Developed an Interest in My Neighbour

HazeDoll

In post #7 you wrote, "Thankfully it doesn't appear they are in a relationship because, as I say, I'm still meeting this guy…"

Can you explain your reasoning here?

What does this logic say about your own relationship with your partner?

Hannibal_Smith

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123635693#Comment_123635693

Sometimes genuine advice isn't what we want to hear. That's what makes it genuine.

You're distracting yourself from your own life by indulging in obsessions and in denial about any bad that you're doing. It's the denial that is giving you the leeway to indulge. It's a vicious circle. If you're not doing anything bad, you don't need the 'courage' to tell your boyfriend that you say you lack. You know very well that telling your boyfriend will put a very abrupt end to the obsessing, which you really don't want to give up. Even though you're seemingly looking for advice, you don't really want a way out of this you just want to be able to tell yourself you tried but nothing can be done, bringing you back to denial again, so you'll just keep obsessing.

friendship_issue

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123636211#Comment_123636211

For sure, I've already admitted that I find obsessions addictive. I'm not going to deny that because it's undoubtedly true, even at the expense of myself. I wish that weren't the case but I am the way I am.

At this stage, at least earlier today, I've been flirting with the idea of just discussing with my boyfriend the possibility of having an open relationship instead. At least that way, it offers some kind of relief valve from situations like this that are otherwise toxic.

The only problem with that is that I am still jealous of the other guy - who he spends time with etc. So it helps to solve one problem but at the same time it doesn't even begin to solve the bigger problem, because it's the jealousy at the moment that consumes my time.

[For perspective, I know he's travelling to Cyprus tomorrow for a month. And I'm glad of that, because it means he isn't spending more time with that other guy who I'm sick of seeing around the area every weekend. I know tonight they're going to a gig, and I'm angry about that because I want to spend time with him. At least I know from tomorrow they cannot spend time together for the next month. So whilst even that means I cannot meet the neighbour, I'm very glad this other guy cannot. That's an example of the kind of jealousy I'm talking about. And I've spent many hours thinking about this one issue.]

Larbre34

No. You're just a mid-level narcissist and compulsive attention seeker. You're doing that here as much as in real life I think.

Maybe see about some counselling, psychotherapy, or life coaching. Something that will guide you to look very directly at your own behaviours and compulsions.

Hope you get the help you need.

HazeDoll

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123639277#Comment_123639277

You felt deeply wronged when the acquaintance from the Faroe islands wanted to spend time with women instead of you.

You're angry that your cuddle-buddy is spending time with the other man instead of you.

But you somehow think your unsuspecting partner should be ok with you spending time with another man instead of him…

OP. It doesn't look good.

friendship_issue

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123639365#Comment_123639365

Again, simplifying.

In the case of the Faroe Islands friend, I personally spent €1,200 on his trip here - flights, time, attractions, food, drink - and received almost no appreciation in response. Anyone would have reacted the same as I did, especially as I paid €1,000 for his teeth 10-years previous.

The same cannot be said of this case. I admit I shouldn't be jealous, for sure, but the two situations are entirely different.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - Thread closed for mod review.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - OP, there's a lot of good advice that would be helpful for you to take time to consider.
Thanks as always to those who took time to give that advice.

NB - To anyone unfamiliar with the PI charter, please take the time to read it before posting in this forum.
Thank you.