she looks at other men too much?

LegacyUser

okay, first off maybe I am overreacting a bit, but need advice.

I have been going out with this girl for a year and a half. I am in love with this girl and she has told me the same. Everything is great in our relationship except for one thing: some aspects of her behaviour leave me feeling a little cold.

If we are out in town and socialising, she seems to have a lot of "eye time" for other guys. Now, I know we all look at other people, I do it myself and that is no problem but when some guys walk by she stares at them for seconds directly and a few times my attention has been drawn to her snapping her neck to attention at some guy that is walking by and then holding her stare until she realises I am looking at her and then the eyes go down. On one occasion, she has nearly fallen over herself trying to get a better view of one particular guy who was walking by (and he was very good looking and well built, fair play to him!) while I was sitting right beside her. On another occasion after a few drinks she was seriously curious about the size of one of my friends "member"! I kid you not. I have told her that when she does these things and asks these kindof questions, it makes me feel a little odd about her motives and since then I notice that it happens less, but I still see her doing it. Now when I say "see her do it" I mean it is long stares in front of me with no attempt to hide it! I dont know, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I dont go in for all this modern crap and sometimes want my girlfriend to stop showing so much sexual interest in other men, I thought this diminished in women when they are in love with someone? I dont want to sound like an old prude, and I understand and even think its healthy to admire others when out, but she leaves me cold the way she does it. I feel she is not being herself when out with me and somehow I am restricting her in that way. I am now seriously thinking about giving this one a miss. Advice?

bonzai bob

I don't think you're overeacting at all, i think we all do it to some degree, but jeez, she can tone it down a bit imo.. In the long run this won't do your self confidence any good if she keeps doin it, so if it continues maybe you should look elsewhere?

Catsmokinpot

think you might be over reacting i was wicked jelous of my ex girlfriend untill i realised that i did it myself as much as she did, its a natural thing. we all turn the head if we see a fine young one walkin down the street. dont think that women are any different, and the things she says, it looks like the girl has a sence of humour, when she asks you stuff like how big your friends "member" is then turn around and say something funny or go ask him how big it is in front of her.

Beruthiel

overreacting wrote:

IfI dont go in for all this modern crap

perhaps that's your problem?

and sometimes want my girlfriend to stop showing so much sexual interest in other men

just cos you're on a diet, doesn't mean you can't look at the menu, don't tell me that you wouldn't have a look given the chance

I thought this diminished in women when they are in love with someone?

no
if I see a good looking bloke, I'll still look at him, that's all it is you know, just looking, like you would a Van Gogh....

I dont want to sound like an old prude, and I understand and even think its healthy to admire others when out, but she leaves me cold the way she does it.

your g/f needs to learn the art of subtly

Linoge

I don't think you're over reacting at all. If you were a girl posting about your boyfriend everyone here would be saying to dump him.

Thing is, women should be able to control their urges to "look" a bit better than men. Thats what 'Girl Power' is all about isn't it? Looking while out with her friends is one thing but doing it blatantly on front of you is totally unacceptable.

I'd be of the opinion that if she is doing this so obviously on front of you and asking about your friends 'members', you can only imagine what she's doing when shes in a nightclub on her own.

Dump her. (IMO)

WhiteWashMan

overreacting wrote:

okay, first off maybe I am overreacting a bit, but need advice.

I have been going out with this girl for a year and a half. I am in love with this girl and she has told me the same. Everything is great in our relationship except for one thing: some aspects of her behaviour leave me feeling a little cold.

If we are out in town and socialising, she seems to have a lot of "eye time" for other guys. Now, I know we all look at other people, I do it myself and that is no problem but when some guys walk by she stares at them for seconds directly and a few times my attention has been drawn to her snapping her neck to attention at some guy that is walking by and then holding her stare until she realises I am looking at her and then the eyes go down. On one occasion, she has nearly fallen over herself trying to get a better view of one particular guy who was walking by (and he was very good looking and well built, fair play to him!) while I was sitting right beside her. On another occasion after a few drinks she was seriously curious about the size of one of my friends "member"! I kid you not. I have told her that when she does these things and asks these kindof questions, it makes me feel a little odd about her motives and since then I notice that it happens less, but I still see her doing it. Now when I say "see her do it" I mean it is long stares in front of me with no attempt to hide it! I dont know, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I dont go in for all this modern crap and sometimes want my girlfriend to stop showing so much sexual interest in other men, I thought this diminished in women when they are in love with someone? I dont want to sound like an old prude, and I understand and even think its healthy to admire others when out, but she leaves me cold the way she does it. I feel she is not being herself when out with me and somehow I am restricting her in that way. I am now seriously thinking about giving this one a miss. Advice?

i bet you never look at another woman?

half the population are men. of course she is going to look at them.
looking at a man does not constitute 'sexual interest'.

i mean, if it was someone with no arms or legs and she was staring morbid facination, would this be different than staring at brad pitt?

why?

if she has to change herself to be with you, then she is better off without you to be honest.

Linoge

WhiteWashMan wrote:

if she has to change herself to be with you, then she is better off without you to be honest.

Ha ha. What a joke. Thats true for someones looks or personality. It doesn't apply to actions.

If that was the case though I'm going to head out with the lads every night and get pissed and never clean up the house or wash the dishes.

Thats just the way I am and I shouldn't have to change.

ionapaul

Linoge, I don't think women should be able to 'control' their urges to look better than men. Resisting the urge to swing your head around to stare at a member of the opposite sex while with your significant other is not particularly hard, obviously the GF needs to develop either a little self-control or perhaps greater respect / consideration for her BF. If this constitutes her 'changing' for the BF and she is unwilling to do it, yes, he's better off without her. Everyone changes somewhat when in a relationship, let's be honest.

TerrorFirmer

I thought this diminished in women when they are in love with someone? I dont want to sound like an old prude, and I understand and even think its healthy to admire others when out, but she leaves me cold the way she does it.

I notice that rarely do people read the OP properly.

Of course we all look at the opposite sex regardless of our availability - but do we do it for seconds at a time? make it painfully obvious? As the OP said, whip our necks around to catch better looks while in the presence of our significant other?

The OP aknowledges that its normal, but to a certain extent

His GF seems to way over do it, and you are NOT sounding like an old prude.

GF needs to develop either a little self-control or perhaps greater respect / consideration for her BF

Well said Ionapaul, this is exactly it. As it is, she doesn't sound like she has the greatest of respect for you.

My girlfriend never looks at other guys - sometimes, I might see a well built good looking guy walking by, and I look at him in jealousy, expecting her to be staring at him as well, but then she is just like giving me this look "why an earth are you staring at another man?!"

And I'm no tom cruise. So while a certain level of appreciation of other people is normal, your girlfriends excessiveness is not acceptable.

thought this diminished in women when they are in love with someone?

It does in alot of cases, if not stop it completely, it certainly tones it down....In fact I'm a man, and apart from maybe some actors on TV in the privacy of my room, I never really look at other girls anymore!

Linoge

ionapaul wrote:

Linoge, I don't think women should be able to 'control' their urges to look better than men.

That was meant to be a joke with a jab. Allbeit not a very funny joke with not much of a jab.

LegacyUser

I cant understand some of the responses from some people. If you think it is ok for your GF to snap her head around (or up if she is sitting down!) and stare at a guy who is sitting right beside us when we are out then I feel sorry for you, genuinely. Where is the romance in that? When your GF *blatently* and obviously, in your face, shows you that she is sexually attracted to other men all of the time then forget it. It loses its appeal and as one reply mentioned, what is she like when I am not there to at least put a natural lid on whatever it is she is getting up to ?? This girl is 28 years of age and I am trying to understand her behaviour so that I can make a decision about her. I am not a prude and have never felt like this with any other girl before. Before I saw this behaviour in her I never worried about her going out with her friends, now I wonder what she is doing. The times I have met up with her in a pub after she has had a few, she has gotten to know every drunk bloke in the place and on one occasion, in front of me, this drunk asshole started singing in her ear!! Funny I know, but what type of woman am I describing here? Cos I dont know.

Evil Phil

It doesn't matter where she gets her appetite as long as she eats her dinner at home tbh. But have you tried telling her you feel a little jealous sometimes? Everybody does from time to time and it just requires a little bit of reassurance. Don't got saying you don't want her looking at other men though, I suspect that would be bad.

Bri

WhiteWashMan wrote:

if she has to change herself to be with you, then she is better off without you to be honest.

At that rate she should be allowed to be polygamous because she could have been before going out with him. That's way too cut and dried, and the kind of thing you'd be pointing out to another poster. As said before, the majority of the population seem to respectfully lessen their staring when around their other half.

simu

Get her sunglasses as a present - it might look less obvious then. Everyone looks but it's annoying if they're very unsubtle about it.

GuanYin

overreacting wrote:

okay, first off maybe I am overreacting a bit, but need advice.

I have been going out with this girl for a year and a half. I am in love with this girl and she has told me the same. Everything is great in our relationship except for one thing: some aspects of her behaviour leave me feeling a little cold.

If we are out in town and socialising, she seems to have a lot of "eye time" for other guys. Now, I know we all look at other people, I do it myself and that is no problem but when some guys walk by she stares at them for seconds directly and a few times my attention has been drawn to her snapping her neck to attention at some guy that is walking by and then holding her stare until she realises I am looking at her and then the eyes go down. On one occasion, she has nearly fallen over herself trying to get a better view of one particular guy who was walking by (and he was very good looking and well built, fair play to him!) while I was sitting right beside her. On another occasion after a few drinks she was seriously curious about the size of one of my friends "member"! I kid you not. I have told her that when she does these things and asks these kindof questions, it makes me feel a little odd about her motives and since then I notice that it happens less, but I still see her doing it. Now when I say "see her do it" I mean it is long stares in front of me with no attempt to hide it! I dont know, it makes me feel uncomfortable. I dont go in for all this modern crap and sometimes want my girlfriend to stop showing so much sexual interest in other men, I thought this diminished in women when they are in love with someone? I dont want to sound like an old prude, and I understand and even think its healthy to admire others when out, but she leaves me cold the way she does it. I feel she is not being herself when out with me and somehow I am restricting her in that way. I am now seriously thinking about giving this one a miss. Advice?

Assuming this isn't just a load of mad jealousy and paranoia in your head, has she ever done anything about it? Has she ever gone off with anyone else?

No? Ok, so whats the big deal. You never look at hot women? On TV, on the street? Come off it.

Everyone has hormones and appreciates whatthey see as beauty. Deal with it. So long as she cares for you and is faithful I don't see the big deal.

Alternatively, if you want to make a big deal about it, either (A) talk to her and not a bunch of internet strangers

or

(B) Start being very obvious about checking out other women (you know, talk to their breasts and stuff). Works reaally well if you include her family members in this, especially her mother, but becareful you don't go too far and typedef her sister, or if her sister is a minor <snip - bold syke>.

Incidently, option (B) may get you dumped, and if it did, you'd deserve it.

LegacyUser

psi, you come off it. Firtly, for those who say women are the same as men in this regard, cop on. They are not. They dont look as much, just go and read your womens magazines if you dont believe me.

Secondly, if you think it is appropriate for my GF to fall over herself staring at blokes in front of ME, her BF, then you are the one with the serious problem and I pity you, I really do.

And no, to my knowledge she has not done the dirt, but that is not the point and just shows you dont get it do you?

Lex_Diamonds

If she is acting like this after a year and a half, after 3 she will be shaggin away from home, gauranteed. Talk to her about it first, but if nothing changes, dump her asap.

GuanYin

op wrote:

psi, you come off it. Firtly, for those who say women are the same as men in this regard, cop on. They are not. They dont look as much, just go and read your womens magazines if you dont believe me.

Secondly, if you think it is appropriate for my GF to fall over herself staring at blokes in front of ME, her BF, then you are the one with the serious problem and I pity you, I really do.

And no, to my knowledge she has not done the dirt, but that is not the point and just shows you dont get it do you?

Probably not, but then I'm quite self assured, happy and confident in myself , so I don't let silly little things like that worry me.

Women look as much as men in my experience.

Women's magazines tend to tell women how the magazines feel they should think, and aren't representative of how they do think, otherwise women wouldn't be bothered buying them in the fist place.

Gordon

Original Poster you are overreacting to some of the posters on this thread, you are being extremely defensive of your thoughts on this matter, one could say "paranoid".

Reading your post the only advice I have for you is "Speak to your girlfriend about this". Otherwise - what are you trying to achieve here?
Are you tring to get everyone's advice? If so you are getting it so please don't attack other people's views.
Are you just having a rant? If so then this isn't the place for that.

Come off it mate, pull the finger out and sort this out with your girlfriend. If you want to have a discussion about it here please try and respect the views of the posters here.

*Page*

its seems to mean that she might be doing it on purpose! maybe to make a point?

Have you been making her feel cold with out knowing.. has your atention droped after the 1 year mark? you say since you spoke she's lessened but now does it right in front with out trying to hide it.. this sound like an attention seeking thing.

I look at guys even when i was with my past bf.. and if he was very attrative i'd say it! and he did the same.

your not over reacting you've picked up on the feeling she's giving you now its time to find out why!

ASK HER NOT US!!!

*Page*

op wrote:

psi, you come off it. Firtly, for those who say women are the same as men in this regard, cop on. They are not. They dont look as much, just go and read your womens magazines if you dont believe me.

I'm a woman and I don't read womens mags!!

oh you know you can buy playgirl mag's full of nudy men!!
I look at men admire what i see just as much as my male friends!!!

op wrote:

Secondly, if you think it is appropriate for my GF to fall over herself staring at blokes in front of ME, her BF, then you are the one with the serious problem and I pity you, I really do.

you have the problem this is why you are here talking about it!!! :rolleyes:

op wrote:

And no, to my knowledge she has not done the dirt, but that is not the point and just shows you dont get it do you?

why dont you talk to her you sound very very jealous to me!

Maybe she's bored and is having a giggle!!!

bonzai bob

psi wrote:

(B) Start being very obvious about checking out other women (you know, talk to their breasts and stuff). Works reaally well if you include her family members in this, especially her mother, but becareful you don't go too far and typedef her sister, or if her sister is a minor, Havelock her sister.

Incidently, option (B) may get you dumped, and if it did, you'd deserve it.

Are you for real? First off you tell him that it isn't a big deal and that he is over reacting, then you tell him that if he wants to get back at her then to do the same thing and that if he did then he deserves to be dumped?

Congratulations on the dumbest post of the year so far. :rolleyes:

seamus

Studies show that Women in fact look and perv more than men do (no, I've no link), but their superior peripheral vision means that (usually) they won't be caught in the act as much as men are, since they don't have to turn their head as much to take a glimpse.

Get a group of young women, give them a few beers, and you'll find they can be dirtier and more seuxally agressive than a similar group of young men.

Beruthiel

bonzai bob wrote:

Congratulations on the dumbest post of the year so far. :rolleyes:

bonzai
have you read this forums charter with regards to flaming other posters?
psi comments were tongue in cheek

consider this a warning
B

pickarooney

Is it not "attack the post, not the poster" ?
Tongue-in-cheek is supposed to be obvious, otherwise it's trolling. I think that's in the charter somewhere.

TerrorFirmer

I'm not going to flame anybody but really no-one has been really constructive here. What he is saying -

Is that she does it EXCESSIVELY. He knows himself its normal but only in moderation and to a certain extent. The behaviour of the girl he has described is one of a woman who I wouldn't be surprised for you to discover some day she has cheated on you and the said behaviour is NOT typical of your average female behaviour. Especially while not in the actual company of the said significant other.

People really should have a good long read of the OP and stop listing off standard replies that have little significance to the topic in relation to the actual problems facing the original poster.

LegacyUser

its funny cos anytime I talk to her she gets defensive and "doesn't remember" so I think its an impossible situation. I think she is just that type of girl, they are out there you know. They dont seem to have any cop on in this way. I just dont understand how a girl who loves someone can honestly behave that way when she is out with them, it just makes no sense. I think if I listen to my instinct on this it tells me that she is not the girl for me and this type of behaviour will just p*** me off long into the future.

And I am not madly jealous, I have gone out with loads of women and this is the first time this has become an issue, I never noticed this before.

Right now, I am going to play it be ear, I am just going to say nothing and see how bad it gets and make my decision then. Some women have to learn the hard way I think! Thanks for all the advice!

WhiteWashMan

pickarooney wrote:

Is it not "attack the post, not the poster" ?
Tongue-in-cheek is supposed to be obvious, otherwise it's trolling. I think that's in the charter somewhere.

just goes to show how much you know.
i find my humour is often missed due to its incredible subtlety.
in fact, i think you just missed the joke....


i think the OP should chill out, but hey, apparently my opinion is 'wrong'. and i never knew!

ravenhead

Welcome to the world of WOMAN! It's great to see a man getting to experience what we've been putting up with....
Well no it's not great really when it's making you feel like crap, you really just need to say it start out to her or better still do the exact same thing to her, believe me it won't take her long to get P'd off about it - maybe this might actually be your best bet seeing as she didn't really listen to you the last time ... good luck mate, & remember it's you she's going home with at the end of it all, is an otherwise good relationship worth loosing because of this??

tinkerbell

Well, my opinion is that what this girl is doing is extremely rude. A bit of looking ain't a problem, but the problem arises when she does it blatantly and all the time, and is quite obviously flirting with the whole male population in the pub. You have every right to be pissed off about this.

Everyone is different, some people might not care if their other half checks out other women, whereas others feel threatened by this. You said you don't mind if she does it but what bothers you is that she is so obvious about it. If it's come to the stage where she's totally ignoring you to check out other guys, then I reckon you do need to sit down and talk to her.

Has she been doing this from the start, or is this just recent behaviour?

Beruthiel

pickarooney wrote:

Is it not "attack the post, not the poster" ?
Tongue-in-cheek is supposed to be obvious.

for it to be more obvious than it already was, it would have required pink neon lights and little red flags waving
now
can we all get back on topic please?
B