Drunken ONS

slither12

Are they acceptable in today's society? One could debate about the morality of a drunken one-night stand. I know my parents generation started relationships in bars/clubs/festivals and most didn't feel taken advantage of.

Many people today will argue that you can't consent after a few drinks but I have to disagree. There's a difference between drunken sex between two people who voluntarily chose to drink vs one person sober or slightly inebriated taking advantage of another person totally hammered.

BattleCorp

If you are a man nowadays, you are taking a chance. Could be charged with rape/sexual assault because, as you've mentioned above, consent.

If you are a woman, work away.

Pauliedragon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058292750/drunken-ons

Don't go there man. I started a thread a few weeks ago about the snapper movie and it turned into a complete hurricane within hours it had to be closed.

dxhound2005

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058292750/drunken-ons

Of the ones that did feel they were taken advantage of, do you know both parties involved? Of course some encounters would have more than two participants. And it could involve different combinations of the various genders we have in "today's society".

You would need to hear all sides of the story, but being taken advantage of sounds dodgy.

NattyO

I'm so glad I grew up in a time before mobile phones and woke bullshit.

dxhound2005

But there were always those close knit communities, where everyone knew each others business. That's how knowledge of dodgy one night stands, would become public.

raclle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120488495#Comment_120488495

Ah but that doesn't negate the now. All this shite only blew up within the last decade and there's a lot of it that all seemed to happen at once. It was like the perfect storm but social media is the instigator.

Jequ0n

They are as as acceptable as they always were. Just be smart about it so you don’t get into trouble.

NattyO

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120488586#Comment_120488586

Yeah social media is the problem, it seems to have magnified the voices of the craziest.

Greyfox

ONS are grand and completely acceptable, they can be a bit overrated though.

Mister Vain

Is it acceptable to leave as soon as you're finished?

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120488703#Comment_120488703

Yes

kippy

Many long and happy relationships started out as a drunken ONS.

raclle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120488864#Comment_120488864

Maybe but people are afraid of been accused of rape these days.

kippy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120488903#Comment_120488903

Ara, people are afraid of their kids getting kidnapped from the side of the road as well these days - doesn't really happen any more or less than it did decades ago, we are just more likely to hear about it.

tinytobe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120488447#Comment_120488447

So much for equality between men and women. It sadly never works.

Feisar

How does the consent thing work if both parties are drunk? And as per OP I'm not talking about one person after a couple and the other half passed out.

89897

Between two consenting adults work away. If someone isnt in a fit state to consent or withdraws consent then dont. If you cant figure out what is a fit state to consent the dont.

But it seems like some people would rather never have sex again than figure this out and happily throw out "woke" and "what about rape accusations" as excuses. Its not hard to do the right thing and it doesnt take much effort but seemingly more than some are willing to commit to and thats a problem of their own making.

Iseedeadpixels

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120494968#Comment_120494968

The problem is consent being given when drunk but the next morning saying I wasn't in the right frame of mind to give consent, but apparently a Man who was also drunk can't say the same thing.

dxhound2005

A man certainly can. And the law is there it back him up, if he was "taken advantage of", as the OP puts it. 2017 legislation updating 1990. But even 6 years on the gender identity debate could see the he/she, him/her being expanded in future.

Amendment of Act of 1990

48. The Act of 1990 is amended by the substitution of the following section for section 9:

“9. (1) A person consents to a sexual act if he or she freely and voluntarily agrees to engage in that act.

(2) A person does not consent to a sexual act if—

(a) he or she permits the act to take place or submits to it because of the application of force to him or her or to some other person, or because of the threat of the application of force to him or her or to some other person, or because of a well-founded fear that force may be applied to him or her or to some other person,

(b) he or she is asleep or unconscious,

(c) he or she is incapable of consenting because of the effect of alcohol or some other drug,

(d) he or she is suffering from a physical disability which prevents him or her from communicating whether he or she agrees to the act,

(e) he or she is mistaken as to the nature and purpose of the act,

(f) he or she is mistaken as to the identity of any other person involved in the act,

(g) he or she is being unlawfully detained at the time at which the act takes place,

(h) the only expression or indication of consent or agreement to the act comes from somebody other than the person himself or herself.

(3) This section does not limit the circumstances in which it may be established that a person did not consent to a sexual act.

(4) Consent to a sexual act may be withdrawn at any time before the act begins, or in the case of a continuing act, while the act is taking place.

(5) Any failure or omission on the part of a person to offer resistance to an act does not of itself constitute consent to that act.

Iseedeadpixels

As far as I remember a Man can't be raped by a Woman under Irish law (rape is considered penetration only) so the above really only considers Women and gay males.

dxhound2005

A Woman could still tie up a drunk Man, and do things to him. Or it could be two Women.

Iseedeadpixels

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495176#Comment_120495176

Thats true, they could use certain toys on him, but my point is in relation to bog standard sex, if the guy wakes up has no idea how he met her etc he can't say he didn't consent and was raped.

slither12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495176#Comment_120495176

I'll get flack for this but I think women generally would be less likely to do that simply because men are far more willing to have no-string attached sex than women.

dxhound2005

But it's up to the Man or Woman to decide if they were "taken advantage of".

BattleCorp

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495246#Comment_120495246

I'm not happy with that word 'decide'. I can 'decide' I can kick the sh1t out of Mike Tyson but that ain't going to be the reality.

Maybe the word 'know' would be better than decide.

That's the problem when both parties are drunk. It's hard to know if someone was capable of consenting or not.

GBX

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120488447#Comment_120488447

Why cant the same logic be applied the other way around. Has happened before on many occasion

BattleCorp

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495258#Comment_120495258

In theory, yes. In reality, not so much.

Plenty of stories of women saying they were too drunk to consent. Not so many the other way around.

dxhound2005

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495257#Comment_120495257

For a court to decide, if it goes that far. The way the law is drafted, it could be either or both parties deciding the next day that they have a case. That is more likely than them knowing at the time of the offence. Drink alters the mind.

(c) he or she is incapable of consenting because of the effect of alcohol or some other drug,

BattleCorp

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495352#Comment_120495352

Yeah, and in the meantime, because both of us were blind drunk and shagged, and the next morning she says she was too drunk to consent, I'm sitting in a jail cell with my life in ruins.

I'm not liking those odds because there's no easy metric for gauging if someone was too drunk to consent (barring they are unconscious).

dxhound2005

Certainly not the metric of being Blind Drunk. A lawyer would question your ability to perform. And you might have no memory of the act.

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495037#Comment_120495037

He absolutely can, granted there is a horrible double standard in that is penetrative only, but he can be sexually assaulted and thats a crime. Consent is a two way street, if the man was to drunk to remember having sex or consenting to it then he wasnt able to consent and she didnt get consent in that regards.

How many of these situations go reported from either men or women I suspect is almost nul in compared to how often it happens. But what we see and hear and can read in this thread is that consent is used as a stick for some men to beat women with claiming the world is too "woke" or harking on about the "me too" movement as if they are the victims.

yourdeadwright

Id imagine most one night stands these days come about due to prior communication on dating apps.,

Like people chat for a while meet up for drinks , get there rocks and they ghost each other ,

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495375#Comment_120495375

The point is, if anyone of ye were blind drunk then dont shag!!

Also its highly unlikely you'll be sitting in jail with your life ruined, actual rapists arent sitting in jail with their lives ruined.

Jequ0n

It is certainly a pity when people can’t take responsibility for their own actions/ decisions and prefer to blame others for them.

I think in reality most people are fine and own their decisions, but some are ruining it for others.

Iseedeadpixels

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495521#Comment_120495521

Maybe I read that wrong but at the end are you saying Men aren't victims?

89897

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120495921#Comment_120495921

No what im saying is there is a cohort of men with the attitude that the fall out from the "me too" movement and increase focus on consent is that "you cant do anything these days" as if they were the victim.

Men absolutely can be victims of sexual assault and can be in as many situations as women in which they cannot consent but the focus seems to be from some that only women cant consent.

dartboardio

Ugh please don't start with that **** ( and no I don't mean consent is '****') . Yes, have a few drinks and go get the ride. Both consenting adults can do whatever they like with one another. Coming from a female who has had a hell of a lot of drunken ONS....

obviously if one person is WAY more drunk than the other that's a different story, obviously, that comes down to human decency/common sense rather than a big debate.

love a good ONS, especially if we've been talking for a while beforehand, or it becomes a weekly ONS. :V

yawn

BaywatchHQ

I've never experienced such a thing due to being incel and not having a social circle to go to nightclubs with. Even if I did I wouldn't have had sex due to being 3/10 in looks. When I did attend nightclubs a few times at the start of university it was a very awkward experience as I just had to stand there in the corner. This was when I realised that I am autistic.

hynesie08

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120496229#Comment_120496229

becomes a weekly ONS

But if it's weekly then it's not a...... You know what, never mind.

dxhound2005

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120496229#Comment_120496229

It is those different stories that the yawn inducing busybodies have made legislation for. Back in the OP's parents time, it was called being taken advantage of. Now it could be a crime. The obvious will be tested in court, and some not so decent individuals might prove that they are on the right side of the law.

Eurox6

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120496229#Comment_120496229

Have to agree people seem to hear one story & get petrified of something that happens a thousand times any weekend across the country with no issues, , Some of the best rides you'll ever have will be ONS

As u say common sense goes a long way , but if your a responsible adult you'll be fine 99% of the time ,