friends and money - loans.. ?

sporina

would you ask a friend for a loan?

if asked would you loan a friend money?

riffmongous

Depends on the friend of course.. one who does be drinkin/druggin/gamblin, very unlikely. Someone who I know is careful with their money then no probs, I've done it before and got paid back immediately.

Of course the above is tempered by the circumstances too, small amount or large amount, what it's for etc.

For very small amounts or friends who don't have much spare cash I'd much rather buy them a few rounds or pay for dinner etc than give them a lend, then theres no expectation of repayment and they can get me back when they can. I had friends who did this for me when I was unemployed for a while and it was very much appreciated.

Buddy Bubs

Nobody really ever asks me except the GF, she doesn't pay me back though and I don't really expect it

If it was a trustworthy friend I would for sure. We did have a friend growing up that drank and gambled and was always looking for a dig out, ended up owing loads of the lads a good chunk of money. I never lent him anything though I did said no to him straight out once. Gave him plenty of lifts to save him paying for taxis though and bought him a pint the odd time but wasnt expecting anything

He is still living at home with parents, made good money over the years but has nothing to show for it, never bought a car or anything at all.

Jim_Hodge

If it was a true friend I would, of course, lend them money. That said I wouldn't normally expect it back either.

0ph0rce0

Only to very close friends. Never anymore than 100 quid.

The same close friends will sit there and drink in the pub all week beside you and still not pay you back until you hound them but I get it eventually.

I don't really need it at the time but it's the principal. Does my head in.

victor8600

I asked for (and received) a couple of thousand euros from a friend when I didn't have enough for a house deposit. I paid it back after 6 months. I gave another friend a thousand euros because they were in a tight spot, I don't expect this money back.

Esel

Only 'lend' money if you are prepared to never get it back.

I loaned the equivalent of 3 weeks wages to a work colleague long ago. The only reason I eventually got repaid is because, before giving him the money, I had him sign a promissory note (witnessed by another colleague - his signature, not the content).

Have borrowed from and loaned to family members without bother. That depends on your family though.

rob316

Its a bad idea to be honest. I've been in a tight spot years ago and did it and I felt like **** asking for it, even though I repaid it as quick as I could.

I paid off a drug debt for a friend but I knew I'd never see the money again.

Atlantic Dawn

Depends what the loan is for, if they are looking for it to pay for a holiday, make a speculative investment etc no way. If they are looking for it to pay for repairs to a car, home appliance, surgery etc yes I'd be inclined to.

standardg60

Neither a borrower nor a lender be.

dxhound2005

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121943557#Comment_121943557

For loan oft loses both itself and friend,

And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

Alexus25

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058343732/friends-and-money-loans

Yep and yep

Alexus25

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121943467#Comment_121943467

Jesus

sporina

ok reason I asked.. a not so close friend asked me for the loan of €30 for diesel..

she's working, paying rent etc..

was on holiday a month ago - which wudda cost about 1k..

I have wondered about her relationship with money b4.. she seems to spend beyond her means - has had to get loans from family in the past (this she has mentioned casually since I've known her)..

anyway - let it be right or wrong - I said no.. "money and friends don't mix well - maybe family can help you"...

the real reason I said no is 'cos I didn't want to enable her..

if she needs money for fuel.. she will no doubt need money again in the future..

I suppose, my prob is that she has a bad relationship with money obv and I don't wanna enable her.. same as giving beggars money on the street

so thats the background

we met this eve and all is well - she said "never mind what I asked you earlier" and she got sorted - but I didn't ask how

road_high

No to be honest. Have seen and heard enough of people I know being taught hard lessons from family and friends. I’m careful with money and also work hard for what I got. Never expected anything from anyone else and why should I.

OP you were dead right too - especially if she’s been on an expensive holiday. Looking for €30 for fuel is just ridiculous. Walk or get the bus at that stage. Tough

reactadabtc

I will never give people money again. People are quick to forget you repay you and get pissed off if you mention it. My brother recently went mad at me when I asked him for repayment of a loan. I was ok with not getting it back, until he started going on multiple holidays. Sorry mate, I'm not paying for you're travels.

LimeFruitGum

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121943847#Comment_121943847

I hate to say it, but I think if she is the kind of person who is always asking others for money, she was probably testing the waters with you to see if you're a soft touch for a loan or not. Good for you for setting boundaries. 30 isn't a lot, but it could easily turn into an ask for €50, 100 and so on.

Personally, I could never ask someone for a loan, the thought of it gives me the shivers!

Hande hoche!

Lent a friend a figure in the low 100s before for credit card payment. Didn't ask me again. Wrote it off as bad debt. At the time I was making very good money. Although for all I know, he was doing the same for all his friends.

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121944478#Comment_121944478

I bought flights for a brother years ago and when I asked him for the money back he said I was "scabby" by wanting it back.. imagine..

I never did get the money back.. then as life rolled on,.. feck it - but I am more mindful now

RoboRat

I've never borrowed from a friend.

I have loaned 2 friends money and neither are friends anymore - they didn't pay it back and I wasn't exactly flush and needed the money. Truth be told, they were outlier friends and not close friends (I have 8 friends from childhood and we're still great mates over 30 years later).

If one of my close friends came to me, I know they are desperate and I would help without a second thought. When I wasn't doing so well, they used to go out a lot and I would make excuses as I didn't have the cash. They would drag me out and buy me drinks and when it came to my round they all mysteriously wanted water. Thankfully I have been able to repay them but I never forgot, and they never brought it up.

I would probably ask my friends for a loan if I were desperate, but it would be the last resort. I know they would be annoyed with me, but I value or friendship too much.

Hooked

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121944838#Comment_121944838

Proper mates!!!

I'd be very wary as to who I'd loan money to (have had soccer mates up to their eyeballs in gambling debt try to sponge off me) - but if a close friend or family were in a bind (and they have been), I've been known to give them a helping hand. My brother was stuck last Oct for 250 quid. "Loaned it to him" but by Xmas I wasn't really stuck for it back so I gifted him the repayment in lieu of an Xmas present for him, his wife and their kid.

We've (wife and I) plenty of expendable income - without having mad salaries (no kids, no loans) - so I've a bit of a lax perspective on money. And when someone closer to me is struggling, I've been known to revolut them a random 50 or 100 to enjoy a particular night out/weekend way.

Last Friday we were out with friends for a meal and I got the full bill on the sly and left a generous tip.

As my auld lad says - you can't take it with ya.

Potatoeman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121943847#Comment_121943847

She may have been pumping for fuel rather than pumping her fuel.

Potatoeman

The best reason I’ve heard not to lend is that the person you lend it to will spend it and resent you for looking for it back, as they have already spent it so see no advantage in paying you back. Then you’ll resent them for not paying you back, so it’s lose lose.

heretothere

I have given friends money e.g. when they were still in college and I had what at the time was a 'mad money' job

I don't think I have ever lent people money.

When I was broke enough in Oz I was sent to collect a Chinese it was over $130 no one paid me back. That pissed me off so much I never made that mistake again.

chrissb8

Absolutely, I've been on the receiving end of friends good will and the giving end of trying to do the same. Money and friends do mix, if you're actually friends and have real trust, loyalty between each other. Otherwise, that's not really a friendship.

3DataModem

When it comes to friends and family lending, I have two distinct approaches:

1. Small Amounts: Set a fixed date for repayment (not a "latest" date, but a specific date). Tell them that's the only time you'll chase them for payment. Pick a date that suits them (e.g. when they expect to get a bonus / paycheck or whatever). Tell them if they don't repay you that date, you won't consider it a loan anymore and will consider it a gift. If you think this approach is likely to be abused, then you know you shouldn't lend the money in the first place.
2. Large Amounts: Do a written repayment schedule with a very very small interest rate. Interest rates show you are taking this seriously, and the money has a 'cost' to you. If the person is offended by being charged a small vig, then you know you shouldn't lend the money in the first place.

pgj2015

No way, I would never ask or lend big money to anyone only my parents and siblings, I would just say I don't have it if asked by friends, I do have money and they probably know I do but they cant know for sure unless they see my bank account.

Oscar_Madison

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121943847#Comment_121943847

it’s an awkward one alright - if you feel like you’re being taken for a ride then you probably are- I think genuineness will be clearly visible if the request is genuine - sounds like this person was just trying to tap you for a few quid as maybe she sees you as having more than enough and wouldn’t miss the money

Oscar_Madison

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121948107#Comment_121948107

just how much lending do you do. 😀

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121950211#Comment_121950211

nah she's v often spending more than her means - has mentioned in the past that she had to ask her Dad/brother for money etc.. i'd say she has a prob managing money - but I'm not gonna feed into it

glad I said no and what's more, I didn't beat myself up about it afterwards

3DataModem

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121950216#Comment_121950216

I've done some small ones and a couple of very big ones (>5 figs to family short term). Stung on one small one, but a relatively small price to pay to know early on about a colleague's ethics.