Man I’m Seeing Never Around

babynice

We are both early 30s. I met him over 1 month ago. He is only ever available either week nights or late on Sunday evening as he travels to the family home every weekend to another county. Each time I have met him it’s been for dinner or having a non alcoholic drink in a pub. I have suggested other activities or meeting early in the weekend to do something different but he doesn’t budge. I suggested something different for the bank holiday weekend and he also said he won’t be available. There is almost little to no texting between the dates.

He’s mentioned some things going on in his family but it doesn’t make sense and I am beginning to wonder if he could have a girlfriend in this other county. Or most likely he is just not interested and kind of stringing me along. Is it best to give him a chance or call it a day?

Avatar in the Post

Do you arrange meetings by text by any chance?

babynice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123249528#Comment_123249528

Mostly by text. A few times at the end of a date.

Hannibal_Smith

There's only 2 nights a week that he's not available? That doesn't seem a lot. Granted it's Fri and Sat which is a pain weekend wise, but it's only been a month.

You'd think there'd be a little leeway with the bank holiday weekend alright.

It doesn't necessarily mean he has a girlfriend in the county he's from. Is he living away from home long? Speaking as a mother I'd be delighted if my son came home to me every Friday and Saturday 😀. I take it that's what you mean when you say he goes home every weekend? Or do you mean separated with kids type family home?

At the end of the day it's the start of a relationship and if he's that rigid and unyielding and it doesn't suit you, there's not much hope of improving matters. Have you said anything to him?

Purple Mountain

Does he play sports back home by any chance?

babynice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123249569#Comment_123249569

I could get over it being Friday and Saturday when it’s such early days but he doesn’t come back on Sunday until 8pm or later so it’s basically the whole weekend gone.

Sounds like he has been living away from home since college but I’m not sure. Yes going home to his parents not a separated family.

That’s why I’m kind of confused about it because it’s every single weekend, 5 in a row since I met him. I feel like if he was actually interested could he even try make some exception to his routine and would actually want to see me. I haven’t said anything to him because it is early days and I don’t want to appear like I’m being controlling.

babynice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123249588#Comment_123249588

No he doesn’t

Princess Calla

Call it a day!

Why put up with not even half an effort? If he wanted to see you he would.

Personally I'd suspect there's someone else at home but who knows.

Don't waste anymore time on him.

country girl 55

Is he from a farm and has to go home each weekend to help out?

babynice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123249624#Comment_123249624

I think he is but I’m not fully sure. He doesn’t give much information away 😅

rolling boh

You don't seem to know much about what he does when he goes home,obviously many would think he has someone else at home ,I don't know but he is not making any real time for you and it would be difficult enough to have a relationship with somebody who is not free it seems any weekend. People make time for things that are important to them .

Squatman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058401702/man-i-m-seeing-never-around

he has a girlfriend, you, and he doesnt want his wife to know about you

witchgirl26

OP I get what you're saying about it being annoying that he's not back till late on Sunday but you do say that he's mentioned family stuff going on. I know when my dad was sick, I was not around most weekends as I was either spending time with him or helping my mam out.

I think as well you maybe need to get to know him a bit more as you're not sure if he's a farming background. That would also be a clear reason for him to be away those days.

If you like him, maybe give it a bit of time more & properly get to know him & his background & it might become clear.

JeffKenna

After a month of dating I think you're going a bit hard on him here.

He mentioned some things going on in his family, he might want to be home weekends to spend time with them.

Could also be from a farm, this time of year is particularly busy on Dairy Farms so he wants to help out at home.

I don't really see any issue with someone wanting to go home on a Friday evening and back again on Sunday night. I did it for many years when I was working in the city and had commitments at home.

BrokenArrows

It has only been one month and you are already unhappy and asking on forums. Regardless of the reason for his unavailability just cut your losses and move on.

89897

OP whatever the reason, if this set up isnt working for you then call it a day. Its only 5 weeks in not 5 years and if its not right now it wont be later down the line.

Personally not being available at the weekend would be a deal breaker for me too.

rolling boh

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123249960#Comment_123249960

There's a world of difference between someone not being available due to genuine family reasons and someone having a wife or partner at'home',the op has to know the real story if she wants a relationship with this guy or not .

Sunny Disposition

Yeah, I think it's too early to call it a day, but you are entitled to some openness. It does seem very strange that you don't know if he is back there farming or not. If he's not farming, not playing sport maybe there's a sick family member? Whatever it is, it's only reasonable he tell you. If it's just what he wants to do that's his choice, but it'd be understandable if you bail out then.

witchgirl26

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123250086#Comment_123250086

I just don't get the jump from him going home to another county at the weekend (which is really normal for most people I know who live/work in Dublin & have family in another county & have been single) to having a wife or partner back there. Surely the wife/partner would be asking why he isn't available during the week or why he couldn't get a job closer to home etc etc.

Also OP you mention that he said family things but it doesn't make sense. Why doesn't it? I mean 5 weeks in, I wouldn't have opened up about difficult things in my family to someone I was just seeing. It would take longer.

suvigirl

Its only been a month? You do seem a bit ott about this. Why not give it another month or so. Not everyone wants everyone to know their business immediately after meeting.

Mellor

Some awful dramatic people in this thread. "Cut you losses and run". lol. He is not a long term partner who is never available and off being secretive. They have gone on a few dates over the course of a month or so. No indication if it's even exclusive.

This sounds like very early days OP. You don't seem to know much about his situation, understandably.
There is some issue at home, it's been a months. That's not a long time relatively speaking. IF you want to progress past a few dates, talk to him, see what's going on at home, figure out if it's a short or long term unavailability at the weekend. At lest then you can make an informed decision. Rather than relying on randoms who know, basically fk all about the situartion.

notAMember

Have you asked him outright? I mean, it reads like he is working in the city, and goes home to his family (wife and kids) at the weekend.

Is it not just as simple as this?

spakman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123250366#Comment_123250366

Why does he have to have a secret family at home!?

There's no need to be making up dramatic storylines!

He probably has work to do around the place at home, and/or has a sick family member and isn't ready to open up about it to a person he's only gone on a couple of dates with.

OP, on the next date just tell him you feel you're missing out by not having the chance to meet at weekends and see if he can arrange to stay up the odd weekend or else tells you why that's not possible.

After that, it's up to yourself whether it's worth the effort or not.

notAMember

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123250389#Comment_123250389

Sure he doesn't have to have anything, but what's the weird subterfuge about? That's my point. Ask him what's going on.

Why is he seeing someone if he has so much other stuff going on that means he cannot even MENTION it to a potential partner? Unless it's just some type of "getting a shag" effort. In which case OP can make up their mind if that's what they want.

Just ask him clearly what is going on. If he can't answer, forget about him. Who needs that drama.

babynice

Thanks all for your advice and opinions.

I do realise it’s only been a short time and maybe I seem OTT. I know it’s not for me to be telling him what to do or prying into his business about his family. From my own point of view I don’t want to be wasting my time in meeting someone for more weeks or months who ultimately can’t or won’t be available at the weekends if it were to progress.

I haven’t said it to him because I thought he would think I was over stepping it when it’s such early days.

rolling boh

Have you ever met anyone he knows here or is it just a meal and a drink or two ? that might raise questions if it's the case .

babynice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123250878#Comment_123250878

I’ve never met anyone he knows or been to his house. I’ve only ever met him in a pub or a restaurant.

rolling boh

Would that not raise a question or two in your mind?

babynice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123250926#Comment_123250926

Well yes tbh. At the same time it’s early days

rolling boh

Yep it's early days but if you try and get a couple of changes over the next while but no change from his side ,you proberly have your answer without a serious reason .

witchgirl26

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123250409#Comment_123250409

How is it subterfuge? Just because he hasn't told her everything in the first few dates doesn't mean that he's hiding a whole family down the country! I went out with someone when my granny was dying. All of the grandchildren were doing home shifts with her over the weekends to help out when the carers weren't in (my mam did the bulk during the week so this was to give her a break). So I wasn't available any Saturday during the day or most of Sunday. And because I would be needed to be there on Sunday, I wasn't drinking much if at all on a Saturday night. I wouldn't have told someone I'd just started dating all of that in the first few weeks. It was private and personal family stuff. I might have indicated that there was family things going on but until we'd gone out for a couple of months, I wouldn't have gone into it - it's actually not their business at that point.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123250917#Comment_123250917

I'd say maybe try to meet some of his friends etc & him meet yours. You say it's early days but then you're worrying about him not being available to you at weekends.