lonely

LegacyUser

Well... where to start? I finished my degree last summer, I lost my boyfriend last autumn and was never afflicted with being a single. I enjoyed my time, have lots of friends, I love my life. But the last weeks... I miss something, I feel lonely, I'm yearning for a man besides me But where are those single males around 30? All seem to be happy, having partners, maybe families... And if they're singles, they're looking for sex. I love sex, of course, but I want to share it with a man I love - not up to date, I guess

LegacyUser

nobody out there who knows what I'm talking about?

Vangelis

Well, girl. You can always try going out with friends to meet new guys, I suppose. One thing is for sure that you cannot sit and wait for love to come. Finding someone you can share yourself with takes time of course. What works best for you? Do you trust internet-dating? I'm suuuure you will find someone! Cheer up, sweetie!

Laguna

We're all lonely aren't we?. I'm single and whilst I'd like to meet a "nice" girl, I'm not really bothered, as the more I think about it, the more bothered I become. Before anyone posts on here with the usual formulaic response of "Go out drinking more" or the cliché of, "Stop looking and you'll find", I suggest just carrying on as normal for the forseeable future and seeing what happens..

AARRRGH

Laguna wrote:

... Before anyone posts on here with the usual formulaic response of "Go out drinking more"...

It's true though

The OP didn't say where she lives, but it's simple to meet people in Dublin. Yes, maybe the 30+ market is a tougher one, but Dublin is such a sociable city, with single people everywhere.

Last night, for example, town was crazy. I was drunk and in a sociable mood, and I got chatting to loads of girls (I'm not looking for anyone, just pointing out that meeting people is easy with the right attitute.)

Being alone sucks. But you gotta put yourself out there to maximise your chances of meeting someone.

Laguna

Chances are that if I met some girls whilst out on "the lash", they are probably alco's and going out and getting paralysed with drink is a frequent occurence to them. I find it sad that in this country the only real place to meet new people (and when I say meet, I'm regarding to slurring a few unintelligble words whilst a bit of sick dribbles out of the corner of your mouth) is by drinking. If you're not into drinking in this country, you're at an immediate loss.

AARRRGH

Laguna wrote:

Chances are that if I met some girls whilst out on "the lash", they are probably alco's and going out and getting paralysed with drink is a frequent occurence to them.

With that attitude, no wonder you're lonely!

I agree with you that we drink way too much in this country, but the reality is, you can sit at home and complain about it or you can go out and meet someone.

And seriously, you have the rest of your adult life to be a non-drinker. But you only have your youth for a short time. Best to make the most of it!

Laguna

dublindude wrote:

With that attitude, no wonder you're lonely!

I agree with you that we drink way too much in this country, but the reality is, you can sit at home and complain about it or you can go out and meet someone.

And seriously, you have the rest of your adult life to be a non-drinker. But you only have your youth for a short time. Best to make the most of it!

Oh well. Tough **** on me I suppose. I'm obviously a consumate bore for not drinking to excess and would be of little appeal to the kill my liver brigade anyway..

AARRRGH

Laguna wrote:

Oh well. Tough **** on me I suppose. I'm obviously a consumate bore for not drinking to excess and would be of little appeal to the kill my liver brigade anyway..

I'm not talking about drinking until you're unconscious. I'm talking about having a few social drinks and getting a little drunk.

LegacyUser

Thanks for your answers.

Well, I love going out and I do so quite often. I never had any problems to meet new people and I'm not shy and of course I don't sit alone in my room and wait for something to happen.

But whenever I find someone around 30 who's single, then it's always about having sex If I'd just wanted to have sex, there was no problem to find a man - but for a relationship: no chance. That's really frustrating though.

Laguna

I guess this is thanks to the media for portraying single women 26+ (i.e. sex in the city etc.) as sex hungry. This would lead your average male around the same age to think that's all women of that age want from a man. I know it sounds corny, but how about taking up amateur drama?, as an actor myself, it's a great place to meet "normal" people who are usually going along for a bit of fun, the ages ranging from early twenties to late forties (a broad spectrum) and could maybe provide you an avenue other than going out to bars, where you're more likely to meet sleazy types anyway..

Airblazer

even joining a gym can lead to relationships..might take a while to build up but at least you get to know the person...also if you come across as being desperate for a relationship it can put off a man..i remember i asked my hairdress out..gorgeous looking girl who i thought was way out of my league but on our first date she said to me that she wanted to be settled down and married within 3 years...that completely freaked me out but i didn't let on and it ended up spoiling our relationship..i didn't want to have my life mapped out like and wanted to take it as it came....of course being single now i know how u feel and sympathise with you..you definitely need to get out more..doesn't have to be the pub..some hobby or interests that you have and involves interacting with the opposite sex..best of luck

tk123

Is it just the posers who hook up at the gym!? Is that what they're standing around posing for - surely it's not people who are all sweaty etc?! OP what abt internet dating -it's worked out for a few people on here who've posted in threads like this before....

Laguna

Yeah I reckon gyms are poseur central. If you were to approach someone in a gym it'd seem superficial and they'd probably think you're approaching them because you were ogling their buns of steel when they were going overdrive on the thigh master 5000... or something

aonarach

laguna wrote:

I guess this is thanks to the media for portraying single women 26+ (i.e. sex in the city etc.) as sex hungry. This would lead your average male around the same age to think that's all women of that age want from a man.

Well as I said: I do like sex - but I want it to be with a man I love.

airblazer wrote:

of course being single now i know how u feel and sympathise with you..you definitely need to get out more..doesn't have to be the pub..some hobby or interests that you have and involves interacting with the opposite sex..best of luck

I don't like gym :-/ I love cultural activities, but that's nothing where you can meet singles. I love nature, I love travelling around... and I'd love to share that with one - but I just don't know where to find that "one".

tk123 wrote:

OP what abt internet dating -it's worked out for a few people on here who've posted in threads like this before....

Never tried that. I don't even know where to look for it

Gordon

When you meet these guys that are just out for sex - who picks up who? Do you start chatting to the guys or do they start chatting to you?

aonarach

Gordon wrote:

When you meet these guys that are just out for sex - who picks up who? Do you start chatting to the guys or do they start chatting to you?

Depends on the situation, one time I did start chatting or flirting, then again he did.

Laguna

Sorry now, but I think the majority of people who go out clubbing/pubbing and meet members of the opposite sex are only looking to get their leg over. I don't think anyone's ever found love in a club/bar.

LegacyUser

Laguna wrote:

Sorry now, but I think the majority of people who go out clubbing/pubbing and meet members of the opposite sex are only looking to get their leg over. I don't think anyone's ever found love in a club/bar.

some go for dancing.

DaisyDuke

aonarach wrote:

I don't like gym :-/ I love cultural activities, but that's nothing where you can meet singles. I love nature, I love travelling around... and I'd love to share that with one - but I just don't know where to find that "one".

Well if you don't like the gym, there's no point in hooking up with someone there, as you'll be in a different place lifestyle-wise, chances are.

If you're into cultural things,you need to find someone who is interested in those things as well. Most of the museums and galleries in Dublin (sorry, don't know if you're a Dub or not) have talks and lectures and special openings - all that jazz. Volunteer some of your spare time staffing something like a theatre festival, or even join an amateur drama group/writers circle/whatever.

Pubs and clubs are generally frequented by people looking for a quick fling or a shag. Not really what you're after. Of course, it all depends on the type of pub you're going to.

Good luck!

Kell

aonarach wrote:

I lost my boyfriend last autumn and was never afflicted with being a single.

Why view being single as an affliction? I split with my ex last October and have never had so much fun in years as since then. There is nought wrong with being single. How are you supposed to figure out what makes you tick if you dont have some head space without the concerns of having a partner to worry about as well.

I go out every weekend and come home with a bunch of numbers every weekend. I am not looking for anything specific, but hey if someone nice presents themselves I wont say no. Particularly if their interests are of the outdoors, nature and might involve travelling .

K-

jester77

Why not try joining something lke JCI. They are a great way to meet people and are always organising various types of events!

MojoMaker

I'm just curious, what nationality are you aonarach? The city is literally full of interesting single guys in their early 30s but you have to know where to go.

AARRRGH

Laguna wrote:

I don't think anyone's ever found love in a club/bar.

Seriously! WTF??

Why to you hate alcohol/the pub/club scene so much?

I have met the following in bars (forgetting about the one nighters) -

1 x 3 year relationship.
2 x 9 month relationship.
Many x potential relationship (didn't develop for numerous reasons.)

Your "pub is not a way to meet people" mentality is defo incorrect.

Vangelis

dublindude wrote:

Seriously! WTF??

Why to you hate alcohol/the pub/club scene so much?

I have met the following in bars (forgetting about the one nighters) -

1 x 3 year relationship.
2 x 9 month relationship.
Many x potential relationship (didn't develop for numerous reasons.)

Your "pub is not a way to meet people" mentality is defo incorrect.

Well, if you're going to a pub to have a "one night stand", you will surely end up lonely again after that so.. don't encourage that.

AARRRGH

Vangelis wrote:

Well, if you're going to a pub to have a "one night stand", you will surely end up lonely again after that so.. don't encourage that.

And where did I say one night stands cures lonliness?

You do know some people like to see the other person again after a one night stand? It's not all wham bam thank you mam goodbye!

annR

Dublindude

The pub/club scene just doesn't work as well for some people as it does for you . . .I've spent years drinking my head off and partying and got 1 relationship out of it, that split up in 1998, nothing since. I actually met my current boyfriend on www.maybefriends.com - coming up on 2 years now :-)

A

pdunno

Dublindue I think you are right in what your saying, pubs and clubs are a great way of meeting people and not everyone who goes out to pubs and clubs is just looking for a one night stand. I've gone out with a few girls (including one for 4 years) and all of them I have met out in either a pub or a nightclub. In fact I have never gone out with anyone I haven't met in this way.

Most of my mates would echo this, sometimes poeple are just interested in getting their leg over and if the oportunity arises most guys would probably take it. However (and I include myself in this) not all guys go out on weekends only to try and get laid!! Fact.

Fysh

Pubs & clubs work for some people as a place to meet new friends and even start relationships. Other people, like myself, find that they'd rather beat themselves to death with a fire extinguisher than try to meet someone or start something based off meeting in a pub whilst hammered - and while I appreciate that this varies from person to person, "a little drunk" does not cover the state most people are in at the end of a long night, at least not in Cork (nor Dublin, from my admittedly limited experience of the place).

I'd second the suggestion of taking up new activities. Whatever it is, there must be a group that caters to it. Join that and maybe you'll find that having a common interest with someone as a starting point helps things along.

Alternatively, drink until you can't see and don't care, then fall in a gutter. Who knows, you might bump into dublindude there and hit it off famously

sutty

Kell wrote:

Particularly if their interests are of the outdoors, nature and might involve travelling .

K-

Subtil

OP, everyone feels lonely at times. Question is what do you do about. Best thing is to sort out your-self so you are comfortable being alone and not requireing a partner to compleat you.

AARRRGH

Fysh wrote:

Who knows, you might bump into dublindude there and hit it off famously

LOL

It's just talking...