Should I emigrate or not?

sorptomber

I’ve just come back from a 6 day trip to Leeds. I have a group of friends I’ve known since I was 10 (I’m nearly 21 now) we all met online and we’re all from different countries, so over lockdown we organised a trip to Leeds where one of my friends lives and we stayed in his place for a week. We’re trying to make it a yearly thing now and this trip just gone was our second time travelling to see each other.

The first time I went, I was excited to be home and I was glad to see my friends and family, it was a very intense week where we were up very early and got home very late since we were trying to do as much as possible before we all had to leave. This trip was completely different, we got an airbnb so we had our own little flat for the week, we still went places and did things but we were in the city center more than anywhere else. The last day before we left we just had a pj day and just enjoyed each others company.

It broke my heart to leave. I had this tight, deep pain in my chest when I was getting on the plane back home and it’s been sitting with me since I’ve landed. I don’t think I want to be in Dublin at all. The rent for places in Leeds is still expensive, but it’s much better than Dublin (decent room in house share 320 p/m v. Student accommodation 240 p/w) and I have a fair amount of friends over there, so I won’t be completely on my own. I’m trying to break into the media industry and there’s way more work and opportunities in Leeds compared to Dublin.

My main worry is my partner, I’ve floated the idea to him and he doesn’t seem interested in leaving at all. I don’t think this want to leave is going to go away though. It’s like a deep unhappiness that won’t go away.

I just need some advise from someone who doesn’t know me. Is this a good idea or am I just getting ahead of myself?

Oscar Madison

Go! The world is now an even smaaler place then it was when I was 21.

I was recently in Australia for a month & the amount of Irish people that I

met over there was just incredible! If things don't work out you can always return

but don't live your life with regrets. I wish that I had the maturity at 21 to go!

stargazer 68

I agree with Oscar. You are 20, go while you can. I moved to London when I was 19, I have lived in the USA and the middle East. Both of my children now live abroad.

Do it while you can. If you don't like it come back!

SuperBowserWorld

You are very young.

Loads of time to try different things and succeed and fail. UK is close and cheap to get to.

Just make sure you keep learning and get experience in the career that you love and want to do, that has job opportunities and can support you financially.

The only thing that can stop you is lack of knowledge and experience. So go get it !

Don't stop learning and don't get bogged down in feeling sorry for yourself, alcohol, drugs, bad relationships, personal belongings, fears ...

Travel light, physically and mentally. And enjoy.

Tefral

Go for it.

The only advice I could give you is resolve the situation with your partner one way or the other. At 20 doing a long distance relationship thing isnt worth it.

I spent a year flying over and back from London and honestly you never settle in one place or the other.

As superbowserworld said: travel light mentally and physically.

Moving to a new place can be lonely on the mind, you are lucky you have a tight group of friends there. I think everyone should move away from their comfort zone. You will grow faster!

boetstark

Please go and try it Sortomber. You seem as if your heart is really into going but you are looking for other people to tell you not to.

Live your life tor yourself not for others. You are young and you have a long life ahead of you. Regret can be a terrible companion as you get older in life.

Trust me , I could fill an olympic sized swimming pool with things I would have done so much differently , if I could turn the clock back 20 odd years.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Tell me how

Go for it.

You can always come back and while going might have implications for your relationship, not going because of the relationship could lead to growing resentment and regrets of varying degrees.

I moved abroad for education when I was in my early 20's, came home for a few months after I graduated and always planned to go again. Ended up in a relationship and buying a house in Ireland and regretted not having gone at various times over the years. I finally moved again in my early 40's and after spending years in the US, I'm now in northern Europe.

I (mostly) don't regret the decisions I made but I do wish I was younger while on this adventure because people of the same age group as me are in very different mindsets right now so it can be hard to find people to connect with or to build friendships with.

Even if you go, and come back after 6 months, it will mean you are less likely to feel regrets in future for not having tried it. Ultimately though, you need to decide your priorities, and where the relationship lies within that and who knows, he might be open to going once he knows you are actually planning it.

theteal

This will sound cold hearted but at 20 years old, not a chance I would let a partner stop a move you wanted to do. You might be loves last romantic fairytale but I'm willing to side with the chances that it won't be a forever thing.

I've a friend who lived in Leeds for a number of years and raves about the place (granted he was on footballer wages, literally). I didn't get to visit as those were the broke student years for me.

As regards the emigrating bit, I've been in very east London/Essex for 12 years. It's only England, only a 45 minute flight from Dublin and mid-week flights are cheap. Give it a try, get involved, you'll likely love it!

positron

A weeks holiday, especially with friends, will always leave you with a rosy unrealistic expectation of a place / city. Holiday experience is far removed from real life, but I am sure everyone knows this already.

But at your age, unless you are in already in a strong career-progression oriented profession with excellent potential for promotions etc in next year or so - go for sure!

iniscealtra

I studied abroad for a year at your age and really enjoyed. Returned to Ireland happily. Look fondly back on the experience. It gives one perspective for sure and great for fostering independence. Why not? Agree you’re young to let a relationship stop you from further opportunity.

Purple Mountain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120817402#Comment_120817402

I agree..

If the op was suggesting moving to Australia, I'd be saying be a bit more cautious before committing to the expense and upheaval but it's only England.

If it doesn't work out, you can be home in a few hours at little cost!

20 is a time to be selfish..do it!

CelticRambler

Before you make a decision, how about asking the friend who lives in Leeds if you can stay there for another week or ten days while you check things out on your own. It's very easy to get a really positive view of a different place when you're surrounded by friends and are staying in a near-perfect location. Living there week-to-week without the concentrated fun and friendship might be an entirely different affair, especially if you don't have the luxury of staying somewhere really central.

And if you are going to do it, do it properly: don't try to keep a foot in both countries, with constant trips back "home" to keep old habits and social contacts alive. That'll only result in you not being settled in either place.

HazeDoll

Whatever you do, don't base big life decisions on what your partner wants. This is going to sound like I'm dismissing the importance of your relationship but here it is: you're 20, the chances of this person still being a central figure in your life in five years time are vanishingly small.

You're very lucky to be in a phase of your life when you can pick up and go, you can try thing out without having a proper grown-up plan. I did all those things. Some worked out well, some didn't, but I don't regret any of them. These days I'm pretty tied down and the idea of seeing what life is like for a few months in another part of the world is an impossible fantasy.

If what you have with your partner is the real deal, they'll see you're unhappy and understand that you want to try to improve things.

It's far too easy to let these adventurous years pass you by because you're afraid to shake up a relatively comfortable and familiar arrangement.

Terrier2023

You are 20 a serious relationship and a man who will stand in your way and let you be unhappy with out even giving it a try. Maybe you need to be on a break for 6 months and sample a wider world Dublin is becoming a shithole go to Leeds girl the world is very precarious now and any day anything could happen go go go .

Tork

Even if you don't go right now, don't rule it out in the medium term. I'm sure you aren't enjoying reading us old fogies pooh-poohing your relationship. Maybe it'll last the distance but the odds are stacked against you. 20 is very young to be tied down in a committed relationship and you may find that as you both move into your 20s, things change more than you bargained for.

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058304043/should-i-emigrate-or-not

There are a couple of different aspects to it:

• On the one hand it's no harm at all to go spend a few years in another country as you will learn a lot from the experience. But there will be a point at which you will need to decide where is home... Some people miss this signal and spend their whole lives 'going home', which really is not a life.
• On the other hand spending a week on holidays somewhere and taking up residence there are two very different things. Since you don't seem to have anything to compare it to, it might be an idea to consider other locations as well before you make your decision on location
• Regardless of where you decide to go, you'll need money and fair amount of it in the first few months, to cover deposits, purchase of various bits and bobs, clothes and so on as well as covering your living expenses until you find your first job and get your first pay check. Save as much as you can before you go as it is better to have too much than to little
• As for your partner, honestly if the only reason he moves is to be with you, then the chances are he will not be happy and blame you for it. So you had better be prepared to loose him

In my case, I moved to Switzerland over 35 years ago and it was not planned, I never really though about it, I went over to spend a summer climbing in Swiss Alps and at the end of the season I was offered a job by the father of one of my new found Swiss climbing friends to tide me over until the next climbing season and it just went from there.

sorptomber

just wanted to post a quick update about this. Firstly I want to thank everyone who commented on this thread, I know I never replied but everything felt so validating. I’ve since split up with my partner for several reasons, so I’m not tied down anymore. I work for a retail company with stores in Ireland and the UK so I’m hoping to get a transfer to their leeds, bradford or manchester stores when it comes time to move. I’ve also arranged to actually move in with my friends as they’re expecting their roommate to move out in the next few months. I’m hoping to be moved over by june at the latest, april at the earliest!

LimeFruitGum

Good for you OP! :)

SCOOP 64

ive just been thanking posts from 3 years ago😂, Go for it Op, lived in London most of my life moved to ireland 20 years ago never went back.

sorptomber

Probably my final update on this post - received a job offer yesterday! I’ll be living in Leeds from the 3rd on January :) Thanks again to everyone who commented!