Title open for suggestions (possibly 'mature' content

ExOffender

'No room for flab,'
the smash-and-grab scabs
splashed on the drab
skin pale from skag
like lips that brag:
'This boy will end up on the slab.'

'No need to cry'
though times that try
will rise and surprise
quicklime still dries
red eyes so sad,
'This man will end up on the slab.'

'They are so kind,'
so blind, that strive
to revive dead minds
once live, cauterise wounds
from knives that stab
'This child will end up on the slab!'

This boy - this man - this child
did not demand this bile
no day of trial
no plan or guile
can stay the hand that
seeks its prey so wild
to grab
This boy will end up on the slab.

If you've ever seen someone, just walking down the street, say, that you know will be dead in a year for no good reason, and that there's nothing much to be done about it, you might get this.

TerrorFirmer

I'm too tired right now to give a detailed reply, but I loved this, really fantastic piece, great work.

'No need to cry'
though times that try
will rise and surprise
quicklime still dries
red eyes so sad,
'This man will end up on the slab.'

This one especially I thought was excellent. Job Well done.

humbleCounty

I dig it man, thought it was really good. Quite different, not about love, no condescending opinionated sum up at the end,

it kinda runs a bit fast though, not sure how ya'd slow it down, if you even wanted to...

ExOffender

Cheers for the good response.
I like fast-running stuff. I always read ee cummings way faster than he must've meant it to be. I suppose when verse can be either fast or slow and still good whichever, then you know you're cookin. Long way to go yet so. :rolleyes:

pwd

I like it. It succeeds in provoking an emotional response. I found the rhyming scheme a little distracting, particularly in the first stanza, where I found it made it a little hard to read. I liked the second and last stanzas the most.

ExOffender

Rhyming helps me to keep focus, counter-intuitive as that may sound!