Single male mid-30s...but there's a woman I'm work

average hero

Hi all,

To be kind to myself and the person in question, I have deleted my opening thread.

Thanks all For your answers - you have helped me out.

Mods - could this be closed please?

Thanks.

beertons

Go for it.

yourdeadwright

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058314489/single-male-mid-30s-but-theres-a-woman-im-work

As long as you guys don't work together, which could cause all kinds of issues, then just adsk, Go find out if them amber flags are red, Why not give it a shot, If she says no then move on ,

taxAHcruel

1) Yes go for it. Nothing to lose. Everything to gain. The longer you let it build in your mind the more of a "thing" it will become for you which will A) make it harder to do it and B) make it hit harder if it doesn't work out or she says no. Find a good moment and go for it.

2) Yes patently and entirely ridiculous on all counts. Some more than others but all ridiculous.

3) Always. If there is room to self improve in life - always take it. Sounds like you are doing fine with the things you listed. But if you have capacity to get after it more in life then always use it. Better than sitting around wasting it. Work/Life balance is a thing. Only you can tell if you have capacity to put more into it and what you will get out of it. But always be open to self improvement if it's available and will not be a detriment to anything else in your life.

89897

Have you asked your mates why they think these are "amber flags"? To be honest most of them are ridiculous to me. Whats a tongue piercing and liking horror movies got to do with anything?!

You like her so why not just respectfully ask her out? But also stop overthinking it, You're gonna create an image of this woman that may not be her and end up disappointed when she doesnt live up to this.

Pauliedragon

Ask her out for a casual drink op You've nothing to lose if she says no then that's the end of it and ur questions are answered. Don't go through life wondering what might have been.

Dial Hard

Have your friends ever actually met a woman in real life? Because that list of "flags" is downright bizarre and tbh, so is the fact that you're even giving it any bandwidth.

brokenbad

Forget the amber flags.....there is no such thing as the perfect partner. Next time you are chatting her, casually drop a hint about meeting for a coffee sometime and go from there.

Dohnjoe

Your mates are the ones I'd be worrying about. She on the other hand sounds like a catch.

Calahonda52

Given where you both work, check out the company policy on in-house relationships, where the mood music has changed quite a bit over the years.

The fact that you are both at the same level, and relatively senior, makes it a bit easier.

In that context you need to decide what you expect on the first date and where are your red lines, especially in the context of the " where we both drank a bit too much" scenario, if she says yes.

Does it include expecting the chur isteach on the first date?

This is not the same as boning some randomer whom you meet in a nightclub so you need to think about it.

[I worked at a senior level, customer facing, in a Fin org back in the 80's and the two rules I was given that would lead to dismissal were "putting you hand in the till, or having a hyperactive prick outside the counter"

Inside the counter was fine and the in-house stuff at Xmas was parties etc was simply legend.]

...

All the ambers are all made up

this one takes the biscuit

this is unusual for a pleasant, good looking woman: 

WTF: according to whom

Good luck

sprucemoose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121130749#Comment_121130749

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121130814#Comment_121130814

those 'flags' are definitely causing me to cast aspersions about the friends which may be very very unfair

oceanman

I would tread very carefully myself, but thats just me.

Mech1

You only got the one go at this life thing,,, so get on with it!!!!

YellowLead

I wouldn’t let your friends advise you in this case. Everything they have listed as an amber flag isn’t behavioural - just a matter of personal taste. It would be good for you get experience in a relationship- she might not want to settle down yet or ever but no harm in asking her out if you think she feels the same and see where things go from there.

True crime / serial killer shows are amongst the most popular on Netflix/prime etc, you’d be ruling out a large chunk of the population if you saw that as a warning - are your friends 12!

delusiondestroyer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058314489/single-male-mid-30s-but-theres-a-woman-im-work

Your friends are right, and if you cant spot this yourself you should go for it... it'll be an experience lol Your eyes will be opened! lol

XsApollo

You’ll be single for a lot longer if you heed that list of “ flags”. Maybe your mates are all single too, are there different colour flags? Amber? Red? Green? ffs

Stop over thinking everything, go with the flow ask her.

she sounds actually like she could open your mind to new things.

Augme

Tbh OP, I think a big priority for you should be to find new friends who aren't incels.

Archduke Franz Ferdinand

What’s obvious for a start is you have some strange friends and you are letting them influence you far too much. Unfortunately many people are held back in their lives by what other people say or think. Think for yourself. I don’t understand why you’re dithering…take heed of that word DITHERING!You obviously like her, so ask her out. And do not discuss her with your friends if they are in your work .

adelemcgovern

Your mates are wrong. Our daughter has a tongue bar which she got simply because she liked them. Just because she implied she was bisexual doesn't mean she's going to run off with a woman at some stage.

Ask her out. The worst that can happen is that she says no. You fancy her so why not go for it.

You're rather immature for your age regarding relationships and that's a really nice thing to see. It's rare! Not meant ad an insult in any way. I think the majority of young women would find that rather sweet.

Best of luck 🤞🤞🤞

TheadoreT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121131257#Comment_121131257

Your last paragraph is so far to the truth. There's such a massive contrast between what most women say they'd like and what they like in reality.

OP your friends don't sound too experienced themselves. Those "amber flags" are largely ridiculous. If you're conscious about things like your height people will pick up on that, confidence and being at ease with yourself is by far the biggest attraction so you should work on that.

Ask her out by all means but don't get oneitus about her either way for now. You'll likey come on too strong and scare her off early if shes dominating your thoughts as much as you say.

CPTM

From her perspective, this would probably be a bit of a red flag.. "Should I date a guy that listed on boards all the things about me that he's nervous about?"

But anyways. Go for it, keep an open mind. You're not supposed to spend your life with a person exactly like you. See if there's chemistry and see if she's going in the same direction as you with regard to key things like family, travel, and work.

TheadoreT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121131501#Comment_121131501

Definitely true, him and his friends come across a bit incely there, and while he says it's their flags and not his, he's obviously shared all this stuff with them including her sexuality which is a little ****.

chrisd2019

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058314489/single-male-mid-30s-but-theres-a-woman-im-work

Go for it, but do not tell your friends, leave them to their flag collection.