Should I be scared?

Yv

I'm not sure if this is the right forum but if not then feel free to move this.

I work in a net café & there are many regulars here. I do my job, "service with a smile" & all that, & the customers are generally friendly enough too. There's one man who seems a little odd to me tho, not overly such (there are stranger customers), but I always feel slightly awkward when he asks me questions. Not in a "crush" kind of way (not even remotely, just to clear that up), but in that he asks awkward questions & I get a bit embarrassed when I can't answer them etc etc.

To get to the point. Today when he came in he asked me what my hours were next week for work, & I told him I didn't know as there's no rota up yet, then he asked what time I'm usually off when I work in the morning. I said 4 (without a lot of thought, admittedly) & he said, "Grand, I want to meet you & talk to you for 5 mins after work some day next week, I have a proposition for you." The general gist of what he said is that he needs someone to help him out, & then he said "& that's all I'm gonna say", with an odd glint in his eye.

There's just something slightly unsettling about him. Am I right to be scared? What should I do? It's probably something perfectly innocent but still... any advice?

[edit] I'm a girl by the way, 18 yrs old, he's about 35. [/edit]

FX Meister

Don't meet him in a dark alley?

Until you know more about him and what he wants I'd be very careful.

Downtime

Have a friend standing nearby

wes

That is very odd. I reckon your better safe rather than sorry. So stay away.

Chalk

i take it your female?

talk to some of the other staff about him,
mention it to the manager what hes been saying to you so people know to keep an eye on him if hes up to something.

Yv

Yeah that's what I thought, I'll bring another techie friend & tell him I thought I'd bring someone who could help more or something... & yes, somewhere very public!

Elley

Maybe say that you'll hang on after work in your workplace for this chat so that you remain in a safe environment. If he objects, tell him that you wouldn't feel comfortable meeting someone you don't know so well out of work

kittenkiller

Make sure a friend meets you after work & give him the 5 minutes he's asked for & no more.
You probably won't want to 'help him out' anyway as he creeps you out but best not to get on his bad side nonetheless.
Be sure to have plenty of hobbies & time-consuming interests to fire at him if he's asking for you to dedicate any of your time to anything too.

Best of luck & don't be frightened as long as there are plenty of other people around.

If anything unsettling happens talk to your manager & he/she should be well able to keep an eye on him in the future.

Nickibaby*

Make sure that you have somebody to collect you from work everyday for the next few weeks. I don't want to frighten you, it probably is harmless but better to be safe than sorry. Tell him that he can talk to you in work because anything that needs to be said can be said in the internet cafe. I would also tell other staff members about him so they can watch out for him.

Victor

Should I be scared?

Scared no, wary yes.

FX Meister wrote:

Don't meet him in a dark alley?

Indeed.

Who knows what he wants. Maybe he wants advice on a computer or getting internet access at home and feels awkward asking in the café or even wants to offer you a job. I don't think he's going to "proposition" you.

If you meet, find somewhere public like a bar or café you know. Let him pay. Have someone arragement to phone you after 5-10 minutes, so you can make your excuses and go if you want.

derek27

you should be careful. next time you see him in the cafe, talk to him there. try find out who he is/what he wants to talk to you about. ask him for his name and contact number... see ho freely he gives you that info about him; if he refuses, then stay well clear of him, if he gives it to you, then tell him you will call to arrange to meet him when you have the time to do so. if you meet him, dont go alone, and inform somebody else where you are going and have them ring you after a 1/2 hour or so to see that everything is ok. i really think that he could talk to you where you work. look, just be careful, dont make any bad decisions, dont meet him unless u know what he wants and he has introduced himself properly to you with his details. dont do anything if you're not sure. we dont want to be hearing about missing person on the news. if he is hanging around your place of work a lot then be worried...contact the police if you really feel uncomfortable. dont give him any more info relating to your working hours or anything else for that matter

Yv

Yeah, methinks I will ask him while at work. It's usually quiet enough in here when he's around (he's not the only customer who dislikes the busy 9pm crush, so I wouldn't take that into account), actually one of the things that confused me a little was that it was quiet while he was here earlier, why didn't he say anything then? But I plan to arrange to meet him here at work (there's a little area inside the door to sit away from the screens), & I think arranging for someone to call is a good idea, thanks for the advice.

LundiMardi

derek27 wrote:

you should be careful. next time you see him in the cafe, talk to him there. try find out who he is/what he wants to talk to you about. ask him for his name and contact number... see ho freely he gives you that info about him; if he refuses, then stay well clear of him, if he gives it to you, then tell him you will call to arrange to meet him when you have the time to do so. if you meet him, dont go alone, and inform somebody else where you are going and have them ring you after a 1/2 hour or so to see that everything is ok. i really think that he could talk to you where you work. look, just be careful, dont make any bad decisions, dont meet him unless u know what he wants and he has introduced himself properly to you with his details. dont do anything if you're not sure. we dont want to be hearing about missing person on the news. if he is hanging around your place of work a lot then be worried...contact the police if you really feel uncomfortable. dont give him any more info relating to your working hours or anything else for that matter

errr, if i was a 35 year old guy and had a strange infatuation with a young girl, what do you think would be the first thing i think of when SHE asks for MY no.? I don't think ''ohh i don't think she's interested'', i would however think ''YIPEEEEEEEEEE''

OLDYELLAR

Sounds a bit of a pratt if he wouldnt just tell ya there an then , say to him just tell me here an now .If he still actin all mysterious steer clear because if its something normal he should be able to say it there , I find it weird he asked you your work hours , Id say be very very wary of this guy , he should a just told ya what he wanted to talk about .

MojoMaker

Yv wrote:

I'm a girl by the way, 18 yrs old, he's about 35.

Which means he's probably actually about 50.

crazymonkey

Stay well clear of him, i think. sounds a bit creepy,, but if u do decide to meet him do it in a public place a bring a friend along,,

Yv

MojoMaker wrote:

Which means he's probably actually about 50.

Eh? It's not like I met him online, he's a customer here. I'm judging his age by his looks, he didn't tell me he was 35. If he told me his age in that context I'd know well to steer clear

RicardoSmith

OLDYELLAR wrote:

Sounds a bit of a pratt if he wouldnt just tell ya there an then , say to him just tell me here an now .If he still actin all mysterious steer clear because if its something normal he should be able to say it there , I find it weird he asked you your work hours , Id say be very very wary of this guy , he should a just told ya what he wanted to talk about .

Exactly. Don't go near the weirdo. Trust your gut instinct.

In the future never volunteer any info about yourself, especially to someone who won't tell you why they want to know.

OLDYELLAR

Dont tell him yer hours either , Im not tryina creep ya but like he could be hanging around waiting for ya to finish an all sorts , the whole thing just sounds creepy.

netwhizkid

Originally Posted by Downtime
Have a friend standing nearby

Preferably a male friend who could defend you and himself if neccesary you can't be too careful in todays world. Also tell a third party where you are going and what time you expect to be back.

cordelia

I guess my question would be: why do you need to meet with him at all?

Just because he said he wanted to present you with a "proposition" one day after work does not mean that you have to take him up on it.

You're sounding highly disturbed and uncomfortable with the situation. Honestly, if I were nervous enough to consider needing a man to come with me, I would question if it was something worth doing.

Simply tell him thank you, but no thank you. You could also mention that it is against company policy for you to fraternise with customers outside of work. If he doesn't like it, tough.

chump

Do not sit on his knee!

It's probably something totally innocent... like setting up his home pc for broadband or something...

The Corinthian

chump wrote:

It's probably something totally innocent... like setting up his home pc for broadband or something...

Heh... no it's not...

Jivin Turkey

Just to let you know a similar thing happened my friend who worked as a barman, granted though he is a big lad and 23. The bloke wanted to meet him after work one time as he was opening a bar and drinks a bit in the establishment that my friend works in. He thought my mate was a good barman and a valuable addition to his team, susequently offered him a new job on a considerable premium to what he was currently working at.

This situation is a bit different though and given your age I would be wary. Make sure there are people around and dont go anywhere else. I cant understand what it could be (if it was something that might actually interest you) that he couldnt say in front of someone you know.

Another idea would be to meet him somewhere but get someone to go along and sit beside you without his knowledge. A bit more risky though.

Best off getting some info off him beforehand, including a description.

Either way, take care of yourself.

0utshined

Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

It *could* be a job offer but I presume you're running the shop by yourself in the evenings so if it was he could ask you that during the quiet times.

I agree with this though :

The Corinthian wrote:

Heh... no it's not...

the_syco

derek27 wrote:

you should be careful. next time you see him in the cafe, talk to him there. try find out who he is/what he wants to talk to you about.

It may be me being paranoid, but asking him this type of stuff may make him think that ye like him.

The Real B-man

i work in a shop and the young female workers always get the weirdos coming asking personal info if they feel uncomfortable we call the manager to bar them or call the cops dont take any**** from these sickos

Sleepy

You could always keep an eye on his screen while he's in the shop. Someone's browsing habits would probably give you some kind of insight into their personality...

weemcd

/me subscribes to this thread

id like to see what comes of this.

Good idea to have a friend, public place etc.

simu

The whole thing sounds well dodgy. If whatever he wanted to "tell you" was savoury, he could have told you what it was there and then. I'd get rid of him fast.

Ladypawpaw

chump wrote:

Do not sit on his knee!

It's probably something totally innocent... like setting up his home pc for broadband or something...

A 35 year old man would not get an 18 year old girl to set up a broadband line. It just doesn't make sense. This guy sounds dodgy. If he isn't dodgy he is dreadfully naieve.

OP, do NOT meet this man, do not give any customers personal information about yourself ever again, especially what time you get off work.

jcoote

just say NO end of story if he was genuine he'd as u up straight and not want a private meeting with u... if he propositions u again call the garda straight away

Beruthiel

ok
first off, always trust your gut, if you have a bad feeling about this guy, there's a reason for that.
secondly, if I had been asked to meet up in such a manner, I would have asked him "with regards to what?"
I suggest you do not meet him. When he comes and asks why, tell him you forgot or something, " why, what did you want to meet me for?"

Oryx

Im with Ber on this one, your instincts are already telling you this guy is not on the level. Trust them. Be cool and professional in your dealings with him, some people misread friendly service as personal interest. If he approaches you in work again, ask him what he wants there and then, say you cant meet him after work as your bf collects you, or something.

b3t4

Have to agree with some others here and say listen to your gut instinct. It's there for a reason you know

Also, I'd agree with Ber with regard telling him you forgot to meet him.

A.

skywalker

cordelia wrote:

I guess my question would be: why do you need to meet with him at all?

Just because he said he wanted to present you with a "proposition" one day after work does not mean that you have to take him up on it.

Thats the most level headed thing in this thread. Some people dont seem to have the word "no" in their vocabulary.

Oh & if you do find out what he wanted. Let us know, Im curious now.

LegacyUser

What skywalker said.
Trust your gut and stay away.
And if you can't do that - ask him straight out - "proposition about what?"
And finally, if you do arrange to meet him, make the arrangements for Xstreet, "oh you know where I mean, just outside the garda station". That will cut the BS and bring mr. mystery man down to earth fast.

eden_my_ass

cordelia wrote:

I guess my question would be: why do you need to meet with him at all?

What is life except a series of encounters with strangers (even your best friend was a stranger once!)

Not saying this guys motives are innocent but its ridiculous of people here to judge someone so quickly and harshly the way they are. Meet him, somewhere safe, and see what happens. Jesus people, theres enough negative propaganda in our world as it is, can't a person be a bit "different" without being a psycho.

What a sad attitude some people have of others. I pity ye!

BizzyC

I agree to an extent.

Not fair for everyone to jump to conclusions about the guy, but I wouldn't trust him completely.

Meet him after work, but get someone to watch as you speak, and walk you home afterwards.

Lead him to believe you have a boyfriend next time you speak. If he tries to arrange a time tell him, ok, but it'll have to be quick, I'm meeting my bf....
If his intentions aren't the nicest you should see a noticeable reaction from him.

b3t4

eden_my_ass wrote:

What is life except a series of encounters with strangers (even your best friend was a stranger once!)

That's all well and good to say but the reality is that this girl is uncomfortable with this guy. That feeling of being uncomfortable with someone doesn't generally happen with a person unless there is a good reason for it. People generally become friends due to a feeling of being comfortable with one another.

can't a person be a bit "different" without being a psycho.

Of course a person can be different but if another person is not comfortable with that, then they have every right to limit their interaction with that person.

I'm sure if the OP was comfortable with this man she would not have felt the need to come on here and ask for advice.

A.

eden_my_ass

b3t4 wrote:

That's all well and good to say but the reality is that this girl is uncomfortable with this guy. That feeling of being uncomfortable with someone doesn't generally happen with a person unless there is a good reason for it. People generally become friends due to a feeling of being comfortable with one another.



Of course a person can be different but if another person is not comfortable with that, then they have every right to limit their interaction with that person.

I'm sure if the OP was comfortable with this man she would not have felt the need to come on here and ask for advice.

A.

Where did I say every stranger becomes a friend...I don't always feel comfortable meeting new people either, and the fact that she came here looking for advice shows she is at the very least feeling compelled or curious as to what he wants, if not entirely comfortable, all I'm saying is rightly so!

I appreciate everyone is giving advice, but some people are very impartial, drawing conclusions way too quickly. I think my advice was suitably unjudgemental (well as far as the guy in question was concerned :-)

Kingp35

Whats the point in taking the risk? Just next time he is in your work go up and ask him what his "proposition" is and if he ays he has to tell you after work just say your not interested.

You dont have to meet him after work. Make sure you talk to him in work while there are other people around

annR

He may be someone who has a job proposition or something, but if you decide he's odd, or continue to have reason to feel uncomfortable etc, make absolutely sure he does not find out (through innocent chat with either you or your colleagues), where you live or what bus you take.

I know that sounds a bit obvious, but it's easy to let something slip. Be on guard if he is chatting etc that he might be looking for info.

If he is a weirdo - you don't want him following you home or knowing where you live. It's the difference between being able to forget about him when you leave work, and looking over your shoulder all the time.

Hopeless

Ladypawpaw wrote:

A 35 year old man would not get an 18 year old girl to set up a broadband line. It just doesn't make sense. This guy sounds dodgy. If he isn't dodgy he is dreadfully naieve.

OP, do NOT meet this man, do not give any customers personal information about yourself ever again, especially what time you get off work.

Precisely.

I can't think anything other than 'stalker lolz' about this to be honest.

You said you feel as though you don't know enough when he asks you for help, no offense, but why would someone offer a job to someone who doesn't seem to know enough?

I also don't agree with any of the 'oops I forgot to meet you' advice. If the man has bad intentions, he will keep at it, and you running and hiding will resolve nothing.
You need to clearly ask him what he wants, and if he offers something you are not comfortable with (which I can only imagine he will), politely, but clearly and pointedly state that you are not interested.

Yv

Hopeless wrote:

You said you feel as though you don't know enough when he asks you for help, no offense, but why would someone offer a job to someone who doesn't seem to know enough?

My thoughts exactly. I mean, I'm not crap with computers & I can do my job but I wouldn't think they're queuing up with the job offers. :rolleyes:

Hopeless wrote:

You need to clearly ask him what he wants, and if he offers something you are not comfortable with (which I can only imagine he will), politely, but clearly and pointedly state that you are not interested.

I won't totally play dumb but I'll wait for him to bring it up again.

I told both my best friend (who's male) & my boyfriend who both want to try to be there at the time in the background, so to speak, so they can keep track of things. If his "proposition" sounds decent enough I'll arrange a meeting in my workplace seeing as I do work here alone, with my friend & bf here. I'll also make sure it's a day my coworker (male, 6'3" or 4") is taking over from me so I have plenty of potential bodyguards.

This is the first day I've been working since I posted the thread btw, so I haven't seen him since.

Hopeless

It's good to know your friends can be there for you, hope it works out for the best.

sue30

Tell your employer. This guy sounds like a weirdo.

McFiddler

Yv wrote:

I work in a net café & there are many regulars here. I do my job, "service with a smile" & all that, & the customers are generally friendly enough too.

Maybe he might have misunderstood the friendly smile and might have thought you were trying to flirt with him or something. If I were you I'd treat him coldly from now on just so he knows your not interested.

Ozzy

Come on pet, don't be like that. I just want you to take a look at my floppy drive, no harm meant.

Yours forever,
Merv.






xxx

koneko

It's pretty clear what he's going to ask you, and it's not going to be "help me set up my broadband". Tell him, sorry sir, if it isn't something you can discuss with me here at the front desk, then it isn't something I want to discuss with you. Or something to that effect. If it's "dodgy" and he needs to discuss it with you "privately" it's not going to be something kosher. If it is, great, but is it worth your time, effort and SAFETY finding out? Not really. Tell him that and then tell your boss, so he knows to keep an eye on this guy.

tman

Yv wrote:

I told both my best friend (who's male) & my boyfriend who both want to try to be there at the time in the background, so to speak, so they can keep track of things.

oops. didn't realise you had a bf.
consider my offer retracted.