Inheritance of the land from parent.

Seadin

Hi all , I'm here looking for some advice and maybe people might offer me some suggestions.To those people on here that inherited a farm from a parent, or family member, how was the relationship after you took over from that person?

My old fella is in his 80s but I find it hard to do anything myself on the farm without him getting involved and if it's different to what he would think he wouldn't be happy and would probably argue 95% of the time with me. I'm heading for my 40s, work part time farming and full time in another profession living with my wife and kids. I have just two years of the young farmers payment left and I'm at a stage wondering if this is worth the arguments anymore with the old fella. I love the farm but just can't farm with my old fella trying to call the shots even though he knows where his place is now. I'm now in charge but it unbelievable how powerless I feel at times with the running of the farm. Older generations can be very difficult to deal with if people know what I mean and my dad is one.

Interesting to see if other people on here have had a similar experience? And ways of dealing with it?

TIA

893bet

Are you in full financial control? If so ignore the old fella and plough as you you wish. I definitely then the previous generations don’t understand the value of “time” as they were full time farming so had time to gunter etc.

But also be thankful there is still enough fight in your lad in his 80s.

Seadin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122333177#Comment_122333177

Yes I'm in full financial control and own all the land, cattle and machinery.

893bet

Any example of what ye are clashing on? I am in year 4 of young farmer tranfer also with a father in 80s. We clash occasionally but more down to me being difficult myself and him just being of an older generation.

con___manx1

My friend inherited a farm. He rents it out and works in his own profession. It's tax free up to a certain amount. Think around 15k bracket

older by the day

The bother with the old farmer is they can't let go of the reins. I'm helping out elderly relatives all my life.

Don't be fuuucking rushing in with too much help. They will take advantage. Enjoy the freedom of having someone around the yard to keep an eye. But let them wear out with work, not arguing. You can't rush the process. One fall and things could be totally different tomorrow.

Do you want to work full-time and farm, or what are your plans

Seadin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122333180#Comment_122333180

Simple things like how I want to manage some of the fields or animals and I have different ideas that he isn't in favour of. That kind of thing really.

lmk123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058358187/inheritance-of-the-land-from-parent

I’m in the very same situation, working full time and farming. Doesn’t matter what I say he has to go the complete opposite even if it means taking twice as long to do something just to defy me. Reverse physiology often works and let him think it’s his idea, other times I loose the head and go absolutely mental but that doesn’t really solve anything. He has himself nearly killed from working on the farm all his life and I’m sure your old lad is the same so grin and bear it while you can because they won’t be around forever.

mr.stonewall

I was in the same situation up about 10 years ago. It's hard for them to let go as it's often the only thing they know from all their lives having left school early and having never work a day outside the farm. Work smarter and they will slow down quicker. I found that getting stuff done early in the morning and later in the evening when kids were asleep was key. They then to hate newer and bigger tractors especially with electrics. Key the key in pocket. Communication or being coy with it is vital, less they know about your plans and just get it done quick is vital. Slowly they will step back

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122333220#Comment_122333220

tis small stuff really so, does he keep an eye out for sick animals while you are at the day job? Swings and roundabouts.

The11Duff

What you should say to your father as respectfully as possible, I pay the bills I say what happens. Ask him to enjoy his retirement and be glad you are trying to improve things

yagan

Not a farmer but in a similar situation with a handover. We went from being respectful in letting them know everything happening but over the years we found it far easier with the less they know the less they bog down the basic stuff.

Aging is a regression, a return to a childlike state so we find that giving them a few tasks that only they do takes their focus off us which is makes it really easy to get the crucial stuff done smoothly.

It might feel disrespectful, but it is aging management.

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122333870#Comment_122333870

it’s genuinely a waste of time having this conversation I think.

This really is the OPs problem to find a way “around it” rather than try and change his 80 year old father. Some good suggestions above about early in the morning/late in the evening work.

Most important is to realise it’s the small stuff they are talking about. And be happy his old lad is still able to be about.

Furze99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122333421#Comment_122333421

This. Boxing smart!

ABitofsense

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122333220#Comment_122333220

I was in the same boat but kinda still am to an extent. I came all guns blazing at the start, sold all the dairy cows & then removed the parlour in an evening after work with an angle grinder & sledge. He was at it all his life where it's only a hobby to me so very difficult for him to take at the start. Once he learned and had confidence that I know (kinda) what I'm at he's starting to step away. I take the constant arguments that I'm doing everything wrong and should have done this or that etc.. as Id be lost with him at times too. Way I look at it is theres only a few years of this so I'm trying to enjoy the times we have.

You could try giving him projects to focus him (fixing, making or welding things) so then livestock and land etc you can focus on? That's what I do especially as I'm financing them he can play away.

tractorporn

I was in the exact same position as yourself, the farm was signed over to me 5 years ago. My father would go out of his way to do the opposite nearly of what I would say that I was planning on doing. He even went as far as removing fence insulators and replacing them with staples and bits of hydrodare pipe.

I was on the brink of totally walking away and renting it back to him when he got sick last October and he passed there in April. One thing I'm glad of is that I didn't totally let it destroy my relationship with him but it was heading that way. This year has been a massive change as I have to put in place everything I was blocked from doing over the past 5 years.

Seadin

The one thing I have tried to do is keep him a step behind with everything, not tell him of everything that's going on. But then he often moves cattle from one field to another without telling me when I'm at work and when I would have a day planned to do that. You know what I mean. I suppose they think the farm will never operate without them but like everything in life everything can be replaced.

Conversations 3

No point in falling out with him over anything at this stage.

You're lucky to have him around and you'll miss him around the yard more than you realise when he's gone.

JeffKenna

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122334329#Comment_122334329

I'm sorry but I have to take you up on this. It's not right keeping your father one step behind.

One funny thing thing the solicitor pulled me up on is terminology. You haven't inherited the farm from your dad, you have been gifted it by your dad. Say it a few times to yourself when you see him next.

This is very much my opinion, but at the end of the day it's a family farm. You got it from your father and you'll more than likely gift it to your kids. Family is part of the farm so you have to accept he'll be part of the farm for the rest of his life.

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122334329#Comment_122334329

Very small stuff. Be the bigger person. If he moved the cattle he must have thought they were short grass. It’s not the end of the world. I had similar silly words about similar things. They won’t change their way. Embrace it.

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122334605#Comment_122334605

Is not the act of gifting a handover of executive powers?

A common problem with familial business succession is undefined boundaries and responsibilities.

At some stage those who handover must relinquish executive power to the next generation. I noticed in Oz and NZ farming there wasn't the same defensiveness about relinquishment as seems common in Ireland, but I guess farm formation was more of a franchise to begin with there.

_Brian

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122333179#Comment_122333179

it’s a hard position but you need to gradually start exerting control, he will get used to it.

There’s hardly a part of our yard that I look that I didn’t have words with my dad over something, it’s very normal.

TheRiverman

Very disrespectful of people who call their father "the old fella".

NiceFella

Not in farming but a similar handover process would be involved. My Dad's work is something he loves and we share a mutual interest in it.

Im the only family member with the interest or even knowledge on potentially helping or taking over. The thing is, I'm not sure he'll ever give it up (until he drops), despite being retired, which wouldn't give me anytime to truly understand how to manage things.

I've noticed as he has got older he seems to be reluctant to ask me for help with it and I'm wondering now should I just forget about it and concentrate on my career. He can say the exact opposite to me just for the sake of disagreement. It's really hard to know what to do really.

893bet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122335000#Comment_122335000

people can chose to be offended about almost anything

Seadin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122334605#Comment_122334605

Fair enough, I agree you have a point there. The only reason I started doing it was because when I shared all my plans with him openly it always lead to disputes and heated ones as well. But I agree it's not the best strategy.

Seadin

Ij

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122334712#Comment_122334712

I agree. we had both agreed to move them the day after but yes I totally see your point. That would be a small thing compared to other stuff though.

Seadin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122335000#Comment_122335000

Ok maybe but my own dad doesn't mind the term.

Seadin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122334906#Comment_122334906

I agree but my dad can be odd, you do things differently to him and he wouldn't talk to me for weeks before he come around again. Some of you here might not have that experience but thats what I have to deal with at times and it can really get you down.

lmk123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122335000#Comment_122335000

how in gods name is that disrespectful, it’s what he called his father years ago, I’m calling him by it now and if my young man wants to call me the old lad in years to come it certainly won’t bother me

K.G.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122335000#Comment_122335000

NNoT sure that's a big deal .I m called similar and they are called young fellas.

This content has been removed.