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Confused
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19-04-2002 8:25pm#1I have struggled with whether or not I should post my personal issue on this board, I decided that hearing others opinion on the situation could be helpful, so here goes....
I went and met a guy and think I am falling for him, which is a big no no since I am planning on moving as many of you already know. Anyway, we hit it off like we've known each other forever..we told each other that we didnt expect each other at this point in each of our lives. We have mutual feelings for each other, you know my problem THE MOVE, but he has a problem as well...He has been seeing this other girl (or so he says, I'll explain) for the last few years. Now if I believed this I would have no problem walking away and getting on with my life, the fact that we fit so well together and enjoy each other so much is so refreshing, anyway...it turns out that we have mutual friends and I asked the friends about the g/f..they say they have never seen them together. He is alone all week, goes out alone on the weekends and tells me how he is usually bored with nothing to do. Hmm, now I know she atleast did exist because I saw a picture of them at his house, I have been to his house twice, There is no evidence at all that a women has been there...I say this because usually when a couple have been together for a few years they leave bits of themselves at one or the others house...
his place, a total bachelor pad. I want to believe him, he says he has strong feelings for her but now that I have come along he doesnt know what to do...I fit him better but he has been with her for awile. I want to know what you think about this, he knows I am leaving, he also knows I would stay if it was worth my while...I dont know if I should wait or How long I should wait...I want to buy my tickets if its a lost cause, I havnt wavered in my plans to move in5 months, nothing could change my mind until now, thats how much it has affected me. I know I am able to walk away if I have too, maybe thats what will end up happening but right now everything is up in the air
Could he be in denial that they are not together and afraid to get in another relationship i wonder, I cant ask him this just yet, it's too soon. I wonder because one of our friends says that he would talk about a g/f that cheated on him and other bad things...
He has been with this girl for 5 years, so he says, A lot of things are contradictory with that time frame though...I'm not so sure
what do you think?:(
It bothers me to the point that I dont sleep at night, I run, ride my bike, do anything to keep my mind occupied...He says he is confused and doesnt know what to do now that I have come along
It's tearing us both apart I think. Sorry I keep going on but its all that I can think about, until I go to the pub tonight and drink away my anxieties 
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THANKS.
Your both right, I guess I already knew that..just needed to hear someone else say it I suppose.
I dont usually get hung up like this, he just took me by surprise ya know ahh well, everything happens for a reason. Your right gordon, I thought the same thing about the devil throwing in a wrench to screw the works...
I am going to leave the situation be, everything will work itself out for the best I am sure.0 -
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I appreciate all of the good advice here, and I agree with all of you. There has been a new development in the situation over the weekend..see what you think.
I went to church saturday night and prayed for guidance on what I should do, asked for a sign/help. I hadnt heard from him since that last wed night and was beginning to feel that I should just leave it alone. Well right after church I went up to the place where we met to talk with some friends and there he sat. I swear everytime I pray about something its layed before me and then I am faced with the decision...ugh anyway. I decided to play it cool and not act as though I had been thinking about him since I'd last seen him. I sat made small talk and then got up to go and talk with a male friend that was there...My other friend told me that he watched me the whole time I was talking to the other guy. I went back down chatted and got up and went to walk back to my other friend and this time he followed me without my knowing, I turned around and he asked me to dance and was hugging me, all that stuff. hmm, I definitly know he digs me.
Now, I drove him home that night and went up to talk...things got a bit involved but didnt go too far because he stopped and said he cant cheat on his girl......but wait it gets better......
He started to tell me something twice that night but stopped when he realized what he was saying and changed the subject.
The first comment has vanished from my memory but I remember that it shocked me, the second was this....we were talking about me moving away and then he said that "she ran away from me"
he stopped and began to talk about something else.
He is obviously depressed about this girl, atleast thats what I can gather from it.
I decided not to go to the place where we met anymore, or atleast when I think he will be there. I am not going to bother him even though I would like to be there for him and find out whats really going on. He knows where I live, has my # so if he wants to talk he knows where to find me. It was hard coming to this decision as I havnt been with someone like him for a very long time and I know we feel the same for each other. He needs time to deal with whatever it is and I need to continue doing my thing. Comments are still welcome, I was just giving the update
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Duh! Lead him on (not!).Originally posted by IRISHLILY24
Now, I drove him home that night and went up to talk...
Hmmm, check his basement ....Originally posted by IRISHLILY24
....we were talking about me moving away and then he said that "she ran away from me" 0 -
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wow victor...bit of sarcasm aye
life happens, this is just one of those things that keeps you on your toes. I think this sort of thing happens to us all, its all in how you deal with it that separates the sheep from the herder.
**hugs**
I can just imagine the response I am going to get from that one, please no surprising bah bah's it would be too much for the imagination :rolleyes:0 -
Originally posted by IRISHLILY24
life happens, this is just one of those things that keeps you on your toes. I think this sort of thing happens to us all, its all in how you deal with it that separates the sheep from the herder.
lifes too short.0 -
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Yes, you are right. I am going to go ahead and go to the pub, if he isnt really interested and see's my car parked there then he will just keep going, and if not then I'll just have a good time as I intended. Either way, with him or without him I will have my fun
I'll post on monday if anything happens...oh btw, his birthday is on tuesday and I have a card for him, I plan to leave it in his mailbox that day as a good gesture. Does this sound okay?
This way he knows I am still cool with him and he knows where to find me if he wants to talk, and he will also know someone is thinking of him on his birthday...he doesnt really see his family and is an only child. I dunno, I guess I just care for him no matter how hard I try not too. oh well...tis life.0 -
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Ok, here is the update....ughh
I ran into him when I was out with my frineds sat night.
i was riding with my friends, they were leaving so he said he'd take me home since we live on the same street...instead he drove to his house so we could "chill" anyway, we talked until 8am, no funny business this time. I made him tell me what was going on with the g/f. They are infact still together and that night they had a fight because his friend was throwing a surprise b-day party for him (today is his b-day) and she snitched to him, and she invited some people that he doesnt like, to his own party! they got inot a fight over it as he didnt appreciate her doing that and then coming over and trashing his house on top of it so he kicked everyone out and drove up to our place, thats right when i walked in. My friend said he had just got there before I walked in..what timing huh. anyway, after we talked we wnt to get breakfast and drove around for an hour then he took me home.
I got home at 9am sunday morning. He told me that he stays with her because his life is unstable and she is the only constent that he can count on...he said he likes knowing he has something to fall back on and that he is afraid to throw away this security blanket and start over again. I told him some things and let him knew I'd be there for him as a friend. Anyway, today he is coming over because i told him I got him a card ...I dont know if he still wants to go out but he mentioned that he'd like to have dinner and go to an art museum sat night....
I'll give another update tomorrow 0 -
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