Sex & Religion

usernameguest01

Hello,

I have posted this in the personal issues forum already but someone recommended that I post it in here.
Im from a religious background and I have good faith. I have had sex with a girl a few times but I have never really enjoyed it. At the time, I could not understand why I didnt enjoy it but looking back now I think it was because in a way morally I think its wrong. Im not the strongest person though and I would like to wait till marriage before having it again. But it will be very difficult, I think. I suppose there will be alot of pressure and alot of people wont understand. How will I remain stong in this? Are there any other people that are similiar on boards to me and how are they getting on?

Thanks.

Sapien

usernameguest01 wrote:

I do not want people to go around thinking im frigid or even gay...

Oh, Heaven forfend!

LadyJ

OP,I suggest you take up many,many sports to burn off all the energy!

I'm not at all religious myself but seeing as you are then I'd advise you to pray hard about this. If you believe that God is watching and judging you then he/she will surely help you through.

This will not be easy for you. People will call you gay and/or frigid but people are morons so ignore them. However,why you would care if people thought those things about you is beyond me. Gay people aren't lepers ya know. Although,celibacy can make you a bit of a social leper if you let it. ........ Just be strong and stick to your principles.

pbsuxok1znja4r

usernameguest01 wrote:

Hello,

I have posted this in the personal issues forum already but someone recommended that I post it in here.
Im from a religious background and I have good faith. I have had sex with a girl a few times but I have never really enjoyed it. At the time, I could not understand why I didnt enjoy it but looking back now I think it was because in a way morally I think its wrong. Im not the strongest person though and I would like to wait till marriage before having it again. But it will be very difficult, I think. I suppose there will be alot of pressure and alot of people wont understand. How will I remain stong in this? Are there any other people that are similiar on boards to me and how are they getting on?

Thanks.

First of all, I want to commend you for even trying to stay chaste in the first place, because that is more than half the battle, so well done. I'm in a similar situation to you, I'm still in my teens, celibate, and I plan on staying that way till I'm wed. It's certainly not easy when everyone else in your social group is having sex and enjoying it. Not least when all your mates are devoting their weekends to getting laid on nights out! This is the part that requires that other christian virtue: Courage. Even if your friends don't understand or support your choice, they will eventually come to respect you greatly for having such a stern resolution about it, so just stay strong, and if in a moment of weakness you are concerned with what others think of you (which is only natural), just remember that.

As for the actual temptation manifesting itself, it's a matter of training yourself to immediately think "no".
To tell you the truth man, I'm getting on quite well with the whole remaining chaste thing. Now my resolution is strong, I've been tempted and come through it being incredibley thankful that I resisted. It gets easier, for me, at least. Some people will probably tell you that it gets harder (don't even think about making that joke ), but, I think that, like most things, it's a matter of training yourself into rejecting it. I couldn't be happier about my celibacy (well, most of the time; there are some dark moments when I wonder "why the hell not?"), but it gives one a nice, 'clean' feeling. So, yeah, it can be done, if that's any encouragement to you!

katiegordon

is nice to hear people with a simlilar view point as me!!
Right now im thinking will i/wont i.Ive never really tested my resolve yet or been in a serious relationship.im only 16 but i want to make my mindup.its a pretty big decision to make and its so much harder than just taking the easy way out.
Ive never even mentioned this idea to my friends and i know they wont understand.

usernameguest01

Actually, I know my religion says that sex before marriage is wrong (obviously duh!)
but where does catholacism interpret this from the bible?

Excelsior

Christianity, not just Catholicism, holds sex outside of marriage to be wrong. It isn't that God wants to stop you from having fun but because of an over-arching higher purpose for sex than giving expression to your instincts. I won't go into the reasons behind these ideas unless that is of interest to people.

Sex outside of marriage, which is referred to as adultery in the Bible, is actually prohibited in the most important moral statements- the Ten Commandments. Here it is if you want to see it.

Jesus reinforced this teaching his Sermon on the Mount.

I think you are responding to your conscience in an inspiring and dedicated way. Don't worry about people calling you gay or any of that nonsense. In a few years you won't have any of that crap to deal with. Also, there are lots and lots of women out there who when they hear of your determination will be relieved and honoured- you'll be fine. If you want, feel free to pm me and we can chat about it in more detail, totally anonymously and all that.

panda100

Dont worry one no will think your frigid or gay and if they do shame on them.Fair play to you for sticking to your principles.I lost my virginity at 21 to a guy i was going out with for a year and have had few serious boyfriends since and told them i dont want to have sex before marrige now and they've all respected that.I just feel that it should be something shared with someone who you will be with for the rest of your life cos its such a special thing between two people.From the catholic point of view i read a book on it there recently and it was just saying that god always has our best intrests at heart.He wants to protect us and make sure we experience the deepest kind of love we can.He doesnt want to stop us from having fun. This is why god says sex should be left for marriage cos you'll be confident in your love for each other and they'll be no insecurities there.Where as i think casual sex doesnt bring that sort of deep love and i cant see how purely lustfuul sex can be as satisfying and fun as someone you know truly well cos you are spending the rest of your lives together.

RossFixxxed

Hi,

I'm not a christian, but the topic was of interest.

There's only one answer I can see to this, and only one person who can give that answer: you.

Only you know how important your faith is to you and how you wish to adhere to it. What are YOUR priorities, what do you, in your heart want to do? And is it worth persuing your heart, head or faith?

I've made my decision, and I'm happy and sure of it. I'm an ahteist, but I do agree with a lot of the non supernatural Buddhism ideas. You seem to be still wondering and questioning.

Good luck with your decision, but be aware this affects your OH strongly as well, so thing long and hard and be totally honest to yourself and to her when you do make your decision.

Best of luck OP!
Ross

Fanny Cradock

The thread is 3.5 years old and the OP hasn't been online since then.

PDN

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

The thread is 3.5 years old and the OP hasn't been online since then.

And there I was thinking how nice it was to have some new posters on the board that can actually discuss something in a mature way without a lot of muppetry.

Ah well!

JimiTime

usernameguest01 wrote: »

Im from a religious background and I have good faith. I have had sex with a girl a few times but I have never really enjoyed it. At the time, I could not understand why I didnt enjoy it but looking back now I think it was because in a way morally I think its wrong. Im not the strongest person though and I would like to wait till marriage before having it again. But it will be very difficult, I think. I suppose there will be alot of pressure and alot of people wont understand. How will I remain stong in this? Are there any other people that are similiar on boards to me and how are they getting on?

Thanks.

Hi. I can empathise with your position. I am 28 now, and happily married for 5 years. I remember when I was in a similar position to yourself. With me however, I chose to drown that concience in booze and go get my end away:o By my own standards, I went through a promiscuous patch in my life, and to be honest, never really enjoyed the sex side. I loved the ego boost I got when I 'scored' etc, but like yourself, there was always something niggling my concience. This concience of mine was a real pest, and I think if I had continued in my ways I would have killed it off. Unfortunately, being chaste in moden society is almost abnormal. Its very hard for a man or woman to remain chaste due to sex being such a normal 'past-time' these days IMO. Those who see it as a celebration of a loving, intamate relationship are usually thought of as prudish.

How did it end for me? Well a few things really. I met a wonderful woman, who I tried to push away as I felt there were so many more women who hadn't experienced my awsomeness:):o Usually when I wanted rid of a woman, I used to play 'my religion card'. When I mentioned I was Christian, and my views on things, they'd usually run a mile. Job done, Next! Not so with this one though. She was non religious, but recognised something in me. She saw a concience, also a hypocrite, a man at odds with himself. She didn't let me off the hook, and brought my concience to the fore. After a few months I was in love with this woman, and after 2 years we were married. Best thing that ever happened to me.

Thats my story. From your perspective, you have a few things to consider IMO.

Your partner: You've had sex, and now you don't want it. She may feel inadequate. I would be completely honest with her. She may say, 'fect it, I'm gone', and if she does, then personally I would say let it be. However, she may see your concience etc as a positive and work with you on it. Either way, I'd say be up front and honest.

You: If you are anything like I was, you are involved in a bit of a wrestle with this pest of a concience. Hopefully it is the start of your enlightenment. As I said, I started by drowning it out in order to seek my thrills. I found that it was right all along, and my desires were the real pest. Your concience and your faith and your heart and your mind are all inter-twined. However, they are not always in agreement. Desire (heart), is not always in agreement with the rest, and we can change the rest to suit the heart. Or, we can overrule the heart with our faith, mind and concience and in turn change the heart.


My 2 cent, hope there's something relevant for you in it:)

JimiTime

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

The thread is 3.5 years old and the OP hasn't been online since then.

Aw man!! I just wrote an essay:(:D

Fanny Cradock

JimiTime wrote: »

Aw man!! I just wrote an essay:(:D

LOL @ U

Amazotheamazing

Tbf, there was a big thread on the same topic in relationship issues yesterday so it's probably a thread that bears revisiting.

Personally, I think sex within a loving relationship is fine and waiting until after marriage is an utterly pointless endeavour for no good reason, but each to their own.

Zombrex

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

the OP hasn't been online since then.

pity, I find being online with Boards.ie helps no end with me not having sex :P

Fanny Cradock

Wicknight wrote: »

pity, I find being online with Boards.ie helps no end with me not having sex :P

I heard that it was the smell...


:pac:

prinz

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

Tbf, there was a big thread on the same topic in relationship issues yesterday so it's probably a thread that bears revisiting.

Personally, I think sex within a loving relationship is fine and waiting until after marriage is an utterly pointless endeavour for no good reason, but each to their own.

Yes. Congratulations. If it such a pointless endeavour why is it that couples who had sex and/or cohabited before marriage have statistically a much higher chance of ending in divorce.

JimiTime

prinz wrote: »

Yes. Congratulations. If it such a pointless endeavour why is it that couples who had sex and/or cohabited before marriage have statistically a much higher chance of ending in divorce.

While I completely disagree with 'Amazotheamazing', I seriously don't think statistics are any use here.

PDN

prinz wrote: »

Yes. Congratulations. If it such a pointless endeavour why is it that couples who had sex and/or cohabited before marriage have statistically a much higher chance of ending in divorce.

Ah, I have referred to this before. The atheist response was that I was making a big mistake in assuming cause and effect and, apparently, it is just a huge coincidence that the same people who engage in premarital sex or cohabit before marriage are also those who get divorced more often. :cool:

Amazotheamazing

prinz wrote: »

Yes. Congratulations. If it such a pointless endeavour why is it that couples who had sex and/or cohabited before marriage have statistically a much higher chance of ending in divorce.

Because religious people who don't believe in divorce are more reluctant to leave bad marriages?

I know of plenty of cases of spousal abuse where the abused simply won't leave because they view divorce as a sin.

prinz

JimiTime wrote: »

While I completely disagree with 'Amazotheamazing', I seriously don't think statistics are any use here.

I have given all the advice I can on this topic when it appeared on the Relationship Issues thread. My reply was direct at an unthought argument.

prinz

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

Because religious people who don't believe in divorce are more reluctant to leave bad marriages?

I know of plenty of cases of spousal abuse where the abused simply won't leave because they view divorce as a sin.

You don't need to get a divorce to leave a bad marriage. Any truly Christian relationship wouldn't be abusive/bad in the first place so your argument is baseless.

Amazotheamazing

prinz wrote: »

You don't need to get a divorce to leave a bad marriage. Any truly Christian relationship wouldn't be abusive/bad in the first place.

Be that as it may, in that mean place called the real world, religious people get locked into bad marriages all the time.

prinz

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

Be that as it may, in that mean place called the real world, religious people get locked into bad marriages all the time.

Well in the words of the greatest orator in Leinster House, arguing this with you would be like "playing handball against a haystack". You obviously have issues with people trying to live a religious life. However giving out advice which has proven to be a pointer in the wrong direction is irresponsible at best.

And the only people living in your so-called "real world" are the very same religious people you like to knock. Materialism, consummerism, social irresponsibility, no strings sexual relations and sex to sell everything from soft drinks to cars, a reversion from civil society to the kind of unbridled self gratification and violence of the monkeys,coupled with rubbish advice on how people should live your life to be 'happy' is not a real world

Apologies PDN for straying off topic.

robindch

prinz wrote: »

Any truly Christian relationship wouldn't be abusive/bad in the first place so your argument is baseless.

Wow.

Just wow.

prinz

robindch wrote: »

Wow.

Just wow.

All respects due to a Moderator..... but Wow what??

Dades

prinz wrote: »

a reversion from civil society to the kind of unbridled self gratification and violence of the monkeys...

Ah yes, the good old days when men were men, and pregnant girls were laundered.

prinz

Dades wrote: »

Ah yes, the good old days when men were men, and pregnant girls were laundered.

I'm not an apologist for anybody. I am living in the present. Obviously you are not. Society is collapsing, that's present to future.

I am also not the one advocating a return to neanderthal principles - so you go ahead and accuse me of of pining for "the good old days".........

Fanny Cradock

prinz wrote: »

All respects due to a Moderator..... but Wow what??

I wouldn't respect Robin's title too much - he slept his way to the top.

robindch

prinz wrote: »

Wow what??

That anybody could seriously believe that acquiring a religion is proof against domestic abuse.

BTW, what's it with soft drinks and "violence of the monkeys"?

robindch

Fanny Cradock wrote: »

I wouldn't respect Robin's title too much - he slept his way to the top.

And great fun it was too!

There was a young queer from Khartoum
Who took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what and with which and to whom.

.

Amazotheamazing

prinz wrote: »

Well in the words of the greatest orator in Leinster House, arguing this with you would be like "playing handball against a haystack". You obviously have issues with people trying to live a religious life. However giving out advice which has proven to be a pointer in the wrong direction is irresponsible at best.

And the only people living in your so-called "real world" are the very same religious people you like to knock. Materialism, consummerism, social irresponsibility, no strings sexual relations and sex to sell everything from soft drinks to cars, a reversion from civil society to the kind of unbridled self gratification and violence of the monkeys,coupled with rubbish advice on how people should live your life to be 'happy' is not a real world

Apologies PDN for straying off topic.

I don't have issues with anyone wishing to follow a religious life, I just think that God gave us free will and the capacity to think for ourselves and the various Churches have spent a lot of time trying to roll back on that.

As regards your second paragraph, every generation in every civilisation has felt that people were too materialistic, sexual, etc. It's human nature to idealise the past and find fault in the present, imo.

Lab_Mouse

prinz wrote: »

couples who had sex and/or cohabited before marriage have statistically a much higher chance of ending in divorce.

any chance of some links?and neutral one's at that..also are those stats across all religions

prinz

robindch wrote: »

That anybody could seriously believe that acquiring a religion is proof against domestic abuse.

If two people live according to the principles of that religion (Christian anyway) then yes it is proof against domestic abuse. Nobody can reconcile the two. Religion is not a requirement for an abuse free relationship, but freedom from abuse IS a requirement for a christian marriage.

robindch wrote: »

BTW, what's it with ......... "violence of the monkeys"?

Take a look around you at the savagery of today's world. People being killed almost daily over drugs for example, "happy slapping", random assaults, etc etc. Hardly a progressive enlightened society.

robindch wrote: »

BTW, what's it with soft drinks

Read what I said. It was an example of an over-sexualised world, where even a soft drink cannot be advertised with sexingit-up. Sad really. I buy 7up because I like it. I'm insulted that they feel the need to attract customers by having a girl stripping on TV.

prinz

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

As regards your second paragraph, every generation in every civilisation has felt that people were too materialistic, sexual, etc. It's human nature to idealise the past and find fault in the present, imo.

It's never been about idealising the past. It is about creating a better future. Maybe you should read the Bible again. Jesus wasn't a conservative, neither did he want to regress, actually he was a forward thinking radical. He promoted a way of life that would lead to a better future. As do most Christians in today's world.

prinz

Lab_Mouse wrote: »

any chance of some links?and neutral one's at that..also are those stats across all religions

http://www.psychpage.com/family/mod_couples_thx/cdc.html

Centre for Disease Control good enough?

http://daviddfriedman.blogspot.com/2005/12/cohabitation-and-divorce.html

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/363507/does_cohabitation_before_marriage_really.html

Various academics. I believe all studies undertaken are based on all subjects of all religions.

Claire M. Kamp Dush, Catherine L. Cohan, and Paul R. Amato. 2003. The Relationship between Cohabitation and Marital Quality and Stability: Change Across Cohorts? Journal of Marriage and the Family 65: 539-49.
David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead. 2002. Should We Live Together?, 2nd Ed. New Brunswick, NJ: The National Marriage Project, Rutgers University.
William G. Axinn and Jennifer S. Barber. 1997. Living Arrangements and Family Formation Attitudes in Early Adulthood. Journal of Marriage and the Family 59: 595-611.
William J. Axinn and Arland Thornton. 1992. The Relationship Between Cohabitation and Divorce: Selectivity or Causal Influence. Demography 29-3: 357-374.

Bibliography to some light reading on the issue. All of which have concluded the same thing.
I'd be happy to furnish excerpts from various studies and papers if required.

Amazotheamazing

prinz wrote: »

It's never been about idealising the past. It is about creating a better future. Maybe you should read the Bible again. Jesus wasn't a conservative, neither did he want to regress, actually he was a forward thinking radical. He promoted a way of life that would lead to a better future. As do most Christians in today's world.

Well in this brave new future do you make any allowance for the fact that majority of people are sexual beings who have maturity to determine who they should and shouldn't have sex with?

Lab_Mouse

prinz wrote: »

Centre for Disease Control good enough?

yeah just about:D
can you prove god to be true now?same as before neutral links

prinz

Lab_Mouse wrote: »

yeah just about:D
can you prove god to be now?same as before neutral links

Can you prove God not to be? Innocent until proven guilty.

robindch

prinz wrote: »

If two people live according to the principles of that religion (Christian anyway) then yes it is proof against domestic abuse.

Is Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." a metaphor?

prinz wrote: »

Hardly a progressive enlightened society.

Which one would you prefer-- to live 1000 years ago, 2000 years ago or 5000 years ago?

prinz wrote: »

I'm insulted that they feel the need to attract customers by having a girl stripping on TV.

If you feel insulted by 7up's ads, then don't buy the stuff. Check out Adbusters. Do something about it.

prinz

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

Well in this brave new future do you make any allowance for the fact that majority of people are sexual beings who have maturity to determine who they should and shouldn't have sex with?

I believe in evolution. Social evolution as well as biological. The institution of marriage developed because it is the most stable environment for children, and it is the most stable building block on which to found a stable society. Encouraging people away from that, to indulge themselves whenever they see fit, is another attack on civilised society. Again a step backwards not forwards.

As for being "sexual beings" study after study has shown that the people having the most frequent sexual relations are married couples....... far more frequent than cohabiting or other couples. This coupled with the fact that the Catholic Church in particular actively encourages and promotes sex (albeit within a marriage) again removes the basis for your argument.

prinz

robindch wrote: »

Is Proverbs 22:15 "Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him." a metaphor?.

Not New Testament therefore secondary evidence in my opnion re a Christian marriage. As with much of the Bible, I read that today, of course it's metaphorical, a "rod of correction" could be a talk, education, lecture... If you find where Jesus advocated corporal punishment of kids let me know.

robindch wrote: »

Which one would you prefer-- to live 1000 years ago, 2000 years ago or 5000 years ago?

No idea where you're going with that. I live today, I live in the present.

robindch wrote: »

If you feel insulted by 7up's ads, then don't buy the stuff. Check out Adbusters. Do something about it.

Couldn't do that, I quite like the stuff. I was using the 7up ad as an example. If I stopped buying everything that used sexuality as an advertising technique I'd be living in loin cloth and eating honey. That doesn't mean that what they are doing has not got a negative impact on sexuality as a whole today.Which is my point.

prinz

Amazotheamazing wrote: »

Well in this brave new future do you make any allowance for the fact that majority of people are sexual beings who have maturity to determine who they should and shouldn't have sex with?

On a side note, one quick glance over at the Relationship Issues page and I can see many many 'sexual beings' who obviously do not have the maturity to determine who they should and shouldn't have sex with.

Lab_Mouse

prinz wrote: »

Can you prove God not to be?

No I cant, but thats why Im agnostic and not christian,jewish or a muslim.My own feelings are that any book written by man as the word of god is suspect,I dont believe the ayatollah's(Spelling?)or the pope is god's representives on earth.Its about power and control.

Its a bit more subtle now a days then it was hundreds of years ago(what with crusades,catholic country's goining to war with protestant ones,jews and arabs killing each other).

also prinz I think the onus should be more on you than me to prove the existence/non-existence of god as you are putting forward the religious argument.You could get a nasty surprise when you find out there;s no heaven,whereas i could be pleasantly surprised that there is 1.

back on topic if somebody doesnt want to have sex because of there religion go for it.

Dades

robindch wrote: »

And great fun it was too!

And I thought you and Asiaprod were just friends!

* distances himself from accusation *

robindch

prinz wrote: »

If you find where Jesus advocated corporal punishment of kids let me know.

It's not quite corporal punishment, but Matthew 10:34-39 has Jesus saying some pretty nasty things about what he intends to do to families.

prinz wrote: »

I live today, I live in the present.

Well, you implied that things were much better in previous times. I'd like to know when you'd have been happier living than now.

prinz wrote: »

Couldn't do that, I quite like the stuff. I was using the 7up ad as an example.

Well, if you're not prepared to make a very simple sacrifice to discourage them, then I don't think it's all that fair to complain about 7up's ads especially when your own money goes to pay for them.

RossFixxxed

Yes I saw the thread in PI and I saw the similar one referenced on the bottom of the page. Apologies for dragging up an old thread.

However, I would have thought this was a fairly common issue/concern with some Christians and may still be relevant to some people. It must be a major sticking point for many people, in a reasonably liberal society when it comes to sex and sexuality.

R

prinz

Lab_Mouse wrote: »

No I cant, but thats why Im agnostic and not christian,jewish or a muslim.

No problems there.I have faith, therefore no proof is needed.

Lab_Mouse wrote: »

My own feelings are that any book written by man as the word of god is suspect,I dont believe the ayatollah's(Spelling?)or the pope is god's representives on earth.Its about power and control.

Again, no issues there.Every book written purporting to be the word of God is naturally suspect. God made us intelligent beings. However when a book written as the word of God teaches us how to live happy contented lives, be good to our fellow human beings, and lay the framework for a just, stable, and sustainable society - for me it stops becoming suspect. in my opinion the role of the Pope is as figurehead of the organisation, the only one with express authority from someone in the know was Peter. Jesus was never looking for power and control, which is why the Jews rejected him as their Messiah, he had more important things to teach us. That's not to say that over the last two millenia others have not set out to enrich and empower themselves via the name of God. People have done worse things in the name of God than that.

Lab_Mouse wrote: »

also prinz I think the onus should be more on you than me to prove the existence/non-existence of god as you are putting forward the religious argument.You could get a nasty surprise when you find out there;s no heaven,whereas i could be pleasantly surprised that there is 1.

Onus or not, there is no proof.Again I will say I look on it as an innocent until proven guilty scenario.
tbh I don't live my life the way I try to because I'm waiting for the next stage, I do it because I am convinced it's the best way to live in the present, and the best example to set for succesive generations.

robindch

Dades wrote: »

And I thought you and Asiaprod were just friends!

ah, but "Asiaprod" isn't just a name, it's a toy too

Lab_Mouse

robindch wrote: »

ah, but "Asiaprod" isn't just a name, it's a toy too

:eek: