Concerned my parents are relying on me buying a house

KurtBarlow

My parents made a mistake by their own admission for selling their home 2 years ago . They moved to another part of the country 2 years ago and weren't able to settle so they have since sold it very recently. They have been trying to buy back where they sold the original house but they are finding it difficult due to the rise in house prices . An alternative they have now is to move to Spain instead to take advantage of the cheaper prices and the weather . Anyway I am hoping to buy myself in Ireland this year and they have offered to help with the deposit . They said it would be handy to have somewhere to stay when they come back to Ireland as they cant live in Spain all year round without getting citizenship but I hear this isn't difficult to get . Regarding my current situation I am single no dependents etc and I would have no problem with my parents leaving with me for a month or 2 if they needed somewhere to stay however not much longer . I like my own Independence and living on my own and my fear is that this would become a more permanent situation . My youngest sister still lives with them too and she will probably never leave home . Can I ask am I being over parnoid? Am I being unreasonable even ? Its just something my Dad said to me which doesn't sit well with me. He said it would be good if I could get a move on it , he was probably saying it for my own sake as I am in my 40's but I'd to think they are over reliant on me buying a house for their own situation

L1011

If your parents have Irish citizenship, they can live in Spain year-round. If they have British citizenship, they should look to get Irish citizenship based on residency ASAP as British citizenship living in the EU is a timebomb - Ireland won't change rules but the other countries could get even stricter.

Shauna677

Moving to Spain would be a huge move for your parents. They really need to think this through very much as, its not for everyone. Its sounds like they jumping from the frying pan into the fire. They would probably be better off moving to an area where housing.is moore affordable to them in Ireland.

It does not sound good youur father is now pressurising you to buy a house, i can honestly see them all move in permanently with you at a later stage. Tread carefullly!

Kurooi

The question is are your parents the type that would be comfortable living on charity.

Do you really need help with the deposit? If this is offered with strings attached, might be wise to give it a pass. Especially if it's not a significant sum or it's meant as a loan.

Jim2007

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120485915#Comment_120485915

It’s not that simple, a citizen of an EU/EEA/CH can retire to another member state provided they have reached retirement age, have sufficient funds and medical cover so that they will not become a burden on that state. And they must take up residence.

Victor

In your 40s, it may be difficult to get a mortgage longer than 20-25 years, as banks don't want to be dependent on people's pensions for repayments. This means that monthly repayments can be higher.

As for your parents, if they can't settle elsewhere in Ireland, what makes them think they can settle in Spain?

rolling boh

Definitely sounds like your folks see your house as a fall back if their move to Spain doesn't work out .Moving abroad is clearly not for everyone bar they have connection to the country I think even if it was just their holiday spot over the years .

CoolTwatster

If you accept their offer to give the deposit money, you accept their conditions. It’s a conditional offer, think if it that way. If you want to live your own life and do your own thing, then earn your own money and save for your own deposit. Then you can make your own decisions. If you take their money, or are still living with them , they 100% get to tell you what to do.

steinbock123

I think your little sister is the big red flag here. You say she will probably never leave home. But where’s her home? Don’t make it your house! Don’t forget, families are for life.

I would not agree to those conditions. They could easily end up living with you 6 to 8 months of the year. And what about your sister?

No, tempting as the offer may be, I'd be turning it down and suggesting they look to buy somewhere cheaper than where they sold. Maybe an apartment in Ireland, if they really want to live in Spain.

JDD

I think you need to sit down and have an honest conversation with your parents and your sister. Better to have this uncomfortable discussion now, than two or three years down the road. Write down what you want to say beforehand if that helps.

It is not at all unreasonable for you to have a limit of 6-8 weeks over the summer regarding your parents staying in the house. It shouldn't matter if you are single or not (though clearly even 6-8 weeks would be a big deal if you had a partner). It's not the same as having an adult child in the house as a parent. The dynamic is totally different. Your parents - if they are reasonable - should see that.

Tell them that you very much appreciate their offer of help on the deposit. However, it'd be better to be clear now regarding what the arrangements are before you buy a house rather than after the fact. Tell them what you are comfortable with. Be really clear. Does it include staying over Christmas? For how long? What about Easter? Or random long weekends?

Tell them that you would prefer they kept their deposit money, so that if they want to come home for longer over the summer or during the year, they can use that money for an AirBnB.

Hopefully your parents will be reasonable and see that they've raised you to be an independent adult rather than a fall back for when they make the wrong decision. At worst, they might be a little defensive. Either stating that they had no intentions of staying longer than whatever period you put as your red line (even if true, it's better that red line is said out loud), or they'll play the "ungrateful child" card. Either way, stick to your guns. They will eventually understand where you are coming from and your relationship will be all the better for it.

Now, as for your sister. Are they lining her up to move in with you? Because if you do get a partner at some point, how are you going to ask your sister to move out? And if she's not paying market rent to you, how is she going to find somewhere else to live? I'm not saying that it would a terrible arrangement, if you get on well. But on balance I think it's better to separate property from family (I speak from experience), even if it seems financially like a good idea at the time.

This is your house. You are an an adult. You can set the rules.

Tork

I can understand your unease. That old saying "Only join your hands" is coming into my mind. I think there are strings attached to this offer of financial help and you need to tread carefully. Your father is right about needing to get a moving if you want to buy a house - you're starting to run out of road when it comes to the length of your mortgage and keeping a handle on repayments. In its own way, that might solve part of your problem. Smaller home = less room for visitors. What's the story with your sister who never left home? Does she work? Could she help them?

Heartless as it may sound, your parents problem is one they made themselves. They sold their house and their move didn't work out. Is Spain really the answer to their problems? A cheaper house and better weather are advantages but it is concerning that your parents couldn't settle in their new house in Ireland. Unless they were unlucky and chose their new location in Ireland poorly, there's a bigger problem going on for them. If they're not good at meeting people and trying to settle into a new community, what do you think is going to happen in Spain? The location will be different but they'll bring their problems with them. Obviously, moving back to where they sold their house isn't on the cards. How far away from this area would they have to go before a smaller house would be within their means? I think that'd be a better strategy than cutting and running to Spain.

Hooked

Define "they have offered to help with the deposit"... 'Cos if you can only buy your own house with their help, it's a bit more complicated... in my opinion.

Both mine and my wife's parents are still alive - and we all get on really well. Me with hers and her with mine. But under NO circumstances would I want either/any of them LIVING with us (like u, we've no dependents). And having them stay "a month or 2" ain't really gonna work out in reality! It's just not.

Buy your own house. If you can.

Your parents and younger sister need to sort out their own shite.

Xterminator

its not like you ever lived in their house for years!

seriously though if you don't accept the strings attached, dont accept the help. if you do - whats the issue?

bb1234567

And the sister will hardly be going off to spain will she? I would personally doubt your parents will want to stay with you long term but I'd be wary they might try to offload your sister on to you forever. I'd stay well away, going by what little you've told us.

Tork

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120502828#Comment_120502828

Even with the crappy rental market out there, it's troubling that the sister never cut the apron springs. She even moved to this other part of the country with her parents rather than split away from them and build a life of her own. Maybe there are good reasons for it but like you, I sense a problem coming down the tracks. Even if she moves to Spain with her parents, what will happen to her once they're gone?

hoodie6029

This is an imposition on you and you have no responsibility to look after them in this situation and no obligation to take their money.

I don’t know your situation OP and although it wouldn’t be easy I’d be tempted to short circuit the situation and avoid difficult conversations by moving abroad for 6 or 12 months yourself. Go to Germany, Netherlands, England, wherever. You’d don’t have to stay there forever.

Let your Parents (self-made) situation sort itself out while you are there.

JoChervil

I wouldn't agree for it. You will end up with three of them living with you permanently.

People tend to solve their problems in the easiest possible way. This solution they offered is easy for them, but it is easy for them because it will be difficult for you later. Do you really want this hassle?

They made this mess, they have to solve it. Instead they want you to solve it for them.

The only other solution would be, that you buy a house with a granny flat in it. Or a house, which can be redesigned in this way. But it would be a permanent solution with them and your sister living next to you. Would you be comfortable with it? What, if your future partner won't get along with any of them?

As far as living in Spain is concerned it all depends, what kind of pension they have. If they have contributory pension or/and private pension, it is no problem, if they have Irish citizenship. If they have non-contributory pension, so they can't live outside Ireland.

riclad

If you are worried about them moving in with you buy a 2 bed house or apartment

It's unlikely that 3 people will move in with you unless you buy a large 3 bed house

There's loads of cheap houses in Ireland if you are willing to live in a rural town

Yes houses are cheaper in Spain but would they be happy to live in a place where most people don't speak English and it's hard to make friends in a foreign country

If you are over 40 you should be thinking about buying a house for your own good renting is not a good idea long term if you have the funds to buy a house

Landlords can put up the rent anytime or give to notice to move out

ILoveYourVibes

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058292665/concerned-my-parents-are-relying-on-me-buying-a-house

You are not seeing this clearly if your parents contribute to the deposit it isn't your house its their house and your house. They would have every right to live there. They would be part owners.

Infact until you have paid significantly into the mortgage they and the bank would be the majority holders in the property legally so.

I can't imagine they were just going to give you the deposit and let you sign ownership alone were they? How were you going to repay them?

If my parents help me to buy a house I would assume its theirs to use too until i paid them back. This wouldn't be an issue for me though.

Unless they are literally just gifting you this. And I think you have to pay tax on that not sure.

I dont know it seems entitled to assume your parents will just gift you a deposit for a house and claim no ownership nor want it paid back. But I am not judging if that is what suits your family. Every family is different I guess.

But just get it clear legally and tax wise. Or you could end up fighting over who owns it in the courts.

ILoveYourVibes

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120486119#Comment_120486119

You dont need to take up residency or get a residency VISA if you are from an EU state. Proof of sufficient funds is only for people who need the visa ( non EU nationals). You dont even need private medical insurance or a residence permit.

You use your European Health insurance card. https://www.schengenvisainfo.com/europe-health-insurance/ehic/

You do have to apply for in Ireland though before you go.

3DataModem

If your parents are assuming that a deposit contribution gives them an entitlement to access your home, this is a massive red flag.

It your parents are assuming that your house will be their "Ireland residence" with or without the deposit help, this is a massive red flag.

You need to nip this in the bud now and have a discussion with your parents about boundaries. What if you have lots of kids? What if you have other people who are staying? What if you are not there? Who agrees the dates? What about Parking? It will end very badly.

sugarman20

Save your own deposit and let your parents look after themselves.

DownByTheGarden

My friend had a similar situation as the OP. Siblings living at home in their 30s. No effort to move out.

He was single and living in an apartment.

He mentioned he wanted to buy a house and the parents were "encouraging" him to buy a bigger house that would fit them all. They were going to give him the deposit and sell the family home and "help" him out with extra money if needed. The siblings were all for this plan of course.

His parents genuinely want to be living with all their children and have a bit of spare cash for their retirement. But hi siblings are total scroungers.

He ended not taking any help from his parents and buying a house and renting out the spare rooms.

He never told any of his family that he had bought the house. As far as they are concerned he is renting. Every now and then they mention the grand plan again but he just says he has cheap rent where he is and does not want to give it up. He tells them he is planning on going traveling for a couple of years as soon as he gets the money together.

Its sad that you have to pretend like that, but i guess sometimes its easier than hurting peoples feelings, or leaving yourself open to being taken advantage of.

Jet Black

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120732703#Comment_120732703

The parents would have no rights to the property as the bank would question the source of funds and have to sign a declaration stating that they don't have a interest in the property. If they were to have an interest they would have to be on the mortgage appliction.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - As the OP has not returned to the thread for quite some time I will close it off at this point.

Thanks all who offered advice. 

Hilda