in love

helpme

ok here is the dilema.I started meeting and texting this girl, and i really really like her. the problem is she is in a long distance relationship. she is head over heels about this guy. The thing is im falling in love with her fast. and i would treat her alot better than the fella she is with now. plus i would be around more to help her out with things. i just dont know wheather i should tell her how i feel because it might jeapordise our relationship at the minute.

can anyone give me some advise on what to do. i realy really really love this girl

tk123

tell her!

c - 13

Well she cant be too head over heels over him if she is seeing you on the side can she ? Could you elaborate on what your "relationship" with the said girl is ?

Zulu

How old are you?

Beruthiel

helpme wrote:

she is in a long distance relationship. she is head over heels about this guy

does this not tell you something?

The Bollox

I think you should be subtle, lay down a hint or two, and if she takes the bait get in there, if not atleast you won't have made a fool of yourself and you two should still be friends, provided it was subtle hints and not 12 red roses or something like that

helpme

c - 13 wrote:

Well she cant be too head over heels over him if she is seeing you on the side can she ? Could you elaborate on what your "relationship" with the said girl is ?

the relation ship is just txting and going out on the odd night. but nuthing else. (no kissing or anything like that.




IM 21

*Sassy*

I'm a girl in a long distance relationship and I'm mad about my boyfriend. I think you are lining yourself up to get hurt if you pursue this girl.

She may be lonely and missing her bloke so if anything did happen between you I think it would be a mistake on her part that she may end up regretting. Even if she was seeing you on the side she would drop you for him every time.

Don't go there, that's my honest opinion going by how I think I would be in that situation.

Maybe drop a few hints as suggested, but be prepared for her to run a mile. Also, if she does the opposite be aware that her judgement will be seriously impaired due to the stress and associated emotional rollercoaster of a long distance relationship!

Not a good idea IMO.

helpme

Marts wrote:

I think you should be subtle, lay down a hint or two, and if she takes the bait get in there, if not atleast you won't have made a fool of yourself and you two should still be friends, provided it was subtle hints and not 12 red roses or something like that

good advise!!!

what sort of subtle hint would you suggest

helpme

*Sassy* wrote:

I'm a girl in a long distance relationship and I'm mad about my boyfriend. I think you are lining yourself up to get hurt if you pursue this girl.

She may be lonely and missing her bloke so if anything did happen between you I think it would be a mistake on her part that she may end up regretting. Even if she was seeing you on the side she would drop you for him every time.

Don't go there, that's my honest opinion going by how I think I would be in that situation.

Maybe drop a few hints as suggested, but be prepared for her to run a mile. Also, if she does the opposite be aware that her judgement will be seriously impaired due to the stress and associated emotional rollercoaster of a long distance relationship!

Not a good idea IMO.

again good advice (not the type i was hoping for but what can you do)

any advice on what sort of hints

Sherifu

@helpme

advise /= advice

Beruthiel

rkm
read this forums charter
B

Tobias Greeshman

rkm wrote:

@helpme

advise /= advice

Oh come on, this isn't an english lang forum.

OP, as regards subtle hints, looking at her longer than usual (eye contact I mean here), constantly smiling at her, Pay her a few compliments as well maybe (but keep them innocent enough!).

helpme

silas wrote:

Oh come on, this isn't an english lang forum.

OP, as regards subtle hints, looking at her longer than usual (eye contact I mean here), constantly smiling at her, Pay her a few compliments as well maybe (but keep them innocent enough!).

thanks thats sounds good.

aanyone else gott sumthing?

any more adviCe

thsi is good ppl im gettiing good feedback cheers

tinkerbell

If she's as "head over heels" for her boyfriend as you say she is, then you probably don't have a chance at all. I'd say it's probably 99.9% likely that she only thinks of you as a good friend.

Be prepared for the fall, I very much doubt it's gonna go the way you want it to go.

LegacyUser

Leave the other guys girl alone. MY girlfriend is about to move away. If i knew some bloke like you was trying it on with her fully knowing that she was in a relationship i would be over to you to pay a little visit. What part of shes in a relationship do you not understand.

Stay clear

Beruthiel

tinkerbell wrote:

Be prepared for the fall, I very much doubt it's gonna go the way you want it to go.

I'd be of the same opinion

The Bollox

I agree with Silas

btw, just curious, but do you two meet up often? or is it mainly txt conversations?

helpme

tinkerbell wrote:

If she's as "head over heels" for her boyfriend as you say she is, then you probably don't have a chance at all. I'd say it's probably 99.9% likely that she only thinks of you as a good friend.

Be prepared for the fall, I very much doubt it's gonna go the way you want it to go.

oh im ready for the fall. i just want to know how to find out how to check out the situation.

im mad abouth this girl

Tobias Greeshman

helpme wrote:

oh im ready for the fall. i just want to know how to find out how to check out the situation.

im mad abouth this girl

Yes you obviously are, but perhaps it would be best to cut off ties with her temporarily (I know I just gave you advice on how to give her subtle hints about your feelings), If she's really as head over heals in love with her bf, then she's already just put you onto the friend ladder (ladder theory).

You may love her, but there's a strong likelihood that its one-sided and that you should not force that unnecessary hurt upon yourself. Perhaps just turn your friendship to just text messages (for a while) and dont meet her for a while, then you can keep her in your life.

LegacyUser

not saying you don't really fancy this girl, but sounds like a clasic case of, you want what you can't have.

she has a boyfriend, find your own girlfriend.

Zulu

paperclip wrote:

find your own girlfriend.

Do you think perhaps thats what he's trying to do? :rolleyes:

...some people...

tinkerbell

Okay, well how about you do this then.

Next time you are talking to her, ask her about her boyfriend, and how it's going for them. If she replies with "oh he's wonderful, I love him so much, blah blah", well then you keep your mouth shut.

If she says "oh he's wonderful, but it's hard without seeing him a lot, but I love him so much", well you still keep your mouth shut.

If she says "oh it's a total disaster, I'm looking for an excuse to break up with him", well then MAYBE you say something to her. Even then, she might only still think of you as a friend.

As paperclip said, she has a bf, you need to find your own lover who isn't attached.

helpme

trust me i have tried. but the job i do is very hard on relationships and trying to find someone serious about a relationship.

LegacyUser

He doesnt really love her. A large part of love is respect. He doesnt respect the fact that she is in a relationship.

Mate go find someone else, she is a Friend

Gordon

helpme wrote:

trust me i have tried. but the job i do is very hard on relationships and trying to find someone serious about a relationship.

Why, out of sheer nosiness?

Is it the working hours?

LegacyUser

helpme wrote:

trust me i have tried. but the job i do is very hard on relationships and trying to find someone serious about a relationship.

So why do you think you will be a better boyfriend then

"i would treat her alot better than the fella she is with now. plus i would be around more to help her out with thing,"

Mate seriously, for you to get the notion that she is head over heals about this guy than you should take it that you are her "Friend", sorry buddy

helpme

im a dj.

and yeas i would be around all weekday nights its on friday and saturday i would work and i take every few weekends off.

Zulu

helpme wrote:

im a dj.

and yeas i would be around all weekday nights its on friday and saturday i would work and i take every few weekends off.

....so when she's finished her working week and ready to go out, you're working.

helpme

this is not about my working scheduale ppl.

tinkerbell

*sigh*

You can't MAKE someone love you. If she's madly in love with her boyfriend, then you have no chance, full stop.

I am madly in love with my boyfriend and all my friends know it. If one of my male friends told me that he wanted me, then I would be VERY VERY pissed off because:
(a) he knows how I feel about my bf
(b) he knows how I feel about my bf
(c) he knows how I feel about my bf, and there is no hope in hell that I would go for anyone else.
Not only would I be extremely pissed off about it, but I would probably distance myself from that person, because if you know that someone is insanely in love with someone else, then you just don't try and cross that line.

So I imagine that she would also be very pissed off with you for trying to break up her blissfully happy relationship with her boyfriend.

So you need to move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea.

funk-you

quite simple - Leave the mans girlfriend alone. :mad:

helpme

if it was that easy i would of done that ages ago

LegacyUser

Why do you come to a message board and ask for our help if you only want to hear what you want.

The fact is she has a boyfriend who you says she loves. You are just a friend to her but you will ruin that if you tell her your feelings because she will feel that you didnt respect her relationship with her boyfriend which is obviously important to her. Sorry mate but i still think that you dont honestly love her, you are just lusting after her.

If you really loved her you would respect her happiness with her boyfriend and love her as a friend

She will feel betrayed if she finds out that you have these feelings and wanted to act on them fully knowing that she is already in love with someone else.

Its hard buddy but stop thinking about her and enjoy her friendship, if you like her so much do you really want to risk it and hurt her

Zulu

helpme wrote:

if it was that easy i would of done that ages ago

oh look - just go and dump all your feelings on her. I'm sure when you do, she'll instantly forget about the man she loves, and, seeing how deep and sensitive you are, will realise that she was in fact always really in love with you. You'll kiss, and both of you will grow old together.

Bri

Coca Cola wrote:

Sorry mate but i still think that you dont honestly love her, you are just lusting after her.

I don't know you but I'd say this is pretty much spot on. You realistically arn't even going out with her and havn't kissed so your view on her is very 1-sided. Girls in LD-Relationships are quite likely to be lonely and enjoy others company, even a subconscious flirting or even conscious! It's a way of dealing with what they're going through. She probably values you more as a friend so you should just stay away and be decent about it. Also think going after a girl who already says she's head over heels with someone else is a) doomed to fail b) if it somehow gets going, it's most likely a fling.

helpme

Coca Cola wrote:

Why do you come to a message board and ask for our help if you only want to hear what you want.

The fact is she has a boyfriend who you says she loves. You are just a friend to her but you will ruin that if you tell her your feelings because she will feel that you didnt respect her relationship with her boyfriend which is obviously important to her. Sorry mate but i still think that you dont honestly love her, you are just lusting after her.

If you really loved her you would respect her happiness with her boyfriend and love her as a friend

She will feel betrayed if she finds out that you have these feelings and wanted to act on them fully knowing that she is already in love with someone else.

Its hard buddy but stop thinking about her and enjoy her friendship, if you like her so much do you really want to risk it and hurt her

good advice cheers. any other comments from anybody.

all welcome.(good or bad)

WhiteWashMan

helpme wrote:

ok here is the dilema.I started meeting and texting this girl, and i really really like her. the problem is she is in a long distance relationship. she is head over heels about this guy. The thing is im falling in love with her fast. and i would treat her alot better than the fella she is with now. plus i would be around more to help her out with things. i just dont know wheather i should tell her how i feel because it might jeapordise our relationship at the minute.

can anyone give me some advise on what to do. i realy really really love this girl

oh classic bloke mistake.

the girl talks to you, probably goes for a beer with you, chats about life with you, and you text each other.

so you mean she treats you like a friend?

is there anything there that makes you feel that she wants to be with you and not with her boyfriend?

just because she does these things, does not in the slightest mean she wants to be with you, wants to kiss you or have an affair with you.

it means she has someone to talk to and tell things to. you are the person she communicates with while her man is out of town. and you take this as a sign of intamacy and decide that you are falling in love.

look, youre infatuated. your being told stuff by this girl and its personal. its only natural that a bond should grow. but you have made the great mistake of assuming that bond is one of love, when its soooo not.

id like to know what makes you think youd treat her better.
id like to know he does that isnt up to scratch in your eyes, and why she would be better off with you

i can tell you know that she will not be happy with you turning what she thought of as a good relationship, into something else. she may be fond of you and like you, but she is probably only thinking of her boyfriend when it comes to anything romantic.
and if you barge in and lay your feelings on the line, youre gonna get an almighty kicking, and probably get yourself a little bit of bitterness and resentment to take around with you for a while.

why not just remain afriend, or if you want to be melodramatic and tell us you cant stand to be with out her yadda yadda yadda, just stop seeing her.

at the end of the day, its your choice. do really what you want, but if you do go for it, come back and tell me how absolutely correct i was

Evil Phil

WhiteWashMan wrote:

look, youre infatuated.

And that's exactly what it is, infatuation. It happens to all of us and it will pass. Put some distance between you and her for a while, why?

1. So you can get her out of your system and perhaps meet somebody.
2. You're not being the most honest friend at the moment. I'm not faulting you but you should think about that.

However, if you decide to do something about this make absolutely sure she likes you before you do otherwise you could end up in a whole world of pain. You're a DJ, surely you can get chatting to some girls in the club(s) you work in?

helpme

this might sound big headed but im sick of bringing girls back and doing the one night thing. i dont want to meet my girlfriend in a night club. im just gone off it

Ruhan

Helpme, just remember:

Stalking is a sign of caring.


Do it with love!

helpme

Ruhan wrote:

Helpme, just remember:

Stalking is a sign of caring.


Do it with love!

your defo a few cards short of a full deck.

you need help

WhiteWashMan

helpme wrote:

this might sound big headed but im sick of bringing girls back and doing the one night thing. i dont want to meet my girlfriend in a night club. im just gone off it

so what?

is someone making you do that?

if you want to meet a girl outside of the nightclub scenario, then you have the whole week bar a friday or saturday night to do it in. surely oyou dont have a 'can only score in a nightclub' clause in your life contract do you?

im now thinking ive pretty much hit the mark with my earlier posts.

helpme

cant hit bars if im working at the weekend. during the week is not a great time to meet girls.in my opinion

c - 13

helpme wrote:

cant hit bars if im working at the weekend. during the week is not a great time to meet girls.in my opinion

You said you were 21 earlier in the thread yeah ??
Wens/Thurs student nights are great to meet women IMHO.
Same age bracket too.

And also most women LOVE working DJ's (in my experience)

helpme

they love us when we are behind the dex. but once we are on the other side of the bar its a different story.


i had a g/f once who left me because i sed i was going to stop djing. one track mind she had

WhiteWashMan

helpme wrote:

one track mind she had

not as good as a trusty 8-track, believe me...


well, so we have now discovered that you dont really have a thing for this girl, youre just miserable because you feel you are unable to meet women.

considering that half the population of the entire world is women (more or less, no pedantics please), i gotta say, i find it difficult that people cant meet a woman.

they are everywhere!

i think your problem is you. you dont know what you want, and because of that, you are not going to be satisfied with anything you get.

you just put all your frustrations into one basket, this poor unsuspecting girl, and then you obsess about her.

when really, i figure you need to get your own head in order.
perhaps you should go and put your records in alphabetical order and think for a while?

tinkerbell

WWM - you have a knack of hitting the nail on the head every time!

To the OP - you need to cop on a bit You're not gonna meet a girl with the attitude you have.

First of all, forgot about this girl who has a boyfriend - you don't stand a chance. It really annoys me with some people, if you talk to a member of the opposite sex, then they automatically assume that you want to jump into their pants. This is NOT the case. Has the idea of "friends" just totally disappeared off the face of this planet or something? The girl has shown you no interest in a lover sort of way. Just because she talks to you, tells you things, blah blah, doesn't mean she wants to be with you. She loves her boyfriend, full stop.

Secondly, you are not going to meet the love of your life in a nightclub or a pub (usually), so you need to get up off your ass and do something about it. There are plenty of other ways in which to meet women. Why don't you get a hobby or something, join something like salsa maybe, heh, I'm sure you'd find a bucketload of women there.

I dunno, but you're not gonna get anywhere if you carry on with the attitude that you have at the moment. And there must've been some other reason why that girl dumped you before - you said it was coz she thought you'd quit DJing. That didn't sound like a reason at all, or unless that girl was uber strange or something

And as WWM said, women are everywhere. It's not like they are scarce or anything.

helpme

lol.

already in the order i like. just sat down one day and cleaned out the sh**e ones.

thats why i did it. and it worked for a while.

anything else oh mighty wiseman

Evil Phil

WhiteWashMan wrote:

i think your problem is you. you dont know what you want, and because of that, you are not going to be satisfied with anything you get.

you just put all your frustrations into one basket, this poor unsuspecting girl, and then you obsess about her.

when really, i figure you need to get your own head in order.

That's a pretty good description of infatuation, at least my own experience of it. Join a club or something - do an art class, go speed dating. There's millions of ways to meet women if you get up of your proverbial and do something about it.

Is there also an element here of 'She's in love with somebody else so she won't go near me' safety? This way you get to be *in love* without taking any of the risks. I'm not saying thats the case but it's a possibility.

helpme

i understand what you are saying.

i only know how to meet girls in a club.


can ppl plz give me some specific places and things to do to meet women