How do I stop being a cold, unapproachable b*tch?!!

happyhippie

Here's a question for ya's.

I don't meet guys in pubs. Heck, I'd like to, but hardly anyone ever approaches me. Now I don't think it's a looks thing. I've done a little modelling so I know I'm not a total dog...

All my past boyfriends (two long term, a few flings) I've met at work (always work for big IT companies with lots of socialising so there's plenty of choice!) and it's normally a guy I've known for while who'll ask me out. And usually they'll me they hadn't thought I was interested and that's why they took so long to make a move.

So I reckon I must be giving off some bad vibes! Short of wearing some sort of 'I'm single, approach me!' t-shirt, what can I do to draw people to me?

In short, my question is: Guys- what makes you approach a girl in the pub?

PS. Yes, I know I could approach guys myself. I'm working on it, okay?!

Cheers

Clinical Waste

Smile and say G'day to people that look at you?

I for one very, very rarely approach girls in the pub/club.
Maybe try the "I'm single, approach me" T-shirt!

aidan_walsh

Papa Smut wrote:

I for one very, very rarely approach girls in the pub/club.

Ditto. Maybe you're looking at it the wrong way though? Why does it have to be in the pub that you meet a guy? Why not take up some night classes, or join a club or group of some kind... At least that way you'll be guaranteed to have something in common should you meet someone, and if you don't you'll have broadened your horizions and maybe made a few new friends anyway.

Kell

happyhippie wrote:

what makes you approach a girl in the pub?

Beer goggles and testosterone.

But seriously, have you considered what expression you might be wearing on your face? If its one of those "Dont approach or I'll rip your balls off" looks, then you outta luck.

The other thing is, and one for thought. You sound pretty confident and outgoing, which, oddly, puts some people off. A lot of blokes approach girls in pubs, clubs etc because they look easy and wont cause much of a dent in the guys esteem and ego. Obviously, you do not look easy- which isnt a bad thing. Enjoy your confidence.

I have been told by femmes that sometimes blokes who genuinely look comfortable in their own skin and full of confidence can be a serious off putter to them, so I assume the same works for guys chatting up girls. Altough, those femmes have been the low self esteem, lack of confidence types and theres plenty of men and women that suffer from that particular condition.

Wheres your local BTW? If your half decent looking, I am more than likely to come chat you up.

K-

Maximilian

happyhippie wrote:

what makes you approach a girl in the pub

A packet of smokes & a tube of lube & on the bar counter. A tee shirt that says "dirty slut" wouldn't hurt either.

Seriously if you look good, guys will approach you. If you look like a bag of hammers, they won't. Its that simple.

Sleepy

Smile. It's that simple. If you see some guy checking you out, smile at him. Smile at guys you like the look of before they've even noticed you. Make conversation with the cute guy who's at the bar at the same time as you, most lads I know would be thrilled if a pretty girl struck up a conversation with them, hell I've had occasions where it's made my night even if nothing more happened...

Seriously ladies, I don't think half of ye realise how smiling at a guy can brighten up his day. Even if you're just walking past someone on the street, give it a try. I know there've been loads of times where I've gotten to the verge of turning around to ask a pretty girl for her number when she smiled at me when I walked past her, but I'm a coward I've never done it. I know guys who would though.

Besides, smiling is the lazy option and as we all know, it's GOOD to be lazy :0)

Keyzer

Sleepy wrote:

Smile. It's that simple. If you see some guy checking you out, smile at him. Smile at guys you like the look of before they've even noticed you. Make conversation with the cute guy who's at the bar at the same time as you, most lads I know would be thrilled if a pretty girl struck up a conversation with them, hell I've had occasions where it's made my night even if nothing more happened...

Seriously ladies, I don't think half of ye realise how smiling at a guy can brighten up his day. Even if you're just walking past someone on the street, give it a try. I know there've been loads of times where I've gotten to the verge of turning around to ask a pretty girl for her number when she smiled at me when I walked past her, but I'm a coward I've never done it. I know guys who would though.

Besides, smiling is the lazy option and as we all know, it's GOOD to be lazy :0)

I agree 100% - If you like the look of him and he's checking you out SMILE...
It means come over and lets have a chat, not come over and fvck my brains out, well not to me anyway.....

You can practice with me if you want :-)

BolBill

Yeah you must be scorpy looking all the time, that scares us off big time. Try smiling or just look relaxed, not overly confident. and if all else fails PM me

The_B_Man

do u give off the impression that you're too good for them? you said you did some modelling so are you sure your mindset is not "listen, i did some modelling, i could do better than you! yady yada yah"? no offence but you might look like the type that wont settle for anything less than a millionaire type. or it could just be that u look so good most fellas will think ur way out of their league and wont even try u.

[Jackass]

When i approach girls wherever i am, i walk over with a smile on my face, try and be as chatty as i can, as funny as i can...i feel that's my part done, i wait and see what signals i get off a girl, when i talk to them are they very chatty back, do they think im as funny as i think i am , basicly flirty.

You need to be more flirty, smile at guys while you pass them, say hello...they'll remember it if they like you, and next time they see you, they'll say hi, maybe come over and chat to ya etc.
Just be really friendly, smiley and chatty...guys will deffo make a move if their interested...and you were a model, so you've gotta be a hotty..right?
If you want them to come over in the pub just keep an eye out for guys looking over at ya/checking you out...and if you catch them, just smile over at them....that's all girls have to do, after that, nine times out of ten a guy will see that as a signal and go over and say hi

PS mail me

smiaras

This post has been deleted.

Gordon

smiaras wrote:

This post has been deleted.

..but make sure he isn't holding his pint with the same hand.*


*or make sure he is

logic1

I'll give you a bang.

.logic.

Doodee

You'll give anyone a bang.

happyhippie

Thanks for the replies!

"Why does it have to be in the pub that you meet a guy?"

- Cos that's where I'm looking my best, relaxed, having fun, (tipsy) and most open to meetin others


"If its one of those "Dont approach or I'll rip your balls off" looks, then you outta luck."

- Jaysus! Not sure how I do one of those looks! Maybe my regular expression looks like that! How am I to know??

"Smile. It's that simple."

- That is simple. And fair enough. I don't consciously make an effort to smile, maybe that's where I'm going wrong....


"are you sure your mindset is not "listen, i did some modelling, i could do better than you! yady yada yah"? "

- Yeah I'm pretty sure! I'm normally the one feeling a little intimidated by a guy I like the look of!


"If you want them to come over in the pub just keep an eye out for guys looking over at ya/checking you out..."

- Thing is, I'm afraid of looking desperate. I hate those gangs of girls dressed in their most slapper-ish outfits sitting in the pub not talking to each other 'cos they're too busy craning their necks looking for men. God!


"I'll give you a bang."

- Thanks. I'll bear that in mind. Think I'll try the other suggestions first though.

pickarooney

See the way you turned down logic there with no forethought? Why's that? - he's only being slightly more honest than any bloke that will approach you in the pub.

Do you hang around in bars on your own, not smiling? That would just look (at least to me) like you were waiting for someone. Less so if you're with other ladies.

As for conscious efforts to smile - if you're not in a good mood, don't. There are few things less attractive than a fake smile.

Oh, and, go to pubs (or anywhere else) for a reason other than meeting a bloke, it's most likely to happen when you're not looking.

OP wrote:

And usually they'll me they hadn't thought I was interested and that's why they took so long to make a move.

Any idea what gives them that impression? Amongst all but the most pessimistic of souls, it tends to be the opposite - if a pretty lass so much as smiles or even looks at them, most hapless blokes will convince themselves that she's at least slightly interested.

karlh

smile. any guy who sees a girl obviously smile at him will go over to talk to her if he likes what he sees. it says you like what you see, you're happy, friendly and available all in one.

either that or get them out.

Keyzer

You never smiled back at me woman!!!


Lets try it again....

pontovic

you are like so many other good looking girls i know. most guys are simply too intimidated to go upto you because of your looks, so maybe you should have a crack at going upto them and saying hi. it sounds strange i know that but you should try it ...

karlh

Keyzer wrote:

You never smiled back at me woman!!!


Lets try it again....

hey Keyzer, you're looking well.

Karl, Keyzer, you're both men.

Just so you know.

karlh

he has such a lovely smile, i coudnt' resist. anyway, back on topic Papa

i think she should smile and watch them flock.

happyhippie

Keyzer wrote:

You never smiled back at me woman!!!


Lets try it again....

Sorry Keyzer! Is this better?

happyhippie

pickarooney wrote:

See the way you turned down logic there with no forethought? Why's that? - he's only being slightly more honest than any bloke that will approach you in the pub.

Do you hang around in bars on your own, not smiling? That would just look (at least to me) like you were waiting for someone. Less so if you're with other ladies.

As for conscious efforts to smile - if you're not in a good mood, don't. There are few things less attractive than a fake smile.

Oh, and, go to pubs (or anywhere else) for a reason other than meeting a bloke, it's most likely to happen when you're not looking.


Any idea what gives them that impression? Amongst all but the most pessimistic of souls, it tends to be the opposite - if a pretty lass so much as smiles or even looks at them, most hapless blokes will convince themselves that she's at least slightly interested.

I turned logic down 'cos any guy who walked up to me and said 'I'd give you a bang' would get the same response! There's honesty, and there's bloddy honesty (edit- and there's 'bloody' honesty). Plus, I'm not looking for just a 'bang'!

I hang out with my friends, a crowd of girls & guys, often quite a big group.

Sadly I don't know what gives guys the impression I'm not interested- it's why I posted my Q. I've aske dthe exes, but they couldn't seem their put a finger on it... they just said they got an 'impression' that I wasn't interested.

Keyzer

karlh wrote:

hey Keyzer, you're looking well.

Thanks buddy....

Keyzer

happyhippie wrote:

Sorry Keyzer! Is this better?

Thats much better..

Now lets try something a bit more complicated (zip)....

Only kidding.

Keep smiling....

Beruthiel

if ye wish to chat take it to PM please, so we can keep this thread on topic
B

[Jackass]

happyhippie wrote:

"If you want them to come over in the pub just keep an eye out for guys looking over at ya/checking you out..."

- Thing is, I'm afraid of looking desperate. I hate those gangs of girls dressed in their most slapper-ish outfits sitting in the pub not talking to each other 'cos they're too busy craning their necks looking for men. God!

Ya, but i don't mean looking around like this , i just mean when you're out, you'll always catch a guys eye at somestage, make eye contact with him across the bar or whatever...and when you do you probably just look away wheter you think he's hot or not...if he'slooking at you like that..he thinks you're hot, so next time don't look away, give him a big smile

PS You still havn't PM'd me!!!

[edit]Thought i'd persuade you by showing you a pic of me , and my winning smile!!!

CerebralCortex

Its hard to just go and talk to someone I find. It doesn't leave much room for the two people in question to show who they really are and to be relaxed but thats how ****ed up human socialising is and I certainly don't think that can be changed easily.

mememe

your not from cork by any chance? only askin cos the most beautiful girl ever is from county cork and she is almost unapproachable, for me anyway! will do some day soon though!

BolBill

DubGuy22 wrote:

Ya, but i don't mean looking around like this , i just mean when you're out, you'll always catch a guys eye at somestage, make eye contact with him across the bar or whatever...and when you do you probably just look away wheter you think he's hot or not...if he'slooking at you like that..he thinks you're hot, so next time don't look away, give him a big smile

PS You still havn't PM'd me!!!

Get in line mate I asked first !!!!

kopijack

If you see someone your interested get in the same general area and then go in for the kill after ya have had enough drink

just make sure you mark your surroundings before someone else moves in haha

go to the bar at the sametime as the person and wait to get served beside them...!

simu

pontovic wrote:

you are like so many other good looking girls i know. most guys are simply too intimidated to go upto you because of your looks, so maybe you should have a crack at going upto them and saying hi. it sounds strange i know that but you should try it ...

Yeah, that could be a factor.

A related thing: make sure you don't overdress. If you're only going to the pub for a few drinks and there's no special occasion, you might freak people out if you look excessively polished and dressed up.

As Sleepy said, smile a lot and when you're talking to a guy, make a point of looking interested in what he's saying, do lots of eye contact and so on.

po0k

simu wrote:

As Sleepy said, smile a lot and when you're talking to a guy, make a point of looking interested in what he's saying, do lots of eye contact and so on.

Good advice for either gender

logic1

happyhippie wrote:

Plus, I'm not looking for just a 'bang'!

Ok, I'll let you give me a back rub aswell.

.logic.

DapperGent

Before or after?

the Guru

hey happy hippy I love the hard to get type give me a call :-)

Kersh

You say you go out to the pub with fellas and girls, wellllll I would be less inclined to chat to (any girl really) a girl in a mixed sex group for fear one of the guys is your fella, I know it might sound stupid, but many times I have been out in mixed groups and a girl has asked one of the girls in my group if I was seeing any girl that was there....so i reckon you cut down potential fellas by being in a mixed group. Anyhow...

tck

Maximilian wrote:

If you look good, guys will approach you. If you look like a bag of hammers, they won't. Its that simple.

bull****! everything isn't as black and white as that!

Blitzkrieger

ditto - If you're in a big group people are going to think you're with whatever guy you talk to most. If you're with a big group of girls nobody will go near you for fear of having the piss taken. If you want to go 'on the pull', just take your best friend (who'll keep her mouth shut) and give any guy you fancy a big smile. It's that whole significant look thing - longer than a glance but shorter than a stare.

The Corinthian

My advice is to ask for advice elsewhere. This entire thread stinks of the blind leading the blind, TBH.

Kersh

Says the stud.

happyhippie

The Corinthian wrote:

My advice is to ask for advice elsewhere. This entire thread stinks of the blind leading the blind, TBH.

So can you shed any light on the subject then TC, or are you just as blind as the rest of us?

The Corinthian

happyhippie wrote:

So can you shed any light on the subject then TC, or are you just as blind as the rest of us?

I have one good eye, at least.

Sleepy

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

pickarooney

aaar!

Fysh

Sleepy wrote:

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.

Why do I have an urge to make a quip about one-eyed trouser snakes?

Vaguely on topic - trying to pull in clubs is only ever going to get you someone out for a night's score, really. Going to the pub is a bit better, although it still gets you stuck with the people you already know (to an extent). Not so sure about the mixed group-ness - it's never really bothered me much, but to each his own...mind you, I've rarely if ever gotten with someone through meeting them in a pub or club. But The Corinthian's right : there is a certain irony about people talking on the internet about how to get laid/find an S.O....shades of

ven0m

happyhippie wrote:

Here's a question for ya's.

I don't meet guys in pubs. Heck, I'd like to, but hardly anyone ever approaches me. Now I don't think it's a looks thing. I've done a little modelling so I know I'm not a total dog...

All my past boyfriends (two long term, a few flings) I've met at work (always work for big IT companies with lots of socialising so there's plenty of choice!) and it's normally a guy I've known for while who'll ask me out. And usually they'll me they hadn't thought I was interested and that's why they took so long to make a move.

So I reckon I must be giving off some bad vibes! Short of wearing some sort of 'I'm single, approach me!' t-shirt, what can I do to draw people to me?

In short, my question is: Guys- what makes you approach a girl in the pub?

PS. Yes, I know I could approach guys myself. I'm working on it, okay?!

Cheers

Bottom line is most guys are intimidated by a good looking woman because we automatically think 'she's out of my league! so as a result we don't go chat them up unless we're really REALLY drunk in which case we come across as drunken letches.

I learned a long time ago that it was far easier to go chat up a really good looking woman than just a decent looking woman as really good looking woman often bitch about the fact that guys don't approach them....

My advice for good looking women - smile, relax, be approachable & don't give a nice guy **** when he does come over, cos he's just strapped on a big pair of titanium ones in doing so...

For guys approaching good looking women - there's NO such thing as 'out of your league' unless you're a total minger & are falling around the place like a degenerate alcoholic trying to feel up women like a perv... relax, head on over, chat to them & you'll realise alot of the 'out of my league' **** is just in your head.....

Now - class dismissed.....


::: ven0mous :::

Laguna

I think you probably just shouldn't really be bothered about it. I myself wouldn't be of the school of thought to go with someone I met in a nightclub/pub or whatever, but hey that's me. I dunno about the whole joining a club or society thing either, tried myself but maybe I just wasn't very lucky or something cos when i went along to them it was just a big sausage fest with no girls in sight. I guess the best bet for you would be to get your non single girlfriends to hook you up with their boyfriends mates? :eek:

ven0m

Laguna wrote:

I guess the best bet for you would be to get your non single girlfriends to hook you up with their boyfriends mates? :eek:

You know how you watch a car-crash in progress & can't help but look at the aftermath - this is the same thing. The only guys who get hooked up by their mates girlfriends are usually the crazy/insane/minger ones no-one wants - LOL....


::: ven0mous :::