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Drunken ONS

  • 17-04-2023 5:22pm
    Registered Users Posts: 119 ✭✭

    Are they acceptable in today's society? One could debate about the morality of a drunken one-night stand. I know my parents generation started relationships in bars/clubs/festivals and most didn't feel taken advantage of.

    Many people today will argue that you can't consent after a few drinks but I have to disagree. There's a difference between drunken sex between two people who voluntarily chose to drink vs one person sober or slightly inebriated taking advantage of another person totally hammered.



  • Registered Users Posts: 11,766 ✭✭✭✭BattleCorp

    If you are a man nowadays, you are taking a chance. Could be charged with rape/sexual assault because, as you've mentioned above, consent.

    If you are a woman, work away.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,641 ✭✭✭Pauliedragon

    Don't go there man. I started a thread a few weeks ago about the snapper movie and it turned into a complete hurricane within hours it had to be closed.

  • Registered Users Posts: 20,908 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005

    Of the ones that did feel they were taken advantage of, do you know both parties involved? Of course some encounters would have more than two participants. And it could involve different combinations of the various genders we have in "today's society".

    You would need to hear all sides of the story, but being taken advantage of sounds dodgy.

  • Registered Users Posts: 340 ✭✭NattyO

    I'm so glad I grew up in a time before mobile phones and woke bullshit.

  • Registered Users Posts: 20,908 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005

    But there were always those close knit communities, where everyone knew each others business. That's how knowledge of dodgy one night stands, would become public.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 2,360 ✭✭✭raclle

    Ah but that doesn't negate the now. All this shite only blew up within the last decade and there's a lot of it that all seemed to happen at once. It was like the perfect storm but social media is the instigator.

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,160 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

    They are as as acceptable as they always were. Just be smart about it so you don’t get into trouble.

  • Registered Users Posts: 340 ✭✭NattyO

    Yeah social media is the problem, it seems to have magnified the voices of the craziest.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,777 ✭✭✭Greyfox

    ONS are grand and completely acceptable, they can be a bit overrated though.

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,059 ✭✭✭Mister Vain

    Is it acceptable to leave as soon as you're finished?

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  • Registered Users Posts: 6,160 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,533 ✭✭✭✭kippy

    Many long and happy relationships started out as a drunken ONS.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,360 ✭✭✭raclle

    Maybe but people are afraid of been accused of rape these days.

  • Registered Users Posts: 18,533 ✭✭✭✭kippy

    Ara, people are afraid of their kids getting kidnapped from the side of the road as well these days - doesn't really happen any more or less than it did decades ago, we are just more likely to hear about it.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,367 ✭✭✭tinytobe

    So much for equality between men and women. It sadly never works.

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,628 ✭✭✭Feisar

    How does the consent thing work if both parties are drunk? And as per OP I'm not talking about one person after a couple and the other half passed out.

    First they came for the socialists...

  • Registered Users Posts: 279 ✭✭89897

    Between two consenting adults work away. If someone isnt in a fit state to consent or withdraws consent then dont. If you cant figure out what is a fit state to consent the dont.

    But it seems like some people would rather never have sex again than figure this out and happily throw out "woke" and "what about rape accusations" as excuses. Its not hard to do the right thing and it doesnt take much effort but seemingly more than some are willing to commit to and thats a problem of their own making.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,961 ✭✭✭Iseedeadpixels

    The problem is consent being given when drunk but the next morning saying I wasn't in the right frame of mind to give consent, but apparently a Man who was also drunk can't say the same thing.

  • Registered Users Posts: 20,908 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005

    A man certainly can. And the law is there it back him up, if he was "taken advantage of", as the OP puts it. 2017 legislation updating 1990. But even 6 years on the gender identity debate could see the he/she, him/her being expanded in future.

    Amendment of Act of 1990

    48. The Act of 1990 is amended by the substitution of the following section for section 9:

    “9. (1) A person consents to a sexual act if he or she freely and voluntarily agrees to engage in that act.

    (2) A person does not consent to a sexual act if—

    (a) he or she permits the act to take place or submits to it because of the application of force to him or her or to some other person, or because of the threat of the application of force to him or her or to some other person, or because of a well-founded fear that force may be applied to him or her or to some other person,

    (b) he or she is asleep or unconscious,

    (c) he or she is incapable of consenting because of the effect of alcohol or some other drug,

    (d) he or she is suffering from a physical disability which prevents him or her from communicating whether he or she agrees to the act,

    (e) he or she is mistaken as to the nature and purpose of the act,

    (f) he or she is mistaken as to the identity of any other person involved in the act,

    (g) he or she is being unlawfully detained at the time at which the act takes place,

    (h) the only expression or indication of consent or agreement to the act comes from somebody other than the person himself or herself.

    (3) This section does not limit the circumstances in which it may be established that a person did not consent to a sexual act.

    (4) Consent to a sexual act may be withdrawn at any time before the act begins, or in the case of a continuing act, while the act is taking place.

    (5) Any failure or omission on the part of a person to offer resistance to an act does not of itself constitute consent to that act.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,961 ✭✭✭Iseedeadpixels

    As far as I remember a Man can't be raped by a Woman under Irish law (rape is considered penetration only) so the above really only considers Women and gay males.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 20,908 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005

    A Woman could still tie up a drunk Man, and do things to him. Or it could be two Women.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,961 ✭✭✭Iseedeadpixels

    Thats true, they could use certain toys on him, but my point is in relation to bog standard sex, if the guy wakes up has no idea how he met her etc he can't say he didn't consent and was raped.

  • Registered Users Posts: 119 ✭✭slither12

    I'll get flack for this but I think women generally would be less likely to do that simply because men are far more willing to have no-string attached sex than women.

  • Registered Users Posts: 20,908 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005

    But it's up to the Man or Woman to decide if they were "taken advantage of".

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,766 ✭✭✭✭BattleCorp

    I'm not happy with that word 'decide'. I can 'decide' I can kick the sh1t out of Mike Tyson but that ain't going to be the reality.

    Maybe the word 'know' would be better than decide.

    That's the problem when both parties are drunk. It's hard to know if someone was capable of consenting or not.

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,944 ✭✭✭✭GBX

    Why cant the same logic be applied the other way around. Has happened before on many occasion

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,766 ✭✭✭✭BattleCorp

    In theory, yes. In reality, not so much.

    Plenty of stories of women saying they were too drunk to consent. Not so many the other way around.

  • Registered Users Posts: 20,908 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005

    For a court to decide, if it goes that far. The way the law is drafted, it could be either or both parties deciding the next day that they have a case. That is more likely than them knowing at the time of the offence. Drink alters the mind.

    (c) he or she is incapable of consenting because of the effect of alcohol or some other drug,

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,766 ✭✭✭✭BattleCorp

    Yeah, and in the meantime, because both of us were blind drunk and shagged, and the next morning she says she was too drunk to consent, I'm sitting in a jail cell with my life in ruins.

    I'm not liking those odds because there's no easy metric for gauging if someone was too drunk to consent (barring they are unconscious).

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  • Registered Users Posts: 20,908 ✭✭✭✭dxhound2005

    Certainly not the metric of being Blind Drunk. A lawyer would question your ability to perform. And you might have no memory of the act.