Can't get my head around this?

Frankvillamoura

So long story short. For approximately a year I was chatting to an attractive lady from Leixlip. During that year we met many times and once even told me she was in a relationship for 6 months that were only active for 2 months. She asked my advice how she should end it in March 2023 with this guy, I gave no advice and apparently she ended it or so she said in May 2023 and went to Italy to visit her sister to get over it.

We started dating in August 2023 and things developed very rapidly and honestly thought I'd met a fabulous woman.

After a few months the horror of what I'd actually found became apparent. But since I'd met her four children and parents I tried to uphold my end of the bargain.

She revealed a few things, a very dodgy past, drugs which drove her money needs and addiction, whilst still caring (apparently) for her family who only had one surviving parent. Basically my world was turned upside down.

Eventually I ended it due to the complications and a less than perfect future.

What shocked me the most though is the discovery of the lies and really making mugs out of three nice guys who were financially comfortable. The relationships were just a copy and paste, all her family knew as we'd all spent nights in the house.

Everything was a total lie... and we never had an idea.

The woman in question has a nice car, looks normal, acts normal, tells a compelling story. But it's all an act. She's not Irish by origin but most non nationals from the Eastern side of Europe are lovely, genuine and hard working.

Any advice or observations on how we all got it so wrong and how not to repeat the ordeal?

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Edited to remove tags as they have no relevance to the issue

Dial Hard

I'm sorry, OP, but I don't understand your post. Did she cheat on you? Cheat on someone else *with* you? Extort you in some way? Where did the third guy come in??? It's clear you're angry and hurt but you're going to have to be a lot clearer on what actually happened if you want people to be able to advise you.

Frankvillamoura

She basically appears to have whitewashed three guys, she was very close to me (Loved) and texting the last guy that she missed and loved him.

Also she had a way apparently of extracting money from the last two guys, not me. And they were finding her hidden pastime.

I'd love to hear her side of the story but she's not communicating with anyone. Tbh, I'm not angry, suppose I still love the parts I hope are genuine but worry I have been used. It's such a long story it would be a book spanning almost 8 years...

Part of me is still worried about her welfare.

Big Bag of Chips

@Frankvillamoura your posts are quite confusing and not clear. I know you know the whole story in your head but you haven't communicated it very well to posters here.

Your first post went from you chatting to her for a year, to her admitting she was seeing someone else for 6 months to then "horror" and a 3rd guy.

Can I ask you to just tidy your posts up a little to make it clearer and people might be able to offer advice. Even a brief summary and the question/advice you want to ask.

Thanks

BBoC

Frankvillamoura

You're right. Chatted to for a year on a completely friendly basis, I was confused when she disclosed after 6 months that she'd met someone and it hadn't worked and wanted my advice on how to end it with him.

I didn't give advice on this at all and left the coffee meeting a little surprised. A month later she contacted me to say she'd ended it. The other guys account was it ended a week before I started seeing her when he'd stayed over in her home and been around her kids. I unwittingly arrived on the scene two weeks later due to an emergency in the family.

She was still leading him on for a month later. Which was 3-4 months after she said they ended.

Frankvillamoura

Also I didn't keep an exact diary but depending who I believe there was some overlap!

gameoverdude

So...she was with these guys for money, asked you for advice for how to break up with them and still have sugar daddies, but won't break up because of dosh and then pulling on your heart strings to get dosh which you haven't given yet?

Are you in a platonic relationship with this person, or seeing each other?

Please don't say its complex!

Simple advice, block.

Indestructable

Sounds like a romance scam?

Block and move on as best you can. There are plenty of people out there who wouldn't be playing these kind of games. Some therapy may be helpful to get it straightened out in your mind.

Purple Mountain

I think you just need to forget and move on.

Whatever her motive was, it wasn't a nice or honest one so why would you want her side of the story?

Just accept that there are shady and dishonest people in the world and chalk it down to a bad experience.

Rubberchikken

Do your best to move.on from this person. A decent good person doesn't behave like this person.

You honestly don't need someone.likw this in your life. No one does.

She'll keep doing this to others.

Move on and mind yourself

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121418413#Comment_121418413

Exactly.

You're not a loved one, even a friend. You're a resource. Minute you're not producing the goods...Good luck.

Ask yourself, how many times have you given out a tenner or twenty(or more) with a sob story and the immortal lines of "I'll get you back" or "my treat next time".

Block, forget and feel lucky.

I had this with a male flatmate when I was a lot younger. I was a softie and cared. No longer unless I knew them for years.

You're getting played.

YellowLead

It’s hard to understand what went on here really. But anyway, it seems this woman uses men for money and has a lot of issues. What advice are you looking for here exactly? Whether to remove her from your life or not? Do you seriously have to ask???

Also, you need to get smarter about dating. Somebody who introduces you to her kids when she’s only just met you - somethings obviously not right.

Mr Disco

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058324398/cant-get-my-head-around-this

Not sure I fully understand but maybe stick with Irish lassies in future?

Dial Hard

I'm still so confused. What do you mean by "chatting for a year"? Were you meeting up? Did you think you were dating? And if not then why did you let it drag on so long, cause if you weren't dating it's very clear that you wanted to be.

Either way, it's clear this woman is a hustler so I'd agree with the advice to just block and move on. And yes, maybe be a bit less naive the next time. There are obviously plenty of perfectly genuine foreign ladies on dating sites but unfortunately there are also a *lot* of chancers.

Frankvillamoura

Yes, looks like she's back online on a paid dating app or so a friend told me.

There's nothing stopping her I guess, just feel sorry for the multiple guys she will meet.

notAMember

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121435910#Comment_121435910

Ah ok, it's an app.

Sounds from your post like someone addicted to drama, but could be more serious. I am trying to figure out your question, but I think it's something like, is there anything you can do to protect others here.

It doesn't seem like there was a crime committed in your case, as you didn't part with any money, but rather had your heart broken. Unless you also know about there being drug-dealing or abuse of the children, or something like this...?

If you do know there was money involved in other cases, then maybe your ask your friends or those who were deceived out of money to go to the gardai.

And of course if you witnessed anything like child neglect, or drugs etc, then please make sure to report that.

Frankvillamoura

Apparently the ex bf is going to report it, well he said he was but I don't know what to believe.

He's more allegations than me, and I tried a friendly intervention but got chewed.

The family and other ex can sort it. I've had enough.

But thanks for the advice.

Tork

Frank, just block everybody involved with this drama and be more careful who you get involved with in the future. It's really as simple as that.