Fancy my flatmate

Dagon

Just moved into a new house, and I've really hit it off well with my flatmates. But one of the girls I kinda fancy, and we get on really well, and clicked on a lot of levels. Could talk for hours...

What is the best move now? I know some people will talk about "****tin on yer own doorstep" and all that, but if something could be a really positive relationship, then... maybe it dumb not to give it a try???

Dunno what to do. I was kinda hoping it was in my head, but I think she feels the same. The other night we were alone after niteclub, and I had a chance, but I did nothing cause I'm only after moving in and wasn't sure if it was a good idea.. now I'm thinkin, to hell with it... maybe I should just ask the girl out to the conema or something, and maybe see what happens!

Anyone have any experience in these matters? How best to approach this?

BossArky

Go for it! I met my girlfriend the same way, by living together randomly as students. 33 months later we are still very happy

jcoote

go for a few drinks...always eases the tension and u wouldn't be nervous starting an otherwise inappropriate conversation..if u know what i mean

Keyzer

Go for it... the bonus is you'll never have to drop her home...

IANOC

yes give it a try otherwise you will never know

cinema is always a good start because if she says no out of fear of what you expect you can always say " just as friends id like to get to know you better"
best of luck

MooShop

havent been in this situation before but i would say you have to be sure she feels the same before you ask her out cos if you ask her out and she says she doesnt think of you in that way only a friend then it could cause a tense atmosphere in the house. it wouldn't just be awkward for the two of ye but it would be very awkward on the other housemates as well.

but as you said it could be a really positive relationship, so if you think her body language suggests that she likes you, then i'd say go for it and good luck. maybe you should ask one of your other housemates if they noticed anything or if she had said something to them about you....

simu

Go for it - what's the worst that can happen? If things get really bad, you can always move out. An apartment is not for life and you might just get your chance at true love(tm). :-P.

Kell

Similar situation but there are only two of us and I'd rather not find myself out on my ass if its not reciprocated.

My thinking is reciprocate if offered but dont initiate.

K-

Sleepy

I'd be with Kell on this. Create plenty of chances for her to make a move. Obviously if you notice that she's doing the same, make the move but don't do anything about it unless you're 100% sure she's interested.

Catsmokinpot

if you bang her and it doesnt work out it might be very awkward especially if you've only just moved in... if you've known her for a while so then go for it otherwise - forget about it for a while and if you still feel the same way in a month tap that ass

Einstein

yeah the last two posts sound like cool advice, and i agree. If the two of you are getting on well, just ket that blossom, theres nothing better than that feeling! But go to the pictures some night, or throw on a DVD in the house when it's just the two of you, see how things go!

d...

MooShop

yes i agree but at the same time he doesnt want to become too good of friends because he'll get the dreaded "i just want to be friends". that happenend to me before, i really fancied this girl and got vibes that she liked me, i had one or two chances but didnt take them, when i finally got around to saying something we were getting on great. she said she really liked me but did want to ruin the friendship we had, so there's a fine line. good luck

arrietty

I was in a similar situation last year. It got kinda messy at times... not gonna go into it but from my experience, there are some things you should consider.

1) If you're living in the same house and spending a lot of time together, the idea of making the first move can become pretty irrelevant, because it's pretty easy for something to mutually "just happen".

2) Things can get v. intense v. quickly if you're living together. Can be very good, can be very bad.

3) How would your other housemates handle it? Would they want to live with a couple?

4) Is it a lot of hassle for you/her to move out if things go bad?

5) Wait for another while, if you've just moved in. Getting together with a housemate is a pretty big step, much bigger than just going for a few dates with a non-housemate, so give her some time to get to know you, and take some time to get to know her.

6) Do you and your housemates ever go out as a group to the pub or whatever? Cos I think that would be better than just directly asking her out, but it'll give you a chance to interact in a social situation.

In the end of the day... as long as you've thought it through, I reckon it's worth the risk. Good luck.

kasintahan

The cinema is nothing.

If they're your flatmates you end up going to the cinema with all of them from time to time. Hell, I go the cinema with an ex-flatmate of my friends just for someone to go with (and she has a boyfriend).

mathie

kasintahan wrote:

The cinema is nothing.

If they're your flatmates you end up going to the cinema with all of them from time to time. Hell, I go the cinema with an ex-flatmate of my friends just for someone to go with (and she has a boyfriend).

You my friend are deluding yourself.

kasintahan

mathie wrote:

You my friend are deluding yourself.

Nah, but I understand your disbelief. He bf is sound, she's committed and I don't do relationships.

To the OP - go for it, go for it slowly though and don't get fixated.

Linoge

MooShop wrote:

yes i agree but at the same time he doesnt want to become too good of friends because he'll get the dreaded "i just want to be friends". that happenend to me before, i really fancied this girl and got vibes that she liked me, i had one or two chances but didnt take them, when i finally got around to saying something we were getting on great. she said she really liked me but did want to ruin the friendship we had, so there's a fine line. good luck

Defo take this advice. If you let the relationship "blossom", it will blossom into a beuatiful friendship. You'll defo get stuck in it making it way more awkward in the future. At least if things go sour now, you wont have ruined an X year long friendship. Make your move now before its too late!

Kersh

Jump her. Dont hold back, dont be shy. Many of lifes finest opportunities go to waste cos of indecisiveness. At worst you will have to move out, and at best....you know what I mean.

Peteee

Linoge wrote:

Defo take this advice. If you let the relationship "blossom", it will blossom into a beuatiful friendship. You'll defo get stuck in it making it way more awkward in the future. At least if things go sour now, you wont have ruined an X year long friendship. Make your move now before its too late!

Yeah do something now.

Tis always the stuff you dont do is what you'll regret, so if it goes pear shaped (and it looks like it wont) its not as if your loosing a friend you've had for ages

Corksham

Go for it

I met my ex that way and we were together for 3 years, if it doesnt work out move out

Dagon

Thanks loads guys...

"so give her some time to get to know you, and take some time to get to know her."

Yeah, I think that's good advice. I guess if it's meant to be, and if we both feel the same, at some point something will happen. That is what I believe. Things are unlikely to move into the whole "comfortable friends" thing if we are both really into each other.

In my experience, the "just be friends" thing usually occurs with girls who were never that much into you from the start anyway, and it's just as excuse they use instead of saying "I just don't find you attractive enough", because they probably do want you as a friend, and don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you they aren't into you as a potential lover!

The_B_Man

does she definatley like you?

did u ever think that maybe shes thinkin "oh crap, i fancy that new housemate, but i dont wanna do stuff with him coz it might go dodgy!".

try to distinguish between wat ur knob is thinkin and wat ur brain is thinkin. it actually happens where ppl seem mad about each other but after they get down to business, they lose all interest. dont discount this possibility. i'd personally not recommend it at all. you dont wanna be wit someone u live with. it'll tie u down and if u break up and manage to stay on good enough terms that u stay livin there, you''ll fell wird bout bringin subsequent ladies back.

In summary, give it a while to be sure its worth it. chances are shes thinkin EXACTLY the same as u.

Victor

jcoote wrote:

go for a few drinks...always eases the tension and u wouldn't be nervous starting an otherwise inappropriate conversation..if u know what i mean

And you can even try the line "Do you want to come back to my place?"

The Sweeper

"Our place or ours?"

...dunno...

Red Alert

Dunno. You might be a bit more objective if there were more than just the two of you there.

Naos

I agree on the general consensus here and go for it.

"Do one thing everyday that scares you"

Let this be yours.

Dagon

"You might be a bit more objective if there were more than just the two of you there."

There are actually four of us in the house overall! What do you mean by the above?

Anyway, I'll play it by ear, eh?

Mr. Presentable

Dagon, NO!

He who hesitates is LOST!

Move on it or risk the possibility that someone else will..........

Kevin_rc_ie

can you move into the same room and pay less rent?

Linoge

Dagon wrote:

In my experience, the "just be friends" thing usually occurs with girls who were never that much into you from the start anyway, and it's just as excuse they use instead of saying "I just don't find you attractive enough", because they probably do want you as a friend, and don't want to hurt your feelings by telling you they aren't into you as a potential lover!

Thats not always the case, women don think the same way as men. While it is an over used line by women, there actually is a "friends phase". It can happen with lads as well sure.

spannerhead wrote:

He who hesitates is LOST!
Move on it or risk the possibility that someone else will..........

Exactly, whats to stop her meeting someone else?

Anyway, as you say, if you're fairly sure that its gonna happen sooner or later, why not make your move now? The longer you leave it the more complicated it can get. Its nice and simple as it stands!

Victor

Dagon wrote:

Red Alert wrote:

Dunno. You might be a bit more objective if there were more than just the two of you there.

There are actually four of us in the house overall! What do you mean by the above?

I think he means it might seem a bit untoward and stalkerish if there was only two of you. In other words you are sexually attracted tot he entire household. :eek: