Boyfriend went to Lap Dancing Club

Girl Confused

Hi
On the 16th of December I found out that my boyfriend of six years had gone to a lapdance club on two occasions that I am aware of spending €300 on one night and the second night €600. He does not know that I know about the second time at all.
I am very unsure as to what would have went on between him and the lapdancer. He told me that €300 got him a private dance for a half an hour. I really do not believe him, I think that a lot more happened than he is letting on.
I am now unsure as to stay with him, Can anyone please help me? Do anyone know what goes on in these clubs this club was in limerick city

Mr.Nice Guy

Girl Confused wrote:

Hi
On the 16th of December I found out that my boyfriend of six years had gone to a lapdance club on two occasions that I am aware of spending €300 on one night and the second night €600. He does not know that I know about the second time at all.
I am very unsure as to what would have went on between him and the lapdancer. He told me that €300 got him a private dance for a half an hour. I really do not believe him, I think that a lot more happened than he is letting on.
I am now unsure as to stay with him, Can anyone please help me? Do anyone know what goes on in these clubs this club was in limerick city

So what? It's unlikely he slept with her as that would've not been looked on too kindly by the managers of this club. It's not a big deal and certainly shouldn't affect a six year relationship.

WhiteWashMan

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

So what? It's unlikely he slept with her as that would've not been looked on too kindly by the managers of this club. It's not a big deal and certainly shouldn't affect a six year relationship.

its a big deal to this woman, and i think it would effect any relationship regardless of how long together you were.

have you asked him why he did it?

Larianne

Well if he went with a bunch of lads to have a laugh I can't see a problem. I know a few lads that have gone and it's just for the laugh. If he went on his own, now that's a different story! Must be loaded though to be blowing 600 quid in one night!! :eek: :eek:
Hope he spends that much on you!!

The General

When i was in spain, i went to a lap dancing club was telling my girlfriend the next day and she didnt seem to mind, mind you i didnt get any private dance, although if i did i doubt she'd mind. In spain it was €15 for a private dance, so i doubt very much that it cost him €300 for a private dance even if it is ireland.

Girl Confused

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

So what? It's unlikely he slept with her as that would've not been looked on too kindly by the managers of this club. It's not a big deal and certainly shouldn't affect a six year relationship.

It is affecting the relationship as now I don't trust him and wondering if he thinks about them when he is with me.I am heartbroken because of this

bombidol

the biggest factor here is if he went alone or with mates. If he went with mates. just give him a frowning, its just a laugh. if he went alone, alarm bells should be going off. either that of you just arent doing the business for him

Lainey

i don't blame you one bit for being upset.. i wouldn't mind my boyf going as such but i'd be questioning how he managed to spend 900 yo yo in two nights.. ?? thats outrageous money to spend on a half hour lapdance.. in that case this girl would make a deposit for a house in a week..

WizZard

Honestly, for €300 it would want to have been some dance!

Most clubs have a strict "No touching" policy, but there are stories about much more than dancing being offered by certain clubs, once the price is right.

I personally have no problem with lapdancing clubs, whether a guy is in a relationship or not (but then I'm a guy). However I would advise you to talk to him about it. It will be better for your relationship in the long run if you can talk about these things.

Girl Confused

The General wrote:

When i was in spain, i went to a lap dancing club was telling my girlfriend the next day and she didnt seem to mind, mind you i didnt get any private dance, although if i did i doubt she'd mind. In spain it was €15 for a private dance, so i doubt very much that it cost him €300 for a private dance even if it is ireland.

He said that it was for a private dance for a half an hour

Boston

A private room, with a lapdance would set you back about 300 euro in angels in dublin, so I'd imagine it would be about the same. Has this club been open long? These clubs are closely watched by vice, and are often getting closed down. if it been open awhile, chances are it's ok. If he wanted to have sex, he could have got it allot cheaper. I suggest you demand that he brings you to this club to see it for yourself first hand, whether it is just a brottle or a high class place, and then decided if it was just harmless fun.

bombidol

yeah its 600 for a one hour dance with a few different girls and a bottle of bubbly in the VIP room

base2

Every reason to leave him. He's after spending E900 on having sex with some dirty romanian prostitiutes. You know it and we all know it. Have some pride in yourself.

whippet

€300 - €600 is easily spent in a lapdancing club. To be honest the vast majority of dancers and estabilishments are what they say on the tin.

I wouldn't be too worried about 'what might have gone on', just be glad he is in an enviorment whereby even touching the girl is out of order rather than 'pulling' some random stranger in a pub and sleeping with them.

Lapdancing and places of that nature have been around for hundreds of years and have been frequented by just about every type of man, it's nothing new.

meditraitor

You seem to be going over board a bit, loosen up, very doubtfull anything happened during the dance,
300yoyos sounds about right for a half hour private dance,thats what u should be angry about , wasting all that cash on some scaldy for at most, sticky underwear.
Also if he didnt tell you about the second time, some trust issue there!!!(maybe your just too uptight and he is afraid to tell you)..

WhiteWashMan

bombidol wrote:

the biggest factor here is if he went alone or with mates.

i think you have to be pretty niave if you think that.

the biggest factor is did he respect her to tell her he was going, or mention it afterwards.

its not a case of having a laugh, its a case of respecting his partner, and knowing his partner, and knowing waht limitations there are.

we all do stupid things, but not many of us do it to that degree, twice.

i think the OP has got a good reason to be upset.

hell, if my partner was off without telling me what she was up to twice, id be pretty darn upset. it would be like she had something to hide from me.

what would she want to hide from me? does she not trust me? why doesnt she trust me? what have i done that she feels she cant trust me enough to tell me, and what did i do to make her go not once, but twice?

youd either want tobe exceedingly confident, or overbaringly controlling to be able to say that your partner going off into a sexual situation without your knowledge a number of times, does not have an effect on you.

either that or you have some sort of cuckold fetish...?

meditraitor

base2 wrote:

Every reason to leave him. He's after spending E900 on having sex with some dirty romanian prostitiutes. You know it and we all know it. Have some pride in yourself.

Too much telly for this guy, dont mind him

base2

If on the other hand he didnt have sex then I'd say leave him. He's obviously a bit of a fool if he spends the best part of a grand and doesnt get sex.

Girl Confused

bombidol wrote:

the biggest factor here is if he went alone or with mates. If he went with mates. just give him a frowning, its just a laugh. if he went alone, alarm bells should be going off. either that of you just arent doing the business for him

He went on his own, We are together 5 or 6 times a week. I don't inderstand why he did it. I am very open minded and more than willing to try new things and he knows this

kittenkiller

I'd hang him out the window by his b@lls & demand he pay you for every single sexual act you have performed on him in the 6yrs you've been together!!

If he can go off and PAY to leer at some stranger, he can pay you too!!!!

Boston

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i think you have to be pretty niave if you think that.

the biggest factor is did he respect her to tell her he was going, or mention it afterwards.

its not a case of having a laugh, its a case of respecting his partner, and knowing his partner, and knowing waht limitations there are.

we all do stupid things, but not many of us do it to that degree, twice.

i think the OP has got a good reason to be upset.

hell, if my partner was off without telling me what she was up to twice, id be pretty darn upset. it would be like she had something to hide from me.

what would she want to hide from me? does she not trust me? why doesnt she trust me? what have i done that she feels she cant trust me enough to tell me, and what did i do to make her go not once, but twice?

youd either want tobe exceedingly confident, or overbaringly controlling to be able to say that your partner going off into a sexual situation without your knowledge a number of times, does not have an effect on you.

either that or you have some sort of cuckold fetish...?

You're forgetting he told her the first time. Maybe she was bang out of order and accused him of cheeting the first time, and he decided he had nothing to be sorry about.

Larianne

You said that you found out about this on the 16th of December. That's quite a while back? Have you talked to him about it since?? The feelings you have about it shouldnt be kept inside. You should tell him how you feel. It must be driving you insane at this stage. It's better to have it all out in the open than eating you inside. Ask him why he went? Was it just a random thing with mates or was he trying to get something else out of it?

FreaK_BrutheR

I don't see the big deal with lap dancing clubs really - its all a bit of fun - mind you 900 is alot of money to be spending in my opinion and experience.

I enjoy Titillation and fantasy and I think they are all very normal things to enjoy. If it costs you a bit of cash then maybe thats just a little bit more stimulating to some people.... the whole seediness can be a mad turn on like.

Ive been to clubs with girls before and got lapdances with the two of us there - great crack it was and the girl seemed to enjoy it too!!! Foreplay of sorts.... couldnt wait to get home like

People in Ireland are still too uptight about the whole thing I think.

Anyway I don't think you've alot to worry about at these clubs - Ive been a rake of times and never been offered anything other than a lapdance unless I was with my girlfriends . I was watched by bouncers who I did see throwing people out for even touching the girls so.....

DOn't worry about - be happy your botfirend likes a bit of a turn on and isn't too prude to enjoy himself

ionapaul

I think she mentioned he went by himself...I think this is something that the OP needs to work out for themselves, as we all have different ideas about what is acceptable in a relationship or not. Personally (I am a guy) I think what he did (€900 in lap dancing clubs by himself, not as a laugh with the lads) is very suspect, even unacceptable, particularly as he didn't tell her about the second time.

simu

That's a total waste of money!

You could try going off and dancing intimately with a guy in a club or get a male stripper or something and see how he likes it!

xzanti

I was in college with an Itallian girl who used to hand out flyers for a lapdancing club on Dame St.. I wont name it but we all know the one Im on about... and she told me most of the girls there are not adverse to getting on ones knees for the right price if you catch my drift... Naaaaasty

OfflerCrocGod

Honestly the best thing you can do is try and talk it out with him and ask him why he went, keeping this hidden from him will only make it worst for yourself.

WhiteWashMan

LiouVille wrote:

You're forgetting he told her the first time. Maybe she was bang out of order and accused him of cheeting the first time, and he decided he had nothing to be sorry about.

what she said was she found out about it. i dont know how she found out about it, but it doesnt sound like he happily told her over the sunday roast.


either way, for me its an issue of respect, and if it upsets the OP, then i think its over the line for the boyfriend. and after knowing her for 6 years, you have got to assume he knew he w3as doing something that would upset her, but still went on and did (whatever it was) anyway.

for me, thats the unacceptable part.

as for lapdance clubs, ah, ive been in one, its wasnt very exciting, i didnt have a dance. it was a stag party.
and i still wonder how many times the toilet has been used for having a crap in, coz i bet that only 1 in 1000 use it for that purpose

Mr.Nice Guy

It's funny how people are so quick to judge. The guy didn't go to a prostitute as some silly person said above. He had a lap dance that's all. A six year relationship should be thrown away over that? Crazy.

base2

Dont be so naive. Some sort of sex was involved.

FreaK_BrutheR

I don't know anyone who has gone to a lap dancing club in Ireland and ended up getting any kind of sex apart from a slutty looking girl shaking her bits in the face. Thats what I know.... not what I speculate.

meditraitor

base2 wrote:

Dont be so naive. Some sort of sex was involved.

Paradoxically, give up watching them porns dude, life is not like that,

ARGINITE

OfflerCrocGod wrote:

Honestly the best thing you can do is try and talk it out with him and ask him why he went, keeping this hidden from him will only make it worst for yourself.

Do this if you want any chance of staying together you have to sort it out now, else just get rid of him now and stop driving yourself mad. Most lightly nothing happened and he feels a bit stupid for wasting so much money.

WhiteWashMan wrote:

as for lapdance clubs, ah, ive been in one, its wasnt very exciting

I found them to be a total turn off.

kaimera

ARGINITE wrote:

WhiteWashMan wrote:

as for lapdance clubs, ah, ive been in one, its wasnt very exciting

I found them to be a total turn off.

ditto.

he didn't respect you as has been said and that a issue in a relationship > 'specially given you are together 6 years.

why only now has he started acting this way? :: talk to him and decide then what to do.

base2

Paradoxically, give up watching them porns dude, life is not like that,

That makes absolutely no sense. Try and just stay on topic in future.

Gordon

base2 stop looking for attention or you won't get any.

dudara

I'd hang him out the window by his b@lls & demand he pay you for every single sexual act you have performed on him in the 6yrs you've been together!!

LOL.

Seriously, I wouldn't be concerned about someone going to lapdancing club, but when they do it twice without telling, and they blow that kind of money, it feels like a slap in the face. You would feel inadequate, especially when you think of the standard of lapdancing girls in Ireland in general (Rough!!)

Discussion is required here, especially (a) on your part as to why this is a big deal to you and and (b) on his part, why he did this, what did he want to get from it.

The Sweeper

I don't think it's fair to say that the original poster needs to 'get over herself', or that this behaviour is 'nothing', or 'just a laugh'.

These boards are full of blokes who get edgy when their girlfriend dances with someone else, or gets chatted up by someone else, or even continues to speak with an ex-boyfriend. And yet lap dancing clubs are just a bit of fun?

The most important thing about visiting a lap dancing club is to understand that this is, in every way, a sexual act. Trying to say it isn't is farcical. Now you may see it as the same sort of a sexual act as jerking off to porn, and fine if you do, but you need to not think it's an unsexual bit of a laugh.

If it were, then masturbation at the bus stop wouldn't be something you could get arrested for.

If you're in a relationship, try discussing the concept of a lap dancing club with your partner and see what she says. She may surprise you.

Me, I think they're all right. I woudn't mind my partner going to a club. I would mind him having a private dance. To me, going to a club with mates for a night out is akin to going to any nightclub - you're there to drink beer and scope talent. Okay, so in a lapdancing club, the talent has its boobies on display, but still, it's scoping.

For me, the point where it becomes not all right would be the point where he bought a private dance. In order to do that, he's had to select a specific girl and pay some money to have her, and specifically her, do something overtly sexual for him. I'm not cool with that, and I don't see any reason why I should be. If I'm cool with that, why wouldn't I be cool with my other half getting drunk and snogging some bird in a nightclub? What's the difference (apart from the fact that the drunken snog might be cheaper?!)

So I think the original poster is justified in being considerably annoyed about her partner's actions. To the OP: I think you need to bring this up with your partner. Find out why he did it, and moreover, why he felt it's justified spending quite so much money on it, and then not telling you about it.

You should never do anything in a relationship that makes you uncomfortable. There is no reason that you should put up with this on the basis that other people think you should.

simu

6 years in a relationship... 6 years with the same partner - that's probably why he did it. I think many people would be freaked out at being with one person for such a long time and going to a lapdancing club is a way of being with another woman without cheating (well, depending on how the partner interprets it).

Shabadu

I have a few things to contribute-

there may be a no touching rule, but do you really realise how close up to the guys they get in a private dance? She had her ass on his c0ck (albeit through trousers) and her t!ts in his face. That is a fact. Why is it ok for him to pay for this, when if some random bird did it to him in a club you'ld kill him?

If he isn't telling you, it's wrong. If his concious was guilt free he would've told you. There's an old saying, if you wouldn't openly tell your partner about doing it, you shouldn't be doing it.

If this is over a boundry in your relationship I'd bloody well let him know in very strong terms. If my feller wanted to go to a strip club with his mates, that'd be grand if he told me about it first. I'd let him know that I wouldn't feel a private dance was acceptable, and trust him not to get one. However 900 euros? We need the money for our baby and house deposit so it's not happening under any circumstances at that price.

OfflerCrocGod

base2 wrote:

That makes absolutely no sense. Try and just stay on topic in future.

I feel you have an unrealistic opinion of what actually happens in Irish lapdance clubs, there is a difference between a lapdance club and a brothel.

paulcr

kittenkiller wrote:

I'd hang him out the window by his b@lls & demand he pay you for every single sexual act you have performed on him in the 6yrs you've been together!!

If he can go off and PAY to leer at some stranger, he can pay you too!!!!

That's a bit extreme. Sure the money is one issue, but the trust is by far the most important. If you can't let go...then let him go, it'll probably work out for the better. If you're willing to accept the fact that this won't be the last time then by all means work it out.

kasintahan

The lap dance clubs in Ireland are lame.

€300 will buy you a half hour private dance as said above.

Personally they do less for me than a porno. At least with a porno I can have a ****.

If he thought you were going to react badly then is there any wonder he didn't tell you? (mind you, if you are sure he went on his own and not with the lads it would seem to indicate something is lacking from your relationship).

Boston

WhiteWashMan wrote:

what she said was she found out about it. i dont know how she found out about it, but it doesnt sound like he happily told her over the sunday roast.


either way, for me its an issue of respect, and if it upsets the OP, then i think its over the line for the boyfriend. and after knowing her for 6 years, you have got to assume he knew he w3as doing something that would upset her, but still went on and did (whatever it was) anyway.

for me, thats the unacceptable part.

Hmm agreed.

kittenkiller

paulcr wrote:

That's a bit extreme. Sure the money is one issue, but the trust is by far the most important. If you can't let go...then let him go, it'll probably work out for the better. If you're willing to accept the fact that this won't be the last time then by all means work it out.

Kinda meant that if he was forced to even think about everything he's got with the OP he might feel differently about paying to get it elsewhere.
I probably should've put at the end

'& then walk off on his sorry as$ leaving him a distant foul-smelling memory!'

paulcr

kittenkiller wrote:

Kinda meant that if he was forced to even think about everything he's got with the OP he might feel differently about paying to get it elsewhere.
I probably should've put at the end

'& then walk off on his sorry as$ leaving him a distant foul-smelling memory!'

You know I have a fond appreciaiton for the curves that define a women...but I just can't bring myself to pay to see them. Always hoping I'll find one willing to share.

Aurther Hugh

Oooh I don't think you're overreacting one little bit! For your boyfriend of 6 years to feel the need to get sexual gratification by going to a club alone (this takes it out of the scope of laddish tomfoolery) and spending extortionate amounts of money for skanky tarts to shake whatever in his face would make me question his integrity overall. Surely if he's illicitly seeking his pleasure that way what's to say he's not paying for sex or is being unfaithful for free. Spanking the monkey over loaded aside, I think it is completely wrong for men to indulge themselves sexually in the absence of their partner. Surely you're worth more than that. There is no way on gods green earth I would stand for that.

tinkerbell

Just gonna add my opinion on this subject.

You have every right to be upset. If your boyfriend knew how you felt about lapdancing clubs, then he shouldn't have gone the first time. But to go a second time (probably knowing that you didn't like it) is just really bad.

Second of all, the money. I've never been to a lapdancing club, so I wouldn't know the prices - but to hear that the price of a dance costs €300!?! In all fairness, that's ridiculous money to be spending on some skank (I hear the standards of lapdancers ain't great in this country). Then to spend €600!? Holy crap, so was that like an hour of dances, is that really necessary?!

To think that anyone would spend nearly a grand on a dance, is just stupid. Does money grow on trees or something? I'm sure that's one of the main reasons why the OP is pissed off. The thought of her boyfriend spending a grand on some ho-bag isn't exactly appealing. Think of the weekends they could've had away together, or whatever.

Thirdly, to say that he went behind your back and also alone, is an even bigger issue. He totally disrespected you there. You're in a relationship for six years, you just don't do something that would disrespect your significant other.

I think that you really need to tell him that you know and ask for an explanation. It's not fair on you at all. It's not worth throwing your relationship away over a lap dancing club. The only way you will get over it is if he talks to you about it and promises never to do it again. Like other people said, there is supposed to be a no-touching rule, so nothing may have happened, but the only way you are gonna find out is if he tells you. That, or get him to bring you so you can see for yourself, and get him to fork out the €600 so you can see exactly what he got that night (since he appears to be in the money as it is).

I hope you guys can sort things out. Let us know what happens.

Best of luck.

kasintahan

Aurther Hugh wrote:

Spanking the monkey over loaded aside, I think it is completely wrong for men to indulge themselves sexually in the absence of their partner. Surely you're worth more than that. There is no way on gods green earth I would stand for that.

You've never touched youself without your bf being present?

A lap dance is a lot less fulfilling than a **** with a porno.

Mr.Nice Guy

People are overreacting. I think alot of people are just jealous that this guy has the money he has to spend in these clubs. I say good luck to the guy. It's his cash after all. The guy didn't cheat on his woman. He had a bit of fun alone. So what? If he watches porn is that grounds to dump him too? Calm down people. :rolleyes:

Aurther Hugh

kasintahan wrote:

You've never touched youself without your bf being present?

A lap dance is a lot less fulfilling than a **** with a porno.

I dont think you read my post properly...masterbation is a perfectly natural human function, for either sex but I think for a man with a girlfriend that he loves to spend €600 for half an hour in a room alone with some naked bird getting him off is completely out of order. And as I said before there is noway I could be convinced into tolerating it, it's really seedy.