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Getting cold feet about travelling

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  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Of course it would be great if your boyfriend went with you. You could both experience and see new things and create memories. But from what you are saying, it sounds like your BF is settling down here. And that doesn’t make him wrong or a bad person. He obviously has his reliable job, feels content now and is happy to make a life for himself here. If he’s in his thirties, could be working towards a house or settling down and planning for commitment. And there’s nothing wrong with that.

    Obviously if he’s on the fence, you both have more to talk about but if he’s adamant he is staying here and will not hold you back, you’re off on your own OP. Berating and pushing him to do something he doesn’t want to do will lead to resentment and potentially cast a shadow on your experience. There could be other things going on in the background too. I mean, some people are just home birds? Some people have familial issues going on that their OH don’t even know about. Maybe he doesn’t have the confidence to go and maybe he doesn’t want to admit that to you? Or maybe this is a way to end things? At the end of the day, you don’t “really” know what’s going on in someone’s head…only what he’s telling you.

    You can’t force things OP. It sounds like he’s being honest with you IMO and I would prefer that than a man who panders and goes along and resents you down the line and breaks up with you abroad. Sounds like he respects you and your dreams and doesn’t want to hold you back and that’s a good sign in a person. I wouldn’t take it as a sign that he doesn’t care about you.

    Respect his decision and part ways amicably. There is no need for drama here. You never know what might happen in a few weeks. He may come to a realisation on his own and follow you over. He may wait for you and stay loyal but there’s also a chance he may move on and you might also meet someone in OZ OP. Timing is everything in life. Maybe your relationship has run its course…for now? Sounds like you’ve given him an opportunity and he’s refused. Respect that but you have to stick to your guns and make him live with that decision. If you are set on travelling, do not back down or give up that dream for this man. He’s given you his answer. Stay strong and get on that plane. It’s a risk but you need to have conviction here. I know it’s sad and heartbreaking but if you really want to travel and see some of the world, you do have to take a leap of faith.

    IMO - Go OP. Go and see the world. Leave on a positive note and be mature about this. Keep your dignity. No need to get hysterical with him. You travel, he stays. Wish him well and offer to meet up when you return. You just don’t know what lies ahead but one thing I wouldn’t do is change my plans or start a drama with him. He gave you his answer. Accept it.

    Sorry to hear about your pet. Tbh, if it’s something you need to see through emotionally, maybe delay your plans until he passes. But otherwise, as hard as it is, I would just go. You could be delaying plans forever. If it’s not this, it will be something else. And you’ll lose the nerve.



  • Registered Users Posts: 467 ✭✭ax530


    I recall feeling similar so I decided to go to Asia 6 weeks travel instead of Australia signed up for group trip for first 2 weeks to find my feet as solo traveler.

    Loved it came back to work saving and following year went for the round world ticket with Australia visas spending some of it working in Australia.

    Before I left thought I'd stay there forever but never really got the feeling in Australia that I'd like to live there so once had bit money saved from jobs focused on traveling few months then coming home.

    Maybe breaking it down to sections like that would help. 3 months working Sydney then boyfriend joins you for month travel. Figure out what to do then ....



  • Registered Users Posts: 14,770 ✭✭✭✭Panthro


    OP just go!

    Go and see how you get on. If after a month you decide this isn't for you, you can hop on a plane home. At least then you'll know you tried.

    Life's too short, if himself isn't on board with going with you then fine. Bit of a let down as im sure youd rather share the experience with him but ultimately its his choice.

    If you've no other commitments as in mortgage kids etc I say strike while the irons hot. You'll find a million excuses not to go if you look hard enough, but if you want to go then go!

    And enjoy it!



  • Registered Users Posts: 1,648 ✭✭✭notAMember


    OP, your reasons for going seem to be what other people would think of you.

    imho that’s not a great reason to do anything, especially when it costs all your savings and 6 months of your life.


    Australia is a very vanilla destination for travel, there’s nothing to chicken out of… your priorities can simply change.

    Life changes, facts change, opinions change. Own up to that and don’t be bullied into something you feel everyone else thinks you should do.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    100% agree here too OP.

    Obviously I said “go” if it’s something you want and you feel others are holding you back.

    But if you are only half on the fence and completely undecided, take time to think it through. Go if it’s something you truly want. But if you have now decided you don’t want to, then don’t. Hold off.

    Either way, I wish you luck with whatever decision you make x



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  • Registered Users Posts: 163 ✭✭Beatty69


    hi OP, if it's any help, my son went to Canada about 8 years ago for 2 years, he had been with a girl for about 6 months beforehand but he'd already got the plan to go so he did, they split up because it wasn't fair to ask her to wait.

    He had the time of his life, absolute ball, made some friends for life, saw some fantastic sights throughout Canada and America and is not for one minute sorry he went.

    They ended up back together about 6 months after he got back and now live together so it all went fantastically well for him.



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