Make him love me

Bright Smile

i know all the "you cant make somebody love you" phrases....but i want to make my boyfriend of 4 months (but known for 10 months) love me!!!! i really want him to be obsessed by and overtly loving towards me and i dont know how to go about it! act illusive...be out when he rings....say im out with other people...??? help!
im so nice to him all the time,im easily accesible, always willing to go out with him, i do little sweet things and be as nice as possible but its not the type of thing that would wind anyone up really is it?

I told him i loved him by accident(drunken mistake) but didnt get it back, just an, "ive never felt like this about anyone"...
i think we mean alot to each other but i want him to topple head over heels and buttocks for me...please lads, tell me how to win attention and love and all those other greedy, self-satisfying things i want so badly?!?! i know i cant make him, but pull away with the tips anyway!

aidan_walsh

I'm sorry if this is flying short of the charter Ber, but I'm guessing you'd be under 17 years old, right?

There is *absolutly* no way you can make someone love you, the fact of the matter being that the more you try the more you'll push him away. If it happens, it happens.

Anyway, whats to say that he doesn't and just isn't confortable telling you yet?

tuxy

http://www.links2love.com/love_potion.htm

this will work
guaranteed

Bright Smile

you're more than right...i understand, you see i dont want to push him away...a year older than 17 and ive been looking for "it" for what seems like an eternity....i wish i didnt take it all so seriously, but love seems to be the aim of this here wandering around this home of magic and bull**** we call earth....he's everything i could want in a person...he's just not where i am at the moment i suppose

Mr.Nice Guy

"Treat 'em mean,keep 'em keen."-It seems to be the philosophy of ALOT of women.

Bright Smile

and if he hasnt said i love you is sex degrading yourself---should you hold out and make him say it?!?!

tuxy

life is what you make of it
make your own dicisions

DublinWriter

You see here's the crux of the issue - guys are a*sholes.

Sorry to break this to you, but either the chemistry is there or is isn't.

How can you truely love someone that's as indifferent to you as you say?

Think about it from this angle - if he suddenly became Mr.Nice and was all flowers and romance, how bored would you become and how quickly?

Learn to love yourself first. The rest will follow.

b3t4

Do you love him enough to give him some time?

I found your post to be overtly selfish. Basically all I heard was "i want", "i want" "i want". Your boyfriend gave you all he could give you and that was "ive never felt like this about anyone" It probably took an awful lot for him to say that much. Jees girl, it'll happen if it's going to happen nada you can do to change that. Also if you try to pressure him into it he will more than likely just end up saying it cause he knows it's what you want to hear and not because he means it. Which situation do you prefer, I know which one I'd choose.

Also, a phrase that you may want to write down and stick up somewhere where it will remind you every day "A person can not be changed by another person"

And girl, you're 18, chillax a little.

A.

Bright Smile

all very true....just sometimes feel as if i do all the giving and its hard not to get the same back....craving attention is an awfully selfish thing but its hard not to...i guess what i want to know to is how to play hard to get, how to play on his mind a little (very much the regression after the 3 little words maybe?) im not trying to be cunning but i feel as though i always let things run their course, and perhaps if i acted a bit more tacticaly things would work out more to my liking? ahhh...the pressure to not wear your heart on your sleave these days....Is it not remotely endearing when girls do that though? :rolleyes:

dub45

Bright Smile wrote:

im not trying to be cunning ....Is it not remotely endearing when girls do that though? :rolleyes:

if you are not trying to be cunning then I'd hate to see you when you are.

If you found out that your bf was touting for suggestions on how to play with your mind how would you feel?

Me thinks he might be better off elsewhere.......

mayordenis

did you ever think maybe he does love you guys sometimes can be either
1) in some sort of "cool" mode whereby they try to just act like they are happy "or whatever" but arent overly pushed
2) quite about their feelings

or maybe rageaholics addicted to rageahol

Beruthiel

Bright Smile wrote:

you're more than right...i understand, you see i dont want to push him away...a year older than 17 and ive been looking for "it" for what seems like an eternity....

an eternity!?!? you're 18 :eek:
come back in another 20 years or so and perhaps we would be getting nearer the eternity thingie
you cannot make someone love you, they either do or they don't and forcing them to say they do doesn't make it true.
As for playing games, forget them and be yourself.
Games are for kids, and adults who have half a brain don't need to lower themselves to the level of kids in a playground.
I dislike game players and I believe if you truly care for someone games aren't required - be yourself, surely you would prefer he care for you as you are instead of something you are pretending to be.


he's everything i could want in a person...

for now he is, in a couple of years time you'll want something else, you have a lot of growing up to do yet, take your time and relax, enjoy the moments ye have together without putting extra pressure on yourself, at your age, you have all the time in the world

tinkerbell

Bright Smile wrote:

i know all the "you cant make somebody love you" phrases....but i want to make my boyfriend of 4 months (but known for 10 months) love me!!!! i really want him to be obsessed by and overtly loving towards me and i dont know how to go about it!

The answer is quite simple - you cannot MAKE him love you.

And if you go down the road of playing games with him, making yourself unavailable, etc., when all along you've been totally available to him, then he will never say it!

And you've only been going out with him for four months anyway, chill a bit!

Sleepy

I've always tried never to use the words "I Love You" when I haven't been fully sure that I meant it. One ex-girlfriend essentially forced me into it when I was about your age, I dumped her about a week later. Maybe that's just me but there might be a lesson in there for you...

Nasty_Girl

relax kid, you can't make someone love you. In a couple of years you'll look back and wonder what you were thinkin. You've only been goin with the guy for 4 months!!

I'm begining to think you don't really love him, if you did you'd be happy just to have him the way he is and let him get there in his own time.

Perhaps he does feel the same for you he just shows it differently or is too immature to express it.

If you try and force him to love you first off, you're changing who you really are by acting differently to change his perception of you and you're trying to change him.

The result neither of you are going out with the person they thought they were and heartache insues.

If you're not content, he is not the one for you.

luckat

You can make him love you, if that's what you really want. But remember, people love according to their nature, so a harsh person expresses his love harshly, a sloppy person expresses his love sloppily, a faithless person will always be faithless and love faithlessly.

Also, Bright, you have to look at why you're being so needy. Making this boy love you is not going to stop you feeling like that.

If you want eternal devotion, try the DSPCA.

If you want real love, the only way to get it is to give it - and realistically, not ooh I love you I love you, but gently, kindly and withour demanding a return. Love isn't something one person gives to another, it's a flow between two people.

The kind of obsession you're talking about is nothing to do with love. Don't call it up - if you get it, you won't like it, I promise you. And it's no compliment to be loved in that obsessed, stalker-y way.

lili

ignore him, it's the best way.

Trojan

Sleepy wrote:

I've always tried never to use the words "I Love You" when I haven't been fully sure that I meant it. One ex-girlfriend essentially forced me into it when I was about your age, I dumped her about a week later. Maybe that's just me but there might be a lesson in there for you...

Agreed - there seems to be such meaning and analysis given to the phrase these days (it has not always been the case?).

Oh, and poster, do remember the phrase "Be careful what you wish for"

Bessacadia

Bright Smile wrote:

and if he hasnt said i love you is sex degrading yourself---should you hold out and make him say it?!?!

Don't be daft.
Sex between two people who like each other is never degrading.
He probably likes you a great deal, is extremely fond of you, enjoys sex with you,but just because he hasn't said * the words*doesn't mean he doesn't feel it.

That little phrase is bandied about too easily.

Dr. Loon

Bright Smile... you're insane. He will be dumping you soon enough.

koneko

Bright Smile wrote:

ive been looking for "it" for what seems like an eternity....

If you're looking for "it", you won't find it. People that look for "it" come across as desperate and just attract the wrong people in a lot of cases. Just go with the flow, live life, stop caring about it and things will hopefully change.

Besides, you're 18, you haven't been looking for an eternity. You really should be getting out there and having fun instead of worrying about being in a long term relationship.

Work on yourself before you get into more relationships, you'll just end up hurt otherwise.

mycroft

Bright Smile wrote:

i know all the "you cant make somebody love you" phrases....but i want to make my boyfriend of 4 months (but known for 10 months) love me!!!! i really want him to be obsessed by and overtly loving towards me and i dont know how to go about it! act illusive...be out when he rings....say im out with other people...??? help!

Okay step away from the rabbit and the pot of boiling water................

It'll happen when it happens. You're 18 you'll never feel more alive then when you do now, everything is a matter of life and death. Relax, breath enjoy the relationship, let him say it when he's ready to say it. Forcing the issue won't help and could finish the relationship off.

woosaysdan

reminds me of a joke about a couple who had a great sex life and decided to get married and soon afterwards they lost the flame and never did it anymore!!! weeks then months went on and the woman was getting angry so she decides to talk to her best friend to see if she had any advice on what to do!!! so her friend tells her to go out and buy some sexy undies and be waiting for him on the couch when he comes home from the pub tonight and trust me the sex will be great!!! so she goes into town and buys her sexy undies, and later on in the evening she gets changed into them and lights some candles to get in the mood!!! after about half an hour later the husband walks in the door and says "well honey you look well!!!" getting all excited she goes "do I " after some talking and hugging the husband goes "actually honey I want you to go up to the bathroom and stand with your hands with your legs spread in front of the mirror" while she thought this was a bit strange she went up anyway and was in position!!! so the husband walks into the bathroom and places his chin between her legs and goes "jeysus the lads were right I would look good with a beard"!!!!!

Bri

Seriously I feel a bit sufocated from just reading your post...Can't imagine how the guy feels! Relax. Your obviously looking for something which isn't there right now.

Zapho

Go to America for a year, absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. Thats what my girlfriend did, and it really brought out my true feelings for her <start sad violin music!>

Sherifu

Dr. Loon wrote:

Bright Smile... you're insane. He will be dumping you soon enough.

LOL. Agreed.
Especially if you start to mindfùck.

Da_cOmRaDe_MiKe

hey it reminds me of my relationship which just ended..
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=203960
as of here.

anyway's, playing mind games is gonna drive him away from u, and u away from him.
it will lead to the end of your relationship. maybe ye need to talk alot more about where its going with ye?
whats he like? is he into going out all the time? does he ever cheat?
do you?
showing him your so dedicated so early is nice, but maybe a bit strong.
letting time take its place will work out better.

mycroft

Dr. Loon wrote:

Bright Smile... you're insane. He will be dumping you soon enough.

Oh puleeze.... Have you never been a teenager in love? Spare the condescending attitude

pickarooney

You said telling him you loved him was an accident. As in you didn't mean it or you want to hide your feelings from him? Either way, I can't understand why you want him to do the same.
If you do love him, you don't sound very convincing (sounds more like you've bought a rather handy household appliance or fetchign carpet than the big L). Maybe he doesn't believe you.

Dr. Loon

mycroft wrote:

Oh puleeze.... Have you never been a teenager in love? Spare the condescending attitude

Yes I have. Hence my expert advice. You don't fúck with peoples heads or play games to "make" them love you. If you do the relationship is doomed. You spare me your condescending attitude.

The way the original poster is going on she sounds about 12. I'm giving my honest advice, which is don't play mind games, and let things take there true course, otherwise, the bloke will get píssed off and break up. Simple.

<edit: spelling>

mycroft

Dr. Loon wrote:

Yes I have. Hence my expert advice. You don't fúck with peoples heads or play games to "make" them love you. If you do the relationship is doomed. You spare me your condescending attitude.

The way the original poster is going on she sounds about 12. I'm giving my honest advice, which is don't play mind games, and let things take there true course, otherwise, the bloke will get píssed off and break up. Simple.

<edit: spelling>

Oh f*ck off your expert advice was

Bright Smile... you're insane. He will be dumping you soon enough.

Nothing in there about playing mindgames and the perils of doing so, just out n out "shut up child". don't try and claim your orginal advice contained any pearls of wisdom.....

Dr. Loon

mycroft wrote:

Oh f*ck off your expert advice was



Nothing in there about playing mindgames and the perils of doing so, just out n out "shut up child". don't try and claim your orginal advice contained any pearls of wisdom.....

Read between the lines, and less of the insults please.

mycroft

Dr. Loon wrote:

Read between the lines, and less of the insults please.

My, hyprocritize much? :rolleyes:

You called her insane, how's that for advise?

I'd like to believe your insult to the original poster contained some obtuse nuget of wisdom, really I would.

The Sweeper

Bright Smile wrote:

...but i want to make my boyfriend of 4 months (but known for 10 months) love me!!!! i really want him to be obsessed by and overtly loving towards me and i dont know how to go about it!

Kidnap a member of his family.

That's how the number-one fans do it in all the best movies.

Beruthiel

ok mycroft and Dr. Loon - no more slagging each other off

mycroft - you may have found Dr. Loons comments strong - because they are - however he has a point - so if you have a problem with him, report his post or take it to PM - BUT KEEP IT OUT OF HERE

as for your comment about teenagers in love - my sixteen year old already gets the fact that you can't make someone love you and she certainly gets the fact that playing mind games is for suckers

now
back on topic! :mad:

yossarin

Original poster - you're 18 right ?
In 5 years you'll both be completly different people than the ones you are now.
Maybe you'll still like each other then, maybe you wont.

as for advice, i'll offer it with a caveat: no one has the right answers for you.
Try to take things more handily. don't worry about having to shack up with the first guy you love, and stop worrying about what you percieve society thinks.

Bessacadia

How come no one has picked up on the point that the OP thinks sex is degrading without the *I love you* ??

ravenhead

mycroft wrote:

My, hyprocritize much? :rolleyes:

You called her insane, how's that for advise?

I'd like to believe your insult to the original poster contained some obtuse nuget of wisdom, really I would.

Sorry MYCROFT have to agree with Loon on this one, Yes it was a 'Shut up child' comment but can't you see why??? This girl woulf really want to go away & have a good chat with herself!

Bright smile I really hope you don't carry on like this in front of your b/f because if you do, I'm sorry hun but he is going to gert fed up with it & break up with you. Guys don't want to be smothered by their partners no matter what way they might feel about them.

Chill out about & things will start working out for you...

Oryx

You want the whole hollywood hearts, flowers and romance deal, but Im afraid the movies lie, I dont know many guys that act like that and the ones I have met who do are slightly weird. What you want is not real life and sounds to me artificial and contrived. Loving someone is not about grand gestures, but day to day caring, and wanting to be around someone. Stop playing games, that only fcuks everyone up.

BolBill

Youre 18 years old, youre too young to be tied down (and not in the way you may think) so try not to worry.

Dr. Loon

mycroft wrote:

My, hyprocritize much? :rolleyes:

You called her insane, how's that for advise?

I'd like to believe your insult to the original poster contained some obtuse nuget of wisdom, really I would.

Just to clarify what my post meant. It wasn't meant as an insult, although I understand some people might see it as such, but it seems most people here "got" me. Here we go;

Bright Smile... you're insane. - this means, Bright Smile, what you propose is ludicrous.

He will be dumping you soon enough. - this means I reckon he will dump you soon if you continue on with your thoughts of mind games and the like.

My reply was meant as a quick, sharp jolt to Bright smiles thought, so maybe she'd go... "hmmm, Loon has a point. I should stop this madness"

Of course, I am a genius, so don't take it too hard if you don't understand my advanced thinking, and mind control techniques.

somechick

Lil girl, you need to clam down, relax and take a couple of steps back for a moment! You're 18, and not meaning to be harsh but Life's for living and learning, and now's the time for learning. I doubt this guy is the guy you'll end up with, everyone at your age would like to think this'll last cos' it's nice etc..but in relaity, and you've gotta be realistic in this life or you'll be stung like a Mutta when things don't go your way, relationships at your age never last "forever". Just be happy with the fact that you've got a guy/mate/partner who you can hang out with and have a laugh together. you're both learning and if you both be yourselves and not put pressure on your "relationship" to be anything other than what it is, you'll have a friend for a long time even if/after you break up.

nothing in this life lasts forever - just enjoy it when you've got it and that way you'll (hopfully) always have the best of times. (and guys that look back and remember you will, think"god, she was a kewl chick" and not "What a self-obsessed, insecure and needy chick"...know what i mean...???

sceptre

Bright Smile wrote:

I told him i loved him by accident(drunken mistake) but didnt get it back, just an, "ive never felt like this about anyone"...

It's not the ones who take a while to say "I love you" that you should be wary of - it's the ones who fling it about like confetti.

seamus

It's all there above me in a nutshell. Playing games is all well and good for the chasing part, before you start going out - some guys like girls to play games, it gives them a sense of conquest, whereas other guys won't go for a girl who's not straight up.

Once you start going out though, the games have to end. No man will put up with a woman playing mind games in a relationship. One week he'll start complain to his mates about what a wreck the head you are, and how you never make sense, and are never happy, and the next Monday you'll be dumped.

Just enjoy it. If it doesn't work, it wasn't meant to be. You can't force it. If you pressure him to say he loves you, he'll run away, and you won't realise why. If he says he doesn't love you, well ****, that hurts, but think about how many other people just like you, and don't love you. He's one of them. People who like you will be ten-a-penny, but people who actually love you (platonically) will be very rare.

Life is nothing like Sex and the City and never will be. Get all this "Finding Mr. Right" bull**** out of your head. It'll just cause you to dump anyone who doesn't do exactly what you want them to do. Reality check: No-one will ever do, say or be exactly what you want.

Get over it.

Gordon

sceptre wrote:

It's not the ones who take a while to say "I love you" that you should be wary of - it's the ones who fling it about like confetti.

Totally agree.

You expected the same reply when you told him that you loved him? Or you just hoped he would reply likewise?

It sounds like you are completely infatuated with this guy. This type of infatuation can really get out of hand if you aren't getting what you want ie "I love you". Chill the jets and dont force his hand or his mouth because no matter how a man feels for a woman - if a woman is putting pressure on a man to receive unambiguous, or ambiguous replies of love - there is most likely bound to be some negative feelings on the man's behalf.

I've had a couple of girlfriends that were a little like you, original poster, and I felt so excrutiatingly breathless and suffocated that I couldn't take it any more so we broke up. One relationship was when I was 18. Sure I could have talked with her about it but I felt that if she was like that then she wouldn't change to be chilled and unsuffocating.

So: Chill the jets and enjoy the relationship for what it is, as opposed to what you think it should be.

Memnoch

since very few people have actually offered advice on how to make him love you let me start..

first of all withholding sex is likely to have the opposite effect to what you desire

second of all, do you have a hot body? if you do then the answer is lingerie, lingerie and more lingerie, followed by threesomes (with another girl), more lengerie and some more threesomes(with another girl).... I can't think of a guy that wouldn't "love" to be with a girl with this attitude.

(*disclaimer - while the above is guarenteed to produce great sex and a fun time, love is not guarenteed)

ALTERNATIVELY

you could just be yourself and realise that someone who doesn't love you for who you are (not saying he doesn't) is someone who will never love you.

Kêrmêttê

Bessacadia wrote:

How come no one has picked up on the point that the OP thinks sex is degrading without the *I love you* ??

This is a good point and also highlights the fact that the original poster appears very immature and naive.
Not all blokes have an emotional attachment to sex while a lot of girls will feel more comfortable if there is.

Original poster, I would advise that you enjoy life and not get so stressed about these things. You can't have been searching for "eternity", you're only 18.
Experience life and learn from it. You will never be able to *make* anyone do something. If this guy is going to love you it will happen in time. Just be yourself. Calm down and take things slower.
Dont dive into anything head first or you'll only end up making life more difficult for yourself and probably scare they guy off with your intensity.
Mind games don't work either. Again, you'll be making things more difficult for yourself.
Just relax, enjoy what you have and see what happens.

cajun_tiger

grow up is all i have to say, if he loves you he will tell you. you could be looking too hard for it and not even see how much he cares for you, i was in a relationship for near 2 yrs he never said how he felt until recently. maybe he's scared to tell you the truth..... grow up cop on and give the guy some space

Sarky

/me repeats some old advice:

Cover him in nicotine patches while he sleeps, removing them before he wakes. He'll develop a strange craving that is only satisfied when he's with you. He may well mistake this for being in love with you.

BEAT

cajun_tiger wrote:

grow up is all i have to say, if he loves you he will tell you. you could be looking too hard for it and not even see how much he cares for you, i was in a relationship for near 2 yrs he never said how he felt until recently. maybe he's scared to tell you the truth..... grow up cop on and give the guy some space

she speaks the truth You cant smother someone and live just for them. You must be happy with yourself, love yourself first then someone will love you without you acting like some sort of Love slave or trying to please only them. I really cant stand to see someone bending over backwords to do nothing else but "catch" a guy...it is really unhealthy.
If he loves you then you will know it in due time, live your own life and it will all come to you when it is supposed too...
nothing forced is worth having
Try being yourself instead of being what someone else wants you to be ..or what you think they want you to be.
It is a learning process dear, you are young and will go through this many times I fear...Hopefully you can learn early on that this thought process of "making" someone Love you is not the way to go...you should only want someone who loves you for who you are already.
Goodluck