Lapdancing clubs?

JoeKelly

Anyone here been to one of these 'gentlemens clubs' and if so what was your expierince. Im not a weirdo just thinkin now that im legal might go sometime!

Pighead

Walk in: Pay a Tenner
Go to the Bar: Pay a Fiver for a small glass of wine(No Beer)
Get chatted up by a stunning looking eastern european called Helga(if your drunk enough you might even think shes really interested in what you have to say)
Helga asks would you like to have a dance,At this stage you think shes crazy about you and start to wonder if you've cleaned the bedsheets yet this month.
Pay cashier 60 quid
Go behind a curtain,Helga gets topless and in a sexy voice she whispers in your ear,DON'T ****ING TOUCH OR I CALL SECURITY
5 mins of helgas breasts in your face,game over.Suddenly Helga isn't so friendly anymore.Time to leave
Leave club frustrated with balls inflated to the size of watermelons
Go home,have a ****,go to bed and dream of Helga.

paconnors

Pighead wrote:

Pay 60 quid

For 60 Quid i'd want dolly parton

aidan_walsh

Pighead wrote:

Walk in: Pay a Tenner
Go to the Bar: Pay a Fiver for a small glass of wine(No Beer)
Get chatted up by a stunning looking eastern european called Helga(if your drunk enough you might even think shes really interested in what you have to say)
Helga asks would you like to have a dance,At this stage you think shes crazy about you and start to wonder if you've cleaned the bedsheets yet this month.
Pay cashier 60 quid
Go behind a curtain,Helga gets topless and in a sexy voice she whispers in your ear,DON'T ****ING TOUCH OR I CALL SECURITY
5 mins of helgas breasts in your face,game over.Suddenly Helga isn't so friendly anymore.Time to leave
Leave club frustrated with balls inflated to the size of watermelons
Go home,have a ****,go to bed and dream of Helga.

Classy.

netwhizkid

Never been into one of these places, I think that alot of them are only covers for someit else (you know what i mean), If any one wanna see some norks why not just watch Sky tv, it dosen't cost anything either only the monthly rental.

Regards netwhizkid

RuggieBear

Pighead wrote:

Walk in: Pay a Tenner
Go to the Bar: Pay a Fiver for a small glass of wine(No Beer)
Get chatted up by a stunning looking eastern european called Helga(if your drunk enough you might even think shes really interested in what you have to say)
Helga asks would you like to have a dance,At this stage you think shes crazy about you and start to wonder if you've cleaned the bedsheets yet this month.
Pay cashier 60 quid
Go behind a curtain,Helga gets topless and in a sexy voice she whispers in your ear,DON'T ****ING TOUCH OR I CALL SECURITY
5 mins of helgas breasts in your face,game over.Suddenly Helga isn't so friendly anymore.Time to leave
Leave club frustrated with balls inflated to the size of watermelons
Go home,have a ****,go to bed and dream of Helga.

tbh, that's about as good a summing up of the experience as i have read

secret_squirrel

Alternatively.

Walk in: Free Entry
Go to the Bar: Pay around €4 for a decent pint.

Ding Ding Round 1 :
Get chatted up by a stunning looking eastern european called Helga

Helga asks would you like to have a dance

Pay cashier 30 quid
Go behind a curtain,Helga gets topless and in a sexy voice she whispers in your ear,DON'T ****ING TOUCH OR I CALL SECURITY
5 mins of helgas breasts in your face,game over.Suddenly Helga isn't so friendly anymore.

Stand around admiring scenery whilst drinking cheap pints chatting to rest of the Stag lads.

Ding Ding Round 2 :
chatted up by 2nd stunning eastern european also called Helga who asks if you want a VIP dance.
Pay €60
Go into VIP room where several other eastern europeans are rubbing themselves over lads. Have fractional longer dance and see more of Helga than her Gynacologist does.
Suddenly Helga isn't so friendly anymore.

Stand around admiring scenery whilst drinking cheap pints. Get absolutely hammered.

Ding Ding Round 3 :
Helga the 3rd arrives and talks you into paying €120 for a 'special' dance
Pay €120 on your credit card to knuckle dragging bouncer.

Go back to VIP room - get special dance - like vip dance only slightly longer.

time.....passes......

Leave club pissed and frustrated with balls inflated to the size of watermelons
Go home,have a ****,go to bed and dream of Helgas

Get woken up by credit card company next morning asking if 4 €120 charges on your credit card from 'Select Restaurants' are fraudulent -
Stupidly say No.
Put down phone and realise you had 3 more dances and you cant even remember them.
Pay credit card off painfully over several months.
Swear never to goto a lap dancing club again.



Not me honest

RuggieBear

secret_squirrel wrote:

Alternatively.

Walk in: Free Entry

.......
wear never to goto a lap dancing club again.



Not me honest

we have a new winner! :eek:

RuggieBear

i've posted this story before but i thought you might be interested. It's about a friend of mine, lets call him John

Went to Sydney for the year with John and a few mates,one day we went on all day drinking binge with a few mates, his girlfriend was at home, so it was just the lads. We decided to go to a strip club in Kings cross about 2am...we got in free and we watched a few very hot women do all sorts of naked stuff...

all going grand, till i went to the bathroom and on returning to the main room, see John climbing on stage...at first i thought he was trying to drunkenly go after one of the strippers and i went to try and get him and protect him from the huge bouncers but one of the bouncers stopped me and told me it was "part of the act"...so i sat down again and watched the stripper give him a lap dance in front of everyone....and then lie him down on the stage, take his pants off, blow him for a few minutes and then put a condom on and ride him on stage......i didn't know where to look...

That's the abbreviated version

Adam

RuggieBear wrote:

i've posted this story before but i thought you might be interested. It's about a friend of mine, lets call him John

Went to Sydney for the year with John and a few mates,one day we went on all day drinking binge with a few mates, his girlfriend was at home, so it was just the lads. We decided to go to a strip club in Kings cross about 2am...we got in free and we watched a few very hot women do all sorts of naked stuff...

all going grand, till i went to the bathroom and on returning to the main room, see John climbing on stage...at first i thought he was trying to drunkenly go after one of the strippers and i went to try and get him and protect him from the huge bouncers but one of the bouncers stopped me and told me it was "part of the act"...so i sat down again and watched the stripper give him a lap dance in front of everyone....and then lie him down on the stage, take his pants off, blow him for a few minutes and then put a condom on and ride him on stage......i didn't know where to look...

That's the abbreviated version

:eek::eek::eek:

WhiteWashMan

did he have a big penis?

RuggieBear

WhiteWashMan wrote:

did he have a big penis?

tbh i can't remember

Greazo

In Ireland they are a massive rip off but go to Scotland and you`ll get value for money,fiver in,2 quid a drink,and a fiver a dance you cant argue with that..over here a half decent nite in a lapdancing club would cost the guts of €200

Deadwing

Ive only ever been in one, in L.A, was there staying with a friend, who was determined to take me to my first ever strip bar (this was before most of the clubs sprang up in dublin, he was amazed to hear we didnt really have any).
So in we stroll, 20 dollars at the door, went in, sat down next to the catwalk, and tbh i didnt really know where to look, i was pretty embarassed seein all these naked chicks lol..so im lookin at the floor, when alluva sudden this chicks legs flop over my shoulders, buck naked, and my face is quite literally a hairs breadth from her kitty..lol, and i start giggling like a schoolgirl lol. My mate paid for the lapdance, she turned out to be spanish, looked a little like krystal steal, but i was most shocked tho cause she grabbed my hands and put them on her tits, and so did the second chick i got one from..lol
So tbh, it was a laugh, but not somethin id do again as A) its a rip off, and i was more embarassed than aroused

plus my gf would cut my balls off...lol

Only Human

Sure sure we've heard the stories from all the customers but do we actually have a stripper on boards.ie?

Dr. Loon

RuggieBear wrote:

i've posted this story before but i thought you might be interested. It's about a friend of mine, lets call him John

This sounds very familiar. I probably know you.

simu

Pighead wrote:

Walk in: Pay a Tenner
Go to the Bar: Pay a Fiver for a small glass of wine(No Beer)
Get chatted up by a stunning looking eastern european called Helga(if your drunk enough you might even think shes really interested in what you have to say)X
Helga asks would you like to have a dance,At this stage you think shes crazy about you and start to wonder if you've cleaned the bedsheets yet this month.
Pay cashier 60 quid
Go behind a curtain,Helga gets topless and in a sexy voice she whispers in your ear,DON'T ****ING TOUCH OR I CALL SECURITY
5 mins of helgas breasts in your face,game over.Suddenly Helga isn't so friendly anymore.Time to leave
Leave club frustrated with balls inflated to the size of watermelons
Go home,have a ****,go to bed and dream of Helga.

See the x? Let her chat you up for a while but refuse the dance. Then wait for the next one to chat you up. And so on all night. That would be a better ego-booster imo. Or is there some rule againt that?

Blisterman

Did you read the drunk part?

simu

Beh, no excuse.

Victor

simu wrote:

See the x? Let her chat you up for a while but refuse the dance. Then wait for the next one to chat you up. And so on all night. That would be a better ego-booster imo. Or is there some rule againt that?

I imagine you will eventually get ignored and in the rougher clubs, chucked out (unless you are buying lots of booze).

OfflerCrocGod

mikegannon wrote:

For 60 Quid i'd want dolly parton

You have NO taste.

buzzerxx

angels is a good one ,20 in ,5 a pint ,minimum 20 a dance,a rip off,but the girls are awesome ,most of the time

kstanl

Seriously sad getting ripped off like that to have tits shoved in your face. Why not just go out and pull a similarly attractive woman but with a little more class and less likely to be riddled with STDs?

buzzerxx

KSTANL. because thats just too much hard work,in any way most women are the same ,your money is all thats on their minds. you go to a lapdancing club with a few mates and u have a good buzz and you wont see girls walking around wearing what they do in any bar, so as long as its occasional its ok with me.

Executive Steve

how on earth are you going to get std's from a chick who's wearing her knickers and waving her mammaries at you??? far more likely to get an std off someone you meet in a club or whatever, especially at an over 30's night...

Ronan|Raven

Whilst over in New Orleans for Mardi Gras myself and my trusty crew of upstanding members of society decided to frequent numerous strib clubs over there. 5 dollars in, cheap dances. Give the girls on stage a dollar or two and they are very friendly. And they run 24/7 nout better than drinking White russians at 7am sleepily oggling some totty

Lola123

RuggieBear wrote:

i've posted this story before but i thought you might be interested. It's about a friend of mine, lets call him John

Went to Sydney for the year with John and a few mates,one day we went on all day drinking binge with a few mates, his girlfriend was at home, so it was just the lads. We decided to go to a strip club in Kings cross about 2am...we got in free and we watched a few very hot women do all sorts of naked stuff...

all going grand, till i went to the bathroom and on returning to the main room, see John climbing on stage...at first i thought he was trying to drunkenly go after one of the strippers and i went to try and get him and protect him from the huge bouncers but one of the bouncers stopped me and told me it was "part of the act"...so i sat down again and watched the stripper give him a lap dance in front of everyone....and then lie him down on the stage, take his pants off, blow him for a few minutes and then put a condom on and ride him on stage......i didn't know where to look...

That's the abbreviated version

Another reason why the girl should GO WITH the bloke!! Been twice. Not at ALL what I imagined it would be. The places tend to be complete dives and the girls aren't as spectacular as I had originally thought they would be. Nevertheless for any girls who decide to go with their boyf's u'd wanna be ok with them lookin at other girls! I recommend the girl gets the lapdance n the bloke watched. Can be quite a turn on (even if ur not into girls!). Still though, the're definitly not all they're cracked up to be!

The places tend to be complete dives and the girls aren't as spectacular as I had originally thought they would be.

They cater for what men want.

Angels and the like cater for people who don't want to spend more than 100 euro a night, which means seedy looking places, with equally seedy looking bouncers. (some decent women, but alot of crap ones)

Then you have places like Rhino's which are bit upper market, and the interior is quite nice. Women are all hot, and normally quite well educated. But then you're paying more for your money.

And thats just Ireland (which has one of the worst reputations in Europe as a place to work).

Go to London or even better Italy, and it'll blow your mind away.

personally I prefer spending 120 euro in a decent lapdancing club, getting a few drinks, talking to some nice women, and having a good time..... compared to going out, getting drunk, getting into a fight u didn't start, getting busted by some fat girl, then wandering 4 hours looking for a taxi, and in the end you spend 160 euro (at least).

Not something for every weekend, but its a good laugh. I tend to go abt 6-7 times a year.

Kingsize

then wandering 4 hours looking for a taxi

do the classy lapdancing clubs give you a lift home ???

simu

Deleted User wrote:

Then you have places like Rhino's which are bit upper market, and the interior is quite nice. Women are all hot, and normally quite well educated. But then you're paying more for your money.

They quote Shakespeare whilst sticking thier ass in your face?

They quote Shakespeare whilst sticking thier ass in your face?

Not quite. I prefer their tits anyway. But what i mean by educated, is that they have fluent english (if foreign), and can hold a conversation rather than being just an attractive body.

do the classy lapdancing clubs give you a lift home

none that I know of. Still if you grab a few dancers aggressively you may leave in an ambulance.

But what i meant is that usually you're finished before the nightclub crowd, so taxi's aren't that much of a problem.

rubadub

simu wrote:

They quote Shakespeare whilst sticking thier ass in your face?

an asshole by any other name would still smelleth as foul.


all these guys always moan, "I spent €60 and I couldnt even touch her tits"
if you want a whore go pay for a whore, they are cheaper than going to a lapdancing club. then you get the old "oh I would never go to a prostitute", thats what a lap dancer is mein freund, or are you paying for dancing lessons?

PADDYPOKER

There's only one place to go if you're go Lap dancing.
POLAND.
Yes the Country!

Me and some mates went over there a few months ago and it was class.
It's not that expensive to get over there, Aer Lingus were doing 50 Euro flights, not sure how much it is now.
Entrance into clubs: Depends on how good you are at bargaining but expect to pay around 5 Euro in.
Each dance is 50 Polish which is about 12 Euro.
For this you get one "private" dance which is you or you and your mates around a table where she dances, gyrates etc on the table in front of you.
TOUCHING IS ALLOWED!
Everywhere apart from between the legs.
We got a couple of birds for 25 Euro and they did the Lesbian act in front of us, great crack it was too!
A great many nights were spent in these places and very reasonable too.
Drinks weren't outragious (can't remember the exact cost)
For what you could/would spend in a Dublin club, you coudl have a great w/e in Poland.
I'm sure it's the same in the other East European countries.

all these guys always moan, "I spent €60 and I couldnt even touch her tits". if you want a whore go pay for a whore, they are cheaper than going to a lapdancing club.

I thought you were spot on, until I read the next part,

hen you get the old "oh I would never go to a prostitute", thats what a lap dancer is mein freund, or are you paying for dancing lessons?

A lapdancer isn't a hooker (I'n Ireland at least). I've paid for both, and I know the difference.

However, if you go to Germany/Austria you can get that lapdance, and get to have sex with her also. (and its cheaper than the escort you paid for in Ireland)

Vorak

Went to spain with a few mates last year, twas just before christmas. During this festive period there are only wrinkled german and french pensioners. No students.

Got a carry out of cheap spanish beer at the start of the holiday. Went out every night to the local pubs, sat around and watched the dj try and pull the same one or two chicks that ever went out, got hammered went home, played some drunken card games, went to bed.

This went on for 6 of the 7 nights of the holiday. However the final night was different. Our local was an Irish bar, run by an irish family of spanish people. Basically there was one token freckled irish kid that worked there, and i begged him to tell me something that would make our last night a little more eventful. So anyway this kid (who was about 15) told me to go to this place called Club Skalaa. He told us its full of whores and you can get layed for 50 euros. So we did.

Went in the door, paid 10 euros, got a free bottle of beer, laughed at the irish dads who had been by the pool with their families all day, but were now feeling up some fit spanish 18 year olds. It was excellent. Tons of women just pouring over you and begging you to take them upstairs. So (my friend told me) you go upstairs with them, you pay them 50 euros, they pay some receptionist 20 euros, and pocket the rest. The receptionist gives them a key and off you go to a normal sized hotel room down the corridoor, saluting the odd embarrassed irish dad en route. You go into the room, they make you wash your nads at the sink, then they strip off, blow you, ride you, swallow your load and you go back downstairs to brag to your mates,

The s**t thing about it ( my friend told me) was that once you come back downstairs, you see all the hot chicks again. Worse still, because obviously the hottest chicks get the most business, they would have been 'busy' when you came in, therefore, you come back downstairs to the bar and you see these knockouts and say to yourself "bo***x, why didnt i get her". Other than that, i cant complain.
60 euros for a beer and a shag (according to my friend)
Considering we spent atleast that every other night, we were p***ed off to only find it on our last night. But there you go

rubadub

Deleted User wrote:

A lapdancer isn't a hooker (I'n Ireland at least). I've paid for both, and I know the difference.

depends on your own definition of prostitute I suppose, some would consider models to be prostituting themselves. A guy would think a lapdancer is amazing if she lets him feel her tits for €60, yet another woman on the street would let him do the same for €5. You don't have to penetrate a prostitute, you could pay them the same €120 and they would do crazy sh!t for 30mins instead of flashing tit for 5mins

from google
"In a more general sense of the word, anyone selling their services for a cause thought to be unworthy can be described as prostituting themselves."

Victor

rubadub wrote:

from google
"In a more general sense of the word, anyone selling their services for a cause thought to be unworthy can be described as prostituting themselves."

Fianna Fáil. :D:D:D

I'm not sure if I would agree with the "unworthy" word - perhaps "morally compromising themselves (especially salesmen, lawyers and siad politicians).

simu

rubadub wrote:

depends on your own definition of prostitute I suppose, some would consider models to be prostituting themselves. A guy would think a lapdancer is amazing if she lets him feel her tits for €60, yet another woman on the street would let him do the same for €5. You don't have to penetrate a prostitute, you could pay them the same €120 and they would do crazy sh!t for 30mins instead of flashing tit for 5mins

from google
"In a more general sense of the word, anyone selling their services for a cause thought to be unworthy can be described as prostituting themselves."

It's what the law considers that counts.

Third_Echelon

simu wrote:

They quote Shakespeare whilst sticking thier ass in your face?

"To be... or not to be? That is the question.... Are you gonna ride me or wha???"

Vorak wrote:

Went to spain with a few mates last year, twas just before christmas. During this festive period there are only wrinkled german and french pensioners. No students.

Got a carry out of cheap spanish beer at the start of the holiday. Went out every night to the local pubs, sat around and watched the dj try and pull the same one or two chicks that ever went out, got hammered went home, played some drunken card games, went to bed.

This went on for 6 of the 7 nights of the holiday. However the final night was different. Our local was an Irish bar, run by an irish family of spanish people. Basically there was one token freckled irish kid that worked there, and i begged him to tell me something that would make our last night a little more eventful. So anyway this kid (who was about 15) told me to go to this place called Club Skalaa. He told us its full of whores and you can get layed for 50 euros. So we did.

Went in the door, paid 10 euros, got a free bottle of beer, laughed at the irish dads who had been by the pool with their families all day, but were now feeling up some fit spanish 18 year olds. It was excellent. Tons of women just pouring over you and begging you to take them upstairs. So (my friend told me) you go upstairs with them, you pay them 50 euros, they pay some receptionist 20 euros, and pocket the rest. The receptionist gives them a key and off you go to a normal sized hotel room down the corridoor, saluting the odd embarrassed irish dad en route. You go into the room, they make you wash your nads at the sink, then they strip off, blow you, ride you, swallow your load and you go back downstairs to brag to your mates,

The s**t thing about it ( my friend told me) was that once you come back downstairs, you see all the hot chicks again. Worse still, because obviously the hottest chicks get the most business, they would have been 'busy' when you came in, therefore, you come back downstairs to the bar and you see these knockouts and say to yourself "bo***x, why didnt i get her". Other than that, i cant complain.
60 euros for a beer and a shag (according to my friend)
Considering we spent atleast that every other night, we were p***ed off to only find it on our last night. But there you go

...so where would this be exactly in Spain?

Town and street name will do fine

PADDYPOKER

He'll have to ask HIS MATE!

Vorak

tbh i can't remember, we flew to almeria airport and got a cab to the apartment, everywhere looks the same in spain.

Will ask mate and let you know...