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Is this normal?

  • 16-12-2024 12:50am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15


    Hi everyone,

    Would like advice about something

    Will try to explain the situation the best i can

    So i have worked with someone for about 10 years, we have a good working relationship and have always got on with her..90 per cent of the time anyway. When we started working together we added each other on facebook and sometimes text through messagner. However she has told me she checks my messager on facebook every day and if she sees the green dot on my messenger thats how she knows im awake or up and about. So she sees 'butterfly was active 5 hours ago' as an example. I find that when i do see her she says something like 'oh you were up early today!'.

    My question is that normal ( her checking my messeger) or am i overreacting??

    It does bother me a bit…it just seems slightly stalkish behaviour to my eyes but then again i could be overreacting

    Thanks everyone

    Post edited by Big Bag of Chips on


Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,109 ✭✭✭thefa


    Quite the conversation starter! Look up how to turn your active status off as it’s pretty easy. Consider keeping your contact within work only.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,462 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    I'd find that strange from an actual friend, let alone a work colleague.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,589 ✭✭✭Tork


    I'd also consider limiting what she can see on your Facebook profile moving forward. There's an option in Facebook to change the audience for a post. Certainly, she doesn't need to see any personal stuff you might post there. Your colleague is too invested in you for whatever reason…



  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 7,950 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    No, it's not at all normal.
    Change your settings so that she cannot see whether you are online or not.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,517 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    I'm curious as to why you posted in Relationship Issues?

    Have you romantic notions towards her or ever had? It might give us context.

    To thine own self be true



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 butterfly_200


    I changed my active status to off on Facebook, thanks everyone 😀

    I debated where to put the post, but I saw other posts about dealing with friends and family, so I thought I would put this here. I might be bisexual, but I never had/have feelings toward her, and neither does she. That would be very inappropriate if I did, as we work together.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,517 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Sorry I actually assumed you were a man for some reason.

    Either way, her behaviour is odd. Over familiar. Put up clear boundaries with people you find to be over familiar.

    To thine own self be true



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,380 ✭✭✭Pauliedragon


    She checks every day to see when you're online to and when you're awake and active on messanger? You'e not overreacting. To be blunt you seem to have a stalker on your hands. It's obviously hard because ye work together but boundries need to set by you and she needs to know that. As above change your settings for a start. I wouldn't be surprised though when she notices you have changed your settings she will question that too. Is this a relationship? If not this might be better in the personal issues forum. Best of luck anyway.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 butterfly_200


    Thats no problem. Easy mistake to make. Yes very true



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 butterfly_200


    Yes unfortunely. Got a bit of a shock when she told me!

    My settings have been changed

    Its now in personal issues, thought be better suited here as we work together



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 500 ✭✭✭NattyO


    If my wife said that to me I'd be worried, not to mention someone I work with!

    The most remarkable part is that she thought it was OK to casually mention it to you. Which makes me think maybe she's just really naive or something.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 751 ✭✭✭Kurooi


    Normal, no. But not necessarily wrong, some people get hooked and addicted to social media, always on, she might just be staring at the list and monitoring the habits of 20+ people, not you in particular.

    Obviously awful conversational skills, social etiquette of her to mention it. What are you supposed to feel or say, it's weird, I can totally see why you'd feel uncomfortable.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,517 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Not excusing her behaviour but maybe explaining it. Would she have a diagnosis of something that would cause poor social skills? She may not fully understand that her behaviour is troubling.

    To thine own self be true



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 537 ✭✭✭eastie17


    Or your work friend just wants to be more than work friends



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 20 daibhi574


    so did you call her out on it, like for example: so you are stalking me and even telling me? that's pretty weird…equally important as hiding your status in the settings to see what's her reaction to it and also to show her it's not ok, as said, very weird. I mean, the oddest thing is she told you, think we've all been there to 'stalk' people online these days for whatever reasons, but to tell the person is the actual weird thing.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 butterfly_200


    possibly autism, im on the spectrum so sometimes i have trouble with that too. She sometimes says oh i do that too (as in traits of autism). One possible explanation



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 butterfly_200


    i doubt that very much as shes happily married. Not unless shes secretly bisexual etc but nope doubt that very much



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 butterfly_200


    nope, at the time i sort of laughed it off but wouldnt know to word it if i did call her out on it (if that makes sense). I have no idea if shes noticed my change of settings (and didnt do it just to see her reaction, i did it because it was making me uncomfortable).

    the telling part i find odd as well, in the past ive done a bit of stalking (who hasnt, exs and so forth) before finally moving on, but never saying to someone 'X im stalking you!'



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 912 ✭✭✭lordleitrim


    Isn't this sub forum also used to discuss platonic relationship issues too though...or at least it was years ago.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 309 ✭✭PixelCrafter


    I’d agree. Limit her access - generally there’s not much point in broadcasting your status on IM services. You can’t also limit her access on FB, without notifying her that she’s been limited.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 137 ✭✭Teapot30


    This is really strange! Id be restricting her account so she cant see when youre online, she wont know youve restricted her!



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15 butterfly_200


    thanks for everyones replys :)



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