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Meet the family...
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03-07-2002 12:34pm#1First up - this is a somewhat lighthearted thread designed to bring a bit of much needed humour to this board...
Now, on with the story...
At the end of the month I just happen to be escorting this boards cutest moderator (sorry Sher - it's not you) to her debs. This will definitly be lots of fun.
There's one danger - THE FAMILY!!! Now, I've meet her parents before and they seem bang on, but I didn't really have the opportunity to talk to them if you know what I mean, so they don't really know me and I don't really know them. Then we're throwing 2 older sisters into the mix and Chthon knows who else - it's gonna be interesting.
I'm looking for survival tips - keep in mind that I want to be able to meet these people again!
I'm quite happy to talk to anyone about anything and I tend to get on well with people, but this is a rather unique situation...
Fio's the baby of the house, so it's sometimes hard for parents and siblings to see the youngest member of the family as anything else. Throw into the mix the fact that I'm 7 years her senior and you see how this could turn into a bit of a mess if/when Dav places his foot in his mouth!
So, I need to mind my manners cause I'm a filthy fecker Think before I speak shall be the order of the day. My house is f**k this and f**k that (what an education my mother's given me, eh?) and I don't think that'd suit the environment in Fio's house
Also, our fair Fio is 17 which means she's never been to the pub with me or any other bold things like that, so I'll also have to mind that I don't say something that'll land her in a big pile of trouble!
Should be fun, eh?
So, post up any terrible tales of similar experiences and please offer me some advice as to the best approach to the situation.
And wish me luck!0
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i recommed watching the movie "Meet The Parents".
Study it deeply.
when you are finished watching it, put it on again.
what ever Ben Stiller's character does in this movie you do the exact opposite. then you should be ok.
do not bring up a conversation about milking cats.
do not try to break her sisters nose with a ball.
do not set her back garden on fire.
just be yourself.
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Hehe, absolutely.
Also, don't fart. No matter how great they think you are or how much you impress them, if you fart in their presence, you will always always be known as the smelly one.
And no rude jokes. Until they make rude jokes
No stories about "when i was completely drunk this time..."
Bring chocolates!
Chocolates will save the day. Especially expensive ones.0 -
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I suggest not speaking at all Kharn!!
my bloke brought me to meet his mammy in france, I was warned not to swear, fart, burp, lick my fingers at the table... the usual stuff!
anyways, I was so scared I'd f*ck up, so I was extreemly quite for the first two days = a nice girl.
then we went to dinner, I couldn't get me hands on the bottle of wine fast enough, the stress of it....
three glasses later... she asked me if I was drunk...
(me not knowing at the time that the french language has different words depending on the level of drunkeness) I went and picked the highest level when answering her. You must realise that in France they frown on drinking big time. Mamon H. is no exception and does not agree with drinking more than one glass, so I mortified him completely and to this day I am reminded how his little alco irish girlfriend embarrassed him in front of his mother.0 -
Dav, was in a similar situation when I took Ruth to her Debs. Good starter is to have choccy for her and her mum. When you , as you definitely will be, are asked to pose in the garden/hall/sitting room/dining room with mam/dad/granny/brother/cat etc. Smile and just keep doing it, even if ya feel like a twat.
As for the swearing, get in practice now, every time ya swear put a cupla euros in a poor box or something, you would be amazed how quick you stop when it's costing ya.
And don't do what I did, I escorting Ruth, m8 bringing another girl. When I arrived to collect Ruth I left him in the car, Ruth's mum wanted a picture of the three of us (hadn't picked up his bird yet) so I called him, he came in for the photos. After a cup of tea etc. We went out to collect his bird but he had locked the keys in the car. Fun ensued, luckily the boot which I had been using to bring coal home in was open. J got in through that, covering his hands/face/tux in coal dust.
Well Ruth and I had a laugh anyway
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Judging by Fio, there's a definite chance her parents will be remotely sound, so I reckon what you have there is good. Watch your swearing - don't worry, I use f*** as pretty much every second word, but in my gf's house I manage all yes and no and thank you. Try not to get caught out though - last night at dinner I couldn't come up with a different word for 'crap'(yes her mother's quite reserved), but just said it anyway . It's easy enough to just catch yourself before you say it.
Follow their lead. If they tell a dirty joke, that means you may tell one of equal dirtiness (the Man with the 10-inch pianist is fairly safe). Basically act as casual or as formal as they do, and you're a sure bet. That's what's saved me oh so may times.
As for you being so much older, and she supposed to be a drinking virgin
, the important story to get straight is; "So, how long have you known/How did you meet/I understand you've......".
Mess up on that one and bye bye (not really), but that's the all-important one.
Remember the age gap before you say, "Well, the first time I talked to her was on this internet bulletin board/chat room." You can probably expect then to be in biiiig trouble 0 -
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ROFL, yeah forgot that one. The best thing is to act speechless (but you probably won't have to act), and if she says 'Well?' just make some incoherent joy noise, like 'scbublleret'. Or simply OMG! or WOW! will do it. I got loads of kudos for that one
That's not a big deal though - trust me, when they come down the stairs, your brain will just go 'Holy schnit!' and your eyes will open really, really, wide. Then remember what MAJD has said 0 -
Originally posted by Minesajackdaniels
DO NOT:
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Speak until you have allowed your brain to systematically review and carefully vet whatever's about to come out of your mouth
Madge, please let us men know how to do this. It would be quite helpful. thx 0 -
LOLOriginally posted by Minesajackdaniels
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT:
Dav, when Fio appears in her debs dress and you see her in all of her undoubtedly stunning glory (.../me licks Fio...) for the first time, DO NOT:
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- Focus on her breasts
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Trust me, when she makes the grand entrance, they wont be looking at her, they'll be watching you like HAWKS.
be careful.
your prob like the rest of the male race, any clevage showing and we males are a sucker for looking/staring/drooling
her parents will definitly be watching your eyes.
just look at the floor and say she looks beautiful.0 - Focus on her breasts
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Originally posted by Dustaz
"...Do not speak until you have allowed your brain to systematically review and carefully vet whatever's about to come out of your mouth..."
Madge, please let us men know how to do this. It would be quite helpful. thx
Dusty, it's an unfortunate fact of life that a man's body only contains enough blood to power either his brain, or his penis.
When confronted with a situation, whichever one of these two organs comes to attention first is the one which will power the mouth.0 -
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I think i forgot that one when going to my debs but her parents still love me cause im just so adorableOriginally posted by Minesajackdaniels
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT:
Dav, when Fio appears in her debs dress and you see her in all of her undoubtedly stunning glory (.../me licks Fio...) for the first time, DO NOT:
- Focus on her breasts
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Heh. You're a charming bastard, so you'll probably get away with it. Remember - they don't really know what you're like. I usually concentrate on a low intensity bout of maternal flirting which generally does the trick.
Forget the father, they're always a lost cause. For example; if you turned up looking to bring my 17yr old daughter anywhere it'd have to be shotgun time!
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First up - sorry hun, but I'm doing this for your benefit as well as my own!
Anyway, here's the thing folks, I have met Fio's Mum and Dad and they seem like good stock to me. Sisters should be cool as they won't really be too interested in me as it's lil' sis's night so I think I'll be in the clear
I've been pondering that moment when Fio appears in "party mode" and oogling will most definitly be a factor - maybe if I get very, very out of my head I won't go too mad? I was thinking a bottle of The Sacred Nectar (Buckfast), but that mightn't have the desired effect and turning up with a bottle wrapped in brown paper might be a bit suss...
Joking of course, but I'll be sure to watch for too much reaction - that said, if there's a lot of "va-va-voom" thrown in to the mix (and you can rest assured there will be), I could be in trouble as Fagan (think about it, you'll figure out who he is) might take over! I think I'd like a photo of the look on my face
/me remembers the Simpsons episode where Apu and his wife have octuplets
[EDIT]
Just had a thought - when Fio appears in all her glory, I think if I whipped off everything except my bow tie and silver thong and broke out with some partying!
Too much?"Hi, I'm Party Boy - I'm about to take your daughter out to her debs and perform some exotic dances for her and her friends and teachers - I sure am excited!"
*bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow bow *
[/EDIT]
Ian's suggestion of Flashbangs might be useful if it all starts going horribly wrong, but I don't see that happening.
Anyway, thanks for the tips - keep them coming!0 -
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Dav, how about meeting them / some of them before hand? "Drop around" or meet up with Smiles with her sister or something?
Man, honestly what are you thinking of? :rolleyes: Hossies always get stuck in windows!!!Originally posted by elexes
jump in the window grab the hossie ( smiles ) switch to the m4 proceed to head for the biggest window (but dont forget to through a flash b4 leaving the room smoke the kitchen and flash the living room) jump out . shoot any opposation and then da ct's will win 0 -
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Originally sang by the Pythons:
Sit on my face and tell me that you love me
I'll sit on your face and say I love you truely
I love to hear you oralise
When you're between my thighs,
You blow me away!
So sit on my face and let my lips embrace you
I'll sit on your face and say I love you truely
Life can be fine when we're both sixty-nine
If we sit on our faces in all sorts of places and then
We'll be blown away.....
Thank christ for that Knights thread.
WAN Dav, enjoy the night 0 -
I really don't think it'd be a good idea to sing "Sit On My Face And Tell Me That You Love Me" folks - so please stop putting the idea into my head.
Ah feck - ye do know that I'm going to end up singing it at some stage of the night now.
Now, for stage 2 of my plan for which I must spent 5 hours in make-up and 6 hours at the hair-dressers - hey Fio hun, wouldn't it be terrible if I had a better hair do than you?
mwHAAHAAHAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaa0 -
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