Superhints (Your indespensible guide to a better life)

Pighead

Ah yes,I remember it clearly,The Big Breakfast Channel 4,1990-1995 during my school years.I'd jump out of my warm wet bed to find out what the days Superhint would be.And let me tell you my standard of living has improved beyond measure because of those wonderful superhints.
Let me share but 3 of them with you my dear After Hours board people

Tip 1: how to drink Red Wine properly.

Open the bottle and let it breath for 30mins or so.
Tastes totally different from when you first open it.
fcuk that white **** im a red now



tip2, Cleaning Microwaves

to clean a microwave easy place a bowl of hot water in and microwave it for couple of mins then remove and simply wipe all your past 2 months dinners away easy.

tip 3 Frying an egg

Most ppl make a fried egg by warming the oil up the placing the egg in and cooking it really quick.


NO!Stop that now ya's big eejits



Place egg in pan with cold oil and then GENTLY warm the oil up by the time the oil is hot your egg is cooked to perfection no crispy bits and just right.

Pighead

I love my superhints,and you will too.My all time favourite has to be Ants-Chalk,which you'll read about below.Its f-ant-astic!


To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, water. If it sinks, it is fresh - if it rises to the surface, throw it away.

* Don't throw out that leftover wine: Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.

* If you have a problem opening jars: Try using Latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.

* Potatoes will take food stains off your fingers. Just slice and rub raw potato on the stains and rinse with water.

* To get rid of itch from mosquito bite apply soap to the area - instant relief.

* Ants, ants, ants everywhere. Well, they are not supposed to cross a chalk line. So get your chalk out and draw a line on the floor or wherever ants tend to march - see for yourself.

* Don't panic if your soup is too salty: Add cut raw potatoes and throw them away once they are cooked and have absorbed the salt. Your soup is saved.

* Use air freshener to clean mirrors: It does a good job and leaves a lovely smell to the shine.

jay567

HAHA, keep them coming please.

jay567

HAHA, keep them coming please. Use full and entertaining, does it get any better.

RE*AC*TOR

tip number 4

"you're" means "you are"

Pighead

RE*AC*TOR wrote:

tip number 4

"you're" means "you are"

Tip number 5
Learn from your mistakes.Much obliged Mr RE*AC*TOR

Superhints is my way of trying to share all those little pearls of wisdom
that used to be passed from generation to generation

Pighead

Heres a couple of superhints for all you lovey ladies and lady boys out there

The cost of lipstick is sometimes outrageous. Make sure you use every scrap. When the "tube" has been used down to the bottom, carefully remove what is left of the "wax", mix it with just a little petroleum jelly into a resealable container. Now you have lip gloss!

Make your lipstick stay on longer by first brushing some talcum powder on your lips, then apply first coat of lipstick (preferably with a brush), blot, then gently brush on more talcum powder, followed by another layer of lipstick.

When plucking eyebrows at home, place a hot flannel on your eyebrow, pull skin taught and pluck. The heat makes it easier and less painful.

And before you cheeky rascals start speculating on what Pighead gets up to in his spare time let me say that all the above superhints come courtesy of the lovely Miss Piggy.

petes

hmmm...leftover wine..I find this hard to believe.

Pighead

petes wrote:

hmmm...leftover wine..I find this hard to believe.

Hmmm,excellent point,in future i may have to class this hint under the category superhighlyunlikelyhints
Leftover wine indeed. :rolleyes:

seamus

That title would have irritated me for weeks to come.

Pighead

seamus wrote:

That title would have irritated me for weeks to come.

For any further irritations may i hearthily recommend
CREME 11 anti-irritation night cream (1.7 fl. oz.),roughly 35 euros.Excellent product which eases irritants all over your body(and i mean all over)

Pighead

And finally for all the boyos out there heres some handy Superhints to help you keep your souped up Audi TT's in Tip-Top condition

If you get stuck in snow or on ice, don't spin the wheels as this will melt the frozen surface making the problem worse.

Place gravel, an old sack, or twigs, etc. under the front of the driving wheels, select second gear and let the clutch in slowly with minimum acceleration.

If you have trouble starting your car due to dampness on winter mornings, try using a hair dryer (no, not to get to work on you silly billys but to dry out the engine!)

You could also lay a piece of old blanket or carpet under the bonnet, over the engine but you must remember to remove it before driving off as it could go up in flames with disastrous consequences. (R.I.P Uncle Jimmy) If you use this method it is best to leave the bonnet (hood) slightly open with the material hanging out to remind you to remove it.

If windscreen wipers stop working and you happen to have a potato handy(Aside:Always carry potatoes with you wherever you go,be it on land air or sea,they're amazingly versatile) cut the potato in half and rub the face up and down the windscreen in front of the driver. For a short time, this prevents the pattern of drops which is impossible to see through. Repeat the process if travelling further.

Now its almost time for Pighead to go home so Goodbye one and all and heres one more Superhint i'll leave you with:Housewives: When nipping out to the shops, remember to carry a stiff broom in the boot of your car. Use it to sweep the broken glass to the side of the road every time you have a minor accident.

Superhint to Self:Never Piss off women,they'll hate you forever

Gurgle

Pighead wrote:

Superhint to Self:Never Piss off women,they'll hate you forever

They'll hate you forever anyway, might as well enjoy yourself.

kjt

lol

What a great thread

solo1

Your soup is saved.

This made me laugh. When I was in Texas, people kept asking me if I was saved. I said, I'm not a bloody football. I don't require saving.

Now they have a way to save their soup!

chrismon

haha great thread!
that microwave one is brill!

Pighead

Ok i'm gonna step it up a bit now by giving you superhints that will actually save your life,i expect no thanks or fees for this service as we are all Gods Children and I'm sure I shall be rewarded later on in life.Here We Go:

Quicksand. By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand

Fellow boarders. Avoid an asymmetrical bulge in your right arm(which could lead to an overactive arm vein and ultimately death) by masturbating furiously with your left arm too.

Flag down plane. If a search plane is overhead, do not stand up and wave at it; lay down on the ground and wave. Much more of your body is visible this way.

Weight watchers. You've gotta lose that belly and unclog those arteries.Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the F*****G thing in the first place, you fat bastards.

BaZmO*

**Tip**

On chequed shirts give the horizontal lines "numbers" and the vertical lines "letters". This makes finding stains easier as you can give them a grid reference.

B.

spyro_2001ie

Fellow boarders. Avoid an asymmetrical bulge in your right arm(which could lead to an overactive arm vein and ultimately death) by masturbating furiously with your left arm too.

I was almost a goner till you pointed that out. *moves mouse to right hand .....and click*

abccormac

Egg cartons make ideal holders for golfballs, except they're a tiny bit too small.

Keyzer

Pighead wrote:

Weight watchers. You've gotta lose that belly and unclog those arteries.Avoid that devilish temptation to nibble at the chocolate bar in the cupboard or fridge by not buying the F*****G thing in the first place, you fat bastards.

Very true and very funny...

abccormac

EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

viz rules

*Angel*

Pighead wrote:

Quicksand. By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand

Flag down plane. If a search plane is overhead, do not stand up and wave at it; lay down on the ground and wave. Much more of your body is visible this way.

Useful, damn these could have been useful...

--Kaiser--

never pat a burning dog, no matter how cute he is

Kingsize

Fool Your Neighbors Into Thinking You Have A Pet Sealion By Turtle Waxing A Black Labrador & Training Him To Catch Fish In His Mouth While Sitting Down & Wearing Flippers

breadmonkey

Is It Not Really Tedious To Type Like This?

Keyzer

For Men - Never, whilst smoking in the toilet, use the toilet pot as an ash tray whilst dropping the kids off at the pool.... Trust me, use the sink or an ashtray.....

Pet

abccormac wrote:

EMPLOYERS Avoid hiring unlucky people by immediately tossing half the CVs into the bin.

viz rules

lol, I love it.

Tom Dunne

We have all heard the tip not to eat yellow snow.

Well I say never eat any colour snow other than white.

Blisterman

If you freeze a worm, you can sharpen it with a pencil sharpener.

Pet

Blisterman wrote:

If you freeze a worm, you can sharpen it with a pencil sharpener.

Cos we all know sharp worms are the best.

chrismon

Kingsize wrote:

Fool Your Neighbors Into Thinking You Have A Pet Sealion By Turtle Waxing A Black Labrador & Training Him To Catch Fish In His Mouth While Sitting Down & Wearing Flippers

haha legend

abccormac

FELLAS. Stand outside an Ann Summers shop dressed in a security guard's uniform with a smoke detector in your pocket. When a fit bird walks out, simply press the smoke alarm test button and voila! A free grope!

Pighead

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/t103566.html

One last Superhint.Never plagiarize Pighead or he'll get you banned!
This cheeky English monkey copied my thread word for word and passed it off as his own
First they take our freedom and now it seems our neighbours are taking our threads.

bagocans

Pighead wrote:

To determine whether an egg is fresh, immerse it in a pan of cool, water. If it sinks, it is fresh - if it rises to the surface, throw it away.

Other way around, throw it out if it sinks. Well, it should sink but the air pocket at the tip will cause it to sit up in the water.

Trojan

Both wrong - it should sink if it's good, but the water should be brine (salt-water) - so add in some tablesalt.

pwd

just shake it. if it rattles, throw it at someone and run away.

Lump

I've a better Idea, keep your fúcking eggs in the fridge and don't use them past the use by date.

John

BaZmO*

Lump wrote:

I've a better Idea, keep your fúcking eggs in the fridge and don't use them past the use by date.

John

LOL.

I've never really understood that tip about the eggs. In fairness if you have to resort to floating eggs to decide if your eggs are ok to eat, it's probably not in your best interest to eat them.

And as John/Lump has quite eloquently put it, eggs nowadays have best before dates on them.

B.

CathalMc

I think that the little air bubble inside the egg gets bigger as chemical reactions inside it produce gas as it goes off. So if you put the egg in water, sometimes they will lie on their side at the bottom, this means it is very fresh. As the gas bubble gets bigger, the egg will be more and more "vertical" (as in almost balancing on its tip on the bottom" until eventually it will float. So from this, you have a bit of a guesstimate of how fresh the eggs are. The floating eggs aren't neccessarily bad either, just on the dodgey side of good so hence the common notion to dump them at that stage. The salt in the water will make the water denser so the egg will float at an earlier stage in the decay process. So the more paranoid you are, the more salt you add.

Disclaimer: I'm a terrible cook but damnit I know my pancakes!

*Angel*

CathalMc wrote:

Disclaimer: I'm a terrible cook but damnit I know my pancakes!

that's what matters.

Kernel

Pighead wrote:

http://www.thestudentroom.co.uk/t103566.html

One last Superhint.Never plagiarize Pighead or he'll get you banned!
This cheeky English monkey copied my thread word for word and passed it off as his own
First they take our freedom and now it seems our neighbours are taking our threads.

Jesus, has anyone seen this? It's a word for word copy of piggies original post. That's possibly the saddest thing I've ever seen... someone on that UK forum (who obviously posts/reads here) is so unimaginative and lacking in humour that they have to use someone else's post to try to gain a bit of popularity! I mean, it's not hard to find something to post about on a forum.

Saddest man ever, you know who you are!

Pighead

Superhint No.453:Off to your interview drugged up to the eyeballs after an excessive night on the town?
Afraid you might fail the drug test?
No Problem just use the- http://www.whizzinator.com/images/model1.jpg

Quote:
The WHIZZINATOR© is an easy to conceal, easy to use urinating device with a very realistic prosthetic penis. It has been extensively tested and proven to work under real-life conditions!

Superhints would like to thank bazH for this fantastic Superhint

kjt

LMAO!!


Nice find