Meet the family...

Shiminay

First up - this is a somewhat lighthearted thread designed to bring a bit of much needed humour to this board...

Now, on with the story...

At the end of the month I just happen to be escorting this boards cutest moderator (sorry Sher - it's not you) to her debs. This will definitly be lots of fun.

There's one danger - THE FAMILY!!! Now, I've meet her parents before and they seem bang on, but I didn't really have the opportunity to talk to them if you know what I mean, so they don't really know me and I don't really know them. Then we're throwing 2 older sisters into the mix and Chthon knows who else - it's gonna be interesting.

I'm looking for survival tips - keep in mind that I want to be able to meet these people again!

I'm quite happy to talk to anyone about anything and I tend to get on well with people, but this is a rather unique situation...
Fio's the baby of the house, so it's sometimes hard for parents and siblings to see the youngest member of the family as anything else. Throw into the mix the fact that I'm 7 years her senior and you see how this could turn into a bit of a mess if/when Dav places his foot in his mouth!

So, I need to mind my manners cause I'm a filthy fecker Think before I speak shall be the order of the day. My house is f**k this and f**k that (what an education my mother's given me, eh?) and I don't think that'd suit the environment in Fio's house
Also, our fair Fio is 17 which means she's never been to the pub with me or any other bold things like that, so I'll also have to mind that I don't say something that'll land her in a big pile of trouble!

Should be fun, eh?

So, post up any terrible tales of similar experiences and please offer me some advice as to the best approach to the situation.

And wish me luck!

Rabies

i recommed watching the movie "Meet The Parents".
Study it deeply.
when you are finished watching it, put it on again.

what ever Ben Stiller's character does in this movie you do the exact opposite. then you should be ok.

do not bring up a conversation about milking cats.
do not try to break her sisters nose with a ball.
do not set her back garden on fire.

just be yourself.

koneko

Hehe, absolutely.

Also, don't fart. No matter how great they think you are or how much you impress them, if you fart in their presence, you will always always be known as the smelly one.

And no rude jokes. Until they make rude jokes
No stories about "when i was completely drunk this time..."

Bring chocolates!

Chocolates will save the day. Especially expensive ones.

darthmise

Are ye an item? Cos if yer not and the parents know you're intentions are good, then you're sorted.

I dunno if you've been to see the parents for a debs before but so if this is unneeded advice i'm sorry but you have to buy flowers and chocs for the ma. Having a drink with the da won't hurt. If ye are not together and you are just taking her as a friend then you don't have to earn approval.

There should be no problems, but just don't try and tell them you can milk a cat.


If ye are an item, then god help you. I have no advice to offer you. I'm am the most hopeless person in the world when it comes to the in-laws so to speak. I once went on the piss with them and my girlfriend at the time, had a bit too much and thought that throwing my arm around the mother and tickling her would be a great ice breaker.
She wasn't impressed and neither was me 'father in-law to be'
And that was the first meeting. So much for first impressions.


May the force be with you.

Beruthiel

I suggest not speaking at all Kharn!!
my bloke brought me to meet his mammy in france, I was warned not to swear, fart, burp, lick my fingers at the table... the usual stuff!
anyways, I was so scared I'd f*ck up, so I was extreemly quite for the first two days = a nice girl.
then we went to dinner, I couldn't get me hands on the bottle of wine fast enough, the stress of it....
three glasses later... she asked me if I was drunk...
(me not knowing at the time that the french language has different words depending on the level of drunkeness) I went and picked the highest level when answering her. You must realise that in France they frown on drinking big time. Mamon H. is no exception and does not agree with drinking more than one glass, so I mortified him completely and to this day I am reminded how his little alco irish girlfriend embarrassed him in front of his mother.

Thanx 4 The Fish

Dav, was in a similar situation when I took Ruth to her Debs. Good starter is to have choccy for her and her mum. When you , as you definitely will be, are asked to pose in the garden/hall/sitting room/dining room with mam/dad/granny/brother/cat etc. Smile and just keep doing it, even if ya feel like a twat.

As for the swearing, get in practice now, every time ya swear put a cupla euros in a poor box or something, you would be amazed how quick you stop when it's costing ya.

And don't do what I did, I escorting Ruth, m8 bringing another girl. When I arrived to collect Ruth I left him in the car, Ruth's mum wanted a picture of the three of us (hadn't picked up his bird yet) so I called him, he came in for the photos. After a cup of tea etc. We went out to collect his bird but he had locked the keys in the car. Fun ensued, luckily the boot which I had been using to bring coal home in was open. J got in through that, covering his hands/face/tux in coal dust.

Well Ruth and I had a laugh anyway

seamus

Judging by Fio, there's a definite chance her parents will be remotely sound , so I reckon what you have there is good. Watch your swearing - don't worry, I use f*** as pretty much every second word, but in my gf's house I manage all yes and no and thank you. Try not to get caught out though - last night at dinner I couldn't come up with a different word for 'crap'(yes her mother's quite reserved), but just said it anyway . It's easy enough to just catch yourself before you say it.

Follow their lead. If they tell a dirty joke, that means you may tell one of equal dirtiness (the Man with the 10-inch pianist is fairly safe). Basically act as casual or as formal as they do, and you're a sure bet. That's what's saved me oh so may times.

As for you being so much older, and she supposed to be a drinking virgin , the important story to get straight is; "So, how long have you known/How did you meet/I understand you've......".
Mess up on that one and bye bye (not really), but that's the all-important one.

Remember the age gap before you say, "Well, the first time I talked to her was on this internet bulletin board/chat room." You can probably expect then to be in biiiig trouble

The Sweeper

THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT:

Dav, when Fio appears in her debs dress and you see her in all of her undoubtedly stunning glory (.../me licks Fio...) for the first time, DO NOT:

• Whistle
• Adopt any pose that makes you look remotely horny
• Focus on her breasts
• Bark like a dog
• Exhale long and hard through your teeth while fidgeting with one hand in the pocket of your tux trousers
• Pant
• Speak until you have allowed your brain to systematically review and carefully vet whatever's about to come out of your mouth
• Tell her parents you'll 'take good care of her' while putting your arm around her waist and your hand on her ass
• Annouce that she looks any of the following: hot, sexy, racy, foxy, immensely fúckable

Trust me, when she makes the grand entrance, they wont be looking at her, they'll be watching you like HAWKS.

seamus

ROFL, yeah forgot that one. The best thing is to act speechless (but you probably won't have to act), and if she says 'Well?' just make some incoherent joy noise, like 'scbublleret'. Or simply OMG! or WOW! will do it. I got loads of kudos for that one

That's not a big deal though - trust me, when they come down the stairs, your brain will just go 'Holy schnit!' and your eyes will open really, really, wide. Then remember what MAJD has said

Dustaz

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels

DO NOT:

Speak until you have allowed your brain to systematically review and carefully vet whatever's about to come out of your mouth

Madge, please let us men know how to do this. It would be quite helpful. thx

Rabies

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT:

Dav, when Fio appears in her debs dress and you see her in all of her undoubtedly stunning glory (.../me licks Fio...) for the first time, DO NOT:

. .
• Focus on her breasts
  .
  .

Trust me, when she makes the grand entrance, they wont be looking at her, they'll be watching you like HAWKS.

LOL

be careful.
your prob like the rest of the male race, any clevage showing and we males are a sucker for looking/staring/drooling

her parents will definitly be watching your eyes.

just look at the floor and say she looks beautiful.

The Sweeper

Originally posted by Dustaz


"...Do not speak until you have allowed your brain to systematically review and carefully vet whatever's about to come out of your mouth..."

Madge, please let us men know how to do this. It would be quite helpful. thx

Dusty, it's an unfortunate fact of life that a man's body only contains enough blood to power either his brain, or his penis.

When confronted with a situation, whichever one of these two organs comes to attention first is the one which will power the mouth.

LegacyUser

jump in the window grab the hossie ( smiles ) switch to the m4 proceed to head for the biggest window (but dont forget to through a flash b4 leaving the room smoke the kitchen and flash the living room) jump out . shoot any opposation and then da ct's will win

smiles

/me is possibly the most embarrased she's been in a very very long time.

My parent's aren't *that* bad, dont curse (usually) in front of them, follow *all* of Majd's advice and act like yourself, my parents think you're a nice guy, and so do i.

As for cleavage? There'll be some :P so make sure you look elsewhere! :P

<< Fio >>

smiles

Originally posted by Kharn
Then we're throwing 2 older sisters into the mix and Chthon knows who else - it's gonna be interesting.

Don't you mean DeVore only knows....? :P

<< Fio >>

LegacyUser

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT:

Dav, when Fio appears in her debs dress and you see her in all of her undoubtedly stunning glory (.../me licks Fio...) for the first time, DO NOT:

• Whistle
• Adopt any pose that makes you look remotely horny
• Focus on her breasts
• Bark like a dog
• Exhale long and hard through your teeth while fidgeting with one hand in the pocket of your tux trousers
• Pant
• Speak until you have allowed your brain to systematically review and carefully vet whatever's about to come out of your mouth
• Tell her parents you'll 'take good care of her' while putting your arm around her waist and your hand on her ass
• Annouce that she looks any of the following: hot, sexy, racy, foxy, immensely fúckable

Trust me, when she makes the grand entrance, they wont be looking at her, they'll be watching you like HAWKS.

ROFL

Mr.Applepie

Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT:

Dav, when Fio appears in her debs dress and you see her in all of her undoubtedly stunning glory (.../me licks Fio...) for the first time, DO NOT:

• Focus on her breasts

I think i forgot that one when going to my debs but her parents still love me cause im just so adorable

beserker

hehe, I met my girlfriends parents the friday after ragweek in college. That thursday I had had a nasty incident after falling off a wall, cut my shoulder, knee and walloped my face off the pavement. I scratched the lens of my glasses and cut all around my eye. So as ya can imagine I was in pretty bad shape going to "Meet the parents":)

My girlfriend was warned and she told the story to her parents (I'm still sour at her over this cause i had a great tale made up!) but anyways, they slagged the sh1te outa me which was grand cause they coulda been stuck up about the being langers drunk. One of the more embarrassing moments in my life so far tho. Meeting parents is awful!

Kix

Heh. You're a charming bastard, so you'll probably get away with it. Remember - they don't really know what you're like. I usually concentrate on a low intensity bout of maternal flirting which generally does the trick.

Forget the father, they're always a lost cause. For example; if you turned up looking to bring my 17yr old daughter anywhere it'd have to be shotgun time!

K

Shiminay

First up - sorry hun, but I'm doing this for your benefit as well as my own!

Anyway, here's the thing folks, I have met Fio's Mum and Dad and they seem like good stock to me. Sisters should be cool as they won't really be too interested in me as it's lil' sis's night so I think I'll be in the clear

I've been pondering that moment when Fio appears in "party mode" and oogling will most definitly be a factor - maybe if I get very, very out of my head I won't go too mad? I was thinking a bottle of The Sacred Nectar (Buckfast), but that mightn't have the desired effect and turning up with a bottle wrapped in brown paper might be a bit suss...
Joking of course, but I'll be sure to watch for too much reaction - that said, if there's a lot of "va-va-voom" thrown in to the mix (and you can rest assured there will be), I could be in trouble as Fagan (think about it, you'll figure out who he is) might take over! I think I'd like a photo of the look on my face
/me remembers the Simpsons episode where Apu and his wife have octuplets

[EDIT]
Just had a thought - when Fio appears in all her glory, I think if I whipped off everything except my bow tie and silver thong and broke out with some partying!

"Hi, I'm Party Boy - I'm about to take your daughter out to her debs and perform some exotic dances for her and her friends and teachers - I sure am excited!"
*bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow *

Too much?
[/EDIT]

Ian's suggestion of Flashbangs might be useful if it all starts going horribly wrong, but I don't see that happening.

Anyway, thanks for the tips - keep them coming!

LegacyUser

* Fio[Smiles] has entered #hallway.ie
<FiosMA> do you lieks teh dr3ss davitt?
<[Kharn]> HAWW HAWW - YEAH - HAWW HAWW

Shiminay

Originally posted by Sico
* Fio[Smiles] has entered #hallway.ie
<FiosMA> do you lieks teh dr3ss davitt?
<[Kharn]> HAWW HAWW - YEAH - HAWW HAWW

CLASSIC!!! Love it Dabh.

Victor

Dav, how about meeting them / some of them before hand? "Drop around" or meet up with Smiles with her sister or something?

Originally posted by elexes
jump in the window grab the hossie ( smiles ) switch to the m4 proceed to head for the biggest window (but dont forget to through a flash b4 leaving the room smoke the kitchen and flash the living room) jump out . shoot any opposation and then da ct's will win

Man, honestly what are you thinking of? :rolleyes: Hossies always get stuck in windows!!!

LegacyUser

Im sure theyll think yer a grand respectiable young man. Just dont do any of the following :

Strafe Jump in the front door

Drink the Sacred Nectar of the Knight of Comeonbanus

Sing the sit on my face song

elexes

i rember the last debs i went to becides going out with the girl for almost 2 yrs having seen her parents at liest 3 times a week and her sisters . i still was given a hard time for appearing in the suit but once i saw her was more like

[hermum] so ian what ya think . [ian] ............ [hersis]mum hes drooling on the carpet

po0k

Originally sang by the Pythons:
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me
I'll sit on your face and say I love you truely
I love to hear you oralise
When you're between my thighs,
You blow me away!
So sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I'll sit on your face and say I love you truely
Life can be fine when we're both sixty-nine
If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and then
We'll be blown away.....

Thank christ for that Knights thread.

WAN Dav, enjoy the night

Shiminay

I really don't think it'd be a good idea to sing "Sit On My Face And Tell Me That You Love Me" folks - so please stop putting the idea into my head.

Ah feck - ye do know that I'm going to end up singing it at some stage of the night now.

Now, for stage 2 of my plan for which I must spent 5 hours in make-up and 6 hours at the hair-dressers - hey Fio hun, wouldn't it be terrible if I had a better hair do than you?

mwHAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa

po0k

" Because you're worth it "

plastic membrane

Originally posted by Kharn
I really don't think it'd be a good idea to sing "Sit On My Face And Tell Me That You Love Me" folks - so please stop putting the idea into my head.

Ah feck - ye do know that I'm going to end up singing it at some stage of the night now.

Bugger. I was gonna suggest that.

Just only keep one thought in you mind when having a conversation with the folks..

"If you only knew what im going to do to your daughter tonight.."

...You'll be safe as houses..

Doodee

HeHeHE, Heard off some1 that her Da is an Ex-heavyweight boxer....
so my only Advice here is:
If you goto the pub for a few drinks with the father remember not to say "Its your round"
hehehe

LegacyUser

"be yourself" ROLF

sutty

ROFL this is classic....

I'd say get some pictures of the night.......but lets face it Dav wont be taking pictures of her face then....



Fio, even if he's not doing it....Tell him to stop looking at your breasts infrunt of the olds....

smiles

Weh!!!!

Ah now, i've already told him that they'll be no photos put online.

Yeah, my dad's an ex-heavyweight, and he doesnt drink or smoke (like my mum), so it's interesting to say the least.

Ah they think he's nice.

Dav, pay *close* attention to the advice

<< Fio >>

Baldy

Originally posted by Mr.Applepie

I think i forgot that one when going to my debs but her parents still love me cause im just so adorable

Was that Suzie or Ro that you're talking about cause afaik you dont talk to either of their parents!

Lemming

Originally posted by Beruthiel

I am reminded how his little alco irish girlfriend embarrassed him in front of his mother.

heehee

and I have the "before and after" pics to prove it from last night too beruthiel

azezil

Originally posted by smiles
Dav, pay *close* attention to the advice

<< Fio >>

for some reason i just got an image of smiles on top of kharn screaming "SAY MY NAME BITCH!! :eek:

Mr.Applepie

Originally posted by Baldy


Was that Suzie or Ro that you're talking about cause afaik you dont talk to either of their parents!

Ro's and they love me:) I've talked to them a fair few times in gibs

po0k

Originally posted by azezil

"SAY MY NAME BITCH!!

Talk about yer Kodak moments........

Shiminay

Now now kids, mind the manners or I shall be cross.

Anyway, you all seem to think it's going to go horribly wrong - it isn't! As has been said previously, I've met her Mum and Dad and I don't think they hate me

And no, there won't be any photos of this for you muppets posted freely online - instead, they'll be sold on E-Bay to the highest bidders!

Beruthiel

Originally posted by Lemming


heehee

and I have the "before and after" pics to prove it from last night too beruthiel

luckily for me, you don't have Mamon H. e.mail address!!

Hobbes

For the love of god... if the parents crack a joke don't say "Good 'Un Mate!"

Figment

Smiles' family are lovely so you wont have a problem

About a year ago I met my girlfriends family for the first time. She was travelling from limerick to home in Roscommon and I was coming from Dublin. She was due to arrive before me, meet the family and come pick me up and give me a bit of back up.
However lovely Bus eireann nicely delayed her by 2 hours leaving me to meet her parents and 10 brothers and sisters alone.
Her mother picks my up at the station and brings me home to the kitchen to 10 expectant faces looking at me. Luckily they were all lovely and welcoming
I even got the dads approval when I asked the GF to marry me last month!

strawberry

Fio-aaaawwwwww! *Hugs*

smiles

Originally posted by strawberry
Fio-aaaawwwwww! *Hugs*

Thanks sweetie *hug*

Yeah it's ok, i still think it's a wee bit odd about Figment remembering meh and meh family - considering I would have been 10-12 when he met me (i think) - god the images he must have of me with that great big lump of a hairy mayo man :P (hehe)

Anyway, the pictures shall not be sold (/me slaps dav about the gaff with a feather boa)

<< Fio >>

nesf

Hmmm, Kharn take it from personal experience not to mention you play 40k.

Something about still playing with toy soldiers when your in your twenties freaks parents out.

"So what are you up to this weekend?"
"Oh I'm going to a wargaming convention"
"Whats that?"
"Oh it's a game called Warhammer 40k"
"Oh yeah, didn't we buy some of that for James at Christmas?"
"Whose James? I might know him from cons"
"Oh he's our 7yr old nephew"
"Oh.."

Shiminay

Hobbes: I'm thinking about printing out copies of the boards.ie: The Gathering card and handing them out every time someone makes teh funneh!

Then again, maybe not...

Good advice there nesf, but they know I'm a weirdo games player (don't they hun?). Toy soldiers probably isn't as bad as computer games cause you do get to spend horrendous amounts of time painting them first, so that's a good cover story - it's all about the painting, yeah...

Strawberry - you be quiet
/me ducks the swinging fist
Just kidding

And Fio - put that feather boa away - you could have someone's eye out!

Did I ever tell you people some of the amazing uses of feather boas? I should some time...

LegacyUser

wouldnt it just be so funny if fio showed the parents this tread.....wat would they think of you then??/heehee....:D

smiles

Well, it's tomorrow, i'm here trying to think of anything i could have forgotten, hopefully Dav will be on his best behaviour (as if!)

Wish me luck!

<< Fio >>

Mikill

Good luck and umm ,Have a good aul time etc.

smiles

Originally posted by Clain

What's the dress like? (living vicariously)

Hehe, it's blue - kinda a cross between electric blue and petrol blue, and it shines vaguely silverly at times. It's a two piece, corset style boned bodice and flarey shirt, silver rings, bracelet, bag, shoes and a galway crystal heart necklace (feicin weighs a ton - family thing).

Anyway, i'm off to get my hair done!

<< Fio >>

The Sweeper

Have a great time - a corset style boned bodice and flarey shirt sound lovely, but whatcha wearing on the bottom half of you? FNAR!!