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4 weeks into my first "big girl" job and I'm miserable

  • 06-09-2023 11:25pm
    Registered Users Posts: 19

    I don't know what to do.

    I recently finished college and was lucky I got a 35k corporate job right away. Initally I was so happy. I've worked in hospitality since I was 15- I'm 24 now and was excited to get out. My last job was super stressful, I often worked through my unpaid breaks, managers would hide in the back etc, I worked an extra hour unpaid at times, bad stuff. Was on minimum wage too!

    Thing is, I have nothing to do all day. I've barely been trained and am not yet "allowed" to do half the things in my job description until I'm trained. These last 2 days I've worked about 3 hours out of 17. The rest is spent pretending to work. Everyone in my department is late 40s/early 50s and while they're lovely people, I can't relate and I know I'm just some annoying young one the same age as their kids. I have no one to go to lunch with and initially i liked it as I'm fairly introverted, but it's lonely.

    I've also moved into a new house in the last 2 weeks and it's just me and a woman in her 50s for the next 4 months. Nice lady, but again, nothing in common. There's also a lot of issues with the house, but with such a short lease I'd rather weather it and get the deposit. I've lived with 4 others in their 20s for a year and it's a lot to adjust to. I don't see anyone my own age except for at the weekends. Adding to this, I was used to seeing my boyfriend 4 or 5 days a week and now it's only weekends. He's working evenings and is tryinf his best to get more sociable hours like me. I know weekends is better than a lot of people's situation, but combined with everything else it's harder personally. I feel quite lonely and I have too much time to think at work. I've even asked if anyone needs a hand with something and there's rarely anything. Idk what to do. I do sound very privileged but I'm just so...unhappy? Overwhelmed?


  • Registered Users Posts: 1,054 ✭✭✭Fakediamond

    There’s nothing worse than being the “new girl” and not knowing what to do and trying to look busy. Give it time, you’ll get into your stride I’m sure. They might be waiting on a big contract to come in or something, when everyone will be flat out. I’d focus on getting to know the IT system and as much as you can about the work flow. And keep letting them know you’re available to help out and are open to learning on the job.

    best of luck.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,354 ✭✭✭Morgans

    It sounds very normal and you'll adjust to the standard pace at the new job. Keep trying to do the right thing in work and it will improve. You seem to have a good attitude. The boredom at work will hopefully not last forever, but if you are new in the role/industry it might be something worth putting up with for the time being. If its something that is inescapable, and if its possible, try to work on the tasks that will give your CV an edge when you look to leave.

    Don't get too stressed about it. Most people have been in the situation to one degree or another.

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,817 ✭✭✭Alkers

    Are you fully in the office or is there remote work also?

    Can you use some of the work downtime to upskill or do some CPD.

    Have you communicated that you have spare capacity?

  • Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,087 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion

    Firstly I'd bring it up with your manager, my gf was in a similar position and hounded her manager to force people to train her. Sounds like it might be worth moving if that doesn't help. If you can't see your bf after work, try and do some hobbies out and about and meet people, circumstances with him will eventually change.

  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,561 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx

    Mod Note - I have deleted some chit chat posts. 

    As per the charter, PI is an advice forum, posters are required to offer advice or opinion to the OP in their posts. 


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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,959 ✭✭✭3DataModem

    New job, new house, it's a traumatic change to do two things at once.

    Don't zoom out to far... just take each day as it comes, take the small wins and pleasures, and squash the negative aspects one by one.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,000 ✭✭✭fizzypish

    This sounds fairly par for the course to be honest. My advice would be to try to care less. You and your company are in a necessary relationship but realistically don't care about each other. If there's a gym onsite or locally start going at lunch. It helps break up the day. Listen to podcasts too. Being proactive is great and if you can find something to dive into it but don't stress out about being idle. Eventually someone will free up and start showing you how to do your work. No harm mentioning to the boss that your idle either. If the boss is informed and still nothing changes then relax. Being bored sucks. Get a year under your belt and move job.

    O and all that hospitalities overtime work and going the extra mile.... I'd stow that mentality unless you own the company. Big corporations, just like hotels etc.... are more than happy to let you work yourself into the ground and give you nothing. Remember that. Employers are not your friend (or your enemy).

  • Registered Users Posts: 429 ✭✭martco

    re the job problems:

    sounds like you're switched on, conscientious, have standards, fair play OP so given the description you have laid out of the workplace your malaise is understandable

    unless it's a family business you are referring to then my advice is to keep doing what you are doing because you will be moving along, jumping ships so DO zoom out but keep it focussed on what your next move/rung is to bring you to world domination. it's unlikely you know what that endgame exactly looks like otherwise you wouldn't be posting this question on boards but that's ok right now you're just in search mode, start of the journey

    as you're highly driven my advice is to'll feel unnatural for a bit but once you can do that those spare standby/sleep mode minutes and the seeming workplace isolation becomes less of a problem more of an asset. accept that this moment is just to get you onto the next rung, a level of the game you have to get thru, deploy the spare energy and time into that next rung or two ahead or into other aspects of your life (hopefully the workplace is just one of them)

    practically you'll probably have to give the current job 2 years before next move anyway in your age and experience profile (unless your skillset is very highly prized/specialised) treat the next 2 years as simply the prison time and training for that next rung/opportunity and another €15k+ jump

    re houseshare:

    can't help there, it's just life. you face the same problem the rest of us 99% have or have had given we have to goto work and were not sitting on a cash pile and own yer own gaff already. you are defo doing alright compared to many...NOT privileged though imho, more deserved! you are working hard and doing great and the stability of the roof over your head is what you deserve to have given your efforts. housesharing is a lottery, just be glad yer wan isn't the other direction LOL...years back I was in a gaff with couple others and this seemingly normal enough lad....but turned out he had issues, out of nowhere it went from pleasant and boring like your scenario to Fr. Fintan Stack outa Fr Ted territory and we had to literally evacuate to get away from him

    summary: you're doing great, just apply some structure and keep on trucking

  • Registered Users Posts: 19 tinabelcher99

    Thank you so much folks. V comforting messages. Its just a phase and I'll be grand a month or 2 from now. I'll probably be much more contented once I start actually seeing the money (it's monthly and I got slammed with emergency tax). This isn't really my career job but the pay is good and the experience I get in a year or 2 will bring my closer to the kinda job I want.

  • Registered Users Posts: 13,448 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard

    Some companies are just really poor at onboarding and it sounds like yours is one of them. If management don't specifically schedule training sessions and one-to-ones with the people you need to learn from, then it tends not to happen organically because people are generally too busy actually doing their own jobs to train the newbie. Your first 4-6 weeks should have structured, diarised training, introductory and check-in sessions but it sounds like you've just been left to sit there and learn by osmosis or something. I've been there back in the day and it's incredibly boring and frustrating. As mentioned above, you need to be onto your line manager every single day asking to be shown stuff and actively seeking out work.

    Honestly, I think the rest of your issues around the house share and not seeing your boyfriend enough will largely resolve themselves once you're busy and fulfilled at work. There's nothing worse than watching the clock and trying to while away 8 hours a day. I don't know how the jobsworths do it.

    Post edited by Dial Hard on

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  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators Posts: 4,483 Mod ✭✭✭✭dory

    Lots of people have periods in their work where it's less busy than other periods. I find doing some course that will keep you occupied , and maybe help you get to the career you really want, can help. I do language classes and am working towards an exam at the moment. Keeps me busy in the few spare moments I get .

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,293 ✭✭✭Tork

    Being bored and lonely is a difficult place to be but I still think you could do more to help your situation.

    For starters: Are you talking to your manager about your progress and how you're doing? As has been mentioned on this thread, some workplaces aren't good at onboarding. You should indicate that you're willing to take on more training and offer to do other tasks around the place. Maybe some of your colleagues might be happy to have you sit in with them for a while if that's not happening already.

    Also, you seem to be struggling with relating to people who are older than you. This is a people skill you absolutely should work on, not just for your current job but for the future. I'm guessing that this is the first time you've found yourself alongside people who aren't your own age. You've said your colleagues are lovely people, so it should be easier for you to get to know them and find common ground. They might be ancient (to your eyes) but there has to be common ground between you and them. The same applies to your housemate, by the way. Don't look at people through an age filter. Talk to them, listen to them, and find out what interests them. Let them do the talking and see how things go. In work, you're the new face so it's up to you to make the effort and reach out to them.

    You mentioned your boyfriend and I wonder are you too dependent on him for company? Do you have any friends? It's very important to cultivate and keep friendships alongside your relationships. If you've let old friends slide because you got with your boyfriend, I strongly advise you to pick up those threads now.

  • Registered Users Posts: 505 ✭✭✭Kurooi

    I have been in that position myself, started a corporate job and had nothing to do. I also felt awful about it, the anxiety and imposter syndrome get real very quickly. I ended up staying there for 2 years, somehow. Don't guilt yourself into feeling awful about your job, your life is more than what you do Monday-Friday. You're going to make life very difficult for yourself if you allow your work to have this much of an effect on you. Calm a bit, smile and make friends at work.

    I would recommend firstly, keep yourself busy outside of work. Seek out training, projects at work, ask if you can expense out something external like a related course or even a full on qualification or a diploma. I did that, if you ever in your career find yourself at a slow place at least take advantage while you're at it and do something extra! it's so much harder when you're in a busy job.

    Then secondly, before you consider quitting, job seeking, whatever, seek an internal move. Your company probably has a front line sales people, operations, core business that's busy. If they're not, what about back office, HR, finance, audit? They are often on a lookout for people and would cheekily steal a new hire.

    Thirdly, consider this time as an opportunity to focus on your personal life. Hit the gym, work towards a mortgage, read books, get a hobby.

    Try and give it a chance, quitting a job 4 weeks in is not a good look, and any job will have a 6-12 month learning curve, so the next won't be much better. You sort of have to live with that, but you need to change your attitude to it for your own sake.

    The older people thing - You will get used to that. Don't seek out younger workplaces , you should work with and learn from them. We work 20-65 if you're at the 20s you're going to work with people who are older than you, that's just a fact of life, it makes logical sense.

    As a junior person your responsibility ends when you're not given work. Put your hand up and say to your manager you are free , you'd like to do something more. If they haven't given you anything, that's not your problem anymore, don't feel guilty over it. Always structure it that way, I'm free, available, can help out. I have capacity. Keep it positive, but telling people about it will make you feel better because clearly you're not an imposter, not a cheat, you're open and honest and eager to work. That's all they will see you as.

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,346 ✭✭✭✭gormdubhgorm

    Is there any clubs that the company run so you can get to know people outside your department? Or sister company? HR is probably the best place to contact, it is the main reason they exist to ensure employees are productive/happy and go between between employees and management.

    It only sounds to me that you just to meet with a few girls your own age in the work canteen for coffee now and again for a bit of chat.

    Guff about stuff, and stuff about guff.