Smacking your child in public

RainyDay

Big_Dirty_Pig wrote:

Ok very smart, forget the McDs example and say its a playground or the cinema or something.

Same logic applies - get them out of there and let them calm down in a non-public arena.

Nasty_Girl

RainyDay wrote:

Same logic applies - get them out of there and let them calm down in a non-public arena.

but what message does that give to the one who was behaving? I dunno how parents manage!

Victor

Xterminator wrote:

My toddler cannot be reasoned with. She ids just too young. Several times, (while she was wearing a nappy) i slapped her bum, just hard enoght to let her know i displeased. I know that with the nappy on, there was no actual pain, but the action made her cry, and she quickly learned not to do things if told sternly not to. (In this case we causght her about to take some headache tablets that had been lost!).

So should we have you whipped for leaving painkillers within reach of a toddler?

RainyDay

Nasty_Girl wrote:

but what message does that give to the one who was behaving? I dunno how parents manage!

It sends the message that if you screw around when the family is out & about, you're not going to get the opportunity to enjoy your treat. But that is just the short term message. You are probably also going to have some kind of reward system (stickers on a calender) to reward good behaviour on an ongoing basis. You also have to make sure that your kids misbehave to get attention. Lavish them with attention when they are behaving well. Catch them doing something right.

Nasty_Girl

RainyDay wrote:

It sends the message that if you screw around when the family is out & about, you're not going to get the opportunity to enjoy your treat.

But it also says that if you are behaving you can be punished anyway. Although I suppose that one's true to adult life
That calendar idea is pretty good, I remember when I was a screamy child my poor grandmother had to mind me for a week or two and a found something to kick up about everyday, then one day I didnt and she gave me first pick of the sweets we sharing between me and my bro and sis.
It was only a small gesture but I was so shocked that I behaved the next day too.

omnicorp

well then it encourages co-operation between siblings not to misbehave.
You give violence and after the shock sets in, you get anger in return.

shelly04

You cant smack kids imo, its wrong. Its setting a bad example too, showing that its ok to smack someone if they annoy you. Its NEVER ok to hit someone. It really annoys me when i hear parents saying 'well it didn't do me any harm' well it most certainally didnt do them any good if all they learnt was to smack somebody that they were annoyed with.
Parents have power. They shouldnt abuse it. and the force of smacking doesnt stay te same as when smacking a toddler and smacking a 9/10 yr old, in my opinion. :mad:

omnicorp

I have never hit someone andf have never been hit.
I wonder are the parents who smack people the same ones who complain about their kids kicking and smacking them?

goin'_to_the_PS

corpral puishment should be leagalized, i go to school and some punishments are awful, got a 6 a4 sheet story to do on shoe laces over the christmas break, come on i would soooo prefer 6 wips or whatever

shelly04

omnicorp wrote:

I have never hit someone andf have never been hit.
I wonder are the parents who smack people the same ones who complain about their kids kicking and smacking them?

fair point! case of 'you have what you reared'

omnicorp

goin'_to_the_PS wrote:

corpral puishment should be leagalized, i go to school and some punishments are awful, got a 6 a4 sheet story to do on shoe laces over the christmas break, come on i would soooo prefer 6 wips or whatever

exactly.
That punsishment which did not promote violence made you regret doing whatever you did to get it.

goin'_to_the_PS

no one learns from punishments, only postive thinking

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

I learned from punishments. There, I proved you wrong.

Simi

Hitting children can't be justified under any circumstances. I saw a classic example of why it is so wrong a few years ago. I was in the Millenium dome and a girl about 9 or 10 was repetively kicking a wall out of boredom while her mother was talking to her friend. The friend pointed out what the daughter was doing and the mother smacked her full force across the face. It took every ounce of my restraint not to go over and clock the mother. Smacking children is wrong plain and simple. Its how many cases of child abuse start. The parent simply smacks the child harder and harder until one day they end up in a coma.

b3t4

It's great to band about the word child, it somehow allows some people to forget that these children grow up into adults with memories.

Harming a child physically in any form is unacceptable. The word "smack" is also banded about. The definition of a smack from dictionary.com is as follows:" A sharp blow or slap (slap: To strike with a flat object, such as the palm of the hand)".

Using physical force with a child while making violence more acceptable to them it also has the effect to somehow isolate the child from the parent. The parent will inflict a "smack" with little or no thought and little or no after talk. The child learns that their parent inflicts pain and they can potentially inflict this pain when they feel it appropiate. Will a child who has a potential problem possibly overlook the idea of speaking to their parent about it, for the fear that physcial pain may be a result of their discussion or actions.

My mother used her hands and a copper pipe to slap/beat me. I did not learn anything good from this. I learnt that my mother was a person who I could not trust, who I could not talk to e.t.c. I lived in fear of my mother. It also became the only way in which she interacted with me. What she did has completely destroyed any potentail relationship I could have formed with her, maybe this will change but I have severe doubts that it will. I also learnt that the day I fought her back was the day that it stopped.

Many problems are sorted out by taking different approaches. My father once thought me the shame of littering by simply giving me a look. To this day I have not littered.

I hope that in the future, if I do have children, I will take the harder road of not smacking them.

There has been some talk about the idea that smacking children has worked and not smacking them has worked and well if they both work then either is acceptable. Why on earth would someone choose to smack a child when they have the option to not smack them? Why would it be better to hit them, over taking them aside, removing certain priviledges, time outs, good praise over bad praise?? Another thing which I noticed in this thread is the idea that a smack is instant and therefore good, does that mean that people won't even take the time out to discipline their children, a quick slap and that is the disciplining done, does anyone else find something wrong with this??

A.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

My mother used her hands and a copper pipe to slap/beat me. I did not learn anything good from this. I learnt that my mother was a person who I could not trust, who I could not talk to e.t.c. I lived in fear of my mother. It also became the only way in which she interacted with me. What she did has completely destroyed any potentail relationship I could have formed with her, maybe this will change but I have severe doubts that it will. I also learnt that the day I fought her back was the day that it stopped.

well.. duh. When you go completely overboard and start beating children, obviously you're going a bit nuts.

what the hell is wrong with you people?

b3t4

Mordeth wrote:

well.. duh. When you go completely overboard and start beating children, obviously you're going a bit nuts.

Well where does it all begin??

My mother first hit me with her hand and then it got worse.

If a person can raise their hand to a child where does it stop?? What happens when that little pat that you used to give them when they were 2 doesn't do the trick anymore??

There is progression to the other methods of punishment as the child gets older, where is the progession with smacking, hit them harder, for longer....

A.