Am I overthinking

michellegeorge79

Hi all been chatting to a guy 2 months now in them 2 months only met 2 times as he always busy for 2 weeks he was on holidays then this week visiting family overseas rest the time he working so seems to be hard to pin down he texts maybe once a day but takes hours to reply back I've suggested a date night but he said he can't plan a week ahead that he fit me in someway suppose I'm wondering is there any point persuing this

Buddy Bubs

Wouldnt work for me anyway. I presume you're wondering what he's really doing instead of meeting you.

He could be married, he could be dating loads of people, he might just not be that into you, he might really be very busy.

Either way, the signs aren't great for this to progress

michellegeorge79

No I think it's he is just busy seems dating is not a priority to him obviously so I'm getting bored now

Kurooi

Either a. This is how busy he is and all the time and attention he has for you or b. he's not that interested.

Those texts, is he the one initiating? 2 dates you're probably not a relationship but it would make perfect sense to either make more time or cut it.

Big Bag of Chips

What are you overthinking? If he hasn't time to meet up then there's no point continuing to date him. You're not really dating if you're not meeting up. Meet up with others who are available. Don't sit around waiting for this fella.

michellegeorge79

I think he is interested and just flat out but the little bit of communication daily and taking hours to reply is just not working for me he innciates contact but as soon as I reply he is gone for hours again so can hold any significant conversations

Big Bag of Chips

Tell him to give you a call when he's less busy. But don't wait around for him.

Tork

If this guy is so insanely busy and doesn't have the time to try and meet somebody, why is he on the apps?

Sorry OP but I think you're being taken for a ride here. My guess is that he's either in a relationship or is keeping you on the back burner as an option. Being "busy" is the oldest fib in the playbook. I have done it to people I didn't really want to be dealing with, and it has been done to me (fair is fair, I suppose). It's also hard to buy the idea that he's consistently so busy all day every day, that he can't take a few moments to send a text. If he was genuinely enthusiastic, he'd make more of an effort to stay in touch and to try and meet you more often. I see him being difficult to pin down for a date being another warning sign that something is off. Do you think deep down that if you stopped doing the chasing this'd fizzle out.

I don't know if you're familiar with the phrase "Never make someone a priority when all you are to them is an option." but it's good guidance in life in general.

Goodigal

Plenty more people out there to chat to OP. Don't waste any more of your time on this lad. You're worth more than that.

Alexus25

Go on the dating site and don't be settling for excuses with this guy, can you see the relationship being like this in your future, I doubt it, keep your options open and remember you deserve someone who actually goes of their way to want to see you

ottolwinner

yea I’d agree with most of the other opinions here.
if you’re putting more energy into it than you’re getting out you have to consider if that’s how you would want it to continue.

Alexus25

This little video is everything, I ended it there with someone massively lower my worth and although I feel sad ending it, this puts my perspective back in the right frame

>Mod snip to remove video as posting videos is against the Charter<

Geuze

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058360802/am-i-overthinking

I am a man.

Over two months, even if I have a busy job, if I was keen on a woman, I would definitely make it my business to try to meet her much more often than two times.

YellowLead

He’s just not that into you. Simple as. No more no less. Move on.

Hannibal_Smith

taking hours to reply is just not working for me

You said it perfectly well yourself OP, the way things are aren't working for you. Why are you waiting for him to decide whether things are worth holding on for? He's told you his side, it's not working for you. He's not compromising so why should you?

Tork

Just to add - I have yet to meet anybody who ended up settling down with someone who behaved like this. The reason why you're getting such a unanimous response here is because we've all been there in some form or another. We've either wasted our own time on somebody who was incredibly busy 24/7 or our friends have. This fella and his allegedly flat-out life are simply a variation on the same theme. The "he's just not into you" chestnut.

As a general rule of thumb, if you find yourself wondering where you stand and things aren't running smoothly, it's time to bail. Geuze's comment upthread says it all in a nutshell. If this guy was genuinely enthusiastic and didn't want to let you slip through his fingers, you'd know exactly where you stood.

Pauliedragon

If he's as busy as he says why is he on the dating scene? That's just an excuse for whatever else he has going on.

miamee

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122409501#Comment_122409501

It's possible that he is doing the same with other women trying to keep all interested by the odd little communication here and there so you don't drift off. However if this is the momentum of dating him and you are looking for something more, it's best to move on and date others.

I was 'dating' someone a bit like this a long time ago, he was a lovey, lovely guy, we got along really well but he was also quite unavailable at times. He travelled a lot for work, was from the UK and went over and back quite often at weekends. Dating was very low on his list of priorities despite him saying otherwise. I stopped being the one to initiate contact all the time and asking about meeting up and he disappeared after a while.

cj maxx

It would help to know if he works in an office or factory / building site . The former he’s probably thinking it’s too much but the latter some times people can’t text back straight away

bartkingcole

give him the silent treatment. Let him chase you, and you decide. You get your answer either way.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122431959#Comment_122431959

Or just ask him out straight what the story is, like an adult.

bb1234567

Think about it OP, relationships if they are to have any longevity will always at the very least begin exciting and intense and loving. Then they either remain same and strengthen in other ways like trust or shared expereince, or the other thing that happens is they unfortunately decline. I'd say it's extremely rare for a relationship to go from what could be mistaken as complete disinterest to the strong relationship that you likely seek. There always needs to be a spark that is very openly shared by both, with it being very clear to one another.

So, just stop thinking and move on. Like just block him. Unless you are looking for some irregular fun on the side or something but it's fairly obviousl he doesnt want a relationship with you.

byrne249

Well at least you copped on now. I've ignored signs like these for 7 months and I still haven't even met her housemates while she's met close friends of mine. I'm not allowed in the house because her bed is too creaky is the latest excuse, usually my house is empty so it's better is the go to. Yea, I have no self respect, oh well.