I love this girl

VirtualNemesis

i really love a girl im really good friends with. i hurt everytime we talk and go out. i dont know what to do. should i tell her how i feel or just leave it. I dont want to jepordise the relationship we have right now. Its hard to describe my feelings on a thread but i cant stop thinkin about her.please help me i dont know what to do.

sutty

Well, Speaking as someone who was just in a relationship with a good friend of a year or so. I have to say its a bad idea. (we/she called it off last week) as she wanted to go back to being just friends and she wasn't over someone that walked out on her a year ago. I haven't spoken to her since. I more than likely will speak to her again. But the fact that we where once lovers will make things strange. So my best advice is to find a girl you dont know but are a attracted to. See if you can make a relationship out of it.

Keep your friend as just that.

meditraitor

Should I keep it to myself

Go tell her how you feel , right now, go on, off with you

monkeyfudge

Telling a girl that you are not in a relationship with that you love her is probably not a very good idea. It's just coming on far too strong.

nesf

Obsession/love can be a death knell in many a friendship.

Just because you feel it doesn't mean she does. etc etc

Focus on the friendship, if you two are to be, then it will happen, there is no need to force the issue when you are not being rational about the whole thing.

It's a good way to lose a friend.

BizzyC

Should I forget about the love of my life altogether

Went through the same problem, although it was a little more complicated, wont get into that, with my current girlfriend.

My advice is dont tell her. If she can't tell already then it'll just shock her, and she'll be kinda taken off guard.

Spend more time with her. Start doing subtle things to get a feeling for where she's at, ie more physical contact than usual, some light flirting etc.

She'll either start doing it back, or she'll get a bit weirded out, and it wont be too late to stop.

Bard

Get her drunk and tell her how you feel.

Velvet Vocals

Should I keep it to myself

There a lots of things that you could do, you could be very sensible and weigh up your options, how much do you love her compared to how much do you like having her as a friend...
consider carefully how you would react if she didn't feel the same way or how she will react to you telling her how you feel....

But really, your afraid of loosing her as a friend because you love her, and if you tell her you love her and she rejects you then being her friend is going to be hard, but if you don't tell her then being her friend is going to be hard anyway....
At the end of the day, I think.... TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL


And sure, whoknows, she might feel exactly the same way and it'll all end with a big kiss and a walk off into the sunset (I just realised that this comment sounds sarcastic... I really don't mean it to!! I really think it could work out well for you both!!!)

VirtualNemesis

monkeyfudge wrote:

Telling a girl that you are not in a relationship with that you love her is probably not a very good idea. It's just coming on far too strong.

i wouldnt tell her i love her id tell her that i like her more than a friend. i wouldnt want tro scare her away

Praetorian

If you have a mutual friend, you could ask him or her to ask this girl if she would be interested in being more than just friends. Or you could ask the mutual friend to be a little more devious, and say something like, "you guys seem to be getting closer these days, is there something going on"? When she says no, they could ask, "well would you like if there was something going on"?

VirtualNemesis

Saint Something wrote:

There a lots of things that you could do, you could be very sensible and weigh up your options, how much do you love her compared to how much do you like having her as a friend...
consider carefully how you would react if she didn't feel the same way or how she will react to you telling her how you feel....

But really, your afraid of loosing her as a friend because you love her, and if you tell her you love her and she rejects you then being her friend is going to be hard, but if you don't tell her then being her friend is going to be hard anyway....
At the end of the day, I think.... TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL


And sure, whoknows, she might feel exactly the same way and it'll all end with a big kiss and a walk off into the sunset (I just realised that this comment sounds sarcastic... I really don't mean it to!! I really think it could work out well for you both!!!)

thank you that is great advise. i have weighed up the options and i couldnt sit back and just be friends. it hurts when i go out with her as a friend and i cant hold her hand (we do but inocently when we are walkin in clubs) i want to feel passion with her and have her know how i feel.

VirtualNemesis

Praetorian wrote:

If you have a mutual friend, you could ask him or her to ask this girl if she would be interested in being more than just friends. Or you could ask the mutual friend to be a little more devious, and say something like, "you guys seem to be getting closer these days, is there something going on"? When she says no, they could ask, "well would you like if there was something going on"?

again great advise but i dont think we have any mutual friends that close to us.

Mr. Presentable

My suggestion would be to tell a mutual friend, one you trust not to take the p***, that you fancy this girl. Not that you love her. He/she will probably mention it to her. Then just wait a few days and see if there's any feedback.

Velvet Vocals

Should I keep it to myself

I think that by going to a friend you are demonstrating a lack of confidence. I think (as a girl) that confidence in a man is a very sexy quality. If you are strong in your convictions and confident enough to stand on your own two feet and say "hey, Your lovely, can I kiss you and see where it goes?" then she'll be yours

Praetorian

Best of luck then VirtualNemesis. It's a tough call.

Ehh hold on, I've more to say lol. If I was in your position, I'd probably start some light flirting, see how she reacts and move from there.

VirtualNemesis

how light?

WhiteWashMan

user your own judgment.

just hurry up and tell her already.

TCP/IP

In my advice just talk to her whatever you dont do not just come out with I love you - bad idea.

Ask her out for dinner treat her very well take her places just spend time together and believe me things will happen. I was in the exact same position and that was the way that worked for me. Just make her notice how much better you are then other men.

If I may be so rude can you tell me how old you are

Eitherway best of luck

lacuna

If you've been friends for a while, light flirting could do more harm than good. If she doesn't feel the same way it might make her feel uncomfortable and confused.
Maybe just talk to her about it. Then you'll get a definite answer and you'll know where you stand without getting your hopes up.
Like Saint Something said, I don't think it's the best idea to go through a mutual friend. It comes across a bit cowardly and lacks intimacy.

i have weighed up the options and i couldnt sit back and just be friends.

Have you thought about what happens if you find out for definite that she wants only to be friends? If she doesn't reciprocate, could you then handle just being friends? Maybe you should consider more carefully your feelings and the repercussions that your actions will have on your friendship. If it all went wrong, you could lose a friend.

I don't mean to discourage you. I just think it's important to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. Good luck!

Tobias Greeshman

Should I forget about the love of my life altogether

Have you considered cutting down the amount of time you spend with this friend temporarily for a few weeks and see how this goes! Perhaps time apart (well reduced time together) will help you maybe understand your feelings for your friend.

Then if you still have feelings for her maybe try the light flirting as suggested which id consider to be: increased eye contact, sound a little interested in what she has to say, touching her gently on the arm or leg and maybe be a little more affectionate towards her!

Riamfada

Should I keep it to myself

Hi there. Been there done that. Just tell her. Perhaps she feels the same. In my case she didnt but all that was sorted out by my two friends time and alcohol. We are still friends....... for the time being. What age are you?

marshmallow

Bard wrote:

Get her drunk and tell her how you feel.

never involve drink

jrey1981

Try and spend a bit more time with her, slightly contrive to do this at or near somewhere romantic sometime, ask if you can have a hug or something, take her hand, look into her eyes and tell her how you feel. Take a gamble.

It's better to at least make a big gesture for her than spend time regretting that you didn't.

I've been in this situation and it's the worst thing ever. Trust me you don't want to have regrets months or years down the road when she's all loved up with some other fella.

VirtualNemesis

TCP/IP wrote:

If I may be so rude can you tell me how old you are

Eitherway best of luck

not rude at all im 21

marshmallow

silas wrote:

Have you considered cutting down the amount of time you spend with this friend temporarily for a few weeks and see how this goes! Perhaps time apart (well reduced time together) will help you maybe understand your feelings for your friend.

That might not work either.. You might start to drift apart..
A guy just finished it with me last week. Everything was perfect, no fights or anything it was just age difference.. We agreed to stay friends but not to talk for a few days to come to terms with our feelings. We didn't talk for 4days which felt like ages for me! I already feel like we're drifting apart because we don't have the same friends so we'd have to arrange to meet up ourselves which I'm doubting will happen..

sorry, back to OP - I think the suggestion of light flirting will help. If it's getting nowhere try to bring it up in conversation.. 'we have such a great time together, don't we? we should spend more time together'

perhaps something like that? good luck anyway!

VirtualNemesis

marshmallow wrote:

silas wrote:

Have you considered cutting down the amount of time you spend with this friend temporarily for a few weeks and see how this goes! Perhaps time apart (well reduced time together) will help you maybe understand your feelings for your friend.

That might not work either.. You might start to drift apart..
A guy just finished it with me last week. Everything was perfect, no fights or anything it was just age difference.. We agreed to stay friends but not to talk for a few days to come to terms with our feelings. We didn't talk for 4days which felt like ages for me! I already feel like we're drifting apart because we don't have the same friends so we'd have to arrange to meet up ourselves which I'm doubting will happen..

sorry, back to OP - I think the suggestion of light flirting will help. If it's getting nowhere try to bring it up in conversation.. 'we have such a great time together, don't we? we should spend more time together'

perhaps something like that? good luck anyway!

sorry to hear that MarshMallow

Thanks for that. thats also sounds good. god i have so many things to consider.

aliveandkicking

Ok I was in exactly the same situation a month or so ago. I wondered was it best to try it on with her when we were both out on the P**s or just to tell her I liked her & ask her out on a date completely sober. In the end I asked her out sober and she said no. I wish now I had of just tried it on with her when we were drunk. Things were awkward with us for a few days after but we are fine now, still very good friends. She tells me everything and when we are out she hangs around with me all the time, its so frustrating and upsetting that she likes me so much as a friend but no more. Its getting to the stage now where Im wondering can I stay just friends with her because I am always going to want more. I know my feelings for her are never going to go away. She is the special one.

So my advice to VirtualNemesis is just to let her know subtley that you like her as more than just a friend and be prepared for big disapointment that may ruin your friendship too. But definitely do tell her because you don't want to be left wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.

VirtualNemesis

aliveandkicking wrote:

So my advice to VirtualNemesis is just to let her know subtley that you like her as more than just a friend and be prepared for big disapointment that may ruin your friendship too. But definitely do tell her because you don't want to be left wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.

im sorry to hear about that mate!!

i know exactly what you mean because i am kinda wondering if i dont say anything i will regret it for the rest of my life.

i failed to mention that i took her out last night to wish her luck in repeating the leaving this year as she didnt get all the points she needed last year. i proght her out and gave her a good luck teddy and a card and stuff like that and had a lovely meal with the resteraunt completly empty just her and me. we had a great laugh and every know and then i could of sworn i caught her lookin iinto my eyes while i was looking elsewhere. and just stuff like that. then we went back to my place with a bottle of wine and watched a dvd. she was laying on my lap with a coushin and it felt right to me

Bard

marshmallow wrote:

never involve drink

The 'get her drunk' part was a joke.

...

Probably.

aliveandkicking

VirtualNemesis wrote:

im sorry to hear about that mate!!

i know exactly what you mean because i am kinda wondering if i dont say anything i will regret it for the rest of my life.

i failed to mention that i took her out last night to wish her luck in repeating the leaving this year as she didnt get all the points she needed last year. i proght her out and gave her a good luck teddy and a card and stuff like that and had a lovely meal with the resteraunt completly empty just her and me. we had a great laugh and every know and then i could of sworn i caught her lookin iinto my eyes while i was looking elsewhere. and just stuff like that. then we went back to my place with a bottle of wine and watched a dvd. she was laying on my lap with a coushin and it felt right to me

Mate it sounds as if shes really into you too. Try having another night like last night only this time when she has her head on your lap lean down and start kissing her on the neck. If she lets you then progress to the lips and see what happens.

VirtualNemesis

aliveandkicking wrote:

Mate it sounds as if shes really into you too. Try having another night like last night only this time when she has her head on your lap lean down and start kissing her on the neck. If she lets you then progress to the lips and see what happens.

i dont know about that. i dont want to be to aggressive about it. would it be too aggressive? id be too nervous to do that.what about if she starts looking into my eyes i look back and dont turn away like i normaly do

CathyMoran

Should I keep it to myself

To the OP - imagine which you would regret most in a few years time:
(a) Not telling her and potentially always having feelings for her.
(b) Telling her and potentially loosing her as a friend but also the chance that she might feel the same way and you could be together.

I have always gone for option b as I tend to date friends and while I have one minor regret over someone it is not as big a regret as option a.
Either way - good luck.

Bard

VirtualNemesis wrote:

i dont know about that. i dont want to be to aggressive about it. would it be too aggressive? id be too nervous to do that.what about if she starts looking into my eyes i look back and dont turn away like i normaly do

It might make her suddenly jump up in surprise from your lap, thereby breaking your nose with her advancing skull. Who knows?

aliveandkicking

VirtualNemesis wrote:

i dont know about that. i dont want to be to aggressive about it. would it be too aggressive? id be too nervous to do that.what about if she starts looking into my eyes i look back and dont turn away like i normaly do

Ok so you look into her eyes instead of turning away - then what? sooner or later you have to make the first move and IMO when she is lying with her head on your lap after having spent a lovely night with you is the time to test the waters by giving her a little kiss on the neck or somewhere else. If she wants more she'll stay lying on your lap if she doesn't she'll get up quite quickly.

VirtualNemesis

CathyMoran wrote:

To the OP - imagine which you would regret most in a few years time:
(a) Not telling her and potentially always having feelings for her.
(b) Telling her and potentially loosing her as a friend but also the chance that she might feel the same way and you could be together.

I have always gone for option b as I tend to date friends and while I have one minor regret over someone it is not as big a regret as option a.
Either way - good luck.

i like option b myself. but i dont like the part where you say "loosing her a friend"

lol


also if im gonna do this i will have to wait until after her exams i dont want this to interfer with her studying.

Mr.Nice Guy

Should I forget about the love of my life altogether

I'm going to give you some good advice OP cos you seem like a good guy. Someone already mentioned it already I think but DON'T EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS! You must remain detached. Furthermore you should cut off contact with her for a while and then make it up to her by showing her a good time. You should compliment other girls when you're around her and keep doing it until she gets annoyed. You should be physical around her. Use subtle touching but don't grope her! Hug her if possible. You should give conflicting messages also. Tell her she's very special and that you're glad you and her are both friends. Compliment her if she looks or smells good and joke that you might have to rethink your friendship if she keeps looking or smelling that good. Crank up the eye contact too. Hold your stares a little longer than usual and give her more confusing signals.

You need to adopt this attitude to get her thinking about you. You shouldn't EVER tell her how you feel. Wait until she tells you she likes you or else make a pass on her in a moment of passion. You could kiss her quickly if you are joking and messing around. Then say nothing afterwards and confuse her even further.

Ultimately you need to be detached and not plunge right in and scare her away. Be your own man , do your own thing and let things run their course.

Hope this helps. I'm sure most guys have found themselves in this situation. I know I have so I wish you good luck.

VirtualNemesis

that post should have the title Carlsberg.

because its probably the best post in the world.

Thanks Mr Nice Guy

Sarky

Tell her. If she's the friend you claim she is, and you're both mature enough to take things seriously and think for yourselves, then even if she doesn't feel the same way you'll both be able to get over it and remain friends. Hell, even if you break up you can stay friends if you're both sensible about it. Granted, it could take a couple of weeks to sort it out, but it's worth it.

watsgone

VirtualNemesis wrote:

i really love a girl im really good friends with. i hurt everytime we talk and go out. i dont know what to do. should i tell her how i feel or just leave it. I dont want to jepordise the relationship we have right now. Its hard to describe my feelings on a thread but i cant stop thinkin about her.please help me i dont know what to do.

In my opinion, please dont do it. It is a rare,rare, rare relationship that can recover from that sort of revealation. I understand where you are coming from, been there before. It is powerful feelings that you are dealing with, if you enjoy and value your friendship let it be for a while. Telling her how you feel could go either way. I think the question is would you want to risk losing the friendship.

Good Luck though

LegacyUser

What everyone is saying is great advice.
But from my personal experience (ie my friend told me he liked me more than a friend) dont come right out and say it.
As some other people said, drop some messages. anything to get her thinking about you more. works so much better.
but dont walk up to her tomorrow and go " I like you, lets date!"
no
doesnt work
trust me
women (at least the ones i know) see their male friends as just that.... a platonic friend and nothing more.
remember though.....
you can never go back to your old friendship once anything is said or done. no matter what anyone says.... she'll always remember and you'll always remember.

athena 2000

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

You need to adopt this attitude to get her thinking about you. You shouldn't EVER tell her how you feel. Wait until she tells you she likes you or else make a pass on her in a moment of passion. You could kiss her quickly if you are joking and messing around. Then say nothing afterwards and confuse her even further.

Ultimately you need to be detached and not plunge right in and scare her away. Be your own man , do your own thing and let things run their course.

Hope this helps. I'm sure most guys have found themselves in this situation. I know I have so I wish you good luck.

Mr.NG what were your results with this approach?

Good luck, OP. Think about it with your head, your heart, and your gut. I think you already know what to do.

Whatever_fools

Tell her, seriously just tell her. If she doesnt feel the same then yeah there will be some akwardness for a while but if the friendship is worth anything at all it will sort itself out...tell her now!

Genghis

Consider yourself here for a moment. You have developed strong feeelings for this girl, feelings that won't just go away. If you choose not to reveal these, you are faced with permanent frustration - the more you stay friends, the more agony you will pile on yourself. You are unlikely to date anyone else, and so you suffer a vacuum, preferring to seek out signals (however slight) that your friend is interested in you romantically. Meanwhile, if she hooks up with another guy, you will find it unbearable.

Furthermore, even if you lose touch in the future, you could be faced with the 'what if' / Greener Grass question for the rest of your life - especially if you find yourself alone or in a bad relationship.

If you decide to tell the girl on the other hand, the benefit is that you find out for sure one way or the other. You will either end up with her, in which case you get what you desire, or you find out for certain that there can never be anything between you, in which case you will be able to move on.

Remember the risk - losing her as a friend altogether. Minimise this by doing it properly. I would suggest (from painful experience) that you do not do this with drink, that you are confident in doing it, and that you choose your time carefully - until she finishes the exams, it is a no-no ... however, if they go well, then right after could be just right.

I speak from experience, here. I have lost a friend by asking the question, and that is upsetting, but tbh, I am in a stronger position now to move on. In my idealistic view, I had convinced myself that I would not ask unless I was 90% certain of 'yes' or 'maybe', and I promised myself that if the answer was 'no', then I would do everything in my power to remain as (perhaps better) friends - now that the messy businees of attraction was cleared up.

As it turns out, despite my efforts to keep in touch, I am being given the cold shoulder big time. That is very hurtful, especially as I know it is deliberate, and it is also painful for me to know that we can never be good friends again. It was also a major kick to my confidence - this was the first girl I asked out in many years, so it was a blow on that front. Her reaction to me afterwards also had me concerned that she now views me as some sort of threatening predator, and perhaps has re-cast our whole friendship in that light.

I don't blame the girl for this, it is her way of handling things - as sure as I was that we could still be friends, she is obviously just as sure that we can't. I guess I was wrong about a few things, but then attraction always clouds judgement. Try to remember this!

Final note: I do know where I stand now, I regret losing a friend, but I am looking forward to dating someone new next weekend (something I probably wouldn't be planning if I never asked).

Good Luck, mate.

sutty

Well from what happened with me and my ex/friend. If she is laying her head on your lap (with or with out a pillow) while ye watch a DVD/TV. Then she is open to ye being more than just friends. This is my experience anyway. It also shows that she trusts you by making such a prolonged physical contact. As I said and someone else said. If you ask her, be ready for your friend ship to change.

It may end, it may grow stronger or it might just tone down. But in the end of the day its up to your-self. Like *most* girls. She is not going to make the first move. So you will have to. (and girls that is not a baseless statement. Most girls will not make a move on a guy)

Ether way, Good luck with what you chouse to do.

LegacyUser

Genghis,

Thats like gold right there, well done. I was in almost exactly the same situation, but I did it with drink :-) (there had been some previous kissing going on)

Seriously, really great advice, I am really glad I told her how I felt, now its like the cold shoulder, and so be it, it has left me in a position to move on, its almost a relief.

OP, I would advise you to tell her aswell, and do follow some of the great advice on this thread. I was prepared to lose a very good friend, in the hope of finding happiness, and thats what happened.

Now its time to move on, next!

Peteee

Mmmm having been in a similar situation here (roomate instead of friend, drunk, got messy, but thats all sorted out and we're still good friends) I can tell you that i've never regretted telling her how i felt, even if she didnt really feel the same way.

If you dont tell them, you'll regret it for the rest of your days tbh. Suppose i'm lucky in that i'm still friends with her, so maybe i'm biased but....meh

Mr.Nice Guy

Should I forget about the love of my life altogether

athena 2000 wrote:

Mr.NG what were your results with this approach?

Good luck, OP. Think about it with your head, your heart, and your gut. I think you already know what to do.

The result was a success. I would say most guys who have friends who are girls have thought about them in a sexual way at some point but for women, I don't think it's the same. If you're in the 'friend zone' with a woman then your chances of getting with her are very slim. I believe you have to get HER thinking about you before making any moves. To do this, you should be detached and send her mixed signals. This is the best way of going about it.

I notice that alot of the guys here who are advising the OP to tell her how he feels because they did the same thing at one point, have also said that it didn't work out for them but that they don't regret it. So what? Bottom line is the method of telling the girl more often than not will fail as these guys have proven. The 'nameless girl' poster hit the nail on the head when she spoke of how pouring your heart out just doesn't work.

If the OP does what I advised him I think he'll have success as the signs are that the girl does feel for him in some way. If he sends her some mixed signals now she'll appreciate how valauble he is to her and he should have a good chance of getting with her.

I would be interested in hearing a follow up report on this at some point down the road...

Son_of_Belial

Should I forget about the love of my life altogether

monkeyfudge wrote:

Telling a girl that you are not in a relationship with that you love her is probably not a very good idea. It's just coming on far too strong

Yeah, seriously, that's a bad idea. Also, has it occurred to you that she probably already knows? Women are like that you know. Never underestimate the power of female intuition. Here's what I would do/have done in the past. Invite her out for a beer, just the two of you. She'll more than likely accept. See what happens. Be yourself, be relaxed, use subtle subliminal hints - touch her on the elbow or something while you distract her attention to something. Not a sensitive area so she won't be conscious of the touch, but her subconscious will. See how she reacts. Get some booze into her, go dancing or something, and when you reckon it's a good time, f*cking kiss her! Obviously don't go and do that straight off the bat, you need to watch her body-language if you get close to her. Worst she'll do is pull away from you. it happens, if you got it wrong, blame the drink and the atmosphere, whatever, if she really is a good mate she'll forget about it. Geez, I've scored nearly every female friend I have at some time or other. It's really not such a big deal. if she kisses you back, well then you're in clover. Start going out just the two of you, scoring whatever and see what happens, but for the love of Christ, don't mention the "L" word for at least six weeks after you've started going out, and I mean at LEAST! Preferrably, you want her to say that first. Also, try not to get too close. If she decides after 3 weeks or so that it needs to end, don't be too upset. You know the saying "Better to have loved and lost..." Give it a shot anyway. Stranger things have happened!

VirtualNemesis

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

The result was a success. I would say most guys who have friends who are girls have thought about them in a sexual way at some point but for women, I don't think it's the same. If you're in the 'friend zone' with a woman then your chances of getting with her are very slim. I believe you have to get HER thinking about you before making any moves. To do this, you should be detached and send her mixed signals. This is the best way of going about it.

I notice that alot of the guys here who are advising the OP to tell her how he feels because they did the same thing at one point, have also said that it didn't work out for them but that they don't regret it. So what? Bottom line is the method of telling the girl more often than not will fail as these guys have proven. The 'nameless girl' poster hit the nail on the head when she spoke of how pouring your heart out just doesn't work.

If the OP does what I advised him I think he'll have success as the signs are that the girl does feel for him in some way. If he sends her some mixed signals now she'll appreciate how valauble he is to her and he should have a good chance of getting with her.

I would be interested in hearing a follow up report on this at some point down the road...

sorry i haventy reply do it in ages ive been away from the computer.
so im not gonna reply to all the posts individualy but

Nameless Girl: great advise thanks for that

Mr nice guy: what sort of subtle and mixed signlas do you suggest. im not the best at doing that or thinkin about what to do. any more great advise from the master (no sarcasim intended)

VirtualNemesis

Son_of_Belial wrote:

Yeah, seriously, that's a bad idea. Also, has it occurred to you that she probably already knows? Women are like that you know. Never underestimate the power of female intuition. Here's what I would do/have done in the past. Invite her out for a beer, just the two of you. She'll more than likely accept. See what happens. Be yourself, be relaxed, use subtle subliminal hints - touch her on the elbow or something while you distract her attention to something. Not a sensitive area so she won't be conscious of the touch, but her subconscious will. See how she reacts. Get some booze into her, go dancing or something, and when you reckon it's a good time, f*cking kiss her! Obviously don't go and do that straight off the bat, you need to watch her body-language if you get close to her. Worst she'll do is pull away from you. it happens, if you got it wrong, blame the drink and the atmosphere, whatever, if she really is a good mate she'll forget about it. Geez, I've scored nearly every female friend I have at some time or other. It's really not such a big deal. if she kisses you back, well then you're in clover. Start going out just the two of you, scoring whatever and see what happens, but for the love of Christ, don't mention the "L" word for at least six weeks after you've started going out, and I mean at LEAST! Preferrably, you want her to say that first. Also, try not to get too close. If she decides after 3 weeks or so that it needs to end, don't be too upset. You know the saying "Better to have loved and lost..." Give it a shot anyway. Stranger things have happened!

cheers for that !!! sound advice will consider your view

VirtualNemesis

Genghis wrote:

Consider yourself here for a moment. You have developed strong feeelings for this girl, feelings that won't just go away. If you choose not to reveal these, you are faced with permanent frustration - the more you stay friends, the more agony you will pile on yourself. You are unlikely to date anyone else, and so you suffer a vacuum, preferring to seek out signals (however slight) that your friend is interested in you romantically. Meanwhile, if she hooks up with another guy, you will find it unbearable.

Furthermore, even if you lose touch in the future, you could be faced with the 'what if' / Greener Grass question for the rest of your life - especially if you find yourself alone or in a bad relationship.

If you decide to tell the girl on the other hand, the benefit is that you find out for sure one way or the other. You will either end up with her, in which case you get what you desire, or you find out for certain that there can never be anything between you, in which case you will be able to move on.

Remember the risk - losing her as a friend altogether. Minimise this by doing it properly. I would suggest (from painful experience) that you do not do this with drink, that you are confident in doing it, and that you choose your time carefully - until she finishes the exams, it is a no-no ... however, if they go well, then right after could be just right.

I speak from experience, here. I have lost a friend by asking the question, and that is upsetting, but tbh, I am in a stronger position now to move on. In my idealistic view, I had convinced myself that I would not ask unless I was 90% certain of 'yes' or 'maybe', and I promised myself that if the answer was 'no', then I would do everything in my power to remain as (perhaps better) friends - now that the messy businees of attraction was cleared up.

As it turns out, despite my efforts to keep in touch, I am being given the cold shoulder big time. That is very hurtful, especially as I know it is deliberate, and it is also painful for me to know that we can never be good friends again. It was also a major kick to my confidence - this was the first girl I asked out in many years, so it was a blow on that front. Her reaction to me afterwards also had me concerned that she now views me as some sort of threatening predator, and perhaps has re-cast our whole friendship in that light.

I don't blame the girl for this, it is her way of handling things - as sure as I was that we could still be friends, she is obviously just as sure that we can't. I guess I was wrong about a few things, but then attraction always clouds judgement. Try to remember this!

Final note: I do know where I stand now, I regret losing a friend, but I am looking forward to dating someone new next weekend (something I probably wouldn't be planning if I never asked).

Good Luck, mate.

Your a legend!!! great post!!!!! you could of actually nailed this on the head for me