Mid Life Crisses

KlodaX

I'm 24 in one month. My life hasn't ended up where I expected and I want to change it all. Any recommendations on how? Short of fleaing the country on what ever savings I have I'm fresh out of ideas. How do you go about changing your entire life? Anyone out there succeeded in doing this?

Dave

You're only 24 though. It's not even close to midlife. You're going to have to give more details than that if you want honest opinions. Where did you expect to be at 24? How is this drastically different to where you are now?

hawkmoon269

24? That's a quarter life crisis I believe.

Zulu

KlodaX wrote:

I'm 24 in one month. My life hasn't ended up where I expected and I want to change it all. Any recommendations on how? Short of fleaing the country on what ever savings I have I'm fresh out of ideas. How do you go about changing your entire life? Anyone out there succeeded in doing this?

...more like a quater life crisis there Kloda. Your young yet. Proiritise what you really want in life. List them down, then give yourself 6 years to get there say. So when your 30 you'll be where you want to be. Break the goals down into achievable yearly steps.

...or just dont wory about it. Isn't life ment to be all about the journey

KlodaX

at 14 I wanted to go to art college, at 18 I wanted to travel but decided to study computers for my mums sake first. 5 years of studying something I hate .. computers I am now working as a support technician. Initially is was to get cash for traveling and maybe put the qualifications to use... seems like such a shame now to have spent 5 years studying for nothing. Always wanted to fall in love, finally got that and now I'm having doubts. I don't really hang around with anyone ... have sort of become a loner. I've stopped buying clothes and am still wearing student bum clothes, have no intentions of keeping this appearance.. it isn't me... none of this is me. I felt more like me when I was 17 than I do now... I seem to have lost myself along the way or become something I had no intentions of becoming. My car got broken into outside my home on Monday .. all my money went into that car while I was at college ... all down the drain... this is sort of what started me on this trail of thought.... 'screw this ****, I'm getting a plane ticket to auz for asap and leaving it all behind' was a great thought ... felt very happy ... untill reality .. can I go on my own? Just leave everything .. will I surive.. will it make me happy? Maybe its too drastic ... I dunno ... I want to change everything about myself and my life. I don't think dying my hair a differnt colour or getting a new job is going to make that much of a difference ... need to change everything. Der are 4 or 5 people in my life I wouldn't change .. but everything else .... how do you make such a drastic change?

KlodaX

Zulu wrote:

...more like a quater life crisis there Kloda. Your young yet. Proiritise what you really want in life. List them down, then give yourself 6 years to get there say. So when your 30 you'll be where you want to be. Break the goals down into achievable yearly steps.

...or just dont wory about it. Isn't life ment to be all about the journey

what do I want? I've no idea. Never gave it much thought .. always what should I do .. not what do I want... I fear I've lost myself so much I don't know where to begin on thinking what do I want?

Thinking of becoming a herbalist. :rolleyes:

Oryx

Dont think of your life as a series of milestones that must be reached. You may feel right now that you should be married/have kids/be at a career peak/travelling the world, whatever. Stop worrying about all the things you havent done, congratulate yourself on those you have.

Set yourself one goal -whatever appeals to you - and do it. Once youve done that one thing it will be easier to move on to another, and you will have a sense of accomplishment to push you forward. Dont make a huge list of impossible things, take something you know you can do, and will enjoy.

jimmytango

sounds like yer dazed and confused like me at the moment

i liked yer comment on how
you felt more like yer self when you were 17 than you do now (SO TRUE)

i have the same complex as well
i dont think people fully understand the feeling of being lost in your own life
it gets depressing and no one listen's and the fact that you cant explain it to them properly gets really frustrating

all i can say is........ nothing really, i dont have any answers nor does anyone else in this forum.
Changing your life is a personal thing that only..... "yes thats right"
only you can change

personally im still no clearer on what i wanna do
hope you find what your looking for and if you do let me know

Jimmy Tango

BEAT

well,
my entire life changed when I changed my frame of mind...my way of thinking.
Perhaps you should work on that.
You only have one life and moving country is only a change of scenery...
work on your outlook on life and things should begin to change for the better for you

KlodaX

I still have no idea. I feel like I have been speaking to a wise Monk who has spoke to me in riddles. Great advise but I'm still none the wiser

kittenkiller

Tell more about what you are doing & we might be able to help you more by suggesting what you could do!
Job, living arrangements, social life etc...?

jimmytango

cheers
but i aint no monk

BEAT

KlodaX wrote:

I still have no idea. I feel like I have been speaking to a wise Monk who has spoke to me in riddles. Great advise but I'm still none the wiser

you need to slow down. I sense some anxiety in your posts.
You are tooyoung to have a midlife crisis...you are just having what seems to be an anxiety mini-attack about what you have accomplished in your life thus far and where you go from here.
You cant possibly get the answer in 1 day.
You need to step away from your life and look inside.

You need to slow down and take some time to relax and really think about what is important in life. You wont find the answers from anyone else try as you might.
Only you know what is good for you and your life.

Perhaps go away on a little trip and go alone so you have the time to spend with yourself , go somewhere new and just experience life for a little while,
when you are ready the answers will come to you.
You can only live a day at a time...everything will reveal itself when the time is right.

The wise monk has spoken, now go and find Peace.

KlodaX

Perhaps go away on a little trip and go alone so you have the time to spend with yourself , go somewhere new and just experience life for a little while,
when you are ready the answers will come to you.
You can only live a day at a time...everything will reveal itself when the time is right.

so you think jumping on a plane to auz is a good idea?

BEAT

where ever your heart tells you to go, the important thing is to separate yourself form the things and people you know for a short while and go away from any distractions. You just need to get a little perspective on things and sometimes stepping away can help do that.
It helped me greatly, leaving friends and family and all comforts of home and routine behind...it gave me the time to delve deeper.
understand?

KlodaX

LATIN BEAT wrote:

where ever your heart tells you to go, the important thing is to separate yourself form the things and people you know for a short while and go away from any distractions. You just need to get a little perspective on things and sometimes stepping away can help do that.
It helped me greatly, leaving friends and family and all comforts of home and routine behind...it gave me the time to delve deeper.
understand?

Yup, I hear ya. I had that idea in mind when I thought of Auz. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't too dramatic. I mentioned it to someone and they thought was 'no no don't do that just yet, get a new home, change of job and find someone to travel with, twill be safer that way'

tbh judging by my car I'd feel safer on my own in a different country than at home with family and friends at the moment.

:mad: my head hurts

Oryx

Ok, so your too young to have a mid life crisis, but I think 24 is a stage when you start to feel you should be kinda 'established' in life and know where your life is going. Thats the theory anyway. (but the theory is a crock of s**t )
When I went through a crisis of not being where I wanted to be in life, I bought a house, and did an OU course, that worked for me . Only you know what your interests really are; do you like working with kids, scuba diving, horse riding, music? Investigate what you are interested in find a way to move in those circles, maybe look into retraining. But start small, otherwise you may only get disheartened.
You ARE young and free enough to chuck in your job and try something new, but bear in mind you cant run away from yourself. Dont cut all your ties because of how you feel right now, leave a safety net at the moment in case. Hope Im not speaking in riddles - not a monk either

Shrimp

Read this... http://www.historyguide.org/intellect/allegory.html Understand this.. and you will be forever happy. No wise monks...

kittenkiller

Why don't you go on a 8short* holiday or break & decide whether to go further afield after that?
Sometimes being so far away from friends, family & loved ones only adds to the confusion.

Have you considered taking up a night/part-time course doing something exciting that you really enjoy?
Sound engeneering?
Photography?
Make-up artistry?
Nail-technitian?
Mechanics?
Fashion design?
Management?
Languages?
Sometimes getting out & doing something new can give you a whole new perspective on things.
You said that you have 5 very important people in your life right now & you wouldn't want that to change, sometimes a huge upheaval (like a trip to Oz) can upset the dynamic of your current reationships.

Don't do anything rash too suddenly.

BEAT

KlodaX wrote:

Yup, I hear ya. I had that idea in mind when I thought of Auz. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't too dramatic. I mentioned it to someone and they thought was 'no no don't do that just yet, get a new home, change of job and find someone to travel with, twill be safer that way'

tbh judging by my car I'd feel safer on my own in a different country than at home with family and friends at the moment.

:mad: my head hurts

well Im not saying to pick up and move, just take a holiday by yourself and relax. Dont get uptight about life or life will become unbearable.
Everyone gets to where they are going eventually, its about living happily in the meantime and knwoing that you will get there.
Take a break and slow down a bit, your anxieties are normal and everyone goes through it at some stage. It is just important to step back and take a deep breath or two sometimes ya know

Imposter

KlodaX wrote:

so you think jumping on a plane to auz is a good idea?

Well it's definitely a better idea than swimming there!

Seriously though Beats advice is good. Do you have a hobby or an interest that makes you forget about everything and you find yourself concentrating on just that? How does that make you feel? If the answer is content and happy with yourself then that is what you are trying to find with your whole life. Now you know where you want ot go you've got to discover how to get there. Traveling may do it but you don't neccessarily have to travel to concentrate on yourself. You do need to get away from anything that's preventing you from doing that though.

Changing job may help you as it would get you out of any rut you feel you are in, pretty much like traveling would. The smallest change can make the biggest difference.

One last thing. If you want ot travel/move abroad/whatever and are afraid to take the step just think about how annoyed with yourself you will be later in life that you didn't do it. Despite all your worries you'll survive if you take the step.

LegacyUser

This quarter life crisis thing is quite common. The solution - well maybe travel, maybe not. All of the above suggestions are excellent. What I would say is that if you fly to Oz, you take all the baggage with you and I mean all of it. The problems that were with you on irish shores will be the ones that greet you at an Australian Airport. Geography does not hold all the answers, you have to break down your problems, and in your case set little goals...like suggested above. You have the answers. And most important, be patient, life has some great things in store and some not so great stuff. In the words of the late great Bill Hicks - "its just a ride"

KlodaX

Shrimp wrote:

Read this... http://www.historyguide.org/intellect/allegory.html Understand this.. and you will be forever happy. No wise monks...

I will read that again sometime. Presently it just added to my headache

Everyone gets to where they are going eventually, its about living happily in the meantime and knwoing that you will get there.

thats the question ... where am I going?

Have you considered taking up a night/part-time course doing something exciting that you really enjoy?

I have no hobbies or interests. Gave up everything when I went to college. Tired taking up photography and growing herbs ... not for me anymore.
Swimming... I like swimming. I can't spend all day in the pool, my skin will become all wrinkly

I wish I'd thought of all this 3 months ago... I'd be in auz by now. I'm supposed to be moving into an appartment next weekend. Was supposed to be with bf but is now on my own. I have booked next week of work so as not to hand in my resignation just yet!

I have melted my head.

Thanks for all the advise by the way.

nobodythere

Watch Fight Club, Watch SLC Punk, then take all the money you have and go god damn it! It's your life and though it's hard to do, you have to have the courage to step up and stop taking a back seat ride - Find a mantra that always helps - mine is "What's the worst that can happen?". You blow all your money, have a bad time and come back from Australia with your tail between your legs. So what? YOU DID IT. You tried and you can never look back and say that you were just a computer support technician.

I know it feels as if you've wasted years of your life, I've been there. But life is very long - a few years doesn't mean you can't reach your goals - it means you'll reach them a few years later. Also find some books that keep up this sort of mindset, this is why I'm telling you to watch Fight Club and SLC Punk. Movies like these are fuel for life.

KlodaX wrote:

so you think jumping on a plane to auz is a good idea?

Forget what he thinks, what do you think? And I mean what does your instinct say when you think about getting on a plane? Good or bad idea?

SHUT YOUR BRAIN UP. Stop worrying about the consequences of your actions beyond the basics - you cannot predict everything that will happen - fate is sealed by circumstance and your circumstances are unpredictable beyond the immediate time. This is a good thing. Don't plan ahead so much. If you want to go to Australia, go. Don't worry about whether you'll be alone or not - don't worry about what you'll leave behind - you'll find that if you leave during a bad time in your life, the only things that will follow you are the things and people you love and the people who love you. It's sort of like life cleansing. Go find out if you will be lonely. How do you know until you go?

Travel will not solve all of your problems though. One guy told you to slow down, I disagree. Start running. Stop thinking so much. You're brooding on the opportunity, waiting for the perfect solution. To some questions there are no answers - to many questions the answers are very dependant on certain conditions that are outside of your control. There is no perfect solution from where you're sitting because you CANNOT predict that far ahead. The future cannot be rehearsed.

KlodaX

gasshopa ... good pep talk.

not to be irrational I'm going to take next week to ponder on it.

Thank you all for taking the time to read and reply.

*edit* and watch a movie or two! to get inspired

Shrimp

ok listen to me, It's like this Klodog, Do what you want! just get the next flight to anywhere, got to the airport, and just say, hmm i would like to go on the next flight out fo the country.. Then like when u get there, Stick on your head phones, and listen to Power Ballads Which you picked up in the airport.. Full blast, but always remember what ever you do, dont listen to that TearJerkers CD, that'll get you thinking all nostalgic, and thats not what you want.

Another idea is to get a really fast convertiable car, and drive down route 66 << I AM going to do that one day, Definalty... I will...

mcguiver

You are still young, although I'm sure like all of us you dont think that at this point in time.
I takes a long time to figure out that no one is going to come along and knock on your door and give you that career, car, partner, property etc. that you dream about.
If you dont know what you want, then you can't plan to get it.
After that its a question of how much you want something, and therefore how much your prepared to do/sacrifice to get it.

I had the misfortune of watching a close friend die around your age..and I got very focussed at that point.. if this was your last day to live..what would you have liked to achive/own, places to visit etc.

"Lifes too short to dance with stupid people".

DawnMc

Sounds like a quarter life crisis

Mr. Presentable

KlodaX

Anyone with any intelligence goes through something like this at least once in their life:if you don't think, you don't worry.

Your life can only stand a degree of planning relative to how exposed your life is to other people. That is, not very much. Have ambitions and targets, but also have an eye for opportunity. Allow yourself to be surprised and be ready to react.

Your car got broken into. If you go to Australia and have your car broken into who do you have for support? What I'm saying here is your problems are yours and you carry them wherever you go. Self dissatisfaction will be with you in Oz too, but your support group or family won't.

So deal with your problems. What do you hate about your life?

1.
2.
3.
etc.

Identify them and DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You hate your job? Take another one. I know it sounds simplistic to say it, but DO. I have a friend who was a school teacher, but found after ten years of it he couldn't do it any more. He was so unhappy for so long, and for a while didn't even know he was unhappy. He is now a street sweeper. The money is not so good, he's not in a glamour profession, but he's happy because he can see the difference he makes (however small), he meets new people every day and what he finds he keeps (joke!).

Nobody can fix you but you, but you have taken the first steps, so keep the ball rolling.

If something needs changing, change it. The worst that can happen is you don't like the new change either. So change again. Know yourself. Nobody has their life lived at 24 who isn't dead, if you get my meaning, hell, I don't expect to be done with mine for another 40 years. You can reasonably expect another 80! Don't let them all be miserable for the want of a little action now.

Sorry for the long rant, but it's just a little close to home for me to say nothing. I'm on my third career (I don't mean job!) now, and second "life", and it's the best thing ever when you make a life decision and see it come out right.

Shrimp

Jeez thats been said so much... How do you know you wont die when your 50, then it'd be a midlife crisis.. then again... that wasn't a great point to make..

nobodythere

I just want to shout at you for pondering it for a week. Planning it for a week is good, but pondering.... argh! Indecision is the one thing in life that will hold you back. I'm curious, forgetting about everyone and everything - do you WANT to go to Australia? And if not, what DO you want to do?

is_that_so

Yes the quarter life crisis. Usually more common at about 26 and it seems to be an issue for women more than men. Usually it's a sign that you are finally heading towards adulthood and away from the extended childhood of the early twenties. It tends to mean that you are trying to decide where next and that your way of thinking about life is coming unstuck.
You will come up with new ideas, although they are better unforced.

Start by looking at what is good and what you are content with. Take all the bad things on one by one. it may be some of the "bad things" has just become irrelevant to you. That can be a shock in its own right.

Getting on a plane can be good but ask yourself why. Doing it because you are down is just running away. But if there is a really good reason then off you go.

As Latin Beat said it is about perspective and even a small change in attitude or outlook can work wonders. But give it time. These things are not solved in a week or two. It can take a lot longer.

tirl

Klodax
If your off next week, just book a last min holiday anywhere and go on your own take a few good books hit the beach go to bed when you want get up when you want and just be with yourself and your thoughts and you may be amazed how clear things will look. great bargins if you book at last min

KlodaX

Shrimp wrote:

ok listen to me, It's like this Klodog, Do what you want! just get the next flight to anywhere, got to the airport, and just say, hmm i would like to go on the next flight out fo the country.. Then like when u get there, Stick on your head phones, and listen to Power Ballads Which you picked up in the airport.. Full blast, but always remember what ever you do, dont listen to that TearJerkers CD, that'll get you thinking all nostalgic, and thats not what you want.

Another idea is to get a really fast convertiable car, and drive down route 66 << I AM going to do that one day, Definalty... I will...

are you rippin the piss out of my 'quarter life crises'?

Shrimp

KlodaX wrote:

are you rippin the piss out of my 'quarter life crises'?

no way.....

KlodaX

next week will be spent swimming, thinking and packing.

putting what I've read together so far in this thread .... a new perspective is needed. I need to find out what I like and don't like, want or don't want. I think getting away will stop other people from affecting my decision on life, I will have to figure out what I like/want or don't like/want without family or friends influencing my decision. Going somewhere else thats different may show me different things, you always seem to notice things more when they are different. Thats my main reason for thinking of Auz, not really to run away as such, but to give me an idea on what to come back to. Before I die I want to swim in warm clear ocean water and do a parachute jump, probably more but thats all I can think off of the top of my head. The only problem now is cash/timing. I'll *ponder/arrange* this next week.

Boards PI is very theraputic

Shrimp

KlodaX wrote:

I think getting away will stop other people from affecting my decision on life, I will have to figure out what I like/want or don't like/want without family or friends influencing my decision.

Isn't that not the whole point of this thread..?

Firetrap

I went through the very same thing when I was 24. When I got talking to other people, I discovered I wasn't the only one who suffered some sort of "angst" around that age. 7 years down the line, I've a different career, am living in a different town and have made new friends. All triggered by the quarter life crisis.

The thing is, there is no definitive plan. The amount of people I know whose jobs now bear no relation to what they studied in college, for example. You don't have to do something as drastic as changing jobs/careers if you don't want to do that. Why not try taking up a new hobby or taking a nightclass in something different. You'll never know what you like unless you give it a shot. Maybe it might point you in another direction

KlodaX

couldn't find SLC on dvd.

Have taken advise of

SHUT YOUR BRAIN UP

though.

trying to find job that takes up more of my time and gives me less time to think. ... whilst saving for auz.

thanks again for replies.

DAEDULUS

Id have left by now,if I wasnt happy and I had money to buy a plane ticket I would be off to cali,rio or portugal within seconds
I say do it,imagine the experience

Sleepy

KlodaX, what you're going through is incredibly common these days, most males in their mid-twenties seem to suffer from it nowadays (myself included).

One piece of advice I'll give you is not to restrict yourself to thinking of travel as Australia. There's a whole world out there worth exploring and sometimes it's far better to go off the beaten track.

KlodaX

DAEDULUS wrote:

Id have left by now,if I wasnt happy and I had money to buy a plane ticket I would be off to cali,rio or portugal within seconds
I say do it,imagine the experience

ah yes but there are all the little things ... that turn into big things. Have decided not to leave without bf. Half my savings went on a new stering coloum for my car that got trashed and buying some new clothes so I don't feel so bad about myself. Spending a week under water in the pool stopped me thinking so much too. I'd like to have more money and company for the travels. Untill then I should have a new appartment in a week or two and hopfully a new job ... well my old job ... its not as boring as the current one, if they will have me back. Gonna take time to save and plan my trip. I'm gonna walk away as opposed to run!

slowing things down abit. I'm not old... I've lots of time. Still have 3/4s left

KlodaX

Sleepy wrote:

KlodaX, what you're going through is incredibly common these days, most males in their mid-twenties seem to suffer from it nowadays (myself included).

One piece of advice I'll give you is not to restrict yourself to thinking of travel as Australia. There's a whole world out there worth exploring and sometimes it's far better to go off the beaten track.

True. I'm hoping trailfinders will sort something out. I've given myself time now to plan .... must get an atlas and start watching pilot guides abit more.

Prior Of Taize

i read an article in FHM about this guy who just went out on his own on trips to the himalaya's...south america...africa...etc etc you get the picture..

one of the questions posed to him was how does the average person add excitement to their life without climbing a mountain or being eaten alive by pirahna's (i spelled it correctly )

the guy said something along the lines of "add variety to your life...start up a weird new hobby...go for a walk around a city at 5 or 6 in the morning"

most problems people find is just becoming too comfortable with their life/surroundings and becoming stagnant and hence getting bored and feeling out of place.

so i suggest start going to the gym. meet new people by taking up salsa dancing or something. go to a pub you have never been to before and chat up different girls. go to another country and see how other people live. i could really suggest millions of things. but if you get my drift you will have found/thought of one and theres a big possibility it will work for you.

good luck

CerebralCortex

I am beinf serious have you ever tried snowboarding in Austria?
That is alot of fun for real.

is_that_so

Prior Of Taize wrote:

...go for a walk around a city at 5 or 6 in the morning"

Yep that's a great feeling. Sitting on a beach watching the sun get up works as well.

Prior Of Taize

...well the dude said 3 in the morning but knowing cork as i do anything at 3 in the morning in cork should be safely at home

Sleepy

So do it at 5 or 6 in the morning when it's safer

I know I used to do it quite a bit when I had an apartment in Galway city centre and was suffering from insomnia. Was great to wander the moonlit streets, incredibly peaceful and somehow quite cathartic...

KlodaX

I'm not walking around Dundalk at 3,4,5 OR even 6 in the morning. I already go to gym and have done salsa but will start again in September... and eh ... I won't be chatting up different girls!?!

but I get your point ... something different ... need to change the routine thats killing me.

This appears to be all about change really. How to go about changing ones entire life.

*edit* this thread appears to have looped in a circle

tonyinuae

If you wanted a passport to jobs anywhere round the globe, do a cert in TEFL (English teaching) and the world's your oyster. A cert doesn't tkae long to do.

Basically, a change in attitude is what's needed, crank up your vibes so you're creating a better reality for yourself. I'm reading a book at present called 'Excuse me, your LIFE is waiting!' ) by Lynn Grabhorn - it gives advice on how to do just that!

KlodaX

TEFL ... thats a great idea. I should see the globe ... not just Auz. Kay the plan is to save... lots and lots and become a professional traveller! I'm not gonna think about after the traveling ... worry about later ... must change attitude and think in the present.

Garfield had a great comic the other day ... 'Enjoy the little things and the big things will look after themselves'

I'm gonna get the Lynn Grabhorn book. Thanks. *edit- just ordered from amazon *

No more thinking of the future... it depresses me.