Divorce granted yesterday

TheOriginalMattman

I'm sure I'm not the only one, but perhaps someone can weigh in with similar feelings.

I loved this woman more than anything. When I first laid eyes on her I remember saying to the person next to me; "I'm going to marry her one day".

We separated in 2020, 3 months into lockdown. Having spent the 8 years in total together up to that point living together but apart (I worked nights in a different industry to her civil service 9-5.). So we rarely saw each other and when we did we tried to cram in visiting friends, family etc. Zero time for ourselves.

Anyway, we realised very quickly that there was contempt bubbling and one day I snapped and told her I wanted a divorce. Immediately she agreed. So one way or another it was on the cards.

After 3 years of very minimal contact (we cut each other off completely) of necessary correspondence for divorce etc, we saw each other at the court yesterday. She didn't look good. Her health is in bad shape, she's gained a lot of weight and has gone completely grey (she's only 37). Her family have also stopped talking to her for many reasons.

I know it's the best for all involved, but yesterday I wanted to save her and take it all back. I didn't, we went into court and the judge granted the divorce.

When we left we hugged for the last time and she told me she still loves me.

I'll always care for her of course, but it was a very confusing day.

Is there going to be a day that I don't think about her?

Ezeoul

Give yourself some time to process it all.

Yesterday it probably all felt very unreal - that the day had finally arrived, and that you had reached an end point.

It was obviously a hugely emotional day, and the culmination of years of emotional upheaval.

It's okay to still care about her, and vice-versa, but yes, there will be a day that comes when you'd don't think about her.

You're allowed to grieve for what was, but time will heal.

gipi

A divorce can be a bit like a bereavement, despite everything there is a loss and as the previous poster said, you have to allow time to grieve that loss.

I was in a similar situation 20 years ago, I worried about my ex for years after I moved out (we split 5 years before divorcing). But eventually, I did stop thinking about him on a daily basis. We have remained friends to this day, but we both know we did the right thing for us.

I remember we walked out of court on the day the divorce was granted and we went for lunch! That was surreal!

Take things a day at a time, allow yourself space and time. Good luck

daithi7

There's no winners in divorces, except for the lawyers.

Your account of yours just shows how it's rarely if ever black & white but a messy, emotional, uncoupling of two human being's intertwined lives.

Take care of yourself OP, I think it's nice & healthy to still feel some care & affection for your ex while in the process of moving on. This divorce may be better for both of you in the medium to long term. Regardless you're not responsible for how she feels, looks or is looking after herself, especially not now. Hopefully she will pull herself together & get back on terms with those who care about her.

You must do the same & live your best life from here. Divorce is horrible & messy, but it does at least mark an end to allow freedom & maybe new beginnings in time. Good luck!

Madd002

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058316735/divorce-granted-yesterday

That's very sad, there's no kids involved obviously & you snapped once during an argument that many a married couple have when stressed and you asked for divorce she said fine all in the heat of the moment went separate ways straight away, she still loves you and as you left asap maybe she thought you'd come back apologise and all be rosy again but you didn't and she pined for you for those years in the hope you'd come back.She now looks like that, as she probably feels her life is over and she told you she still loves you what does that tell you. Her family not speaking to her cause she probably told them what happened at the time & she didn't mean what she said to you but her pride wouldn't let her contact you & they've probably been scolding her saying she lost the best thing that ever happened to her and she's been isolated ever since. It's a hard one, Now your divorced if feelings are still there go for it life's too short.