in this context and we agree that it would be like making a pass at a sibling.

There isn't enough yuck in the world...

Occidental

Previous experience is yes, but it's rare. Also would say that it tends to be the man who pushes the situation first.

Honesty, who needs it eh?

mocar

are you male or female Occidental?

Whay did you have that conversation Minesajackdaniel if the thought never crossed your minds?

too much jack daniels????

or wild turkey???

Occidental

Male.

Don't know what age you are, but if it's of any help, personal experience is that male/female friendships tend to become more stable as you get a bit older (as everyones hormones sort themselves out). I've been ruled by various things in the past and none of them included my brain, but thankfully I managed to avoid serious stupidity with the people who mattered.

LegacyUser

Originally posted by mocar
can men and women be friends?

Yes they can, but just as people vary widely, each set of circumstances is different. Sure guys fantasize about their female friends, but hey some of them fantasize about the girl in the local corner shop, their workmates, celebrities and even Jo Brand. That is not to say they intend doing anything about it (I'm not suggesting constant fantasizing about one woman or women in general is healthy).

And I'm reasonably sure that it's not only the guys do the fantasizing.

mocar

thanks,
i am of the more mature poster....
i feel that men and women can be friends wellllll i hope they can or else all my friends fancy me Yeuck !!!!!!!!!!!!!

deco

I don't think that's entirely true....I think it is possible to actually have a girl as a best friend without it becoming physical....

I have a friend I consider one of my best and I've never really thought about her in a romantic sense....

Then maybe I just a freak....:)

GreenHell

I live with 4 women, there all really good friends, no attraction, just friends.

Riamfada

U Lucky BAxtard!

Caesar_Bojangle

yes or kinda maybe, because i have a friend who is not the best looking guy around but he is friends with 5 of the most beautiful women i have ever seen in my life, and there is no sexual attraction on their side anyways.

but saying that i dont really know because i have thought of nearly all my female friends in a naughty way:D, and they are always hugging me, calling me babes honey or something along them lines and would always comment if you look good. Which confuses the electric pis$ out of me.

mocar

my partner has come in and has joined me and wants to know bojangles is that because ur mate fears rejection. i dont agree

and wants to know greenhell if the women you share with are all unattractive to u

mocar

ps i do not support or endorse my partners views at all

:-)

Caesar_Bojangle

mocar, these are the elite breed of women who any man would feel nervous if he if considered asking them out.

smiles

Yes, it's strange, but the majority of my friends are guys.

Oh wait, well, kinda, the guys i know tend tohave other opinions...


Guess then i'm undecided, i think girls can do it, but most guys can't

<< Fio >>

deco

I think that's a bit of a generalisation....

I'm perfectly comfortable with just being friends with the girls I know....

If I'm attracted to a girl....there's not much much point being her friend....it really is too difficult....

GreenHell

Originally posted by Caesar_Bojangle
yes or kinda maybe, because i have a friend who is not the best looking guy around but he is friends with 5 of the most beautiful women i have ever seen in my life, and there is no sexual attraction on their side anyways.

I dunno if I should be insulted or not. Anyway i've a girfriend who lives next door so something something something else.

Caesar_Bojangle

greenhell, i dont understand that, could you dumb it down for me

Dont be at yourself

My best friend is female and I can't see it going any further than that. When we first met we flirted with each other but over time we just became friend, and, while I still like her, I wouldn't risk what we have now so we could go out together.

PHB

I've a couple good friends who are female, we never got around to flirting with each other because we meet through an ex.
I don't see them in a sexual way at all.
I think most guys will try and score the girl before getting to know her, but if you get to know them well first if you do eventually get with them it'll be so much better.

mocar

i c Caesar_Bojangles. The stunners of this world.:)

Dr. Loon

Originally posted by deco
I have a friend I consider one of my best and I've never really thought about her in a romantic sense....

I think you're lying!! Seriously.

LegacyUser

Well,

Yes it is possible, but having said that i am just after finishing a relationship with a girl who i was best friends with for up to four years previously, relationship lasted 6 Months, since we broke up we have not spoken or seen each other.

In my experience, friendships are best left alone, because you can end up losing a very dear friend

LOUGHLIN

I think that it is very sad to see so many people who do not have really good close friends from the opposite sex. It is the most normal thing in the world to have close friends from the opposite sex and I find it hard to believe that some people think that it is not possible. Maybe I am just lucky

Rufus T Firefly

All generalisations are false, but...

Generally I would say that for most women - most of the time - it's a natural thing to have a platonic, sibling-like relationship with a male. For men, I think concupiscence rears its ugly (purple) head on a more regular basis in these relationships.

In short I suppose what I'm saying is that it's relatively easy for a woman to have a platonic male friend and relatively difficult for a man to keep lustful thoughts at bay about female friends.

And age doesn't really come into it. I'm 38, have loads of female friends and find them all exceedingly attractive. I find the more you like a woman, the more sexually attractive it makes them. Perhaps I only make friends with the good-looking ones.

So how do you keep them as friends? I'm honest with my girlie friends. They know I've lecherous intent, but just importantly they know I'm not going to change the rules of (non) engagement unless they wish it.

Sometimes I've had to part company with some female friends I really liked, because not to have taken the relationship onto the girlfriend/boyfriend stage would have driven me nuts. By and large however I'd never move out of friendship mode for fear of losing someone special.

For any men who profess themselves utterly unattracted to their female chums, I leave you with this thought. If one of your friends came up to you, kissed you and told you they'd always had a crush on you - what do you think would happen? 99 out of 100 times the man melts and his heart leaps with joy. Reverse the scenario and 99 times out of 100 the girl gets fearfully embarrassed and runs a mile.

Beruthiel

ah feck Rufus T Firefly, are you telling me I now have to worry about my male friends??

LOUGHLIN

Rufus
That was good - it gave me a good laugh, but just one thing I think that the female friend would clobber you before running off.

The Corinthian

Respect Rufus.

Someone posted that it’s a hormonal thing for men which goes away as we grow older, which I believe to be half true; I think it more a question of we learn how to control it as we grow older. But ultimately that’s our nature.

Beruthiel

Originally posted by The Corinthian
Someone posted that it’s a hormonal thing for men which goes away as we grow older, which I believe to be half true; I think it more a question of we learn how to control it as we grow older. But ultimately that’s our nature.

so basically, what you're telling me is, I should go out and make new male friends, but they must be all over 50?? :mad:
do you have no friend who are girls then Corinthian??

Cabaal

Originally posted by deco
If I'm attracted to a girl....there's not much much point being her friend....it really is too difficult....

Yep your 100% right about that,

Happened to me so I said it to her, she didn't feel the same, its been 4 months now and we're still good friends, infact the friendship has grown a great deal.

Though in retrospect I don't think I would have told her because I risked alot on it, but then again I kinda knew she wouldn't freak out and start acting different around me.

Duke of Well

Yes they can be friends but only if the guy is some Gay Irish Padddie

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Beruthiel
so basically, what you're telling me is, I should go out and make new male friends, but they must be all over 50?? :mad:
do you have no friend who are girls then Corinthian??

Some guys learn to keep it in their pants when they were still in their teens and others never do. I think to quote 50 is a little unfair (to both men under and over 50, if for different reasons :rolleyes: ).

do you have no friend who are girls then Corinthian??

No, not really. I have a good few who are women though

The Sweeper

Mocar,

with reference to your question on why my best mate and I even discussed the notion of us getting together, it's because we both recognise the fact that the duration our friendship and the complete lack of attraction on either side is unusual. We never sat and said 'will we, wont we', we sat and said 'I can't understand why such-and-such a person keeps going on about us, yeah me neither' sort of thing.

We reckon we'll still be mates when we're in nursing homes.

(Actually, to be exact, he reckons I'll phone him to come for a smoke and he'll have to zimmer-frame it down the road from the nursing home he's in because I'm apparently a lazy wench.)

Shinji

'Course they can. And even where there's sexual attraction involved on one side of the relationship, that doesn't necessarily prevent a fantastic friendship - I can think of a number of friends who I find very attractive sexually, but I'm more than happy to continue an enjoyable friendship with them rather than risk it all by trying anything else. Hell, a couple of them are perfectly aware of how I feel, but it doesn't bother them because they know that I value their friendship more than anything else.

My main problem with friendships with women is that they basically become "one of the lads" - I'm incapable of making allowances for gender in a context of friendship. So, if a female friend can manage my bluntness and somewhat warped sense of humour, then great - if not we tend to end up either arguing or being utterly confused by each others reactions to situations

smiles

I dunno Shinji, i tend to become one of the lads when i'm around my mates (mainly because they're mostly guy) -- see the bruises on my knees after the drinking games at the last boards beer to prove that -- but generally I find that most guys i know tend to always see you as a mate whos a girl, rather than just a mate. Hence some awkward moments, but well once they're gotten over and both the male and the female know where they stand, well then it's usually fine.

It's the women on women you have to worry about, right majd?

<< Fio >>

mocar

this is getting confusing. maybe i should have posted a poll!!!!
mo;)

Greenbean

so basically, what you're telling me is, I should go out and make new male friends, but they must be all over 50??

Thats not really fair that your male friends can't be your friends if they find you attractive. If the situation is where the man values the friendship first, and finds the attraction a nice bonus, then it shouldn't be a problem. If its the reverse though, its much better that things be brought to head rather than having a friendship under false pretenses.

Beruthiel

So, what you're saying to me Greenbean, is a man actually finds it a bonus to have a good friend who he finds attractive?

Shiminay

It's difficult sometimes for guys to remember that their rather attractive friends are just that - friends. But it is possible.

I've a few female friends that I think are rather good looking and I've even told some of them on a couple of occasions, which lead to an unusual silence until I explained that I had absolutly no interest in being anything more than their friend - I think they weren't used to a guy saying they're good looking and not following up with a corny chatup line.

Just think of them as a friend who happens to be cute!

LegacyUser

My best friend is a girl...

...she also happens to be the best lover I ever had.

For boys, aren't girl who are 'friends' just the ones that won't go our with us?

The Sweeper

My advice to anyone who has a good friend of the opposite sex is:

Never forget that you've got bits that fit.

Inotherwords, don't assume that just because your friend is your friend, it means they wont react to you, for instance, walking out of the shower wearing a tiny towel, or flashing your tits at them when you're drunk, climbing into their bed for whatever reason or doing something else that would count as provocative if you were to do it for the benefit of attracting someone you fancied.

It's a friendship like any other. Don't push it.

I think there are people out there who can never have a really close friend of the opposite sex. I think these same people are usually so full of themselves that they assume everyone fancies them and hence cannot conduct a friendship because of their underlying assumption that their pal wants to get into their pants.

An ex boyfriend of mine was one of those people who assumed that if it was female it wanted him. As a result he could never understand the fact that my best mate was a bloke and he indulged in some pretty spectacular tantrums as a result. All I can say on that matter is that these days I wouldn't cross the street to avoid my best mate, but...

Oeneus

I have a hell of a lot of female friends. And not a single one has tried it on me, Goddammit!:mad: :mad:

seamus

I agree with pretty much most the statements here that women can have male friends, but men rarely have female friends. I have found a few exceptions to this though:

(In all cases, you (male) must be unavailable in some way. If you're single, then none of these count)

• The female friend is best/good friend of your gf, and either isn't particularly good looking, or is attached.
• female friend is gf of your best/good friend
• You work constantly alongside said female and know her too well to like
• female is lesbian and very butch
• female is sibling of your friend. You'll always fancy them, but being in a relationship gives you the control you need
• female is the antithesis of your 'type'

As I said, if you're single, none of them apply, because single men will take what they can

Jimi-Spandex

Yes definately,

regardless of attraction, but some of us are incapable of it, I have come close to mucking up a good friendship with a girl recently, personally i think we would have been good together, but i mean if she just wants to be friends, thats fine I've already gotten over it

RopeDrink

The majority of my friends are female, for a lot of reasons really.
The blokes I've met over the years are all the bloody same, and boring to be around after you've heard "Corr look at that bird over there" for the millionth time.

I've been friends with these girls since School / moving to Ireland and I can honestly say that, over the seven years I've been here the situation hasn't changed one bit. All the blokes I happened to be friends with all changed drastically. One bloke in particular used to be overwhelmingly quiet and shy - We got on very well and saw eachother all the time and had great great times, yet one day after I missed a year of school, I came back to find that he was now big into gangs and such. Whatever way he looked at me from then on (As if I wasn't qualified to be in a gang full of scummers) he rarely speaks to me anymore, after 4 years of being best mates...

This, too, changed my look on blokes as friends... I have never had a bad encounter with a female friend to this very day, and over the seven years I mentioned earlier, have never fought with them once.

Yes, opposite sex's can get along, but it really depends on your personality.

nesf

Hmm I think it's a dodgy topic.

I've had many female friends over the years. and have had more close female friends than male ones. Now I've female mates, that I'd consider drinking buddies, others who I know through societies or clubs. But I have not found that being of the opposite sex makes it impossible to be friends. It adds another pitfall for the friendship to fall into but sometimes friendship can become something more.

For example, my present girlfriend of nearly 2 years used to be a friend. We just "decided" to try being together and it worked out really well. On the other hand I've female friends, whose friendship is now streching into 7-9 years in some cases. These never had problems because of the "male-female" issues. One in particular, I used to have great fun with, where we'd hunt down partners for each other for the night. It's amazing what a female friend can do for your chances....

Personally I think it just requires the right ppl. Some women are nearly impossible to be just friends with, and some you would never want to risk losing their friendship, no matter what other attractions were present. Plus why ask the question?

The Corinthian

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
I think these same people are usually so full of themselves that they assume everyone fancies them and hence cannot conduct a friendship because of their underlying assumption that their pal wants to get into their pants.

There's nothing wrong with having positive self-esteem (I’m sure you didn’t mean that, you just expressed it rather... errm... vehemently).

Fidelis

Yes, they can.

Generally speaking, women are capable being very close friends with men without feeling any attraction. Whereas, generally speaking, with guys, there's often something there, whether it's from the very beginning or it happens after being so close for a prolonged time.

If, like Rob, the women know how he feels then it's fine to handle because both parties know what's going on. On the other hand, while not wanting to risk a really close frendship, if the person is truly special enough, I personally believe that the risk is worth it. Although I might have a slightly different opinion if the situation went awry for me so ignore my rantings

As people here have said, if it doesn't work out, your friendship could be out the window for good. And that, ladies & gentlemen, is what we call a "bad thing".

LegacyUser

Heh, sorry bout the unreged post, wasnt logged in


I find that i have an awful lot more female friends abroad than i do in ireland....

I find that when im out with a bunch of girls who i know quite well, the topic of conversation rarely has anything interesting about it, its usually bitching or talking about some blokes ass!!!!!!

How is a lone male in a group of females meant to relate to this?

I certainly can't

Alot of women in Dublin carry on like this, personally i find it quite tedious and shallow, but at the end of the day i would still consider them m8's. (This is a sweeping generalistion, to which there are a considerable amount of exceptions) ps not looking for a flame girls


What i am getting at is that i can clearly see how some blokes have problems being really good friends with women.

Mercury_Tilt

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