whats the most random joke you have!!

homerule

whats the most random joke you have!!

Capt'n Midnight

Google says - http://www.randomjoke.com/index.php

litereaper!

homerule wrote:

whats the most random joke you have!!

the Toster joke;
2 iguanas are takeing a bath,
One iguana has longer finger nails than the other so the other is
jelious of him for this.
the other iguana has a longer hair located on the south-east of his left nipple so the other is jelious of this.
so they are both takeing a bath and they start fighting over finger nails
and other s**t.
but the main problem is that iguanas can change colour (hint: remember that),.
one is more redder than the other and one is burnt umberer than
the other (remember that aswell)
the two iguans then decide that they are equal in difference
and make up (remember the fact that they are in the bath tub)
So then they are happy as can be and decide to wash themselves.
One iguana asks the other,
"could you pass the soap"
and the other one replies,
"What do you think i am, a F***in toaster"


Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
this is the most random joke i have ever heard.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE]

Zeppie

litereaper! wrote:

the Toster joke;
2 iguanas are takeing a bath,
One iguana has longer finger nails than the other so the other is
jelious of him for this.
the other iguana has a longer hair located on the south-east of his left nipple so the other is jelious of this.
so they are both takeing a bath and they start fighting over finger nails
and other s**t.
but the main problem is that iguanas can change colour (hint: remember that),.
one is more redder than the other and one is burnt umberer than
the other (remember that aswell)
the two iguans then decide that they are equal in difference
and make up (remember the fact that they are in the bath tub)
So then they are happy as can be and decide to wash themselves.
One iguana asks the other,
"could you pass the soap"
and the other one replies,
"What do you think i am, a F***in toaster"


Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
this is the most random joke i have ever heard.[/SIZE][/SIZE]
[/SIZE][/SIZE][/SIZE]

Great Joke! :rolleyes:

Velvet Vocals

I don't get it?

7thSeal

Sorry
But I don't think anyone's beating Matt and Trey

http://www.****allyall.com/article1928.html
EDIT - It wont let me post the link because of foul language
I assume you can guess what goes in there though


WARNING: If you are easily offended do not watch

Flashling

A dog walks onto a telegraph sending centre and writes a telegraph saying 'woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof woof'. the woman at the dsek say "Umm sir? you know you can send another word for the same price?" and the dog replies "Why, that just wouldn't make any sense would it?"

7thSeal

I walked in to the airport the other day
I walked up to the desk and Bawk Bawk Bawk Bawk
The woman said
"No, sir. This is the check in desk!"

Naos

Ah that iguana joke

Whats the scariest thing up a tree?
A monkey with a machine gun.

Diarmsquid

Saint Something wrote:

I don't get it?

Me neither. Explain please!

Capt'n Midnight

What's the difference between a Duck ?

One of it's legs are both the same.

mad m

What goes under the water,over the water and never touches the water?.


An egg in a ducks belly...






I know,someone shoot me now!

Jim_Are_Great

What's black and yellow and if it falls out of a tree it'll kill you?
A black and yellow airport.


What's black and white and red all over?
And interracial knife-fight.

grimsbymatt

What's big and small at the same time?


A big egg.


from The Armando Iannucci Shows

mad m

Anyone hear about the Gay cowboy?


He rode into town and shot up the Sheriff...

Mr Rivers

What's the difference between an apple and an orange?

A fish because a bicycle has no windows!

Naos

Diarmsquid wrote:

Me neither. Explain please!

See above joke about apple and orange.
If you still do not understand the Iguana joke, I shall then inform you.

brian

varians

I seriously dont get that Iguana joke
Someone please explain

corblimey

Jim_Are_Great wrote:

What's black and yellow and if it falls out of a tree it'll kill you?
A black and yellow airport.

Hey Jim, where do I send the bill for the beer I just spat up on my keyboard? Great joke.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms.

grimsbymatt

corblimey wrote:

Hey Jim, where do I send the bill for the beer I just spat up on my keyboard? Great joke.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms.

In the same vein:-

Why did the monkey fall out the tree?


Because it was dead.

petes

corblimey wrote:

Hey Jim, where do I send the bill for the beer I just spat up on my keyboard? Great joke.

Why did the girl fall off the swing?
She had no arms.

Why didnt she get back up?

She had no legs.

Flashling

why didnt anyone help her up?
because she had no friends!

pat kenny

2 eggs in a frying pan , one turns to the other and says "It's really hot in here".
The other egg replies "Holy **** a talking egg!!!!!!"

Einstein

humpty dumpty sat on a wall
humpty had a great fall
all the kings horses and all the kings men,
didn't really give a toss cos there were more eggs in the fridge.

oddlyaromatic

What's big and white and swings through the trees?

Fridge - Lord of the Jungle!

I'm sure we all want to know why the girl had no friends...

Why'd the chicken only cross half the road?

Landmine.

Mr Rivers

grimsbymatt wrote:

Why did the monkey fall out the tree?


Because it was dead.

Why did the 2nd monkey fall out of the tree?


Cos he was stapled to the 1st monkey!


Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree?


He thought it was a game


Why did the tree fall down?


Thought he was a monkey

Naos

Why did little Johnny fall of his bike?
Someone threw a fridge at him.

(To all those who dont get the iguana joke, here it is ...
It doesnt make sense, it is so stupid, it is funny. A bit like thee)

frodi

Why did the elephant paint his balls red?



So he could hide in the cherry tree.



How did he get in the tree?




Climbed over all the dead monkeys.

Flashling

Mr Rivers wrote:

Why did the 3rd monkey fall out of the tree?


He thought it was a game

Darn it, no, It's peer pressure!

Dizzyblabla

frodi wrote:

Why did the elephant paint his balls red?



So he could hide in the cherry tree.

Why did Tarzan get beaten up?

For trying to pick the cherries!




How to Elephants hide in big bowls of custard?


By painting their feet yellow!!


Have you ever found an Elephant in your custard?
(ans = no)


Ahaa! it works!!

liamskater

Flashling wrote:

why didnt anyone help her up?
because she had no friends!

what did she get for christmas??

cancer!

oddlyaromatic

Incidentally, she had no arms, legs or friends because she had leprosy.

What did she find under her tree the next year?

Landmine!

Couldn't hold it in.

corblimey

Two fish in a tank. One turns to the other and says, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

Steveire

Why did the elephant paint his balls red?



So he could hide in the cherry tree.

What's the loudest noise in the jungle?

Giraffes eating cherries.

7thSeal

What's blue and fcuks old people










Me and my lucky blue overcoat

rugbug86

7thSeal wrote:

What's blue and fcuks old people










Me and my lucky blue overcoat

hypothermia

Le Rack

theres nothing to get its just plain stupid!

Le Rack

why did the water cross the road?

Because it wanted to get killed...

Give me 24hours and I will have a collection of terrible random jokes! My four year old brother has taken to telling them and they are sooo incredibly bad, they're beyond funny they're beyond stupid they're horrendous!

7thSeal

Bloke is having sex with a prostitute when he starts suckling on her chest. Much to his surprise he gets a warm mouthful.
He looks up at her and says "Gee, I would have thought you were too old to give milk!"
She says "I am, but I'm not too old to have cancer."

Le Rack

7thSeal wrote:

Bloke is having sex with a prostitute when he starts suckling on her chest. Much to his surprise he gets a warm mouthful.
He looks up at her and says "Gee, I would have thought you were too old to give milk!"
She says "I am, but I'm not too old to have cancer."

excuse me while I throw up!

7thSeal

woman goes to the doctor's and she says 'doctor i'm having serious abdominal pains.'
Doctor says 'well i'll have to run some tests and i'll see you again on wednesday' Wednesday, woman goes to the doctors, doctor asks her to take a seat...
Doctor: well mrs Green i'm afraid your going to have to start buying a lot of nappies in the near future.
mrs G: oh i'm not pregnant again am I doctor?
DR: no, it's bowel cancer

Le Rack

you are so mean! cancer isn't funny.

7thSeal

It was X-mas day, and Billy and Johnny were in hospital.
Billy says to Johnny: "What did you get for X-mas Johnny?"
Johnny replies: " A pair of shoes, and a book token. What about you?"
Billy answers: "A bike, a trip to florida, and a hi-fi system."
Johnny says: " Oh your so lucky Billy, I wish I had Cancer."

Le Rack

damn naggit!

7thSeal

What's the best thing about having sex with twenty-four year olds











There's twenty of them

Le Rack

ha! old but good!

7thSeal

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes




















Nothing, you've already told her twice

Le Rack

hey now!

Why did the man become less manly?
Because he told her twice!

7thSeal

What's long, pink, stiff and makes a woman scream in the morning ?






































cot death.

Le Rack

that is so horrible!

7thSeal

How many men does it take to open a can of beer?
None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.