Do you ever just feel like your totally dismissed by society.

alicia doyle

My parents are well off, they bought a house in Adare recently, they speak posh and think they are posh, my dads an accountant, grew up in a council estate in England and worked his way up and forgot where he came from in my personal opinion. I have no desire to be like them, growing up in England my step mother would tell me stop talking like a commoner, don’t get me wrong I was brought up well I know how to dress and talk and act in certain occasions.

But I much prefer to be like everybody arround me, I can change my hat to suit, however we moved to Ireland and I ended up pregnant at 17, I finished my leaving cert and passed my driving test had my baby and moved out on my own at 19 the plan was always to be gone the minute I hit 18 but they wanted me to stay til the baby was 6 months old to see how I was getting on then they wanted me to stay until I passed my driving test so I stayed til he was 9montbs old after passing my driving test and moved out. Maybe this is my own head but I’ve always been the youngest mum, I went to pregnancy yoga with my dads friends from work, I went to breastfeeding support groups with women in their 30s same with mother and baby groups, everybody was noting but nice to me I never got outcasted at school or shunned by the nuns, the teachers and classmates were very good to me, but I just always felt inadequate, like there’s this perfect mother I used to babysit for Wes be at the same events and she’d always have spare rain jacket to give my child, the nicest woman though, but I’ve always felt like I’m just this teen mum on benefits, which my dad has pointed out after having my second child I’ll always be on benefits, and I’ll have two kids with thei different dads, now don’t get me wrong I work, I’m on family income supplement and work 4 days a week at the moment, could be 5 in busy season, i with in a high class beauticians and have been qualified in beauty since my child was 4, I later qualified in business admin and e business when he was 7, then again qualified in hairdressing when he was 12, love education and to work.

But I’ve had 2 incidents lately where I feel like I’ve been totally looked down on and dismissed, I needed a new car and I had been approved finance I didn’t want to be paying back too much so I got approved of upto 9000 i as going arround after work with my child on hip looking at cars and I was really hoping I could turn up without the child so I didn’t look like the single mother but sure who else would take her, the minute I walked in the door he dismisses me didn’t give me anytime told me he had no cars in that price range to go up the road to a different garage, and I went to a lot of garages and cried leaving most of them, my mother and father said we’ve rang our own garage and you can go to them with us you won’t be treated like that with me there, but why should I have to go with my high class mother with her money and flashy car ti be treated equally not like a second class citizen, they were lovely to deal with and I ended up getting a car I loved for 7000, but still I wouldn’t have got that only for my parents, so today then I got to a mortgage adviser that all my high end clients reccomend, I turned up he barely spoke ti me for two seconds the minute I said I’ve a loan that I stopped paying back and neee to get on top of he literally closed his book and wouldn’t listen to me, I know I wouldn’t be getting a mortgage in the next year or two but I just wanted to know how to get all my ducks in a row straight away said sort that loan out and didn’t want to listen to me when I said I wanted to go with a different bank that all my wages come into.

Same with solicitors I had a custody battle and solicitor told me in her opinion if kids get took they should stay gone, my mother found a solicitor and exact same solicitor , they were too hard on you we will sort that out and she did got them back. But why when I go my myself I’m dismissed but if I turn up with my mother I’m not. Same with the guards I was in a domestic violent relationship and my mother brought me to the guards to make a statement stay calm now put in make up do your hair nice and they’ll take you more seriously, why should I have to stay calm in a dv case to be taken seriously when the most rational state to be in is upset. I dunno that’s my rant anyway

HildaOgdenx

Mod - OP, I have moved your thread to TLL as it seems to be more of a discussion type thread, rather than seeking advice.

Local charter now applies.

Hilda

Big Bag of Chips

I assume you are around 30 now. So why do you think people are looking down on you as a young single mum? You went into a car salesroom recently as a woman in her 30s with a child. I'd say like a lot of women who are looking to buy cars. The salesman doesn't know whether you are single/married/living with someone etc. They don't care.

The mortgage advisor is not going to look at you if you have defaulted on a loan. That's why he closed his book and told you to sort out the loan you have first before looking for a mortgage. The loan is likely not as high as a mortgage is going to be. And if you are showing that you can't handle the loan, then you are showing you definitely will not be able to manage a mortgage.

Get yourself together. Keep on top of your debts. Build up a good history of savings, and when you go looking for a mortgage, or car finance or whatever else then you will be taken seriously. I think you might be insecure about your past, or your status as a single parent etc, but very few people really are bothered by that. Anyone who doesn't know you has no idea what your relationship status is. People in finance looks at the figures. And if the figures don't add up then they will reject you. Regardless of whether you're married or not!