ex boyfriend is an asshole

dazednconfused

what would u do if your boyfriend of 4 1/2 years turned around one day and told you he didnt want u anymore without any explanation and havent heard from him since?are all men like this cos if they are i'd rather become a lesbian cos girls are ten times nicer...

ARGINITE

no not all of them.

super_furry

Yes. Yes they are.

ozt9vdujny3srf

No girls certainly arent 10 times nicer, you get situations like that going both ways.

Yes, hes at fault for ending it after 4 1/2 years without explanation, but i'd be surprised if it was completely out of the blue. In a relationship that long both partners generally know its not going to work out before the actual break up.

Ro: maaan!

It really is a stupid question.

Oddysseus

dazednconfused wrote:

what would u do if your boyfriend of 4 1/2 years turned around one day and told you he didnt want u anymore without any explanation and havent heard from him since?are all men like this cos if they are i'd rather become a lesbian cos girls are ten times nicer...

Why didn't you call this thread "is my boyfriend an asshole?"

Why are all men assholes only because your boyfriend (apparently) is one?

I can understand your anger. BUT. You can't 'become' a lesbian this way.
Give the wanker up! There are other boys. Some even are real men.

dazednconfused

to be honest i dont think all men are assholes its just dis fella has had me in tears for the last few weeks especially knowing that afer all dis time i find out he doesnt love me or give a **** about me i know hes havin the time of his life now his friends have been tellin me stories about him..i just dont know what 2do im all over the place i just dont know if ill ever trust a fella again cos i actually truly believed i trusted him.

Oddysseus

dazednconfused wrote:

to be honest i dont think all men are assholes its just dis fella has had me in tears for the last few weeks especially knowing that afer all dis time i find out he doesnt love me or give a **** about me i know hes havin the time of his life now his friends have been tellin me stories about him..i just dont know what 2do im all over the place i just dont know if ill ever trust a fella again cos i actually truly believed i trusted him.

You really sound hurt. I'm sorry for you. Stop crying - he ain't worth a tear. Give yourself time and you'll get over it. Get your self-confidence back - believe in your power. You'll find another one.


and...just in case...it might happen again.(!)

bizmark

Get over it ffs all 3 billion males are assholes because one doesnt want to be with you any more? :rolleyes:

mayordenis

all men have assholes

dazednconfused

bizmark wrote:

Get over it ffs all 3 billion males are assholes because one doesnt want to be with you any more? :rolleyes:

dats a really ****ing cruel thing to say id like to see u if u had a gf u loved so much do dat 2u.and i will get over it eventually thank u very much in time,and i certainly wont be lookin 4a fella like u

bizmark

Aww Jesus im devastated some one who posts offensive sh*t like this thread wouldn’t be interested in little old me :rolleyes: .

To say im cruel when you post all men are assholes is a joke but i dont want to get banned so ill leave it at that.

RussianManiac

It NOT men that are the assholes. He dumped you cause he wasnt into you anymore,your too young to be commited,get over it and move on!!

tinkerbell

Hey girl,

Pay no attention to most of the rubbish in this thread. You have a right to be upset, considering he ended it suddenly and broke your heart.

No, not all men will treat you crap, you just have to find the guy who will treat you right.

You are allowed time to be upset, tiz only natural - after all, going out with someone for 4.5 years is a long time, so give yourself a good bit to clear your head. In time you'll be able to move on with your life. And in however long it takes you to get over him, you will eventually look at the break up as something that is in the past, and if he was making you miserable, that it was better off it ended now, rather than another year / 4.5 years from now, where you'd be worse off.

CathyMoran

Not all men are AH strictly speaking but everyone can be an AH at some stage in their lives. I am sorry to hear that the original poster did not get closure but the old cliches that it was not meant to be could apply here. There are some wonderful men out there.

I have been in situations which I never thought would be possible but circumstances allowed them - similarily when faced with certain events my reactions were totally different to what I expected...I am not excusing your ex but there are are reasons sometimes. Things will work out - they always have to.

Souperfreak

What is most important is you have to stop trying to understand the sudden d#ckness of your EX. You love him and he loved you for the time that you were together, remember that and not the hurt he caused. I know it isn't that easy but for every five minutes of anger, resentment, sadness and tears think of something good and get yourself up and get out and do something.

The second most important thing is you can not allow people to talk to you about what he is doing now. It will only bring the pain back. Just stop them mid-sentence and say you are not helping me. I can't hear this or I will continue to relive this.

The third you can't ask anyone about him. You need to let him go.

Remember you get 4 1/2 months to grieve the relationship 1 month for every year. After that push him out of your mind. But you have listen only to yourself. Write things down and burn the pages or keep them hidden to look at a year from now. But get it out of your head!

It isn't your fault love he was an a##.

Not all men are like that.

Oddysseus

CathyMoran wrote:

I have been in situations which I never thought would be possible but circumstances allowed them - similarily when faced with certain events my reactions were totally different to what I expected...

that sounds exciting!
Tell us more...

anna20

they arent all that bad, although some are pretty ruthless. have faith. i'm trying to keep mine alight!

DoesNotCompute

are all men assholes?

No.

I am MAN

Firstly I would suggest changing the thread title.

Secondly you cant judge all men by the way one asshole acted, I have done this with girlfriends and I have been proved wrong.

You says its been a few weeks and you are still dwelling I think it is time you began looking at moving on, easier said than done I know.

CathyMoran

Oddysseus wrote:

that sounds exciting!
Tell us more...

All I will say is that sometimes people can be in situations that they can not get out of - someone I knew cheated but the circumstances were so unusual that while the cheating was not acceptable it was forgivable. A personal example would be when my mum got very ill, I openly admit that I had thought that I would fall apart over it as my family is my life, instead I was strong for my family.

To the original poster - there are some great guys out there - at the moment though you need to grieve and get this guy out of your system. Have found that the great guys are not the obvious guys but when you find them you wonder why you were so blinkered.

dazednconfused

thanks for all yer advice but as they say everything happens for a reason and we obviously werent meant to be together so hopefully sum day ill meet a nice lad who treats me better...

Gordon

bizmark wrote:

Aww Jesus im devastated some one who posts offensive sh*t like this thread wouldn’t be interested in little old me :rolleyes: .

To say im cruel when you post all men are assholes is a joke but i dont want to get banned so ill leave it at that.

bizmark you don't seriously mean that you take offence to such a sweeping statement do you?

dazednconfused, I'm sure you are feeling raw at this stage due to what has happened, however I find it rather disturbing that you (as your minimalist information suggests) have had a 4.5year relationship with someone and they broke up with NO reason at all. If this really has happened then I suggest your first port of call would be with your ex as opposed to this forum for reasons of your break up. Otherwise your post is here for us to give you encouragement or to manbash.

As I am MAN suggests, I can (you cannot) change the title of this thread to alleviate the manbashing connotations if you want me to do that?

I'm sorry for your break up.
/edit - by your previous post, I'm happy for your break up.

Victor

I'll play bad cop.

dazednconfused wrote:

told you he didnt want u anymore without any explanation and havent heard from him since?

Is **he** OK? Did he commit suicide or has the non-communication been all one-sided ("Son, you haven't phoned me in 6 weeks".)

Is he perhaps depressed? Does he have serious issues in his life? Does he have a crisis of confidence? Slip him or someone he knows a note.

And becareful do not judge a person the same as their actions.

dazednconfused

2be honest gordon i would talk to him but he wants nothing to do with me even though i did nothing wrong but **** it now hes always treated me like this i was just a fool to put up with it for so long

dazednconfused

Victor wrote:

I'll play bad cop.Is **he** OK? Did he commit suicide or has the non-communication been all one-sided ("Son, you haven't phoned me in 6 weeks".)

Is he perhaps depressed? Does he have serious issues in his life? Does he have a crisis of confidence? Slip him or someone he knows a note.

And becareful do not judge a person the same as their actions.

no he just wants to be single again id say,believe me hes not the kind of person to be depressed!i can understand that he wants 2be single but a bit of an explanation would of been nice...

bizmark

Gordon wrote:

bizmark you don't seriously mean that you take offence to such a sweeping statement do you?

Aye im a odd one arent i .

CathyMoran

All I will reiterate is that sometimes people have their reasons...I know that anger/hate is a normal reaction to a breakup but I have always found that it can be the other side of love and it is too strong an emotion in any case - better to forgive and forget.

I am MAN

dazednconfused wrote:

2be honest gordon i would talk to him but he wants nothing to do with me even though i did nothing wrong but **** it now hes always treated me like this i was just a fool to put up with it for so long

I go through some stages like this when I am hurt or something similar, I like to go into my cave and shut everything out and when it gets really bad I do feel like ending my relationship and having no further contact but this usually passes in 1-3 days. This isnt something I can control its like total depression or something.


If this guy is anything like me and has kept this up for weeks then there really is something serious wrong. Has he been open throughout the relationship? Would he often discuss problems or become very emtional with you?

Im not trying to justify what he has done but its important to view this angle also just going by my own personal experience.

WhiteWashMan

some people react in different ways. if you have been going out with someone for that long, then im guessing you are not a 15 year old, and should have at least some knowledge of how things work out there in the big world.
all people are different, and all act differently,and at the end of the day, all you can do is trust someone not to do something like that which has just happen to you,
it sucks, i know. ive been there, except ive kind of been on the other side. and it wasnt nice for me either. im sure your ex tortoured himself for a very long time, although i have no idea why he wouldnt talk about it.
seems pretty strange to me.
take some time out, get to know yourself again, try and remain single, and dont fall into any sort of relationship because it feels comfortable. you will only waste 6 months of your life.
learn, move on, find other men, live a good life.
thats about it really

CathyMoran

WWM - great advice as usual. Have been on the other side also and it is not easy - I still feel bad about it but much as I would have loved to go back I know that I can not. To original poster - every relationship is a learning experience - try and take the best from the relationship if you can. I am sure that in time you will get your much needed closure even if it is just via time. Best wishes and sorry to hear what has happened.

Davey Devil

dazednconfused wrote:

dats a really ****ing cruel thing to say id like to see u if u had a gf u loved so much do dat 2u.and i will get over it eventually thank u very much in time,and i certainly wont be lookin 4a fella like u

Text typing is banned. My brain hurts after reading that.

Gone West

i get the feeling that you were going out with him since you were fairly young. He is probably a year or two older. you need to play the field!

tinkerbell

dazednconfused wrote:

2be honest gordon i would talk to him but he wants nothing to do with me even though i did nothing wrong but **** it now hes always treated me like this i was just a fool to put up with it for so long

Well, there you have it - you admit he's always treated you bad. I know tiz difficult now, but in a few month's time when you are no longer emotionally attached to this guy, you will see that the breakup was a good thing to happen. You need to be totally happy in a relationship, and obviously you weren't. Time will heal you

pickarooney

Would you rather be left in the dark or be told the truth if it's something that could really hurt you? Think about it before you go pressing for details. For example, if he told you something along the lines of

"You've always been useless in bed, I tried for 4.5 years but it just wasn't happening"

would that really make things any better?

dazednconfused

I am MAN wrote:

I go through some stages like this when I am hurt or something similar, I like to go into my cave and shut everything out and when it gets really bad I do feel like ending my relationship and having no further contact but this usually passes in 1-3 days. This isnt something I can control its like total depression or something.


If this guy is anything like me and has kept this up for weeks then there really is something serious wrong. Has he been open throughout the relationship? Would he often discuss problems or become very emtional with you?

Im not trying to justify what he has done but its important to view this angle also just going by my own personal experience.

no dis fellla doesnt have any problems he just is enjoyin his social life 2much 2be tinkin bout me,he has always treated me ****ty but i took it cos i loved him wat a fool i was,its my own fault really 4bein such a doormat

WhiteWashMan

by the way, no offence, but can you try to use the word 'this' instead of 'dis' and not speak in text speak. it makes you sound about 14, and as such, people are likely to belittle your problem as some teenage angst problem.

if he has treated you badly, why do you love him? youre not cajun tiger in disguise are you?

dazednconfused

sorry its my first time posting on boards and im so used to using text when im writing stuff and no im not cajun tiger...im 21 myself and im in my last semester of college so its really important that i do well so ill just have to concentrate on that for now than my own problems...

WhiteWashMan

well, throwing yourself into your study would be a good way to deal with it in the short term, and you can probably do with shifting the focus of your anger into something constructive like studying. just imagine how far you are going to get without an arse of a boyfriend with you!

but in the longer term, you do need to deal with this before you get into a long term relationship. after your exams, i suggest you either sit down with someone close and talk it out in detail and then have a good cry or meet up with him and ask him all about it. but you will need to get some decent closure before you move on.

but for the moment, go get some good marks.

Gordon

Davey Devil wrote:

Text typing is banned. My brain hurts after reading that.

No it's not but see WWM's post about this for my feelings on it.

MrVestek

dazednconfused wrote:

thanks for all yer advice but as they say everything happens for a reason and we obviously werent meant to be together so hopefully sum day ill meet a nice lad who treats me better...

I've been right here all along baby, where've you been? Nah seriously I'm sorry for your loss hon but not all males are like this just because one eejit treated you this way. In the same token by that kind of reasoning just because an ex of mine treated me like a bítch then all females are bitches. It's simple just not true.

Anyways pm me if ya feel like a chat :rolleyes:

The Corinthian

dazednconfused wrote:

what would u do if your boyfriend of 4 1/2 years turned around one day and told you he didnt want u anymore without any explanation and havent heard from him since?are all men like this cos if they are i'd rather become a lesbian cos girls are ten times nicer...

I expect he ended it so abruptly with you because he felt it was the only way he would succeed in going through with it; either because he would have second thoughts or you would plead/convince him to have another go at it, had you discussed it.

Had you ‘almost’ broken up before? Had he expressed dissatisfaction in the (recent) past? Did the two of you have problems that were quietly put on the long finger and never addressed? My guess is it may have been something like that.

Are all men assholes? No. Only the ones you want to fúck.

WhiteWashMan wrote:

youre not cajun tiger in disguise are you?

Don’t be silly, she managed a 4-and-a-half year long relationship.

WhiteWashMan

The Corinthian wrote:

Don’t be silly, she managed a 4-and-a-half year long relationship.

thats probably the funniest thing ive read in quite some time.

Beruthiel

keep it on topic boys!
B

Davey Devil

Davey Devil wrote:

Text typing is banned. My brain hurts after reading that.

Gordon wrote:

No it's not but see WWM's post about this for my feelings on it.

I'll refer you to the charter Gordon. Text typing IS banned.

Text Speak is also banned on the grounds it is possibly the most annoying thing EVAR to try and read!

http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=57416

Gordon

BUH!!! feicin charter. You got me Davey, my hat's off and I'm eating it... but...

Charter updated!

ahem..now.. back on topic

dazednconfused

The Corinthian wrote:

I expect he ended it so abruptly with you because he felt it was the only way he would succeed in going through with it; either because he would have second thoughts or you would plead/convince him to have another go at it, had you discussed it.

Had you ‘almost’ broken up before? Had he expressed dissatisfaction in the (recent) past? Did the two of you have problems that were quietly put on the long finger and never addressed? My guess is it may have been something like that.

ya hes broken up with me lots of times before and he always came back after about a week sayin how sorry he was and could we try again but if he came back to me now id tell him where to go, im a stronger person now than when i was before,and i treated him like a king when we were together so he doesnt really deserve me-not saying that im perfect noone is, but i did treat him really well,that just wasnt enough for him...

The Corinthian

dazednconfused wrote:

ya hes broken up with me lots of times before and he always came back after about a week sayin how sorry he was and could we try again but if he came back to me now id tell him where to go, im a stronger person now than when i was before,and i treated him like a king when we were together so he doesnt really deserve me-not saying that im perfect noone is, but i did treat him really well,that just wasnt enough for him...

He’s unlikely to be back - he consciously burned his bridges so that he wouldn’t be able to, after all.

Before you embark on another relationship, I suggest you examine why he broke up with you on those other occasions, whether there was a common thread to this, whether this was ever resolved and, if not, whether it may have been the cause for the final breakup (and potentially cause for breakups in your future).

Just bare in mind, you might have treated him “really well”, but this does not mean that he was happy in the relationship. For example, a girlfriend could treat me “really well”, but if she’s crap in the sack or she’s training to act as a body double for Jaba the Hutt, it’s unlikely to last too long - call me shallow, if you will, but you’d then be confusing me with someone who gives a damn.

Talliesin

The Corinthian wrote:

Before you embark on another relationship, I suggest you examine why he broke up with you on those other occasions, whether there was a common thread to this, whether this was ever resolved and, if not, whether it may have been the cause for the final breakup (and potentially cause for breakups in your future).

Just bare in mind, you might have treated him “really well”, but this does not mean that he was happy in the relationship.

The Corinthian gives good, sound advice, quick Corin, be a shallow bastard for the next sentence.

The Corinthian wrote:

For example, a girlfriend could treat me “really well”, but if she’s crap in the sack or she’s training to act as a body double for Jaba the Hutt, it’s unlikely to last too long - call me shallow, if you will, but you’d then be confusing me with someone who gives a damn.

Phew! Good recovery.

LegacyUser

Sorry to hear about your breakup DazedandConfused.

It is harsh I know, I have been there myself, went out with a guy for over 3 years, he broke up with me by phone (we were in different countries at the time, just for a short period, we would have been meeting up again, it wasn't a long distanced relationship, we are both irish).

Anyhow, it sounds similar to yours, he wouldn't give me a reason why either, so I didn't have any closure, I had to phone him afterwards to try and get some reasoning out of it- none to be had.

So to offer you some of my lessons learned, if hes too much of a coward to sit down and discuss your relationship and the ending of it with you, then you need to put him behind you.

I won't lie, it is tough, its been almost 2 years now since my own breakup and I'm really now just getting over him.

A regret I have is trying to call him to find out why, I wish I hadn't as it portrayed me as weaker when really he was as he couldn't or wouldn't explain himself. I'm not saying that this is the stance you should take by all means try and find out but theres no point in trying to flog a dead horse if hes unwilling.

Some of the other posters have given valuable advice, do concentrate on your exams first and foremost. Go home for some TLC from your family and lookup any old friends you haven't seen for a while.

I have taken up some new sports etc that I wouldn't have done if I had been with my ex and met new people through this. Maybe theres something you've always wanted to do...

Take care and chin up,

(sorry this is long, just felt you are going through the same thing I did and its my firs boards post- great site btw)

bombidol

JaaaaCiinnnntaaaaaa, Ar Yeh Stallin' i' ouu?