Dumped by golddigger!

oreilly2

Seeing a woman for close on five months and this morning she turns around and tells me we are finished as I still live at home and she wants a man with money!
Has this ever happened to you guys?
To the female members how important is it that a man has his own place, and car?
By what age 'should' someone be moving out of home?
What age does the average Irish person move out, and how old were you?
I'm 22 nearly 23 in college and shes 25.
Can't really figure it out, is this the way most Irish women are...
Remember a thread a while back which detailed the pros and cons of saving and renting...anyone know where i'd find it

koneko

The money thing I wouldn't agree with, but if she's 25 I can see why she wouldn't want to go out with someone who's still living at home.

I moved out at 18 and I'm happy I did, I don't get why people live at home till they're 25 in this country. I know things are expensive and all, but the benefits are so much more.

WhiteWashMan

you know, personally, if i was on the dating scene, id rather go out with someone who had their own place, and their own money.

what is it you want in a woman? a nice room beside her parents room, and a some pocket money to buy crisps with?

at what point is she gold digging?

sounds like she wants someone who is independent, who isnt a leeching student, and doesnt moan about it...

of course, if i had my way, id be dating a millionairess who would give me a ferrari.
we all have our wish list dont we...

whats yours?

aidan_walsh

There is the possibilty that what she meant was someone who is self-sufficient. Not only would you be out from under you parents thumb, but it would also be seen as a sign of both dependability and maturity.

And since the rest of your thread deviates into moving out, I think you realise this too... Perhaps the golddigger label is a little harsh?

oreilly2

..but so much for liking someone no matter what and all that...just didn't realise how important these things were to women!
Ah well.

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

its not too expensive.
i earn basic pay... 340 a week.
i rent a 3 bed house and i rent 2 rooms out for 100 + 70 a week.
so thats 170 for the rent per week.
the rent is only 150 a week. so 20 for bills.
which cover's everything.
i pay child maintance of 80 a week to my ex.
i see my son when ever humanly possible, and i spend a nice bit of money on him.
i still come out at the end of the week with 170+ left over after everything...
so i save it...
but living at home and not having your own place means nothing.
your in college!!!
is she? or is she working?
she's obviously not a nice person to dump you for that reason.
i feel bad for you, but just think, if she didnt, and u didnt know she was a golddigger, what would it be like if you had a bit of etra cash... imagine what you would have done with it.... *spent it on her*....
your better off..
live your life the way you want to. if you want to move out, then do. dont feel pressurised to do so as a lot of people are.
you never know you might make a quick and hasty decision and it could lead to bigger problems...

smoke.me.a.kipper

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe wrote:

its not too expensive.
i earn basic pay... 340 a week.
i rent a 3 bed house and i rent 2 rooms out for 100 + 70 a week.
so thats 170 for the rent per week.
the rent is only 150 a week. so 20 for bills.

dublin would be quite differant.

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

smoke.me.a.kipper wrote:

dublin would be quite differant.

he never said he ws from dublin...
and clonmel is expensive aswell smak as you well know!

lomb

at the end of the day ur better she dumped u now then after u were married say.
at least u know what shes like. find someone else.

eth0_

oreilly2 wrote:

..but so much for liking someone no matter what and all that...just didn't realise how important these things were to women!
Ah well.

She's not a gold digger! If she was a gold digger the last man she'd think to date would be a STUDENT!

I can understand why she'd find it frustrating going out with a student who more often than not has feck all money. It's not a matter of wanting his money but maybe she ended up paying for you more often than you paid for her on dates? What if you wanted to go on a holiday or an impropteau break? How would you pay for it?

I'm sure if she was in love with you it wouldn't matter to her, so she probably wasn't too serious about you.

The Muppet

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe wrote:

he never said he ws from dublin...
and clonmel is expensive aswell smak as you well know!

€600 per month for a 3 bedroom house is cheap, you could pay double that in Dublin.

To the original poster, she was obviously not the one for you. Her being that bit older than you she may be thinking of settling down and thought you would be unlikely to go down that road yet.

Most of us take stock in the new year and make whatever changes necessary, Thats what she has done. You should do likewise but take your time and only make the changes you are comfortable with and can really afford.

Good Luck

D!ve^Bomb!

sheez!! what a bitch!! i'm sorry but that is a rediculous reason to break up with someone.. i think she just used that for an excuse tbh.. if i really liked someone i wouldn't care if they lived at home or not!

D!ve^Bomb!

D!ve^Bomb! wrote:

sheez!! what a bitch!! i'm sorry but that is a rediculous reason to break up with someone.. i think she just used that for an excuse tbh.. if i really liked someone i wouldn't care if they lived at home or not!

Agreed.

I'm surprised the thread starter cant see this...
But then we're telling him, he'll know the next time.
Infact thread starter you use it as an excuse the next time you don't want to tell someone you don't fancy them any more or are bored with them...

You can relax now, provided you are reasonably confident,reasonably goodlooking,fun to be with and have a goodish heart you have every chance to be playing as much of that field as you want.

ando

it is a shallow reason to break up with someone. Me also thinks she has another reason that she doesnt want to say

D!ve^Bomb!

Earthman wrote:

You can relax now, provided you are reasonably confident,reasonably goodlooking,fun to be with and have a goodish heart you have every chance to be playing as much of that field as you want.

other than that..... you're ****ed

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

Earthman wrote:

You can relax now, provided you are reasonably confident,reasonably goodlooking,fun to be with and have a goodish heart you have every chance to be playing as much of that field as you want.

and if your not????
*panickes and trembles*

wes

If all Women are like that then i am screwed. No way in hell i will earn enough to get my own place when i finish up college in the summer. Reckon it would take me 2 to 3 years (being optimistic) to earn enough to live comfortably on my own. Plus living in Dublin is very expensive as we all know.

As for the original poster, your better off without her if you ask me. Going to college is expensive enough, but trying to live on your on as well is next to impossible unless your parents are footing the bill.

Imposter

Where does the original poster say anything about being in college?

tk123

Ah no lads - i'm still living at home and i'm 26!! I'm single so I can't really afford to move out and rent a place on my own at the min cos i'm earning a pittence oh and i did get a new motorbike last year ! Anyhoos oreilly2 if I had of been that girl and i was living at home as well as you i could see why one of us not having our own place would be a problem but I would have suggested getting a place together or going away for the weekend or something to spend more time together- I wouldn't dump a guy for living at home - I reckon she just used that as an excuse which IS crap but it's better that you know now instead of a year from now!

tk123

Imposter wrote:

Where does the original poster say anything about being in college?

Just a few lines from the bottom there he says
I'm 22 nearly 23 in college and shes 25.

Drapper

tk123 wrote:

Ah no lads - i'm still living at home and i'm 27!! I'm single so I can't really afford to move out and rent a place on my own at the min cos i'm earning a pittence oh and i did get a new motorbike last year ! Anyhoos oreilly2 if I had of been that girl and i was living at home as well as you i could see why one of us not having our own place would be a problem but I would have suggested getting a place together or going away for the weekend or something to spend more time together- I wouldn't dump a guy for living at home - I reckon she just used that as an excuse which IS crap but it's better that you know now instead of a year from now!

Move out dude !!! 27 far to old to be home !!! even rent a room !!! ever heard of sharing???

D

tk123

Actually i'm 26 - lack of sugar is making me forgetful!! I don't spend that much time at home thou and my parents are pretty easy goin but I want a place of my own!!

pickarooney

I think I was very, very lucky to hit college at the time I did (93-94). It was easy and cheap to move out of home (kind of necessary too when your folks live 100km away), so most of the people I knew moved out, like me when they wre 17-18.
I never considered that Irish people were particularly bad for staying at home with Mammy, at least not compared to France, Spain and Holland (OK, in the Netherlands they do move out, but only next door to the house their parents have been waiting to become available since the kid was 6 months old).

MojoMaker

ando wrote:

it is a shallow reason to break up with someone. Me also thinks she has another reason that she doesnt want to say

Just tweak that slightly to read....."that he doesn't want to say" and you probably have the crux of the issue.

If she was at all bothered by the fact yer man is a student she would never have started the relationship. Chances are he is a lazy git with little or no motivation to change things for the better in his life* and after 5 months of banging her head against the wall she decided to up & leave.

Who could honestly blame her?



* or something else.

ChRoMe

It can be done if you really want to. I moved out at 18. Worked minimum wage, lived in town in 3 bedroom house sharing with girlfriend and friends. Now after changing jobs and moving up I have (what I deem to be) a great house with all the trimmings (digital tv,broadband) I drive a small bike and have enough money for entertainment.

About the goldigger comment (lol) I think you have the arseways mate. To be honest one of the main reasons I moved out of home was becuase of my relationship.

I can perfectly understand a girl at 25 who doesnt want to have to stress about tip-toe'in past your parents bedroom to go home. Its not a jab at you as a person but it makes a relationship that has the potential to be serious more work.

But your in college so is it really that much of a bad thing (fish in sea etc etc)?

ChRoMe

€600 quid for a 3 bedroom if only :mad:

elivsvonchiaing

Will cast no judgement here - there isn't enough information.

Imagine if you had struggled to salvage the relationship though only to have a divorce when 2 kids are on the scene - think you actually got lucky here - tbh! Even 1 kid is enough - I know people (lets make it obvious - FATHERS!) who spent >€10k on barristers to get simple visitation rights to their kids - you got off likely enough - start afresh and try not be "segragationist" like me - White Irish women :rolleyes: - bad news in my experience! :eek:

Imposter

tk123 wrote:

Just a few lines from the bottom there he says
I'm 22 nearly 23 in college and shes 25.

That'll teach me to reply to posts when I can hardly see them (despite rereading it to make sure!)

To the original poster, did she ever mention anything about being unhappy with your lack of money or your own place before? 5 months is a long time to be going out for someone to suddenly decide she needs a guy with money!

Doodee

ChRoMe wrote:

It can be done if you really want to. I moved out at 18. Worked minimum wage, lived in town in 3 bedroom house sharing with girlfriend and friends. Now after changing jobs and moving up I have (what I deem to be) a great house with all the trimmings (digital tv,broadband) I drive a small bike and have enough money for entertainment.

Same situation, Been Out of Home since 17, been on my own out of home since I was 18 (Lived with my sisters for my first year in Dublin ) I had a job in a Netcafe and was also at college. Did that for about 2-3 Years. Now working for HP and have more than enough cash.
It's not impossible to live in Dublin with f-all wages, it just means you can't go crazy spending wise

To the original Poster, Not living at home may have helped, then again, it may not. some women just prefer to be on their own with their fella instead of having the Mother hoover under your feet. but like was said, she may just have felt like ending it.

Chrome, what small bike you got?

Zulu

Girls don't like boys, girls like cars and money.

koneko

I can't speak for France and Spain, but Ireland is 10x worse than Holland for this (and I should know, it's where I'm from...)
I know loads of people here that still live (and/or lived) at home in their mid-twenties.

I think MojoMaker is right when he says there's probably more to this story. You were poor, living at home, and a student when you two got together. Maybe she sees you have no motivation at all to change any of that, and it'll stay the same for the next x years. She's 25, she probably doesn't want to live the teenager-sneaking-around-parents-house life for the next 10 years.

cajun_tiger

my guy and i both live at home and are both 21, now i'm trying to get out coz its killing me being at home, he doesn't want to because its easy he gets no hassle his dad is his boss too, but i will talk him around. he needs to grow up but neither his mum nor dad want him to and he's happy in his peter pan world. but he would be so much more sure of who he was with his own life, take the plunge. move out rent a room in a house check out the accomidation thread

pickarooney

koneko wrote:

I can't speak for France and Spain, but Ireland is 10x worse than Holland for this (and I should know, it's where I'm from...)
I know loads of people here that still live (and/or lived) at home in their mid-twenties.

*shrug* I'm from Ireland, and it was never that way in my memory, but I don't live there any more, so if things have changed, I can't tell. (But you obviously can from over there ). The tradition of couples living in one of their parents' houses until said parents died seemed to have died out, but maybe it's back in vogue, I dunno.

The worst I remember from France was a mate who moved out in his mid-late twenties (parents still paid his rent). His ma came round to do his washing up for him, and he had no idea how to make pasta.

Anyhoo, OP, how many subtle hints from your girlfriend about moving in with her did you ignore before she got fed up and dumped you? If it's honestly zero, she wasn't really into you that much.

tinkerbell

She's such a ho! What a stupid reason to break up with you. She does seem like a bit of a golddigger, she's just a muppet, you're better off without her. Some girls have such a crap attitude when it comes to stuff like this, they seem to think it's not okay for a guy to be living at home for a while, yet a girl can live at home for as long as she wants, it's such a double standard.

I personally think that you're better off without women who have their head up their ass like that! Sometimes it's just not financially possible to move out, especially in Dublin, because rent is ridiculous there. So what do you do?

You (a) move out, don't have enough money, so are stuck in a bit of a kip, have to fork out huge money on rent, don't have any money left for any other kind of luxuries and are only barely scraping along or (b) stay at home for a while, save up, and then when you can actually afford it - move out. It would be obvious that (b) is the better option.

Besides, if you can't afford to move out, and you did move out for her sake, you'd be spending all your money on rent & bills and you wouldn't be able to get her anything nice, and then she'd use that excuse to dump you.

You're better off without the trollop to be honest

cajun_tiger

i agree to a certain degree on what tinkerbell has to say, but still eventually move out. i'm now saving my a$$ off so i can get a bed room in a house somewhere in lucan for me and my daughter. if i can get enough and find the right place i'll get one singel room and a double room,

D!ve^Bomb!

don't worry about livin at home.. i'm 21 an still live at home, so what, i pay rent, i pay my own bills like broadband, ntl etc!! plus i have car insurance to think of as well!! it's not cheap movin out, i'd prefer to live at home and have my little luxuries! i like being able to afford something and being able to just buy it!!

The Sweeper

oreilly2 wrote:

..but so much for liking someone no matter what and all that...just didn't realise how important these things were to women!
Ah well.

You think you should be liked 'no matter what'?

Who are these people who believe that love should be unconditional? Love is very conditional. If you want unconditional love look to your parents.

These boards are rife lately with this idea of "gold-digging trollop ho b1tches" who you're "better off without". Now let me see...

Men! Do you want a thin woman? Would you be upset if a woman you were with who started out thin got fat? Do you get disappointed when your twice-a-night-nymph turns into a one-a-month-nun? Do you want a feminist woman who pays for herself and is independent, but who's also an experimental woman who likes to do new things in the bedroom, and additionally has traits of housewife-woman and can cook and clean up?

It's not the end of your dating life if you live at home and have no money - it's just the end of your chance to date women who don't want to date someone who lives at home and has no money. And why the hell shouldn't it be? Why should anyone have to consider someone whose lifestyle doesn't suit them as a partner? Does this mean I should be open to dating short fat ugly men, swingers, men who use prostitutes, ex-convicts and forty year old virgin men just because I have some misguided moral obligation to be open minded about potential partners, whatever their situation?

If you want to be considered as a prospective partner by every woman, then work towards making yourself considerable to every woman.

God almighty, who the hell do you think you are that someone should be in love with you no matter what? What's so goddamned special about you?

Imposter

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

It's not the end of your dating life if you live at home and have no money - it's just the end of your chance to date women who don't want to date someone who lives at home and has no money. And why the hell shouldn't it be? Why should anyone have to consider someone whose lifestyle doesn't suit them as a partner?

I agree with what you said in general but they were going out for almost 5 months! Why did she suddenly decide this is the case (or is there something the original poster never told us)?

Surely if this was her opinion all along whe would never have begun the relationship with him. If she had a change of heart as to what she wanted then that's fair enough but surely she should have discussed this with him rather than just dumping him. Alternatively if she had another reason for dumping him then using this as an excuse doesn't say much for that girl.

seamus

Imposter wrote:

I agree with what you said in general but they were going out for almost 5 months! Why did she suddenly decide this is the case (or is there something the original poster never told us)?

She probably didn't do it suddenly. Maybe she made the grevious error of dropping hints about how he should move out. These of course, would go over his head.

In Dublin especially, most people will live at home during their college years, provided that the college is a short distance away. Why not? You're young, someone is cleaning clothes, doing shopping and cooking dinners for you, and any income you make is all yours. I'm sure plenty of people in college would love to move out, but rent costs are counted in how many pints that will stop them from drinking.

It's not until someone moves out that they realise everything they've really taken for granted, and especially when you're living in a "normal" situation - i.e. not 4 students lazing around a flat, old pizza clining to the roof and mould climbing the walls.

I find people (especially men) who still live at home while they have a good job and should be moving on with their life, tend to be that little bit less mature, and a much more childish outlook on the world.

Maybe that's just me.

MojoMaker

I think that last sentence sums up the real issue hidden in the opening post, and God love her she simply got sick of it.

Keyzer

Whats wrong with living at home?
And how in god's name does living at home in anyway relate to being immature and childish?

The girl was an @sshole, that reason she gave is obviously an excuse for something else, she probably got bored and moved on as you should do....

Trying hooking up with her sister to melt her head....

koneko

All animals (including humans) grow up and leave the nest to stand on their own two feet, and in the case of people, learn to take care of themselves and do basic things like cook, clean and pay the bills.
You can't expect mammy and daddy to take care of you forever.

neuro-praxis

He's still at college though...?!

I left home at 17 but only because I had to. My college years supporting myself (my father has been ill for 10 years) doing twenty hours of college a week and twenty five hours of work, plus at least ten hours commuting, not to mention study and regular assignments, were the hardest times of my life.

If I could have stayed with ma washing my clothes and cooking my food and working one or two shifts a week for pocket money instead of living with strangers in poxy shared accommodation I would have.

It's all picked up in the last two years and I'm very happy but, hey, why move out if you're happy at home?

My bf was living at home til we got hitched and it was the sensible thing to do, I believe. We had our space at my place. Why should he have been paying rent/bills/etc. at extortionate prices when we could use the extra money he had for saving for holidays/future etc.?

If I had left him because he lived with his mother I think (at least in our case) that it would have said a hell of a lot more about me than him.

MojoMaker

Look, it's pretty obvious there is something else we're not being told here. It's probably not about him living at home, or the fact that he has little or no money but perhaps something to do with the fact he might be ambitionless, grumpy, controlling, sullen etc etc...and this behaviour has grown so deeply irritating to the girl in question that her patience for an otherwise nice lad has worn thin and she wants to move on. It does happen.

The financial element I reckon was brought into all this to mask the underlying issue and to attract some kind of empathy, particularly from the guys.

Doodee

different folks different strokes. as people are saying why move out whilst at college, the girl was 25, so i take it she probably had left college.
Maybe she got sick of having him over in her place.

Meh, tbh, 3 side to every story.

GuanYin

koneko wrote:

All animals (including humans) grow up and leave the nest to stand on their own two feet,

*sigh* why do people insist on proporting their opinions as facts.

Many animals never ever leave the family herd, bar for short periods to mate or give birth.

The African Elephant is a good example.

Some animals stay with the mother until she dies before setting about their own life.

I'm sure what you meant to say was "Most Animals"

Beruthiel

lets keep the topic on humans then shall we?

koneko

Of course it's my opinion :rolleyes:

syke wrote:

I'm sure what you meant to say was "Most Animals"

True, that'd be a better word to use, but my point remains. **IMHO** you grow up and leave the nest.

GuanYin

koneko wrote:

Of course it's my opinion :rolleyes:



True, that'd be a better word to use, but my point remains. **IMHO** you grow up and leave the nest.

That a big difference to your original post which insinuated the original poster was some freak of nature because he didn't conform to some claimed natural imperative of yours that you just made up.

koneko

Okay, and like I said, that's better phrasing. I'll bear it in mind in future, phrase things better. Take your point onboard, you're absolutely right.

BTW, anger management?

GuanYin

koneko wrote:

BTW, anger management?

Why? Do you get angry when people point out your mistakes?

koneko

syke wrote:

Why? Do you get angry when people point out your mistakes?

Nope, and like I said already in my post, you were right?

You just seem to get angry a lot. But that's off topic, so never mind.