Quotes 'n stuff

Piste

I believe I had a thread along thse lines last year but out of fear and love to our friendly mod I will not ressurect it. For those of you who may remember any stupid/humourous quotes that sprung from the mouths of students/RAs/TAs/Instructors post them here for a giggle.

Pity Jennykinz is in Irish College, she has a whole quotebook with a good few pages from this year.

Eoin (Legal Studies instructor): I'm interested in your optimism in the human spirit- I would like to crush it

Eoin: Does anyone know what the courts are for?
Thomas: Playing tennis

Gillian (Legal Studies TA): Would you guys please stop talking about masturbation?

Cathal: I'm trying to think of some situation where sex and euthanasia can be combined...
Eoin: well, that probably reflects fairly badly on your technique

Eoin: What if all the judges are sick and the five left have robust health because they're communist?

Aidan: Marieke! Act saggy!

Róisin (RA): Can ninja-Liz please return to her seat?

Eiseart (upon seeing the ninjas): Why is everyone dressed as terrorists?

John: I can understand, I speak fluent Dave-Bull****

Liz: Ugh, I have to write a debate on Democracy
Jen: Tell them that democracy is for the weak and you should all accept me as your king

Liz (upon being poked): Who dares disturb my sexual fantasy?

Rosie: Mmmmm....Pee!

Eoin: The Church of the 7th circle of Hell!

Liz: Now what will my boobs do without support?
Dave: Fight with your feet?

Liam (In the four courts): Bertie would probably say something like 'come on now lads, guilty! For the craic!

Silky: Get back to the kitchen!
Liz: Get back to the STD clinic!

Liz (after hitting Dave in the nuts): I'm sorry!
Dave: You're as sorry as Stalin!

Liam: You coming for a 'wander'?
Liz: Ah 'wander', the ultimate euphamism.
Liam: What's a euphamism?
*someone explains what a euphamism is*
Liam: You coming for a euphamism?

Liz: I need some sort of Adam-repellant

Eoin: Just tell us what you're project's about
Niamh: I don't know what my project's about, that's why I wrote it down.

Eoin: Dearbhla lost her voice on purpose, she was clearly prepared.

Guy: Your Ma has sex with people for money!
Liz: You Ma has sex with strangers for no money, which is why your family is poor!

Thomas: Today we talk about euthanasia where we kill off the old and make way for the young- very good practice!

Thomas: The Indians often left them (the elderly) in forests to be eaten by bears.

Liz: I don't want a free haircut- I want to get off!

Sheila: We have sleeves....sleeves up which tricks are placed....

Dave: The Holocaust would have been so much funnier with landmines!

Shiney

Yeah Jen has loads. i can only think of one at the moment

Agatha a.k.a. Shane Touhy: be careful or you'll wake up dead

Jade Chihuahua

The spec. fic. wri. class has like seventy quotes spread over about four quote lists. They're all solid gold.

YAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Chowburger

Jade Chihuahua wrote:

The spec. fic. wri. class has like seventy quotes spread over about four quote lists. They're all solid gold.

Arrrr, that we do! Where's Aoibheann with her quote book?

"Pirates invented Jesus as a means of smuggling in religion!"

PurpleFistMixer

Undoubtedly misquoting or just blatantly getting some wrong, here be some quotes...

While talking about how ignoring people might make them like you more...
Donncha: Yeah, that's why people like God so much.

Ivan's.. thingy... you know those things you put on your hands and get people to pick colours and numbers. Yeah. Answers were:
"You will be devoured by a bear." Or
"You will be devoured by two bears."
[EDIT: Apparently these quotes were by Donncha. Just.. contributed to Ivan's thingy.]

Talking about the eyewitness report experiment and why the women got the eye colour more accurately than men:
Me: Or maybe becuase women are scary and stare into eyes.
Donncha: No, the men were just busy staring at my breasts.

Not sure who said this... [EDIT: Turns out this was also Donncha.]
"Milgrem sounds like pilgram. And pilgram is the Swedish for 'bad experiment'."
Pretty sure I got that wrong. Jen has the correct version at any rate.

"______ is not stealthy."

Talking about american politics...
Donncha: Hilary Clinton will never run. She has a vagina.

"Crazy duck, crazy duck."

Deirdre: (instructor, reading from a page) "All children who touch themselves while young will grow up to be rapists and molesters." What is this an example of?
Class: Slippery slope.
Hehe. Quoted that so wrong...

Myself and roommate while eating a melon at like one in the morning...
Me: Ah, it's all moist and dripping.
*a moment later*
Me: Come into my room. I want to show you something.

Darran: Stupid American!
Gillian(american): Who said that?
Donncha: Ooh, sombody's getting bombed.

Donncha (my I have a lot of quotes from him): It says for oral inhalation. Where else could you inhale from?
*moment's silence*
Donncha: You can't inhale with your anus! ... Why did I just think of that?

Darran: I don't WANT to give birth.

Beside a picture of a zebra, a haiku:
Arr I'm a donkey
I want to eat your liver
Die, infidels, die!

"Apple quotobook", written on my arm.
And
"PFM is now sponsored by apples." Also written on the arm.

PurpleFistMixer

Chowburger wrote:

"Pirates invented Jesus as a means of smuggling in religion!"

Pirates invented grass as a means of smuggling in the colour green!

Chowburger

They also invented cows as a means of smuggling beef!

Yanniscaus

the study sessions for theoretical physics were a gem mine for quotes. just amazing. im sure aonghus (r4phael) or my ta, neil(crash_000) should have some. here are just a few, mostly involving me, coz i wouldnt remember them if not

Aidan: I'm Yann (repeatedly)
Yann: No I'm not!...hang on.....DAMN!

on the origins of "DUUUHHH!!"
unknown1: Dave!
unknown2: Dave!
unknown3: DUUHH!....oops

Stephen: (on disussing antimatter in class) So, if you ate a bowl of pasta, and then a bowl of anti-pasta, theyd just cancel each other out?

Stephen: (a question to our instructer) I wonder whats the fastest speed someones had sex at...

also, if i remember rightly, our teacher, dave, came up with a lot of funny things..

Jade Chihuahua

Chowburger wrote:

They also invented cows as a means of smuggling beef!

Pirates invented the universe as a place to smuggle from, into and across.
Y'kno, Pirates invented cheese as a low cost fuel source.
Pirates invented land as a place to invade.
Y'know, Pirates invented packing as a means of invading the British.
Pirates invented Piracy.

And many,many more.....

Piste

Hehe the 'no I'm not' thing reminds me of sitting in the common room, Jen walked in and I was like ''Liz! no, oh wait...crap!'' Jen: ''See, It's alright when someone ELSE does it, but when you're getting us mixed out it's just odd''

meeka

Yanniscaus wrote:

also, if i remember rightly, our teacher, dave, came up with a lot of funny things..

hehe, yeah

stephen (I think) - but Iceland's boring
david - hey, I'm half icelandic!
stephen - really?
david - no

I can't believe this has gone so long without being mentioned!:
Practically everyone by the end of the session: The Game!

P.s i read ur new entry piste, wayhay im famous!

Raphael

David - What are the four elements
Aonghus - Earth, Water, Wind and Fire
David - So you've seen captain planet then

David - Galileo disproved this by dropping two weights off the leaning tower of pisa
Mike - Why didn't Aristotle do that?
David - Well firstly, the leaning tower of pisa didn't exist

Martin -The church still believes that zero is the work of satan
David - Well, it is

David - There's these notes I've written...you look skeptical

Aonghus - John....and I point to the phone because that's where John lives

Aonghus - I just put it in laymans terms
Aidan - It was in laymans terms!
Aonghus - Yore Ma's a layman...because she lays men!

Aonghus - It's like when a car passes you, it makes that noise. Yann, make the noise
Yann - Neeeeyoo!

Leland - What floor is the party on
Aonghus - 3rd. 2nd if you're not a damn yank
Leland - Fuck you
Aonghus - Ok fine, meet me in my room after lights out
Leland - Ok! Wait, that's creepy. Fuck, I don't know your sexual orientation

Aidan - The Earth is not going to get sucked into a black hole
Aonghus - Then what's that?
Aidan - AH!

<Neils voice starts to go>
Rosie - I can talk for you!
Neil - I know you can talk Rosie

Stephen - I made a rocket go half a mile in the air!
Aonghus - I made yore ma go half a mile in the air!

Aonghus(on one knee) - Neil, will you marry me?
Neil - You're a creepy little man
<Martin jumps out of the lift screaming>
Neil - No wait, that is

Micheal - Cian, you do realise that the wonders of the world were built about the time when everyone thought everything was made of fire and stuff

Aonghus - Like the ancient Egyptians of Rome

Aidan - The jedi died out long before ninjas
Aonghus - But NInjas could be a recurring evolutionary trait

David - We can consider the sun as moving and Jupiter, which dominates in terms of...moving

David - This is really quite complicated
Aonghus - Ya think?

Aidan - You can jump from Russia to Alaska, can't you?
Aonghus - No
Aidan - What if you got a really big run-up?

Aonghus - N00bs
Cathal - N00bs
Deirdre - N00bs
Liz - BOOBS!

Rosie - Gold never loses value
Aidan - What if the earth got hit by an asteroid made entirely of gold
Aonghus - That'd be really shiny
Aidan - It would!

Conor - And now, ths sports round
Aonghus - We're boned

Aonghus - Who would win in a fight, Nialls Diablos, or El Diablo

Stephen - What's the difference between Leaded and Unleaded petrol
David - Well, Leaded petrol has lead in it, and unleaded petrol doesn't

Rosie - And if you screw it then the water goes round

Stephen - point zero zero one six!
David - Are thoise just random figures, or...

Stephen - Do y'know monaghon looks really like Iraq

David - Pick a colour
Neil - Red
David - No
Neil - Red
David - No
Neil - Red
David - ...damnit

Aonghus - You only won on Stephen being an idiot value
Aidan - Which is a very high probability

Aidan - I could kiss you on the cheek in front of the pope and he woudn't care!
Aonghus - Yes he would! He'd be like "Dude, that's so gay! Get out of my religion!"

David - Absolute Zero is -273.18
Aonghus - I thouht it was .15?
David - Let's just say it's really cold. You wouldn't want to be there

Stephen - Laser cooling? That sounds a bit like fridge warming

David - The answer to all of Stephens questions is possible, but ridiculously improbable

Yann - So, has anyone actually done any work on the origins of the universe?
Aidan - Yes
Marieka - Yes
Aonghus - Yes
Yann - ****

Neil - If anyone mentions the game, I'll teach them boolean algebra

Aonghus - You cannot possibly comprehend its inherent hypercube....ness
Aidan - You should be used for food and nothing else

Aonghus - I know more about physics than he does!
Neil - You're not supposed to tell people that

Aonghus - How is Yann supposed to do a mexican wave
Yann - I can, watch *does* Ow

Aonghus - David, I think disappearing projectors are a problem at all levels
Neil - No, only at Junior Cert

David - You never actually touch anything, it's just an interactino between electrons
Aonghus <to Aidan> - Does that mean you don't touch children

David - Our projector is usually here, but it may move from time to time
Micheal - Well, we are in Ballymun

Debbie - My hand was up
Aonghus - It mightn't have been

David - Physics used to be known as Natural philosopy
Rosie - We're Natural Philosiphists

David - The 2-8-8 thing? That's Bull
Aonghus - Stop saying that the entire foundation of science is bull!

Rosie - You just...
David - Ruined your world
Rosie - Yes!

Stephen - If you were to take off your jumper, would you be more likely to walk through something?
Aonghus - What you're saying is, you want to get naked and run into a wall

Stephen - What's the fastest speed anyones ever had sex at, relative to the earth.

Stephen - So if you shot someone, it's possible that the bullet will go through them
Aonghus - It's quite probable...but not in the way you're thinking

Neil - In fairness, if yu're going to ruin someones life you might as well enjoy it

Aidan - I'm going to hit you now. I don't know if I'll stop

Stephen - There's no toilet in the bathroom
Everyone - What?
Stephen - Sorry, I meant bin

David - That's an interesting interpretation...but no

Stephen - If you were cycling at twice the speed of sound, and you rand your bell, would you hear it?

Aonghus - *beats self with plastic bottle*

Aidan - Don't hurt the cheal cola just because Stephens an idiot

Martin - That doesn't make any sense at all!
David - I know, it's great!

Lizzie

damn aoibheann going to the gaeltacht with her quotebook, she had pages and pages, i can only remember a few;

Jack: ....MAX POWER!!!

Jack:..... a (sequence/chain) of events which will cause the universe to IMPLODE!!!!!!!!!! *hands on face*

Claire (TA): i'm going to take the role now so i know you're all here and not dead.

Eoghan: Maybe he'll learn not to get sperm on his shorts

Claire (after Malcolm threathened to hug her): that was really, really innappropriate. if you do that again i'll have to send you to the office....or prison...

Roisin: 10 second rule! it takes me ten seconds to get it up!!

Jack: wouldn't it be great if there was a plural for bread....breads?
Ronan: it's pronounced "breadi"

Declan: can you turn on the subtitles please, i'm jewish.

Marc: why would i tke the staple out?? what kind of sick monster do you take me for????

Ronan: you know, pirates invented clapping as a means of killing the invisible pixies all around us...

Eoghan: as we all know, foreign people don't have feelings...

Emily:if someone goes to the next village you don't want to read 20 pages about their battles with potholes

Me: pirates invented tsunamis as a means of...
Liz O: crashing thier ships for insurance fraud?

Declan:...the mooauns then-
Eoghan: mooauns??? what the hell are they???? cow ions???

Spraypaint

Deleted User wrote:

P.s i read ur new entry piste, wayhay im famous!

As am I in a completely unfamous kind of way, cos I got mentioned too.
It's nice to get a shout out all the same.

Undergod

Me: No! Cats and no pants don't mix.

Purple Hayes

In Drama:
Whoever John Bowlers partner was:"So you take the socks out of the drier and they stick together do they???"
John: "Yes, well done. You're catching on..."
PAUSE
Partner:"But.... Why???"
John:"They form the Hull!!!"


(not word for word but i think that was the general idea!)

Piste

Deleted User wrote:

P.s i read ur new entry piste, wayhay im famous!

Spraypaint wrote:

As am I in a completely unfamous kind of way, cos I got mentioned too.
It's nice to get a shout out all the same.

Well I said I would, didn't I? It was pretty random to find two people who read my blog esp that entry.

the_only_Ali

Ok I ended up skipping most of those. I did however notice that pirates were mentionaed on several occasions. So DID YOU KNOW that Pope John XXIII was a pirate before he became pope???????
Seriously, if some other pope turns out to be a ninja, I may rejoin the Catholic faith.

oh yeah, quotes... em... YAAARRRRR!

Jade Chihuahua

YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That is all.

carlowboy

ARE YOU SESSION IIers CLAIMING YARR?
*fumes*

Jade Chihuahua

Most Definitely,
so speaks Iron-Deficient Edgar!!!!!!

Jim_Are_Great

Harold Andrew Niall Delaney - Yarr. Slash from Guns'n'Roses.

David Whyte, James Gough, Guy, Lake, Bill and I have a long list of ker-azy quotes that are too amusing for lesser mortals to comprehend.

So I'll leave you with this:

"GIMME SOME LEMONS!!!"

LiamD

They're some pretty great quotes there Liz, but here's one more you can't leave out:


Gillian McNally:Thomas.......... *shifty eyes*................ STOP!

staaap

eiseart:"bend over and I'll show you" is the answer to every question possible.
niamh:how??
eiseart :well for example a little boy could say "daddy,how much do you love me?"

liz:when you rape a baby you break both its legs and you will burst its pelvis
*stunned silence as we all wonder how liz knows this*

eiseart:(to every girl on campus)can i undo your bra?

various people to me:where is a dolphin a man's best friend?where is a rose a beautiful girl?where is the goat the king?WHERE KERRYMAID IS MADE!

ronan:say to niamh "where is an inch a mile??"
micheal:i can't say that it sounds dirty

Yanniscaus

:mad: cant you people get it right?? i always thought there was a g at the start of it...it looks a lot more impressive and piratey..like this:

GYAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!

Adesina

Jade Chihuahua wrote:

YYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!


That is all.

You're stealing that from Session 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad:

Raphael

Actually, No. Session 1 2005 is stealing it from session 1 2003, rory loughnans RA group.

See, thing is...IT'S A GENERIC FETHING PIRATE NOISE! IT'S OLDER THAN ANYONE HERE ('cept maybe Podge)

Jade Chihuahua

Yanniscaus wrote:

:mad: cant you people get it right?? i always thought there was a g at the start of it...it looks a lot more impressive and piratey..like this:

GYAAAARRRRRRRRR!!!!

Poor deluded Yann, GYARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR, is the subjective tense, whereas YAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!! is the general tenses of I am Pirate, hear me roar!!!

I would like to point out that session 1 2003 travelled forward in time and stole the pirate thing from session2 2005, and so, therefore, did everyone else, For Shame!!!!!

Love

Someone at the Student/RA games while Kevin was singing about Kerry: "Where is a dolphin a man's best friend?where is a rose a beautiful girl?where is the goat the king?"
Kevin: "And if this song turns into anymore of a Kerrymaid ad, we'll be sued!"

(While hugging Eiseart after the second disco)
Female RA (possibly Mary, I forget): "BED!"
Eiseart: "I'll BED you!"
*awkward silence*

And I can't believe this was left out: "Because you touch yourself at night!"

"So's your ma!"

"So's your face!"

"Aidan's Ma!"

becca218

you can't leave out these....

gillian(legal studies ta): soren has a foot long!

soren(when he saw the twins): so you're like genetic twins?

staaap

"because the universe hates you!"
"prove it!"

(this is quickly turning into an eiseart-fest)

Undergod

Raphael wrote:

Actually, No. Session 1 2005 is stealing it from session 1 2003, rory loughnans RA group.

Solidarity, brother. But he got pissed off when we overused it.

Gyaaargh!

David Whyte, James Gough, Guy, Lake, Bill and I have a long list of ker-azy quotes that are too amusing for lesser mortals to comprehend.

"Oh Bill, be careful, it's a treachorous journey, oh Bill, oh my, oh God, oh be careful when you set out..."
"Set out where?"
"Oh... oh my..."

Classic

And, to Ciaran's group in general

"LAANDMI-INE!"

staaap

o yeah one more:
a certain american who will not be named -"Dang you to Heck!!

Liquorice

staaap wrote:

liz:when you rape a baby you break both its legs and you will burst its pelvis
*stunned silence as we all wonder how liz knows this*

I told her that. It's pretty logical tbh. You don't break the legs though, just the hip-bones. Well, if you're rough about it..

And I should really shut up now as even I don't want to hear about raping babies. It's more wrong than wrong could ever be.

doonothing

ultimate quote of the session:

DAAAAAAAVE!

Yanniscaus

Undergod wrote:

Gyaaargh!

AHA!! you see, someone hath volounteered in my noble quest to the proper spelling of the ultimate pirate utteration...

Yanniscaus

Undergod wrote:

"Oh Bill, be careful, it's a treachorous journey, oh Bill, oh my, oh God, oh be careful when you set out..."
"Set out where?"
"Oh... oh my..."

oh yeah!! that was the best thing said ever!! twas dave whyte, methinks..

hey, peoples from ciarans ra group, what was the deal with that landmine thing neway

Piste

staaap wrote:

liz:when you rape a baby you break both its legs and you will burst its pelvis
*stunned silence as we all wonder how liz knows this*

:eek: Who do you think I am? I NEVER once said ANYTHING about breaking babies' legs! and bursting their pelvis'*








*you break the pelvis and burst what ever oprgan you happen to run into....


Liz for President in 2030.

Jim_Are_Great

Undergod wrote:

"Oh Bill, be careful, it's a treachorous journey, oh Bill, oh my, oh God, oh be careful when you set out..."
"Set out where?"
"Oh... oh my..."

*holding bottom lip out ridiculously* "Oh, Bill - I need some moisture, gimme some moisture"

LordCran

I remember one day we did the Book Club for activities, and barely read at all. David had a book of Shakespeare's quotes, and here are just a few of them:
"Thou smellst of mountain goat!" (I shouted this one at Bertie, he pretended not to hear. Next time I saw him, he was chewing socks and bleating)
"Get thou to a nunnery!" (Muireann enjoyed that one)
"Thou hast less brain in thee than I have in mine elbows!" (A classic)
Dammit, I can't remember any more. Here are some all purpose quotes:
David: (in my notebook) W00g, you sporking knave!
(Whaaaaaattttt???)

Squee: (while doing a project on Vlad the Impaler) Victims would have a stake driven through the anus...they would be dragged down by their own bodyweight (goes on for far too long while the class squirm around with looks of disgust on their faces)
Brian: (later) Thank you for that project on Vlad the Ass-sticker.

Mairéad: (during Vertigo at the final disco) Bono is sex on legs!
Ciarán: So is Margaret Thatcher!
(I think it was only the two of us who heard that, which is just as well. Why did I say it? I had to say something about Maggie.)

I also remember Jessica's project on torture. As she read out the graphic details, Naomi looked sicker and sicker, until she came to the highlight: The Pear of Anguish! It's so gruesome that I'll spare you, but Naomi didn't look great. When we got to ask questions, Dearbhail had fun by asking Jessica to repeat all the gory details.
I'll post more as I think of them.

StupidLikeAFox

LordCran wrote:

It's so gruesome that I'll spare you

Nah its cool, go ahead

Flashling

Oh, now I'm curious....

PurpleFistMixer

Enjoy.
But, uh, not if you're of a weak disposition.

Piste

Another quote: Bertie(looking extremely happy with himself):' I just found out what felching means today!'

Undergod

Yanniscaus wrote:

oh yeah!! that was the best thing said ever!! twas dave whyte, methinks..

hey, peoples from ciarans ra group, what was the deal with that landmine thing neway

It was David and Donnacha.

No-one explain the landmine thing. It's an in-joke.


LAANDMI-INE!

StupidLikeAFox

PurpleFistMixer wrote:

Enjoy.
But, uh, not if you're of a weak disposition.

Oh awesome, i thought it was somethin she had made up, never thought of a google

Flashling

PurpleFistMixer wrote:

Enjoy.

I read that and all I thought was "oh, that's what it was". I worry me.

guX

Tits.

curliq

^^^^

Spraypaint

Me: "It was a fairly crap disco but cutting short American Pie was the straw that broke the camel's back."
TJ, in all seriousness:
" I wonder how many straws it would actually take to break a camel's back?"
-Just one of many pointless questions.