Looking for Advice

Ceolaguscraic

Hi there,

Looking for some advice. I've been seeing a girl for the last couple of months. She seems to be very close with her family. I get on ok with my family but don't have a great relationship with my sibling (admittedly I definitely have my part to play in this). I am an anxious person and want to be honest with her before we decide to get into a relationship. I honestly feel like this could be a dealbreaker for her because of how close to her family she is. Should I just come clean with her and tell her I don't get on with my sister? Or should I just leave it and see how things go? I am always overthinking things!

rolling boh

Think you should leave it and see how things go she is dating you not your family and it might be off putting for her for you to bring up family issues at the start .

Galaxy00

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058290756/looking-for-advice

Hi OP, sounds like you're putting a lot of pressure on yourself and comparing yourself a lot to your partners situation. It's great your partner gets on well with all her family members, but you have nothing to be ashamed about just because you don't get on with a sibling. Its just life sometimes. I don't get on well with a particular sibling, likes it's sad and not ideal, and if they were in need I would help out because thats just my family ethos but we can't always get on with everyone and its nothing to be ashamed about. I would be more focused on how you're getting on with your partner and if you're getting on well with her rather than thinking about family dynamics. If this girl doesn't understand, then that's her problem. Just be honest as like I've said you've done nothing wrong by not getting on with a sibling, I genuinely think you have nothing to worry about. Best of luck.

*Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind

Big Bag of Chips

She's been going out with you a few months. If you've noticed her family dynamic she has probably noticed yours. I wouldn't explicitly bring it up at the moment, there's no need.

Not everyone gets along with every single member of their family. There's usually 'one' in every family! You won't be the first person she's ever encountered who has family trouble.

Just let your own relationship progress without worrying about external relationships.

YellowLead

You are way overthinking this OP! Plenty of people have family issues. If everything else is going well (and it’s early days) just enjoy it and see how it goes, don’t be imagining issues where they don’t exist. If it comes up in conversation you don’t need to lie or pretend (and it’s important that you don’t) but I don’t see the need to mention it unless asked or it’s relevant to the conversation.

Tork

Talk about overthinking! If your girlfriend has any life experience at all, she'll know that plenty of families aren't like The Waltons (if there's a modern-day equivalent of these old relics, I'd love to update my cultural references!). Being a blood relation of someone doesn't automatically mean you'll get on with them. Looking at this from another angle, there are people out there who would love it if their partner wasn't as close to their family. There are some families out there who live in each other's pockets and know just about everything that's going on. That's offputting too.

Ceolaguscraic

Sorry,

A part I forgot to mention in my post is that I am currently living at home with the sibling I don't get on with. She has stayed over already but didn't cross paths with them. I'm just anxious because I feel like it's something that's going to keep coming up until I've moved out.

YellowLead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120432105#Comment_120432105

Then maybe if it’s causing you all this anxiety (god knows why) you are better off just saying it. If it’s worrying you then bottling it up could make things worse the more stressed you get.

Big Bag of Chips

I don't see how that should make any difference. Although you might find once you move out of home your relationship with your sibling will improve.

There's no need to mention anything until it comes up. Is your sibling likely to be rude to your gf when they meet? If so, then you can explain your situation. If not, then there's no real need to explain anything. Your gf will figure it all out eventually.

witchgirl26

OP you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Most people have different relationships with their family than their partners. It doesn't affect your relationship. My other half is probably closer to his siblings than I am to mine. It hasn't really caused any issues between us. Because it doesn't affect us as a couple.