If you met Jesus, what would you do?

Bard

What would you do (or what would you LIKE to do) if you met yer man Jesus Christ?

Me, I'd punch him. ... and you can quote me on that. ... (and someone already has)...

I think it throws up some interesting possibilities, though...

BlitzKrieg

I dont think i'd hit him...


Maybe shake his hand say thank you for trying to help us.... Sorry we let you down. I'd ask how much of the current church philosaphy was actual preached by him and how much was changed to suit the current public image. Uhmm maybe i'd try asking questions to see if his religion is the right one for me... like do u think gays should be allowed etc etc (if he goes all homophobic conservative i'll go to a diff religion)



The thing is I would ask questions..not the meaning of life ones...they just ruin the game. (its like reading the last page of a novel) But more along what he was aiming at when he said certain things. I mean the bible is not very detailed on his personality. More or less have a debate...I mean a debate with a god could be fun...if slightly dangerous...

Wook

spike him LSD in his coctail...
see what the world looks like after that

koneko

I'd convince him of what a horrible place the world is, so he'll top himself :P

Nah. I'd punch him, like the man said, but I'm a wee goirl so I'll kick him in the shins instead.
"And THAT's for all the wars, Jebus!"

Puck

I don't think I'd punch Jesus for the simple reason that I try not to punch people I've only just met.

I don't blame Jesus for all the wars and hatred brought about by religion and all the things wrong with the church. I blame the strict rules and hierarchy invloved in just worshipping a god, that were applied by the churches. I mean if there is some kind of supreme being that is supposed to have created us all wouldn't it make sense that they're as close to any of us as they are to any priest?

There weren't always just four gospels you know. I think (I'm no expert, I'm not sure) that there was a Gospel of St. Thomas in the early days of Christianity and that promoted a more individual worship without the need for priests or ministers to tell people what to think. I think that would have have been a better way for Christianity to develop. Needless to say the church didn't like their power over the masses being taken away from them and it was removed from the Bible.

I think that if a Jesus did ever exists he was a pretty nice guy but a lot of greedy people got involved in running the religion. I mean look at the church today. A religion that started out as a simple non-materialistic way of life that promoted loving others and a god now has the head of its church living in what is basically a great big palace! Don't even get me started on Papal Infalability!

I'd have a nice chat with Him. Ask Him what He thought about the way the church was run, what He thinks of the world, etc.

I've turned my back on the lot though. I just don't have the faith.

bombidol

Id slap him and tell him hes a bit late but id have to do it quick before the americans capture him an do experiments on him, then they would kill me cause i know about him and then they would waste him because it would prove there is a greater force than the Red White and blue.

bomb F'n Id0l

immort4l

Interesting idea ! I'd probably violate him because its so hideously blasphemous.It would be like tearing off the pope's vestments while he said mass in the vatican.

Alternatively,I'd convince jesus that the only way to save human kind would be to enter the ultimate fighting championship himself and win.Who wouldn't pay ridiculous amounts of money to see that?

Shinji

Last time I met Jesus, I promised myself I wouldn't touch another hallucinogenic drug for six months. If it happens again, I'll just assume it's a flashback

Terminator

I'd say, "Sorry Jesus, but Bono's taken over your old job"

logic1

Originally posted by Wook
spike him LSD in his coctail...
see what the world looks like after that

Hey I can pretend to be Jesus just as long as you spike me with me some acid.

.logic.

azezil

i think i'd probably spout something like "holy crap you do exist!"

or something to that effect.

Aspro

I'd bring him up for a game of football with the lads just so I could be the first to say:

"Hey Jesus! Go up on the cross"

Phnarr phnarr:D

Terminator

pld

koneko

"Get a ****ing haircut you hippy"


Or maybe get someone to dress up as Santa, do a South Park style fight to the death.

Santa Vs Jesus.

Aspro

.....and then I'd get him stoned off his tits and freak him out:

"Hey Jesus, what did you say to my mate Judas? He's over there talking to those coppers........."

Rabies

I'd prob say

"Jesus Christ!!!!!! Its Jesus Christ"

azezil

Originally posted by Bard

Me, I'd punch him.

well since no one else asked, i will, Why would you punch him bardy wardy??

This is after all the guy who endured torcher and death to save you from your sins or something to that effect.

Rabies

Or.....

"Hey Jesus, why are always a white guy in movies???"

if he is from Israel ro where ever he must be dark skined.... un less he is like Michael Jackson

Terminator

"It's been 15 years since my last confession"

Aspro

.....and then I'd point out Bertie Ahern on the telly.

"Hey Jesus, this bloke thinks he's you. You're both full of shít and still people love you"

Bard

Originally posted by azezil

well since no one else asked, i will, Why would you punch him bardy wardy??

Because I can.

Because then I could say "Yeah, I punched Jesus." and not be lying.

Becase of all the death and war that he has indirectly caused with his preaching of utter bollocks.

This is after all the guy who endured torcher and death to save you from your sins or something to that effect.

Then he's a moron.

I'm not Christian and I LIKE sinning... hehehe...

azezil

Originally posted by Bard
Becase of all the death and war that he has indirectly caused with his preaching of utter bollocks.

he tryed to teach people to love one another, unfortunitly people have free will and they express it too.... the cheeky buggers.

conZ

me, i think he is a fake.
all this religion **** is all just a big joke, set up by a group of people many years ago, in a land far, far away, just to get their money. the worst thing is that millions of peopla aroundthe world believe this bull**** as there is nothin else to believe in...
hence the signature and avatar...

Gerry

I'd ask him what he thought of the church, then as he started to reply I'd kick him in the face.

NeRb666

I'd give him a good beating and nail him back to the cross!

Karl Hungus

Me? I'd bathe with Jesus.



www.jesus.com


Either that, or hang about his place, and do some waterfalls...

chernobyl

Jesus, do you know where the clitoris is?

Manach

Firstly I guess I'd panic.

2ndly,try explain that the Church has had some low patches (at present) yet is still trying to spread the faith even though as Chesteron said Christanity has yet not been tried and found wanting but not tried in full (ie perhaps JC might have better luck converting the inhabitants of Alpha Centauri than humans).

3rd, Confess that I really have problems with turning the other cheek business and demonstrate on those who seem to be lining up with their boxing gloves.

GreenHell

I'd ask him the most cynical tone possible, "Come on now, did you really say all that stuff"

Cake Fiend

I would't bother trying to talk to him, as I don't speak Hebrew.

Bob the Unlucky Octopus

Tell him to trim his beard before he gets arrested for impersonating ZZtop.

Occy

Johnny_the_fox

I would probably sh1t the load.......... :eek:

Excelsior

When I meet Him I will probably ask Him something about His sense of humour. I'll say thanks.

I'll probably be speechless.

I'll ask for forgiveness.



But then I am clearly, by all your views, a brainwashed moron who needs a crutch. I am believing in something akin to unicorns but much more insidious.
Ah well, at least my fantasy makes sense.




Manach and I are off to buy some Chesterton and look into importing those new fibreglass, waterproof crutches.

Kolodny

I'd probably do either of the following:

• Drop dead of shock
• Greet him (or Him) with "...And what time d'ya call this? Treat this place like a hotel..." etc. etc.
• Ask him if he's meet any cool extra terrestrial civilisations

Or like Shinji, presume I am having an flashback
Either way, I think I'd have a whole lot of questions.

JustHalf

Originally posted by Sico
I would't bother trying to talk to him, as I don't speak Hebrew.

Yes, because the Son of God can only speak in Hebrew.

You should probably read the Bible, particularly that bit about all those apostles being universally understood

Canaboid

Originally posted by Excelsior

I'll ask for forgiveness.

For what exactly ?

Is guilt a prerequisite of christian belief ? (not a troll)

ButcherOfNog

Originally posted by Canaboid


For what exactly ?

Is guilt a prerequisite of christian belief ? (not a troll)

yes it is, original sin they call it afaik.

m1ke

i'd ask him if he can do wine for all the lads at the table he can surely cough up a guinness for me,

Kalina

If I did meet Him, I doubt I'd be able to say anything to him straight away. Who could?? I'd feel completely overwhelmed and over-awed!
The question I would most like to ask (when I found my tongue) would be what is God like?? What does He/She look like or is God just a presence?
Surely Jesus would shed light on the whole situation, maybe he could explain what heaven is like and give people a clearer idea of what's ahead of them as Christians when they die.
I'd also like to ask him opinion on the current state Irish Catholic Church. I'm sure he'd have something interesting to say about it, not that it would be top of his priority list.

ayatollah

I'd shave that tree hugging hippie's hair - give him a nice crew cut - thats no way for the son of god to be going around - none of this lovy duvy namby pamby crap - smythe thine enemies kick the sh|t out of false gods - i mean jesus christ - jesus trim those sideburns!!!!!!!!

Excelsior

I sin alot.
Therefore I will ask forgiveness.

Jesus, judging from His last visit would have the Catholic Church (or the pharisees involved) way up high on His list.

Aspro

I'd ask Jesus what the fúck he gave water to Charlton Heston for, in Ben Hur. Should have let the gun-totin' NRA bastard die of thirst!:D

Bob the Unlucky Octopus

Originally posted by Aspro
I'd ask Jesus what the fúck he gave water to Charlton Heston for, in Ben Hur. Should have let the gun-totin' NRA bastard die of thirst!:D

lol, couldn't agree with you more. Even more bizarre is the way Ben Hur relishes his rival's death, thought revenge was a sin or something...no wait!! He was a pagan- that makes it all better :P

Occy

Shiminay

I'd shake His hand and say "Sorry about that whole not believeing craic, but before I re-join the God Squad..."

*WHACK*

I'd kick the seven shades of sh1t outta Him

Pick Him up, get Him cleaned up, give Him some clothes and we'd go for a spliff so He could tell me all about being killed in a rather brutal way and rising from the dead.

Then I guess we'd head to the Vatican cause he'll probably want to meet JPII so He could thermo-nuke the Pope and all his minions for getting it so horribly, horribly wrong...

Beastie Boy

I'd thank him for being my Shepard and guiding me in my every day life and for the inspiration and strength he gives me.

You cant blame Jesus for the acts of Fanatics.
Peace not War-

Its a bit hypocritcial to blame him for wars or conflict and then talk about punching and whacking him:rolleyes:

Regards
George

Pone

Wow... its shocking that so many people want to hit Jesus. Joe soap he was. Then they crucified him. He did not ask to be a saviour and all that.

yellum

I'd ask did he gloat when John Lennon arrived in heaven

"Bigger than me, are you John ? You get the cloud with no air-conditioning.... "

Winters

Simple. Laugh

Augmerson

amp

I'd ask him for three wishes and then with the first one I'd say: "I wish for infinite wishes! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH PWNED LOSER!" and then with I infinite wishes I'd turf out God and create a lot of really cool planets and stuff and the holodeck out of Star Wars and make sure 9 of 7 always had to walk around naked and THERE WOULD BE RIVERS OF PEPSI MAX! AND CHOCOLATE LAKES AND CAKE TREES!

Attitude

I'd ask him for three wishes and then with the first one I'd say: "I wish for infinite wishes! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH PWNED LOSER!" and then with I infinite wishes I'd turf out God and create a lot of really cool planets and stuff and the holodeck out of Star Wars and make sure 9 of 7 always had to walk around naked and THERE WOULD BE RIVERS OF PEPSI MAX! AND CHOCOLATE LAKES AND CAKE TREES!

LMAO
Ya know lads....ur Maturity never ceases to amaze me...

How can u do anything but tell him sorry 4 letting him down...