Transsexualism really getting to me...

Rozie

I don't know what to do. I feel so alone. My parents won't let me go on hormones, or anything. I'm in college right now, but on co-op, so I'm putting some money aside for that and hair removal. I can't stand having fuzz on my face.

I don't know what to do. I'm so alone in this, and it's so hard. I wish there was somewhere I could go to meet people of my kind, or those accepting of my kind. I doubt i'll ever have a boyfriend/girlfriend while I live here, somehow.

I really have no idea. I'm on a transsexual mailing list but most of those people are quite a bit older... I really don't know.

newgrange

Have you tried contacting Belong to?
http://www.belongto.org/
They deal with Transgendered Youth as well as Lesbian and Gay.

Boston

I've absolutely no advice worth giving and no insight which might help. All I can say is I go to trinity, and if you go there and want a friendly face around campus or someone to talk to, drop me a PM.

LegacyUser

Rozie, there's a group that meets in outhouse in dublin, ask Aoife on that mailing list about it.

And once you're over 18 you're parents have no say in the matter.

Rozie

I was just in the #boards.ie IRC room, and I posted pictures of a TS friend to test the waters.
They insisted, once I "Dropped the bomb" she was infact male. Not a matter of an opinion, total fact. They then proceeded to pound on me like vultures and take anything I said and say how *I* was the one forcing opinions on them, as if being courteous to a transsxual is something that hurts more than the whole world telling you you're not what you believe yourself to be.

It was terrible. It was disgusting. It's put me off Ireland if people here are really like that. I'm pretty set on moving now.

damien

I just read the logs of that. First you have to realise there an awful lot of **** in that channel who love nothing better than upsetting people. But secondly you posted pics of someone, then asked people to comment on that person's looks and then told them the person was a transexual. Reading it the way you did it looked like you were trying to trick people. It looked like you carried out a deception.

Rozie

They weren't getting on me for the deception, though. They got on me for "forcing" an opinion.

And I only did that because I wanted to know if I could be open about my sexuality. Apparently not. At some point, I stopped caring about anything but defending myself.

tallus

Try posting/chatting in a gay channel ? Or better still start your own chat room?. I know it's not solving anything but at least you will be in contact with like minded people.

Hmm_Messiah

For how you describe it , if I was in the room I would of seen what you did as deception and manipulation, I would in no way of understood your intent as you describe it here.

Regarding your first post, I can only suympathise with your pain and frustration. I would guess in many ways your in a situation where only people with the same experience could empathise in any really helpful way.

Rereading the feelings expressed though I have one question:
Have you received therapy/counselling?
if not then this should be what you set about doing, it will be many more times helpful than anything you find on a thread.
And I don't suggest therapy because there is something "wrong" with you, but the truth is obviously that there is MAJOR conflict between your internal "you" and who you can be at present on the outside. Therapy will give you the tools to handle the frustration, the opportunity to speak to another as totally yourself, and any guidance needed towards next steps, support groups etc.

From the little knowledge I have of such things: if facial hair etc is really upsetting you then I can only suggest you find some small discreet way to re affirm your sexual identity to yourself. HIdden clothing, discreet jewellery, a scent. I know its unfair that such things need be hidden, but it times of frustration you can use them to re assure yourself of who you real are, until there is a practical window to be more radical. take care

Rozie

I really need to get hormones... but my parents won't let me. They won't let me do anything until I leave college, even if I use my own money. And they'll probably reject me even then.

I can't wait that long... too much suffering. I'm meant to enjoy college.

PhantomBeaker

This is just a quickie - Um, I'm on hormones and living with my parents (edit: on hormones without their consent - I don't think they know). I've been on them for two years now.

HOWEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'd advise against this. I live with my heart in my mouth that somehow they will find out. I mean I'm surprised they haven't asked questions by now.

Best thing I can advise is get a good bloody shrink... forget hormones, they are the best thing around to sort your head out. They help put things in perspective.

Also Hmmm_Messiah's post actually has a lot of good ideas. I used them to survive until I could take pills.

There are ways to cope - really there are, I've used some of them, and some work better than others. Try them.

Victor

A lot of people (including me) don't fully understand transexualism / transgenderism. I know someone, who well, I'm not sure if she was always a she, but I generally treat her as a human being.

I do however find it difficult to have an interest in her.

---

It sounds like you pulled a stunt.

Karl Hungus

In all fairness Rozie, people the world out are assholes, so don't think that you can move to some magical land where everyone is tolerant. You will come into contact with people who are ignorant, abusive, and downright ****ing jerks. This world revolves around being hostile to people who are different, eg, you wear a different football shirt to someone, you can get into a fight, or if you listen to different music, or anything. It's part of what makes us human, so accept it and move onto more pressing matters.

It might be a little blunt, but don't try looking for acceptance, validation or vindication. It won't happen. What you should do is just be concerned about yourself, and do what you feel is right for you reguardless. Go take the pills on the sly if you have to, or whatever else, and honestly don't bother about whether or not your parents will let you. Seriously, who here hasn't done something their parents didn't want them to do?

Rozie

It hurts when an entire IRC channel act like total ignorant pricks and don't let me get a word in edgeways.
Gang of ****ing jackals.

This is a much more serious matter than liking different music, whatever. It's something that's made it obviously Irish people are still living in the stone age. What happened in that place has made me want to leave altogether, if young people nowadays are really such stupid assheads who genuinely don't WANT to understand.

rsynnott

Rozie wrote:

It was terrible. It was disgusting. It's put me off Ireland if people here are really like that. I'm pretty set on moving now.

Sadly, you'll get stupid people everywhere in the world. You managed to find some of the local supply there; don't let them get you down. People who aren't willing to accept you prob'ly aren't really worth the trouble.

Rozie

Yeah, but I've never been to an irc channel where *not a single person* spoke up. There's no point being a woman if everyone thinks you're a man, I may as well just kill myself. It's better to live somewhere that's not beyond help.

damien

Mordeth did if I recall. Perhaps I should post that whole sorry episode in here. I think I have the logs. I think most people in the channel couldn't give a rats arse and the usual bully boys had their usual fun. They'd be just as harsh if the subject was about wearing y-fronts.

rsynnott

Really, if you're looking for intelligent, sensible people, IRC prob'ly isn't your first port of call....

r3boot

there's a difference between people thinking you're a man and people being hostile towards you once they find out that you are a transexual. Either way it should reflect badly on them and not on you.

As for hormone supplemenation/replacememnt therapy, your best bet is to confront your parents (if/when you are over 18) and explain why it's important to you and that they legally have no say in the matter. Also consult a doctor (preferably a specialist in the field) regardingthe whole thing.

If you opt for counselling (which might be a wise decision depending on your situation) then it should probably be aimed at planning and organising your thoughts as well as stress relief and building of coping strategies.


good luck !

Karl Hungus

Rozie wrote:

This is a much more serious matter than liking different music

Me and some friends of mine were jumped by a gang of skangers in Dublin coming from a gig for being "A bunch of smell rockers." We knocked some sense into them, but my point here is that it was a very serious matter indeed, especially if one of them had a knife.

Anything can be serious, and anything can be an excuse for dumb assholes to have a go. Damien.M is 100% correct that whatever jerks on irc would've been just as much a pack of vultures if the topic had been underwear.

Accept that it was just assholes being assholes and move on. The problem is with them, not you. Remember that. Also remember that this is the internet, and that whoever these arseholes are probably wouldn't have the stones to talk up in person.

rsynnott

r3boot wrote:

As for hormone supplemenation/replacememnt therapy, your best bet is to confront your parents (if/when you are over 18) and explain why it's important to you and that they legally have no say in the matter. Also consult a doctor (preferably a specialist in the field) regardingthe whole thing.

Not just preferably; definitely. This isn't something you can leave up to the local GP.

r3boot

rsynnott wrote:

Not just preferably; definitely. This isn't something you can leave up to the local GP.

I agree. GP's should send you to the right person. What I meant was an endocrinologist as most GP's tend to go the cosmetic surgeon route.

Tiffany

Rozie wrote:

Yeah, but I've never been to an irc channel where *not a single person* spoke up. There's no point being a woman if everyone thinks you're a man, I may as well just kill myself. It's better to live somewhere that's not beyond help.

Well you can't base opinions on those of an IRC channel, which is probably filled with pathetic lonely internet nerds anyway. You have to face that there are people who won't accept you, but there are also people who will. Just ignore those who don't and try not to let them get to you because at the end of the day you're a better person than them and your life is worth living more than theirs. I can't really give much help, but good luck with everything.

Karl Hungus

Tiffany wrote:

Well you can't base opinions on those of an IRC channel, which is probably filled with pathetic lonely internet nerds anyway.

I FIND THAT OFFENSIVE! :mad:

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

I'm telling you, the amount of intolerance you'll find on boards is disgusting.

rsynnott

Mordeth wrote:

I'm telling you, the amount of intolerance you'll find on boards is disgusting.

To trangendered people or IRC users?

Seriously though, this isn't a problem with boards; it's a problem with society. A lot of people are VERY unwilling to accept that those who are different from them have any rights at all...

Karl Hungus

rsynnott wrote:

To trangendered people or IRC users?

Seriously though, this isn't a problem with boards; it's a problem with society. A lot of people are VERY unwilling to accept that those who are different from them have any rights at all...

I agree. As an IRC user, I am sickened at the lack of respect shown towards my lifestyle. :mad:

Annasopra

Hi Rozie

There is a group that meets in Outhouse called Trans support Ireland

They may be of help

http://www.outhouse.ie/groups.asp?id=123

PhantomBeaker

rsynnott wrote:

Not just preferably; definitely. This isn't something you can leave up to the local GP.

Definately.

Just for general information:

The common route in Ireland (assuming you don't take to ordering off the internet, and doing it unsupervised - which is a Bad Thing (tm)/REALLY F***ing DANGEROUS THING TO DO(tm) )

is:

Shrink, who deals with Gender Issues.

Who then refers you to

An endocrinologist willing to deal with trans patients (currently one of them, as far as I know)

Who will

Take some blood tests, Prescribe hormones and give you correspondence to forward to your GP. Any minor things, like renewal of prescriptions, are handled by the GP while he deals with the bigger issues.

Rozie

I'd rather go the Russell Reid route. What's the best way of doing that?

swiss

I confess, transexualism bothers me.

I know it might sound hypocritical for someone who is gay, who faces this same attitude from certain sections of society to come out and say this. But the simple fact is that while I have accepted my sexual preference as part of my identity, so too have I embraced my masculinity. Masculinity for me is not necessarily about revelling in quintessentially male traits, since such traits are hard to define. But I am male, I know I am male and I have always felt comfortable being a male, despite also happening to be a homosexual male.

The question I always pose myself when facing the concept of transexualism is why exactly someone would have a problem with such a deep and ingrained facet of their being. I ask this question not because I find transexualism offensive, but out of genuine ignorance. If someone feels uncomfortable with their very sex, is it indicative of a deeper malaise? Is it an emotional or psychological issue, that can be mediated through councilling? I don't feel comfortable labelling transexualism as 'wrong', and I certainly acknowledge the right the original poster and others have to undergo therapies (and I use the word loosely) in order to alter their sex, be those changes cosmetic or otherwise.

But the question still remains. Why transexualism? Answers such as "because it feels right" aren't illuminating, despite the fact that I field questions about my sexuality in a similar manner.

Perhaps I will never understand it, and perhaps it doesn't matter whether I do or not, but for what it is worth, I would really like to know.

Stark

Very very tired now, and am heading to bed soon, so not able to post a detailed reply. I'll have a go tomorrow.

Basically there's a hell of a lot of evidence to show that you're wrong and that transsexualism is a valid state of being and not simply some psychological disorder than can be cured through therapy.

Doctors have done studies on young children to determine if masculine/feminine traits are learnt or preprogrammed. Basically they took young boys and attempted to raise them as girls, and did vica versa. In all cases, they found that the children naturally reverted to behaviours associated with their correct genders. They also found that male brains had one kind of structure and female brains another. When you look at transsexuals as young children, you notice that they exhibit behaviours consistent with what gender they believe themselves to me. When doctors examined their brains, they also found that M2Fs has female type brains and F2Ms had male type brains.

PhantomBeaker

swiss wrote:

I confess, transexualism bothers me.

<snip - no pun intended>

Perhaps I will never understand it, and perhaps it doesn't matter whether I do or not, but for what it is worth, I would really like to know.

First off, you're right. You probably never will. Seriously. Just as I won't get being a gay man. One of the best quotes I heard one time was from a bi person who said "I don't get straight people. There again I don't get gay people either."

So, as Stark said, there's a trickle of evidence to indicate this is more than just psychological. There are two brain-sex studies that, are pretty much like each other, but make for a good start:

"A sex difference in the human brain and its relation to Transsexuality" By J.-N Zhou, M.A. Hoffman, L.J. Gooren and D.F. Swaab
"Male-to-Female Transsexuals Have Female Neuron Numbers in a Limbic Nucleus" By Frank P. M. Kruijver, Jiang-Ning Zhou, Chris W. Pool, Michel A. Hofman, Louis J. G. Gooren and Dick F. Swaab.

They're not definitive, but certainly a good start.

As for how you feel it... Um, this is just qualatitive. The first coherent thing I remember about transsexual feeling was when I was about 11 or 12 and reckoned that I shouldn't be a boy. Actually, this happened way before. the more I think about "Oh that was my earliest memory" another earlier one comes along. This wasn't down to who I was attracted to, but more who I was. But I remember, one time in first year in secondary school, we were participating in a study by some trinity psychology students. Of course the test was anonymous, but I remember there was a section of "Do you feel like you should be a member of the opposite sex?" and something about would I do it if I could. I remember reading them, and as a silent little cry (wow that's melodramatic, sorry about that), I put all my heart into ticking yes for both of them, as if somehow the people looking at them would somehow realise I made that mark and help me.

Around 13 I found out what a transsexual was, and realised "Yeah, that makes sense". I put it at the back of my mind though, because I assumed that you had to be a millionaire to do something like that. It wasn't for the common people. So why bother thinking about it?

Thing is, for most of my life, until I actually got myself informed at the age of 16 (thank god for the internet), I assumed most people felt that way. I assumed that guys didn't particularly like their penis, and I assumed that most guys couldn't really see themselves living as a guy in the future. That was the big thing that didn't stick. It was also my growing reluctance to view myself as a guy in the least - pronouns about myself or any such thing. Strange thing was, I did grow facial hair (as opposed to shave it)... Although that was partially so I could just try to fit in in school.

Now, despite all of that anecdotal evidence, it doesn't answer one very good question that you asked. How can I be sure that it's my sex and gender identity that's the issue? That's why I got myself to a shrink who dealt with this stuff. His job isn't to say that I am or amn't trans, but at least to rule out that something else is the cause (Extreme example, imagine someone with disassociative identity disorder (i.e. the classic split-personality syndrome) where one of the personalities has a gender opposite to the host's sex - it'd be a really bad idea if that personality changed the sex of the body).

Still doesn't rule out that there's something deeper. And I've seen cases where it probably is something deeper, as opposed to being trans, and man they messed up their lives (putting it mildly). I've seen cases of "Queerer than thou" gone very wrong, I've seen kids do it almost as an elaborate rebellion against their parents, and I've seen others very ready to take advantage of that. So, I'm bloody careful. I have to ask myself lots of questions. Some may say that these questions slow me down, but that's exactly the point.

The only thing I can say for definate is, now that I've started hormones for a coupla years, I know that they've put me in a much better headspace than I was before. To the point where I'm able to stick a college course. It just makes the world feel more right. It makes it easier to live in my body.

I don't know if anyone here has done martial arts, but one of the things they do is it jams your mind right into your body. With me, quite frequently, the mind is far far away from the body. I used to find being put into my body quite uncomfortable, I saw what was wrong with my body, and many bits felt out of place. These days, there's less of an out-of-place feeling.

Overall, I can't qualify it any more than "It just feels right", but so far it's working out for me.

I think I should point out, the current (barbaric) method of treating trans people is a pretty ok treatment (as opposed to a cure). It's a mismatch of mind and body, so butcher the body to a point where the mind/brain says it's ok. The only reason we do it that way is because any previous attempts to fix the mind have failed most spectacularly, and if those papers are accurate, you can see why. So, we go for the other option, alter the body. It's not ideal, because you can't reproduce, and not many mtfs pass well as female (ftms pass much better). Still, it helps the person in question, most of the time.

That said, people still want to try. Hell, even my own parents once tried to convince me to go for NLP sessions (neuro-linguistic programming - I'm not a fan. It smacks of being highly unethical) to 'cure' me. Problem is, I believe that NLP is very powerful, but when you try to mess around with something as low-level as one's gender identity, you're going to affect far more in someone's mind, and could potentially do a lot of damage. I'm not going to be that guinea pig for that cause. Plus, I think it would only mask the symptom and do nothing about the cause.

I hope this helps you understand a bit more (although given the hour I wrote this at, and the fact that I'm not reading over it again, I'm probably not very coherent in it), although in all likelihood, I doubt it'll do much.

Take care,
Phantom Beaker (who's proud of herself because she didn't rely on the cliche of "liking 'womens things' like cooking, cleaning, washing up, ironing, knitting and sewing - ok, I do like the first 4 for some odd reason (cooking is creative, and the other three are very meditative for me), but they're not feminine things/behaviours. Unfortunately half the trannies on TV or radio programmes don't seem to realise this and make a tit of themselves)

damien

swiss wrote:

I know it might sound hypocritical for someone who is gay, who faces this same attitude from certain sections of society to come out and say this.

Don't worry, you won't get arrested by the pink police because you're not as open to transsexuaism as you want others to be about your sexuality. This subject is quite complex and difficult for many to understand. It is only when people like PhantomBeaker take time to explain it that we can understand it more and perhaps understand it.

When say something like:

But I am male, I know I am male and I have always felt comfortable being a male, despite also happening to be a homosexual male.

You are of course going to be biased, like many people. It's something that challenges part of your identity that many assume is immovable. The human organism is so complex that I'd definitely believe transsexualism is not some kind of mental condition. The same way I believe homosexuality is not a mental condition.

Annasopra

Thank you Phantom Breaker for that. Sometimes issues like these can be very difficult for people to get their head around, I know myself I still don't fully understand half of it but I'm definitely not as ignorant (uninformed/uneducated) as I used to be.

I found a good article on gender-queer

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_queer

Stark

Brilliant post, PhantomBeaker, thanks for that.

PhantomBeaker

Rozie wrote:

I'd rather go the Russell Reid route. What's the best way of doing that?

General plan is:

1. Spend money on flights
2. Spend about £180ukp for an hour's appointment with the guy
3. Give off usual tranny spiel that he hears from every single person, whether it's true or not. without getting into any serious psychiatry
4. Watch his eyebrows
5. Repeat from 1 until you get a prescription
6. Get pills, creams, unctions, tinctures, suppositories, pessaries which you'll have to take exactly the same was as suppositories, and gels
7. Use said concoctions
8. Repeat from 1.
9. Get referral to surgeon
10. Get referral from other shrink at roughly the same price but for 20 minutes. conversation is apparently something like "You transsexual?" "Yup." "You want the op?" "Yup." "You sure?" "Yup." "Ok, here's your second referral, get thee to a surgeon".
11. See surgeon.
12. He draws on you.
13. Optional - get genital electrolysis, so that you don't have hairs growing inside your vagina.
14. Pay a large amount of money for op.
15. Get Op
16. Spend time recovering, Physically. Be aware that this requires having enough money to take 3 months leave to fully recover physically - i.e. no income from work (this was just mentioned to me by a friend of mine recently)
17. Get freebie session from RR - he apparently gives you a free session after SRS, and apparently that's generally the last people see of him.
18. Realise that you've been through a life changing process with only token psychological support.
19. Realise that there might have actually been something to the fact that his competence was questioned by the General Medical Counsel.
20. See a real shrink
21. Contemplate suing RR for malpractice.

I think that's the general gist of it.

I might have a slightly dim view of the man. What with the number of DVTs (Deep Vein Thrombosis) had under his care, especially with his token prescription being Ovran and Androcur (well while Ovran was still being made - this cocktail was 100 times more probable to cause a DVT from what I remember), and a number of other serious complaints that I've heard of (some first-hand).

Take care,
The Phantom Beaker

Rozie

PhantomBeaker wrote:

General plan is:

1. Spend money on flights
2. Spend about £180ukp for an hour's appointment with the guy
3. Give off usual tranny spiel that he hears from every single person, whether it's true or not. without getting into any serious psychiatry
4. Watch his eyebrows
5. Repeat from 1 until you get a prescription
6. Get pills, creams, unctions, tinctures, suppositories, pessaries which you'll have to take exactly the same was as suppositories, and gels
7. Use said concoctions
8. Repeat from 1.
9. Get referral to surgeon
10. Get referral from other shrink at roughly the same price but for 20 minutes. conversation is apparently something like "You transsexual?" "Yup." "You want the op?" "Yup." "You sure?" "Yup." "Ok, here's your second referral, get thee to a surgeon".
11. See surgeon.
12. He draws on you.
13. Optional - get genital electrolysis, so that you don't have hairs growing inside your vagina.
14. Pay a large amount of money for op.
15. Get Op
16. Spend time recovering, Physically. Be aware that this requires having enough money to take 3 months leave to fully recover physically - i.e. no income from work (this was just mentioned to me by a friend of mine recently)
17. Get freebie session from RR - he apparently gives you a free session after SRS, and apparently that's generally the last people see of him.
18. Realise that you've been through a life changing process with only token psychological support.
19. Realise that there might have actually been something to the fact that his competence was questioned by the General Medical Counsel.
20. See a real shrink
21. Contemplate suing RR for malpractice.

I think that's the general gist of it.

I might have a slightly dim view of the man. What with the number of DVTs (Deep Vein Thrombosis) had under his care, especially with his token prescription being Ovran and Androcur (well while Ovran was still being made - this cocktail was 100 times more probable to cause a DVT from what I remember), and a number of other serious complaints that I've heard of (some first-hand).

Take care,
The Phantom Beaker

I always heard he was very good, just a little on the loose side... what route do you recommend I take? I need to get HRT as soon as possible, preferably start it before october.

isolde

PhantomBeaker wrote:

I hope this helps you understand a bit more (although given the hour I wrote this at, and the fact that I'm not reading over it again, I'm probably not very coherent in it), although in all likelihood, I doubt it'll do much.

Just happened to read this, great post PhantomBeaker, really gives an insight into your situation.

Can I ask a really ignorant question... really sorry if this comes across as extremely stupid... but, who exactly are transexual people attracted to? What I mean is, if you are a man and want to be female, who exactly are you attracted to.. are you attracted to men, as a heterosexual woman, or are some people attracted to women, as a woman who was previously a man? Like lesbian transexuals then? Sorry, this is really unclear, I hope people understand what I'm trying to ask, and completely apologise for my complete ignorance of the situation...

On a semi-separate, off-topic note... having lived abroad in a small German city for quite some time, where not being heterosexual was completely normal and celebrated, it was great to see the Pride march in Dublin today. And the colours were fab.

FranknFurter

Gotta say,...

Damn good job PB, real good explainations of a very complex issue that is all too often misunderstood / not appreciated by the Gay as well as the str8 communities in general.

I often find it funny how people forget that not so long ago, being homosexual was also considered a "mental illness" by the med/psych professions (still is by some), an not just the general public.

b

Annasopra

Isolde

Some people after transition are then straight and then some are gay/lesbian, so the answer is both

I actually was really ignorant on that issue as well until about 2 years ago, when I realised - people change their gender and then become gay/lesbian, this totally in some ways threw me byt helped me to learn more

PhantomBeaker

isolde wrote:

Can I ask a really ignorant question... really sorry if this comes across as extremely stupid... but, who exactly are transexual people attracted to?

Simplest answer I can come up with is: whoever you're attracted to.

(More complex answer) I mean, there are lesbian male-to-female transsexuals, there are straight, there are bi. There are gay female-to-males, likewise straight and bi. Thing is, they might not identify quite the way you'd expect.

I mean, how many TSs would call themselves straight after all they've been through? Sexually, they might be straight, but most likely they wouldn't call themselves straight.

Trust me, you look at gender differently. So you look at the gender/sex of your partner from a slightly different way. Then standard labels of sexuality go a bit weird.

So when people ask my sexuality - I could say "I like nice androgynous people, and (insert list of types of people I like)"... or I could just keep it simple and say "bi"

But the short answer of "whatever you're attracted to" works well, I find.

Take care,
Phantom Beaker

isolde

johnnymcg, phantombeaker

thanks for that, hadnt a notion...

PhantomBeaker

Rozie wrote:

I always heard he was very good, just a little on the loose side... what route do you recommend I take? I need to get HRT as soon as possible, preferably start it before october.

Ok. Basically for 7 years I've seen people go into and out of Russell Reid's office. Some of them managed to mess up their lives rather seriously, and I've seen some get on just fine. I've seen someone who was very seriously considering suing the guy because he gave bad endocrinological advice, nearly losing her her job (reason: he told her employer that hormones do not have a physical effect, nor does it have the potential to effect your sleeping patterns etc ), and possibly her life.

This was the sort of thing that was called into question by the General Medical Council. You can read a bit about it at: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/3412485.stm and http://www.ftmaustralia.org/media/04/0119.html

Now, the other side is that he's infamous within trans circles for just going through the motions. Most people tend to refer to him as "A quack, but a useful quack" because you used to get a prescription from him on the first appointment as a 'dianostic'. However, generally speaking he was not known for his psychological support.

In England, most people got that from their other trans friends. I think you may have noticed that, in Ireland, trans people are a bit scarce. So, if there aren't that many trans people to get support from, we damned well need it from a psychologist. Remember, we're going through a LIFE CHANGING EXPERIENCE - that may sound heavy, and quite frankly it is. We need someone who can bounce back some repercussions that we may not have thought of. Hell sometimes we just need a shoulder to cry on, with things like "I was walking down the street and this group of kids shout, 'Hey look, he has tits!'".

A psychologist is one of those people that you just need. He's not there as a some sort of gatekeeper - it's to make sure that you don't have any problems when you transition, or that you can talk to him about it.

With RR, you apparently goes through the motions. He doesn't particularly know who you are, or what you're going through. Hell, you could go to him saying you want to be a pink female rubber duck, and in the old days you'd still walk out with a prescription for Ovran and oestrogel.

If you have a lot of crap in your life, he's not the one to go to.

Overall, I believe James Kelly a really great psychologist, and a good man in general. Another plus, he's local - that doesn't just mean that you pay less for getting to him, but it also means he'll know what you mean when you say "I'm living in Limerick". RR will just wiggle his eyebrows and say "that's nice", James Kelly will pay more attention, and ask how safe the area might be for you... that sorta thing.

He's not a slouch referring to the endocrinologist either (you could possibly get there by October). Dr O'Shea knows his stuff, and my opinion of him has improved last time I saw him. He's a good guy. He's a little behind on the times... but he's getting there. He wants to be safe.

RR will just prescribe anything you want, on the basis that you've done your research. O'Shea will prescribe what he's researched and knows works. That infuriates me sometimes, but I do appreciate that he's both looking out for himself, and for the patient. Given how powerful hormones are, I can understand why.

Basically, there's a very good reason why psychological support is needed: changing sex is not a normal thing to do, and it's dangerous (socially, plus increased risks of DVTs, embolisms, brittle bones), renders you infertile and is rather permanent, so you need to have someone making sure that this is really what you want. I find the ones who adjust well to all of this are the ones who'll have no problem with seeing a psychologist... it's the ones that want to skip it that generally need it most. But that's just my own personal experience.

Anywho, I'd just recommend against RR, but ultimately it's your decision.

Take care,
Phantom Beaker

Annasopra

Just realised something

I said that trans people can be gay OR straight after the op - sorry they can of course be bi

Rozie

How long should it take to get hormones going by the Irish system?

PhantomBeaker

A few months. Considering that RR has at least 3 months between appointments, the time scale isn't that drastically different, just you get more sessions in those few months, and in the case of James Kelly, he DEFINATELY gets to know you.

Rozie

How do I get referred though?

See, I have to go back to college. How will I make the change? Should I start going out as a girl now, or wait until halloween break? Hair removal is a big problem, because of having to let it grow for laser... but will that be alright after the first session(less dark/less dense)?

I really want to go back as a girl...

Rozie

Wait! Now I remember the main reason for wanting to go to RR.

I hear that here you can only get Premarin. I do NOT want to take that stuff. I'd rather go without hormones if I have to...

Victor

Whats with the "unholy" rush?

Hmm_Messiah

I've seen some great responses to the OP, and especially Phantom Beaker's contribution.

Like others its not something I know much about, so can contribute little other than what I said earlier. However, leaving the "subject" aside it appears to me that you are pretty much overwhelmed with questions, uncertainties, and a lack of direction.

I'd repeat my advise that the place to get these answers is a therapist. Not that replies here are useless, but each response seems to spark any number of other questions and concerns with you.
I think you would benefit from some one who has met you and can help you prioritise your needs while lessening the frustration.

If you've decided you want to be a girl on return to college then you need to be getting that help right now. imho you might be putting too much pressure on yourself (though understandable) and perhap should set a date like after the xmas break. Having a realistic date set will benefit you in your endeavours.

again the best of luck (and I hope you've explored the links provided here as well as the posts)