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I love this girl

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  • 09-06-2005 3:23pm
    #1
    Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭


    i really love a girl im really good friends with. i hurt everytime we talk and go out. i dont know what to do. should i tell her how i feel or just leave it. I dont want to jepordise the relationship we have right now. Its hard to describe my feelings on a thread but i cant stop thinkin about her.please help me i dont know what to do.

    Should I tell her or not 88 votes

    Should I tell her that i love her
    0%
    Should I keep it to myself
    47%
    UnknownBossArkyPHBBriSamuraiBottle_of_SmokeDempseyRiamfadanadirVelvet VocalsBEATZillahTailsandrew163GrimlocklazygitOrielBubbanlgbbbblth_blank_ 42 votes
    Should I break it to her slowly
    11%
    CivilServantPlacebospahndirgesyklopsDizzyblablaSparkyel telHappyCrackHeadRonin00074oden91 10 votes
    Should I forget about the love of my life altogether
    40%
    UnknownampazezilKintarō HattoriDamomanyemisswexblaken90LinogeKingp35SoulessUnknownmp3guyCiaran500BizzyCmarkkilpatricktadhgrrrMr.Nice GuyBeau4Xcut 36 votes


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Comments

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,109 ✭✭✭sutty


    Well, Speaking as someone who was just in a relationship with a good friend of a year or so. I have to say its a bad idea. (we/she called it off last week) as she wanted to go back to being just friends and she wasn't over someone that walked out on her a year ago. I haven't spoken to her since. I more than likely will speak to her again. But the fact that we where once lovers will make things strange. So my best advice is to find a girl you dont know but are a attracted to. See if you can make a relationship out of it.

    Keep your friend as just that.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 5,207 ✭✭✭meditraitor


    Should I keep it to myself
    Go tell her how you feel , right now, go on, off with you :)


  • Registered Users Posts: 23,216 ✭✭✭✭monkeyfudge


    Telling a girl that you are not in a relationship with that you love her is probably not a very good idea. It's just coming on far too strong.


  • Registered Users Posts: 27,645 ✭✭✭✭nesf


    Obsession/love can be a death knell in many a friendship.

    Just because you feel it doesn't mean she does. etc etc

    Focus on the friendship, if you two are to be, then it will happen, there is no need to force the issue when you are not being rational about the whole thing.

    It's a good way to lose a friend.


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,010 ✭✭✭BizzyC


    Should I forget about the love of my life altogether
    Went through the same problem, although it was a little more complicated, wont get into that, with my current girlfriend.

    My advice is dont tell her. If she can't tell already then it'll just shock her, and she'll be kinda taken off guard.

    Spend more time with her. Start doing subtle things to get a feeling for where she's at, ie more physical contact than usual, some light flirting etc.

    She'll either start doing it back, or she'll get a bit weirded out, and it wont be too late to stop.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,309 ✭✭✭✭Bard


    Get her drunk and tell her how you feel.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,345 ✭✭✭Velvet Vocals


    Should I keep it to myself
    There a lots of things that you could do, you could be very sensible and weigh up your options, how much do you love her compared to how much do you like having her as a friend...
    consider carefully how you would react if she didn't feel the same way or how she will react to you telling her how you feel....

    But really, your afraid of loosing her as a friend because you love her, and if you tell her you love her and she rejects you then being her friend is going to be hard, but if you don't tell her then being her friend is going to be hard anyway....
    At the end of the day, I think.... TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL


    And sure, whoknows, she might feel exactly the same way and it'll all end with a big kiss and a walk off into the sunset :D (I just realised that this comment sounds sarcastic... I really don't mean it to!! I really think it could work out well for you both!!!)


  • Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭VirtualNemesis


    Telling a girl that you are not in a relationship with that you love her is probably not a very good idea. It's just coming on far too strong.


    i wouldnt tell her i love her id tell her that i like her more than a friend. i wouldnt want tro scare her away


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,712 ✭✭✭Praetorian


    If you have a mutual friend, you could ask him or her to ask this girl if she would be interested in being more than just friends. Or you could ask the mutual friend to be a little more devious, and say something like, "you guys seem to be getting closer these days, is there something going on"? When she says no, they could ask, "well would you like if there was something going on"?


  • Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭VirtualNemesis


    There a lots of things that you could do, you could be very sensible and weigh up your options, how much do you love her compared to how much do you like having her as a friend...
    consider carefully how you would react if she didn't feel the same way or how she will react to you telling her how you feel....

    But really, your afraid of loosing her as a friend because you love her, and if you tell her you love her and she rejects you then being her friend is going to be hard, but if you don't tell her then being her friend is going to be hard anyway....
    At the end of the day, I think.... TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL


    And sure, whoknows, she might feel exactly the same way and it'll all end with a big kiss and a walk off into the sunset :D (I just realised that this comment sounds sarcastic... I really don't mean it to!! I really think it could work out well for you both!!!)

    thank you that is great advise. i have weighed up the options and i couldnt sit back and just be friends. it hurts when i go out with her as a friend and i cant hold her hand (we do but inocently when we are walkin in clubs) i want to feel passion with her and have her know how i feel.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭VirtualNemesis


    Praetorian wrote:
    If you have a mutual friend, you could ask him or her to ask this girl if she would be interested in being more than just friends. Or you could ask the mutual friend to be a little more devious, and say something like, "you guys seem to be getting closer these days, is there something going on"? When she says no, they could ask, "well would you like if there was something going on"?


    again great advise but i dont think we have any mutual friends that close to us.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 9,496 ✭✭✭Mr. Presentable


    My suggestion would be to tell a mutual friend, one you trust not to take the p***, that you fancy this girl. Not that you love her. He/she will probably mention it to her. Then just wait a few days and see if there's any feedback.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,345 ✭✭✭Velvet Vocals


    Should I keep it to myself
    I think that by going to a friend you are demonstrating a lack of confidence. I think (as a girl) that confidence in a man is a very sexy quality. If you are strong in your convictions and confident enough to stand on your own two feet and say "hey, Your lovely, can I kiss you and see where it goes?" then she'll be yours ;)


  • Registered Users Posts: 3,712 ✭✭✭Praetorian


    Best of luck then VirtualNemesis. It's a tough call.

    Ehh hold on, I've more to say lol. ;) If I was in your position, I'd probably start some light flirting, see how she reacts and move from there.


  • Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭VirtualNemesis


    how light?


  • Registered Users Posts: 20,099 ✭✭✭✭WhiteWashMan


    user your own judgment.

    just hurry up and tell her already.


  • Subscribers Posts: 3,704 ✭✭✭TCP/IP


    In my advice just talk to her whatever you dont do not just come out with I love you - bad idea.

    Ask her out for dinner treat her very well take her places just spend time together and believe me things will happen. I was in the exact same position and that was the way that worked for me. Just make her notice how much better you are then other men.

    If I may be so rude can you tell me how old you are

    Eitherway best of luck


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 2,899 ✭✭✭lacuna


    If you've been friends for a while, light flirting could do more harm than good. If she doesn't feel the same way it might make her feel uncomfortable and confused.
    Maybe just talk to her about it. Then you'll get a definite answer and you'll know where you stand without getting your hopes up.
    Like Saint Something said, I don't think it's the best idea to go through a mutual friend. It comes across a bit cowardly and lacks intimacy.
    i have weighed up the options and i couldnt sit back and just be friends.
    Have you thought about what happens if you find out for definite that she wants only to be friends? If she doesn't reciprocate, could you then handle just being friends? Maybe you should consider more carefully your feelings and the repercussions that your actions will have on your friendship. If it all went wrong, you could lose a friend.

    I don't mean to discourage you. I just think it's important to make sure you know what you're getting yourself into. Good luck!


  • Registered Users Posts: 2,082 ✭✭✭Tobias Greeshman


    Should I forget about the love of my life altogether
    Have you considered cutting down the amount of time you spend with this friend temporarily for a few weeks and see how this goes! Perhaps time apart (well reduced time together) will help you maybe understand your feelings for your friend.

    Then if you still have feelings for her maybe try the light flirting as suggested which id consider to be: increased eye contact, sound a little interested in what she has to say, touching her gently on the arm or leg and maybe be a little more affectionate towards her!


  • Registered Users Posts: 10,246 ✭✭✭✭Riamfada


    Should I keep it to myself
    Hi there. Been there done that. Just tell her. Perhaps she feels the same. In my case she didnt but all that was sorted out by my two friends time and alcohol. We are still friends....... for the time being. What age are you?


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  • Registered Users Posts: 936 ✭✭✭marshmallow


    Bard wrote:
    Get her drunk and tell her how you feel.

    never involve drink


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 1,531 ✭✭✭jrey1981


    Try and spend a bit more time with her, slightly contrive to do this at or near somewhere romantic sometime, ask if you can have a hug or something, take her hand, look into her eyes and tell her how you feel. Take a gamble.

    It's better to at least make a big gesture for her than spend time regretting that you didn't.

    I've been in this situation and it's the worst thing ever. Trust me you don't want to have regrets months or years down the road when she's all loved up with some other fella.


  • Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭VirtualNemesis


    TCP/IP wrote:

    If I may be so rude can you tell me how old you are

    Eitherway best of luck
    not rude at all im 21


  • Registered Users Posts: 936 ✭✭✭marshmallow


    silas wrote:
    Have you considered cutting down the amount of time you spend with this friend temporarily for a few weeks and see how this goes! Perhaps time apart (well reduced time together) will help you maybe understand your feelings for your friend.

    That might not work either.. You might start to drift apart..
    A guy just finished it with me last week. Everything was perfect, no fights or anything it was just age difference.. We agreed to stay friends but not to talk for a few days to come to terms with our feelings. We didn't talk for 4days which felt like ages for me! I already feel like we're drifting apart because we don't have the same friends so we'd have to arrange to meet up ourselves which I'm doubting will happen..

    sorry, back to OP - I think the suggestion of light flirting will help. If it's getting nowhere try to bring it up in conversation.. 'we have such a great time together, don't we? we should spend more time together'

    perhaps something like that? good luck anyway!


  • Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭VirtualNemesis


    silas wrote:
    Have you considered cutting down the amount of time you spend with this friend temporarily for a few weeks and see how this goes! Perhaps time apart (well reduced time together) will help you maybe understand your feelings for your friend.

    That might not work either.. You might start to drift apart..
    A guy just finished it with me last week. Everything was perfect, no fights or anything it was just age difference.. We agreed to stay friends but not to talk for a few days to come to terms with our feelings. We didn't talk for 4days which felt like ages for me! I already feel like we're drifting apart because we don't have the same friends so we'd have to arrange to meet up ourselves which I'm doubting will happen..

    sorry, back to OP - I think the suggestion of light flirting will help. If it's getting nowhere try to bring it up in conversation.. 'we have such a great time together, don't we? we should spend more time together'

    perhaps something like that? good luck anyway!

    sorry to hear that MarshMallow

    Thanks for that. thats also sounds good. god i have so many things to consider.


  • Registered Users Posts: 961 ✭✭✭aliveandkicking


    Ok I was in exactly the same situation a month or so ago. I wondered was it best to try it on with her when we were both out on the P**s or just to tell her I liked her & ask her out on a date completely sober. In the end I asked her out sober and she said no. I wish now I had of just tried it on with her when we were drunk. Things were awkward with us for a few days after but we are fine now, still very good friends. She tells me everything and when we are out she hangs around with me all the time, its so frustrating and upsetting that she likes me so much as a friend but no more. Its getting to the stage now where Im wondering can I stay just friends with her because I am always going to want more. I know my feelings for her are never going to go away. She is the special one.

    So my advice to VirtualNemesis is just to let her know subtley that you like her as more than just a friend and be prepared for big disapointment that may ruin your friendship too. But definitely do tell her because you don't want to be left wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.


  • Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭VirtualNemesis


    So my advice to VirtualNemesis is just to let her know subtley that you like her as more than just a friend and be prepared for big disapointment that may ruin your friendship too. But definitely do tell her because you don't want to be left wondering "what if" for the rest of your life.


    im sorry to hear about that mate!!

    i know exactly what you mean because i am kinda wondering if i dont say anything i will regret it for the rest of my life.

    i failed to mention that i took her out last night to wish her luck in repeating the leaving this year as she didnt get all the points she needed last year. i proght her out and gave her a good luck teddy and a card and stuff like that and had a lovely meal with the resteraunt completly empty just her and me. we had a great laugh and every know and then i could of sworn i caught her lookin iinto my eyes while i was looking elsewhere. and just stuff like that. then we went back to my place with a bottle of wine and watched a dvd. she was laying on my lap with a coushin and it felt right to me


  • Registered Users Posts: 12,309 ✭✭✭✭Bard


    never involve drink
    The 'get her drunk' part was a joke.

    ...

    Probably.


  • Registered Users Posts: 961 ✭✭✭aliveandkicking


    im sorry to hear about that mate!!

    i know exactly what you mean because i am kinda wondering if i dont say anything i will regret it for the rest of my life.

    i failed to mention that i took her out last night to wish her luck in repeating the leaving this year as she didnt get all the points she needed last year. i proght her out and gave her a good luck teddy and a card and stuff like that and had a lovely meal with the resteraunt completly empty just her and me. we had a great laugh and every know and then i could of sworn i caught her lookin iinto my eyes while i was looking elsewhere. and just stuff like that. then we went back to my place with a bottle of wine and watched a dvd. she was laying on my lap with a coushin and it felt right to me

    Mate it sounds as if shes really into you too. Try having another night like last night only this time when she has her head on your lap lean down and start kissing her on the neck. If she lets you then progress to the lips and see what happens.


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  • Registered Users Posts: 335 ✭✭VirtualNemesis


    Mate it sounds as if shes really into you too. Try having another night like last night only this time when she has her head on your lap lean down and start kissing her on the neck. If she lets you then progress to the lips and see what happens.


    i dont know about that. i dont want to be to aggressive about it. would it be too aggressive? id be too nervous to do that.what about if she starts looking into my eyes i look back and dont turn away like i normaly do


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