Child benefit debate over use of the money

huggy15

Hi,  just looking for the opinion of others on this page. Myself and my partner have one child and are both working and earning roughly the same money. He is coming 3 in October. Anyway we have never really spoken about it before but today the topic of the child benefit money came up, the €140 monthly payment. The money is paid into my partner's account. What do others do with this money as a couple? The way things are at the minute with us we pay 50/50 for clothing, food etc. I suggested the money from the child benefit was put into a savings account for him and let it build up for later in life for college etc. but was shot down with that idea. Am I wrong in questioning what's happening with this money? Thanks.

KaneToad

No. A mature couple, raising a child, should be able to plan all household finances in a transparent manner.

huggy15

So am I wrong in questioning her about the money? She gets on the defensive as soon as I starting asking about what was happening with it.

herbalplants

It is hardly a lot of money to dissappear in her bank account 140 FFS! She gave birth to your child so you didn't go through any pain. It just shows you are very mean!

huggy15

140 a month over 10 years is nearly 17 grand that could help our child later in life.

XsApollo

no you are not wrong to question what happens with that money.
if everything is split 50-50 then that’s 50-50 too right.

kowloonkev

I'm wondering what is her excuse for not wanting to put it into a savings account for the child? That sounds like a nice idea to me.

XsApollo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464359#Comment_122464359

It is called child benefit not mothers benefit for going through pain.

Atlantic Dawn

If you get married will you also have separate accounts? If so don't ever get married as it's not for you.

huggy15

I am only asking this question as I want to see what others do? I just think sure it's hardly fair if she gets the €140 every month and theres nothing more said about it. It's not like I want half. I am just saying set up a savings account for the child and it can help pay for things when he is older.

SteM

If you can afford to get by without it then put into an account for the child when they're older. Even before they get to college there will be big outlays like school trips, potential transition year costs, probably an ipad when the kid starts Secondary. All things that the €140 won't cover but could put you under financial pressure when they come around.

This is it

We're due twins in a few weeks and have already discussed children's benefit. For the first year, give it take, it'll go into our joint account to be used for everything, be it bills, groceries, nappies, etc.

Once we have a handle on everything the plan is to divert it into a savings account.

As above, your finances should be transparent with your partner. There shouldn't be any hidden money. After so long your partner probably counts this as part of their monthly wage, it'll be hard to row back on it.

What did she say she does with it and what does she want to do going forward?

This is it

Just from your few posts I get the feeling there are more issues financially between you. Other than the children's benefit are you both happy with your finances and how things are done?

Jim_Hodge

Technically it's the mother's money to do what she wishes with. This whole splitting 50/50 is a messy way to go through a relationship.

SteM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464378#Comment_122464378

I know of 2 other married couples with seperate account. We don't, we have a joint account but it seems to work fine for them.

huggy15

How do you come to that conclusion? So am I wrong to question it.

huggy15

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464413#Comment_122464413

How do you come to that conclusion? So am I wrong to question it

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464425#Comment_122464425

It's her money.

huggy15

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464401#Comment_122464401

She never said what she does with it and she's said going forward she'll not be putting it into a savings account. She's been shutting me down when I've mentioned it. I would say your probably right after 2.5 year she probably sees it as part of her income.

huggy15

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464439#Comment_122464439

From gov.ie "Child Benefit is a monthly payment of €140 to support parents and guardians."

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464454#Comment_122464454

Selective quoting. Add…

The Department of Social Protection pays Child Benefit to the child’s mother or stepmother. However, if you are the child’s father or stepfather, you can get the payment if the child does not live with their mother or step-mother.

Even a stepmother gets it before the father.

Allinall

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464462#Comment_122464462

it being paid into the mother’s account in no way means it is her money.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464510#Comment_122464510

It does, in law, actually. It's paid to the mother, not into her account per se. It's into accounts for convenience but was once paid in cash to the mother.

breezy1985

This is such a Boards bank holiday thread.

greyday

You won't be with her much longer so no need to stress about it.

huggy15

So let's say the mother and father both earned 600 a week each. The mother gets the 140 a month child benefit and saves it for herself and all other expenses related to the child are split 50 50 between the mother and father. Would you say this is perfectly fine?

Raichų

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464541#Comment_122464541

yes because it’s her bloody money and leave her have it Christ man.
You’re actually giving your Mrs tremendous shite over less than €32.50 a week.

myself and my partner split child costs as well but the child benefit is hers to do as she sees fit and necessary. I don’t look for half and don’t tell her to save it I leave it for herself to handle.

This is it

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464541#Comment_122464541

It doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks, if it's "fine" or not. If you and your partner don't agree then you need to sort it out with them.

Kurooi

Other people are either a relationship further down enough that they share finances, or further apart that one has custody and gets the child benefit regardless of how they use it.

You could just stop paying for the child, say take it out of the child benefit, until she can be transparent with it. If she's actually short for money and uses this to get by every month - that's OK too. But you're not paying 50-50. You are paying more.

It's not a massive amount but significant enough, it's the cost of a holiday, a school trip, a bike, a computer. Treats and necessities your child will ask for or require.

KaneToad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464559#Comment_122464559

It's not her money

herbalplants

You appear to be a penny pincher who has to analyse any bill and how is split half and half. You would be a turn off for most women.

You should be glad this lady agreed to have a child with you.

You might not encounter another idiot to attempt to have a child with you in the future.

IF you can afford to invest it, that is a great decision to make. But if you go down this route, don't just pop it into a bank account / credit union or state savings, it needs to be properly invested to grow in value over time.

You'll be glad of the investment decision in 17 years.

Raichų

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464654#Comment_122464654

yeah I mean it’s only paid to her for her to use as she sees fit but it’s not her money

baxterooneydoody

Just withhold 70 a month on her if you feel that strongly about it, if everything is 50/50 she shouldn't have a problem with it

Norrie Rugger Head

I get his point. The fact that she is refusing to even discuss where it goes or that they save/invest it, for the child, would annoy me too.

breezy1985

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464532#Comment_122464532

She can't leave him. She would have to be real to do that.

shesty

We've 3 kids here - it started as going into a savings account for college but of late has been used to pay towards various activities etc (all in primary and life is expensive).We went through everything s couple of months though and have committed again to putting it away and not touching it for college, so that is what is happening now here.

It is being paid into my account and any correspondence on it from the Dept of Social Protection has always been addressed solely to me (yes we are married).Take from that what you will.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464768#Comment_122464768

Savings account with no interest? You're shooting yourself in the foot there. Get some financial advice and invest it properly.

shesty

Yes thanks, we have.For several varying reasons, which I am not going into here, it is in a regular savings account.For now, to be revisited in the near future.

afatbollix

We have our own accounts but have a joint house account where bills are sorted from.

That's where our child benefit goes.

Reading this thread I should just hand it to my wife, Whereas she would rather put it towards childcare thats done through the joint account.

claregal1

My ex was the same used to demand half the child benefit money saying half was his. What he didn't know was I used to spend it on treats every Tuesday myself and his kids would go out for dinner and the cinema. Sometimes I used it for a school trip, other times maybe new runners for one of the kids. Maybe once or twice I used it to get my own hair done. The point of the matter is, it's a benefit paid to Mothers and you can be damn sure your partner is spending it on you and your child.

Cop on. If ye were split up and had 50 50 each the child benefit would still be paid to the mother and wouldn't be taken into consideration in any custody payment agreement. You've little to bother you.

greyday

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464871#Comment_122464871

I see it as a payment that herself gets for the extra she does.

the_amazing_raisin

We have the child benefit paid into the joint account and it helps with the bills. All bills and shared expenses are split 50-50

We set money aside in savings for the kids seperate to this

The child benefit has historically been paid to the mother because they weren't working after having children. Irish husbands were often too brain dead to share their earnings with their family in an equitable way, so the child benefit was for the mother to pay for the kids food and clothing

While I'm sure many will argue times are different, I'll chuck in a counter argument that for many women in Ireland the past is very much the present

To the OP I would strongly suggest you consider the following; even if your partner earns a similar amount to you she is poorer overall. Women have to pay for things like menstural products, makeup and often work attire that men do not, it's called the pink tax

On top of that, in the long run women tend to earn less than their male counterparts so her ability to save long term will be limited

I would suggest you be somewhat more understanding in your attitude towards her, and frame your approach in terms of joint goals for both of you and your children and see how best to achieve those goals

Alternatively you can stay on your high horse and end up seeing your child at weekends if that's your preference

Nigel Fairservice

Our fella has a credit union account in his name that the child benefit money is paid into. His mother is named on the account. I am not. It doesn't bother me. The idea is not to touch the money until college.

This guy is looking to invest for the child's future. It's not like he wants half the money to go off to the pub with his mates.

If the family finances can forgo the €140 a month then he is the sensible one here and his missus needs to listen to what he is saying.

And a pink tax 😂 nobody forces women to spend the crazy money on make up, hair, clothes (and botox, fillers and the rest of that crap). It's been proven that Gillette charges more for a pink razor than other standard razors, but they all shave legs. If you fall for that it's on you, it's not a tax.

The money is there to support maximum stability in the family which is essential for the child's life outcomes. Whatever best achieves that is what the money is for.

It's generally paid to the mother simply because they are more likely to spend it on essentials for the children.

Ezeoul

Most people I've spoken to about this, just treat it as part of the overall family pot. It's not specifically earmarked for anything, just added into the mix. There is no splitting of bills, 50:50.

It helps in months where there is a bigger outlay on the kids, e.g. back-to-school or a birthday party, or christmas. I used to use my June, July and August CB for back to school, then September, October and November were put by for Christmas

I wouldn't push too hard on this, if I were you.

SteM

By the way, if your a man and there is an issue with payment for your child for whatever reason don't even bother trying to speak to the relevant department about it. They will just shut you down and tell you to get the mother to contact them. It's a frustrating experience, they won't deal with the father.

Ted222

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464935#Comment_122464935

Plus 1.

It’s part of your joint income, same as your salaries. Assuming you have some agreement on how to split this pot, the child benefit should be regarded as a benefit to you both.

It’s intended as a resource to fund the child’s upbringing so assuming you have some role in this regard, I don’t see why you shouldn’t have some input into how it’s spent.

If you can jointly afford to put away 140 a month towards the child’s future expenses, good for you. But it doesn’t necessarily have to be funded from child benefit. I don’t get the distinction.

Ted222

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464359#Comment_122464359

It means nothing of the sort. It’s an income to the family unit that is being decided upon unilaterally.

And by the way, I assume the mother had some say as to whether she wanted a child. She didn’t just have it for the father’s sake.

SodiumCooled

I would have thought, based on conversations with friends and family that the norm for most working couples was to save the child benefit towards college costs etc. That was what we decided to do with it before our first was born.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122464378#Comment_122464378

What is wrong with separate accounts? We are married a good few years and have kids and never even considered getting our salaries paid into a single joint account - both of us wouldn’t like the idea of that. We split bills 50/50 and transfer back/over the amounts as we go (big ticket items like the mortgage we have auto transfers setup) - with Revolut this is effortless really.

I remember posting on another thread on this topic a while back and it was a strangely divisive topic for some.