The (corrupted) make a wish foundation!

Deadwing

This might be better suited to the cukoos nest but feel free to move it.
Basically one poster makes a wish, the following poster grants it...but with a stipulation
i.e.:

Deadwing: I wish i had a million quid
next poster: granted. However the feds bust you for not paying tax on your million and you wind up in the joy with a big black cellmate called bubba who cant keep his eyes off your ass
I wish i had...

etc etc.

Ill start the ball rolling...

I wish i had a kickass job

Piste

Granted However it involved your ass literally being kicked. Painfully.

I wish I had a proper whip.

ferdi

your better whip is granted but from hence forth it will take you the best part of 2 and a half hours of constant struggle and effort to achieve even the faintest of erections
edit: if you are a chick - then eh....something equally bad will happen to you.
ferdi's wish: to be content

tSubh Dearg

Granted! However, you are content (see what I did there )in a user manual and no longer alive but dull boring words

I wish I had a giant 4 poster bed

Nasty_Girl

K ferdi,
you are content,
THE CONTENT OF A BLENDER bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
and tsubh dearg your four poster bed is made of posters.... on walls.

My wish?
To have a wish

Nasty_Girl

tSubh Dearg wrote:

Granted! However, you are content (see what I did there )in a user manual and no longer alive but dull boring words

Off topic: you sunk my battleship!!

Deadwing

Nasty_Girl wrote:

My wish?
To have a wish

Granted, but youre only allowed wish to either be:
A) stuck in the bath drainpipe of an extremely hairy fat bloke or
stuck in the armpit of a sweaty giant.

I wish i was going on holiday

ExOffender

Deadwing wrote:

Granted, but youre only allowed wish to either be:
A) stuck in the bath drainpipe of an extremely hairy fat bloke or
stuck in the armpit of a sweaty giant.

I wish i was going on holiday

You are. To the Aran Islands.

I wish I had a cosmic death-ray that would enable me to enslave humanity.

Nasty_Girl

After gettin drunk on your own sense of power you get so paranoid that even your reflection is a threat.
with lethal results

I wish for the ability to spell

tSubh Dearg

You do now! However, you now turn into a grammer and spelling pedant who is shunned by all her friends.

I wish I had a great big chocolate cake to share with everyone

Nasty_Girl

the cake is filled with maggots!
I wish I hadn't thought about maggots

ExOffender

tSubh Dearg wrote:

You do now! However, you now turn into a grammer and spelling pedant who is shunned by all her friends.

I wish I had a great big chocolate cake to share with everyone

Everyone here is allergic to chocolate, and you are convicted of mass murder! Death by chocolate!

I wish I had a ****load of dope.

Rabies

you get your wish and spend the rest of your life in remedial class

I was i was a god

ExOffender

Rabies wrote:

you get your wish and spend the rest of your life in remedial class

I was i was a god

You are. But you become so lonely you decide to kill yourself, but have to leave a note. Then you create people. And self-terminate.

I wish I had less time to think up stuff like this.

tSubh Dearg

Granted! But now you are run off your feet with work and die of a stress induced heart attack at a ridiculously young age.

i wish i had my own house

/edit: you're all too fast at typing!

the_syco

Granted, but its owned by your bank (due to non-payment of your mortgage), who have since kicked you out, making you a penniless bum.


I wish for all the peace-loving hippies to be killed by the Al Qaeda.

ExOffender

the_syco wrote:

Granted, but its owned by your bank (due to non-payment of your mortgage), who have since kicked you out, making you a penniless bum.


I wish for all the peace-loving hippies to be killed by the Al Qaeda.

You get caught in one of the blasts and end up a veggie.

Iwish my wang was bigger.

the_syco

ExOffender wrote:

Iwish my wang was bigger.

But when you whip it out to show the girls @ Slane, it freezes, and breaks off, leaving you with nothing.

ExOffender

the_syco wrote:

But when you whip it out to show the girls @ Slane, it freezes, and breaks off, leaving you with nothing.

I wish the_syco had made a wish

Tiriel

he did it was silent but deadly
I wish I was alseep

ExOffender

Cork_girl wrote:

he did it was silent but deadly
I wish I was alseep

You are. But you wake up being touched intimately by a sweaty dwarf in high heels and an Anna Mae Wong dress.

I wish for a pair of eyes in the back of my head. Ewww... hairy eyelids...

Tiriel

you have .. but one looks up and one looks down .. gets a ickle bit confusing when you don't have eyes facing ahead..

I wish to not have read about that creepy dwarf!

ExOffender

Cork_girl wrote:

you have .. but one looks up and one looks down .. gets a ickle bit confusing when you don't have eyes facing ahead..

I wish to not have read about that creepy dwarf!

Granted! But now your guard is down and he's behind yooou...

I wish I could read people's minds.

pwd

Granted but all they ever are thinking is mean things about you.

I wish FOR 3 MORE WISHES!

ha you're my bitch now mr genie man.

Nightwish

Granted! but with each of those extra wishes you make a significant part of your genitals will wither, die and fall off.
i wish to have a night of passionate sex with tuomas holopainen

c - 13

Your wish is granted - After a length of time of passionate kissing with Tuomas Holopainen, you remove his pants and find to your disgust that where his penis should be is just a blackened stub - he explains to you that this is the end result of a terrible accident he was in when he was younger - he tells you that it is still fully functional though if you'd care to give him oral ? Dissapointment ensues.

I wish there was an end to all war, probably.

tSubh Dearg

granted! but as mankind has given up all it's weapons in the resulting peace we are unprepared for alien attack and all end up dead or enslaved on a distant planet.

I wish I had a flying carpet

meditraitor

Granted, but with this extraordinary gift comes responsibility, you are now patron saint of travellers and have to live in limerick in a tiny caravan married to jimmy joe mcdonagh, who will expect you to bear him 20 nippers.......

the_syco

No wish ^^^, eh?

=-=

I wish for the person who posts below this is good @ giving head.

Haket

Granted, but I now add you head to my collection and then give it to Wendy's to match the finger ,


I wish I wasn't hungover.

bringitdown

Granted, but you are underhung ....

I wish I was always physically fit and not having to do all this gym crap.

hussey

Granted, you get up and feel great
1/2 hr later you discover the guy you slept with last night chained up inside your closet, his name is Rosco and he has a moustache and leather pants.

I wish I was at home rather than in work

Tar.Aldarion

your not you died of alcohol poisoning and are forever in hell posting on this thread.

i wish that guy hadn't made a move on me and that eh i become like a god or something muahA!

pwd

Granted but you are the god Prometheus, who is bound to a rock for infinity and has his liver torn out by a vulture every day.

I wish people would stop posting on this thread.

Tar.Aldarion

they do but then again none of them are people any more they have become mere binary code apart from you who have now become half monkey half kitten.

i wish i was a binary code that had a 2 in it

passive

granted, but you exist only for a fraction of a second before somebody realises they hit the wrong key and erases your sorry ass into oblivion

i wish deadwing was forced to work in tesco for the rest of his life as punishment for the creation of this travesty/thread.

the_syco

He does, but then he becomes a reborn (ie; new life :P ) and toments you on the pro's of Christanity.

I wish for someone to post again on this thread.

Tar.Aldarion

for God's sake fine your ingenious wish has been Granted!, but with this extraordinary gift comes responsibility, you are now patron saint of travellers and have to live in limerick in a tiny caravan married to jimmy joe mcdonagh, who will expect you to bear him 20 nippers....... hehe lol

i wish that knackers decided to cop on and say what were we thinking lets be 'normal'

and that they now go round saying 'do ya want a euro boy?' maybe in a posh accent too for a ho0t.

[Jackass]

Granted, but now that knackers are all posh, the birthrate drasticlly drops, and a new law is passed that every woman must be impregnated every year by a stranger...starting with test subject A: YOU!!!

I wish i lived in a paradise full of beautifull women, nothing but sunny days, with no work or worrys.

--Kaiser--

Ganted, but you are constantly locked in a fetid toilet cubicle and fed by the beatiful women through a small grate

I wish i could play guitar like Jimmy Page

Tar.Aldarion

DubGuy22 wrote:

Granted, but now that knackers are all posh, the birthrate drasticlly drops, and a new law is passed that every woman must be impregnated every year by a stranger...starting with test subject A: YOU!!!

I wish i lived in a paradise full of beautifull women, nothing but sunny days, with no work or worrys.

starting with me,i'm not a woman aha! you would have to make some sort of wishhh......

omg granted! you are now in your paradise but you have lost all your corporealness and senses. you know every1 is in paradise but you.all you have left is where you now live,posh knacker world where all the women are gone and have been replaced by well you ^^ gigety gigety


i wish i wish upon a star for a wish that i wish to wishfully come true,
that forever and ever to be in the pub with my m8s ,which are now all hot, and to be the onlly man in the world for 6 months.

Sleepy

Granted but every woman in the pub is HIV+

I wish for more beer.

tSubh Dearg

granted but the beer is sour and cannot be drunk

I wish that superheros really existed

Piste

Granted. But unfortunately they all are out to get you (and NOT in a good way! )

I wish I had broadband.

the_syco

You get broadband, but you PC dies, permanthly.

I wish for 1 ton of hash, grass format.

aidan_dunne

Granted, but because 1 ton of hash is such a large amount and so easy to spot, the guards have no trouble finding it in your possession and you go to jail for a long time, with only a HIV-infected, anal-sex addicted cellmate called Bubba for company!

I wish for one night with Angelina Jolie and Sandra Bullock, a couple of pairs of handcuffs and a big jar of Nutella!














I'm worried what kind of response this is going to get, now! :eek:

Tiriel

granted but Angelina has garlic breath.. and Sandra has had a little too much to drink and keeps reaching over the edge of the bed to bark at the ants.

I wish I was a princess

Zombienosh

granted , but your prince is a yeti.

i wish i could sing

Tiriel

hairy molly eh!
I'm sure you can.. every one has a shower voice.. though yours is a little more well.. girly than others.. and your nostrils flare a little..
oh and I wish my prince could fit into shining armour!

GoneShootin

Granted


BUT!


You will be forced to sumbit to multiple paper cuts, from each page of War & Peace.


I wish my tennis club would get off its arse and start putting some teams together!

tman

granted. but the uncomfortable chaffing of metal on flesh will give him a nasty rash "down there", rending his yeti wang useless.

I wish this night shift would hurry up and end

/edit
damn you GS