Woman in the US and here?

monument

Ok, reading some drivel is required… this all goes back to a conversation I had many moons ago; we were talking about the differences between woman in the US and those here in Ireland. We eventually got to the point of ‘what (generally) happens when a woman is asked on the street (or in bar etc) for her number, or a date, by a relatively/total stranger?’, and that the answer to the question is (generally) vastly different in the US then it is in Ireland.

I think the consensus was that if in Ireland you’d most likely get either a ‘are you a weirdo’ look, or worse. While in the US it’s an acceptable thing to do. Of course, it’s a cultural thing, so don’t think I’m blaming woman for this.

Any thoughts – is this actually the case? Is it a good or bad thing? Who is to blame?

[just note, this thread has been started by not what you could call the best “ice-breaker” in the country]

Civilian_Target

US women? Thats like talking about European women. You'll find the loose women of Vegas to be quite different from the Amish-style women of Pennsylvania...

EKRIUQ

US women speak with an accent.

AARRRGH

Yeah but *in general* American women are MUCH more open to the idea of a man showing interest in them. They don't have the weird issues that a lot of Irish women *in general* have about a bloke showing interest in them.

I think it is slightly unfair to compare American women with Irish women though. They're kind of both at the opposite ends of the spectrum...

Jimi-Spandex

I'm not so sure that you'd actually get the are you a weirdo look if you tried it in Ireland.

It's just kind of difficult to do without sounding strange.

I'm living in the US at the moment and find that people will in general talk to strangers alot more, so it's a bit easier to meet people at things.

Aislinn

I could not resist this thread...

I happen to be American born, and I'm also a woman, and so I feel eminently qualified to answer this question.

American women are plagued with several things, not the least of which is :
rejection. The problem isn't really American women. It's American men who have so abused them and used them, they are now desperate to find a man who "understands them". This is why American women are willing to overlook all the niceties and formalities of courtship and cut straight to the chase. American women are not above asking you out on a date, nor do they expect you to do all the work. Having said that, American women can be greedy, selfish and self absorbed. They are obsessed with whether or not they look "fat" because American men are frankly, insensitive boors who are constantly comparing them to the women they see in their porn mags, and never fail an opportunity to show them up. (Can you see where I am going with these rash generalizations?)

Having said all that, if you are determined to meet and go out with an American woman, I suggest the following:
a) Be prepared to give her YOUR phone number...don't waste precious time and energy asking for hers....By all means, do so, but make sure you give her YOURS. American women have no patience anymore for a guy who has no intention of calling within twenty four hours.

b) Wear a condom. You just don't know...

c) Understand that her family will be suspicious of you... Her brother will want to beat you up.....explain to them that you don't want a visa to the USA. (They will be shocked to discover that their beloved USA isn't highly regarded.) Instead you are offering to take her off their hands and move her to Ireland, baggage and all.



Good luck.

"Love",
Aislinn,
An American ex-pat

Lafortezza

US women have better teeth generally.

galwaydude

i agree too then again im biased as i go out with an american girl.

monument

Civilian_Target wrote:

US women? Thats like talking about European women. You'll find the loose women of Vegas to be quite different from the Amish-style women of Pennsylvania...

Ok, you've kind of missed the point....

It's more like what 'dublindude' is saying...

dublindude wrote:

Yeah but *in general* American women are MUCH more open to the idea of a man showing interest in them. They don't have the weird issues that a lot of Irish women *in general* have about a bloke showing interest in them.

I think it is slightly unfair to compare American women with Irish women though. They're kind of both at the opposite ends of the spectrum...

...and he added a bit on input.

Forgive me for not making it clearer in my opening post - I'm (badly) trying to play devil's advocate here, and looking at this from mostly a male perspective (in that I'm not listing the apparent faults of Irish men in this context – although I did say I’m not blaming anything on Irish woman).

BossArky

US women tend to have more weight and less brains, I suppose it evens out.

Shoot me :eek:

Wertz

I have to say that when I lived in the US for a short time, I had a whole hell of a lot more luck with the ladies than I tend to have here....it can partly be put down to the accent thing I 'spose and the novelty value, but I found that women would make the first move in clubs or bars (prior to them knowing your accent or nationality) and weren't afraid to be upfront about things...
Very few women here I've come across are like that, at least until you get to know them well, at which point it no longer really matters.

simu

Wertz wrote:

Very few women here I've come across are like that, at least until you get to know them well, at which point it no longer really matters.

Yeah, Irish people tend to meet their partners through their social circles and often end up going out with friends or friends of friends. So I think most Irish women might find it a it odd if a guy asks them out unexpectedly in a non-pub setting. It might work though if you just invite them for coffee or something relatively non-commital first so that you get a chance to show them you're a fairly normal guy and so that ye can both do the typical Irish thing of "So, you're from X - do you know Y?" etc.

AARRRGH

BossArky wrote:

US women tend to have more weight and less brains, I suppose it evens out.

LOL! True, true...

Although Ireland is catching up pretty quickly!! (You been to Tallaght lately??)

bloke

Aislinn wrote:

Understand that her family will be suspicious of you... Her brother will want to beat you up.....explain to them that you don't want a visa to the USA. (They will be shocked to discover that their beloved USA isn't highly regarded.) Instead you are offering to take her off their hands and move her to Ireland, baggage and all.

Been there, bought the t-shirt! Couldn't believe it but her family were convinced I was looking for a visa. It's kind of a lose-lose 'cos if you finally convince them you have no interest in moving to the U.S. the next question is "why not?" and then the social/political debate starts :-)

rainbow kirby

dublindude wrote:

Although Ireland is catching up pretty quickly!! (You been to Tallaght lately??)

*horrible image of 19 year old fat single mother in pink towelling tracksuit bottoms*
The Square is full of them... :eek:

Sangre

Spent summer in Santa Barbara, California and all I can say is i'll miss American women. They were are all ridiculously good-looking, tanned and toned.
But best of all they were forward and would approach you if they wanted.

They also couldn't care less if you came out of nowhere to chat to them......'Oh my god, you're Irish!'..etc.,

Seemed completely normal for a randomner to ask for a number, saw a waitress getting chatted up and give out her number.

Fionn

I guess the answer really is, here in Ireland most of the time you wouldn’t ask a woman in a bar for her number etc. she’d prolly call the management and have you thrown out!
I think most peeps here meet their partners through a few different settings like at school/work social gatherings and that.
And as Aislinn (good post!) mentioned, rejection seems to figure big time in American women’s minds, it’s shown a lot shown on American sitcoms. Seems it’s the reverse here, mostly it’s guys have to endure the rejection!! e.g. the “weirdo look” asking for a date/telephone no. Obviously it’s a cultural thing, strange that a lot of the girls watch such shows as “sex in the city” footballers wives etc. but have no inclination to adopt the techniques employed in these tv shows or imitate the behaviour that’s portrayed in them

tonyj

Wertz wrote:

I have to say that when I lived in the US for a short time, I had a whole hell of a lot more luck with the ladies than I tend to have here....it can partly be put down to the accent thing I 'spose and the novelty value, but I found that women would make the first move in clubs or bars (prior to them knowing your accent or nationality) and weren't afraid to be upfront about things...

Were you wearing a leprechaun outfit and saying 'begorrah' a lot?

Wertz

tonyj wrote:

Were you wearing a leprechaun outfit and saying 'begorrah' a lot?

Only on the second date...

Binomate

I'd say the only reason asking for a telephone number in America from some random girl is acceptable is because their phone networks are so far behind. They're all like kids with new toys.

American girl: "Do you have a phone?"
Irish guy:*weird look* "Yeah"
American Girl: "Oh my gosh, me too. What's your number?"

jsr

not just of girls from the US of A but from other European countries. Irish girls don't seem to be as forward. Not sure why, is it because Irish guys are too forward(or just a pain in the arse?!)

Pigman II

I think the essential difference is that a 'date' to an American woman means "lets meet up, have something to eat and see if we get on", nothing more.

A 'date' to a Irish woman is akin to the first step some up sort of courtship ritual that must inevitably end in marraige otherwise it isn't worth the time it takes to go out in the first place.

simu

Pigman II wrote:

A 'date' to a Irish woman is akin to the first step some up sort of courtship ritual that must inevitably end in marraige otherwise it isn't worth the time it takes to go out in the first place.

Neh? Where do you live?

Aislinn

Well, in all, I would have to admit that American women do have a far different attitude toward "dating" than their European counterparts in general....American women are far more casual about this and to them, a "date" is generally just a "drink" or what not. At first, the Euro/Irish guy loves this but I have seen them CRUSHED, DEVASTATED, when she takes off on the jet plane (I have bought many a drink for a shattered Irishman)....This casual attitude *can* work against you ... The American female is more interested in "friendship" at first, and "whatever" later...But, she is also going to be a lot more "hard" hearted when it comes to break up time...The American culture thrives on the word "disposable"...everything in the States is "disposable." If you don't like it, you toss it away and buy a new one.

It is really difficult to "generalize" about all this, but I would say in all, that American women are certainly wonderful and charming in their own way (if I do say so myself!) but they can be maddeningly selfish and self absorbed. If you can find one who is not weighted down with a lot of emotional baggage, and who is not constantly consulting her therapist, I say go for it.

Dizzyblabla

I met an Irish guy in the States, and I was getting a lift home from one of the girls I worked with, who was American. He said that he'd meet me in the pub later, and she got so cross with him and told him that he had to call to the door and collect me and bring me to the pub!!

American girls generally don't kiss on the first date either though, not like here, where you kiss them fist, then get their name! (or close to that anyway!)

ionapaul

I love it when girls kiss my *fist* and then ask my name...kinky!

Fobia

ionapaul wrote:

I love it when girls kiss my *fist* and then ask my name...kinky!

That's only kinky if "*fist*" is some sort of replacement for your feline friend. In which case har-har

WhiteWashMan

ah the usual ****e replies

honestly. do none of you learn that people are people where-ever you go in the world?

only the accents and the customs change.
as for saying that women in america have less brains and are fatter is the tupidist thing ive readon here in at least 2 weeks.

honestly, if i could ban people from AH for being stupid, there would be very little activity at all.....

pickarooney

Sometimes, though, there are those tiny differences between peoples such as different language, different attitudes, different courtship rituals, which interest the casual observer enough to stimulate a conversation, despite the inevitable grumblings and fist-shakings of the oul' lad in the corner.

monument

WhiteWashMan wrote:

honestly. do none of you learn that people are people where-ever you go in the world?

only the accents and the customs change.

I think the differences in customs is what most people here are talking about. At least beyond the childish typical AH answers, and a few stereotypes.

Laguna

Irish girls are behind the times, they don't want to talk to you if you're not someone they know's cousin, especially if you're (like me) a dirty foreigner, they expect the men to do all the work. Well with the immigration influx, a lot more Irish men will turn to foreign girls as they're more approchable, world wise and not quite so sour.

jesus_thats_gre

American women have biggers d!cks in general too..

spooiirt!!

American women are a lot more outgoing and friendly. Tanned too

daRobot

simu wrote:

Yeah, Irish people tend to meet their partners through their social circles and often end up going out with friends or friends of friends. So I think most Irish women might find it a it odd if a guy asks them out unexpectedly in a non-pub setting. It might work though if you just invite them for coffee or something relatively non-commital first so that you get a chance to show them you're a fairly normal guy and so that ye can both do the typical Irish thing of "So, you're from X - do you know Y?" etc.

Quoted for truth

Pigman II

jesus_thats_gre wrote:

American women have biggers d!cks in general too..

That's a phalluscy

mickd

American women are far more approachable and friendly. They have their short comings too, but in have never been around one long enough to find out. Irish women suffer from the 'big fish in a small pond mentalilty'. They mess about and play games until they reach 35, then crisis kicks in and search for men gets underway in earnest. Problem is that this search is commitment driven and it scares every available man away.

Pygmie

dublindude wrote:

LOL! True, true...

Although Ireland is catching up pretty quickly!! (You been to Tallaght lately??)

Absolute bullsh*t. Most Irish women I know drink too much and don't exercise. Compare like with like and you'll be surprised.

adonis

im surprised no one has said anything about a catholic sense of guilt!
hence we drink so much, until our inhibitions are gone, then its a free for all (well in copper's anyway)
So, i wonder if the twin fangs of guilt are still dug deep into our throat..

on a side note, i agree with the guy who posted about the foreign girls being much more approachable and world-wise. Irish girls can tend to be a tad aloof. (a nice way of saying stuck up i guess)

Hobbes

Woman in the US vary wildly. Its likes comparing US to EU rather then to just Ireland.

annR

Referring to previous posts, I don't understand how if American women are pre occupied with rejection, that they have no problem approaching men and giving out their number . . . to be fair Aislinn did say that they ask for the man's number because of this.

>>Seems it’s the reverse here, mostly it’s guys have to endure the rejection!! <<

I wouldn't agree with that . . .. countless Irish women are chatted up, give out their numbers and never get a call . . .that's rejection too! Tell the truth, all you rejected guys, haven't you ever done that to a girl? Nothing like that to make a girl aloof in a bar or not interested in your number - too many guys wanting our numbers but never call. God I sound bitter. But I've never understood why men do that so much. It was all that rubbish that made me into a cynical cow and a master of disposable dating. Love 'em and leave 'em. It was great fun actually, but at least I had the decency to call them if I had said I would. I ended up finding me a real man.

fischerspooner

To the person above who said people are the same everywhere in the world, deep down we may be all the same but the way people behave is different everywhere. My friend was home from Germany for the last week, he's been living there for 2 years, he said he couldn't believe how unfriendly girls here are compared to abroad, that they just don't want to know you. I think you need someone they know to vouch for you in order to get talking to them. There were some girls from Cork in my local the other night after the all-ireland, we tried asking them if they enjoyed the match etc. All we get is a "yeah" and then all their backs are turned to us. I think this Celtic Tiger thing has gone to their heads (and probably men's too but I don't chat up men) and they are obsessed with themselves and their little world. People seriously need to open up in this country, it's not like this anywhere else I've been.

Pink Bunny

I'm an American woman who's only visited Ireland 3 times so I'm no expert, but I do like to observe people,and I do think there are some differences. I'm just average looking, nothing special, so it's not about "all the guys wanting me" or anything, but 9 times out of 10 when I walked into a pub or shop or whereever, it was the men who stopped and talked to me and who I ended up hanging out with for the rest of the evening. Women just seemed to keep to themselves and I thought were a bit intimidating, TBH. It's not a slam against Irish women, just the ones I met generally kept to themselves and so I got the impression that if it was hard for me to find one friendly enough to just have a conversation with, it must be really hard for a man.
Also, to the poster who is American as well, and said we are fearful of rejection and the men here expect us to look like tv stars, I haven't noticed that at all. It seems a contradiction. If we are so afraid of rejection, why would we be confident enough to ask for a phone number? Your posts sound bitter and perhaps from personal experience, so I'm not sure what you are refering to.

ADUB?

annR wrote:

I wouldn't agree with that . . .. countless Irish women are chatted up, give out their numbers and never get a call . . .that's rejection too! Tell the truth, all you rejected guys, haven't you ever done that to a girl? Nothing like that to make a girl aloof in a bar or not interested in your number - too many guys wanting our numbers but never call. God I sound bitter. But I've never understood why men do that so much. It was all that rubbish that made me into a cynical cow and a master of disposable dating. Love 'em and leave 'em. It was great fun actually, but at least I had the decency to call them if I had said I would. I ended up finding me a real man.

Thats the irish's womens attitude summed up nicely by one of their own. All irish men are the same mentality, they are sh*t, running irish men down blah blah
Irish girls act aloof, make you jump through hoops and stupid games,then you get the number after trying for ages.
But when it comes to ringing 'Guys think whats the point' look how hard I had to work to get that number and have had enough of her stupid games and have no interest in stupid games round 2.
Maybe thats why we dont ring, cos of your attitude it the first place, its just not worth it.

annR

I'm only speaking from my own experience as a relatively sociable gal who *likes* men. I never play games it's stupid. I just got sick of guys who spend half the night talking, ask for my number and not calling. It's not just me it's my friends too. Those guys are playing some game I don't understand.
So maybe what happens then is that girls do make guys work a bit harder for the phone number, because it shows he really wants it and therefore is more likely to call?

impr0v

sure what would yiz want with one a them american girls, they've no land or milkin quota to come with them.

bierhoff1

I've been to a lot of places and Irish women are by far the hardest to chat to.Unless you know them sometimes pending on the place and area it is like trying to pull in a convent because they are so closed off.i've also found that the easiest to chat to are the better looking girls.Some of the average girls are so hard to talk to because they think that they are God's gift and are so closed off.The best way to get a females attention in Ireland is to treat them like dirt.They love there stupid games and tend to want what the can't have.it's californian and Scottish girls all the way for me!!

ADUB?

Not having a go at you, and I do see your point. But

annR wrote:

So maybe what happens then is that girls do make guys work a bit harder for the phone number, because it shows he really wants it and therefore is more likely to call?

But from the male point of view, they are often made to work, too hard, put in too much effort, which leaves the attitude WHY bother, she wasnt exactly keen on me, after all I had to work most of the evening to get her number.
Blood from a stone scenario.
Think its a balance that is very hard to grasp and irish girls and guys coming at it from different angles.

simu

Well, when guys come up to me to flirt in bars these days, I don't talk to them much because I'm not single. Does that ever cross people's minds as a reason why a girl mightn't want to flirt?

And, when I was single, any guys who came up and gave the impression that they were boring and unconfident Mammy's boys didn't get much of a reception either.

But maybe I'm odd. o_O

Lex_Diamonds

I've never actually spoken to a woman irl but I watch the OC & Fair City and both look sexy so stop slagging them guys.

fischerspooner

simu wrote:

Well, when guys come up to me to flirt in bars these days, I don't talk to them much because I'm not single. Does that ever cross people's minds as a reason why a girl mightn't want to flirt?

And, when I was single, any guys who came up and gave the impression that they were boring and unconfident Mammy's boys didn't get much of a reception either.

But maybe I'm odd. o_O

whether you want to flirt or not is insignificant. Do you not like meeting new people and talking to new people out of interest? You should really try talking to people more when you're out, it leads to all kind of interesting developments.

simu

fischerspooner wrote:

whether you want to flirt or not is insignificant. Do you not like meeting new people and talking to new people out of interest? You should really try talking to people more when you're out, it leads to all kind of interesting developments.

No. I'm a bit of a loner tbh and there's enough interesting stuff happening in my head. :cool: