So my sister is getting married this year. She is having a Hen night but never invited Me.

AMKC · 13-03-2023 10:26pm #1

I only came out last year. I am Trans. I am her sister too yes I might be Trans but I am still her sister. It would have been nice to at least be invited to go to the Hen night. That's all I wanted to be invited. Not even sure if I would have went as I am not really a person that goes out. She is a good sister and is a busy mother too. I have helped her plenty of times and she has helped me.

I have though about talking to her about it. The Hen night is next month and the wedding is in May.

Something always comes up when I go to talk about it do.

Would asking her via WhatsApp be appropriate or just say it to my Mum or other sisters?

I am hopefully going to the wedding. I say hopefully because well there is something I have this week that will decide if I do or not as if it does not go well I do not know how I am going to manage to get everything done on the day or there.

Apiarist · 13-03-2023 11:00pm

Find time to talk to her in person. Don't involve other people to pressure her into inviting you. It's her right to invite whoever she wants to the hen party.

The wedding would be another matter. If you are not invited to the wedding, make a stink. Also I would drop any other business to go to my sister's wedding, it's important.

jaffa20 · 13-03-2023 11:14pm

It must be something very important on the week of the wedding if it would prevent you going to your sister's wedding.... Did you say something like you might not be able to make her wedding that offended her, so now didn't receive an invite for the hen?

AllForIt · 14-03-2023 1:25am

Could you clarify, you say you are her sister therefore you are a trans woman, correct? Are you suggesting that she's not inviting you to the hen party because she doesn't accept you as a woman therefore you don't qualify for a hen party? Is that basically the issue?

iniscealtra · 14-03-2023 6:03am

Go to the wedding.That is a way bigger deal. Hen’s are overrated. She might just want to hang out with her friends. Do her friends know you have tranisitioned? The wedding itself is the important and If you don’t get an invite for that now that’s a different matter.

what the hell! · 14-03-2023 8:25am

You also say that you're not sure if you would have went even if you were invited. Maybe she's aware that you're not a person that goes out that much and didn't want to be putting you under pressure. Best hing to do is mention it to her.

AMKC · 14-03-2023 9:44am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120355763#Comment_120355763

The wedding would be another matter. If you are not invited to the wedding, make a stink. Also I would drop any other business to go to my sister's wedding, it's important.

I am invited to the wedding. I have bought a dress and shoes for it.

It's not that I have other business on that day but I guess it all depends on the weather that day. I will be getting my hair and makeup done and last thing I need is the weather ruining it. Am hoping for a calm dry day that day.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120355836#Comment_120355836

Nothing on thats more important than her wedding. No I never said anything like that.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120356064#Comment_120356064

Yes that is correct.

No not at all. It feels like that do.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120356134#Comment_120356134

I plan to. Yes I imagine so. Some of them do.

Yes I am invited and going as long as other things like the weather be good.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120356312#Comment_120356312

Yes but it still would have been nice to be invited. Yes maybe. I will do.

Thank you all for taking the time to reply to me.

I will mention it to her.

Dial Hard · 14-03-2023 10:30am

It seems *very* odd to me that you would let something as trivial as the weather decide whether or not you'll go to your own sister's wedding. Are you sure there isn't something bigger at play for you here???

I agree with What The Hell btw; she likely knows you're not very social and didn't want you to feel under pressure to attend.

o1s1n · 14-03-2023 10:39am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120356736#Comment_120356736

Sounds like 'the weather' is a bit of a 'get out of the situation if I don't feel up to attending' excuse. Problem is, it's not really an excuse. If one of my siblings said they couldn't attend my wedding due to rain or some other bad weather I'd be beyond offended and pissed off.

Jim_Hodge · 14-03-2023 10:46am

I'm finding it difficult to accept you wouldn't attend your sister's wedding because of the weather. That's quite incredulous and suggests there's something much more to it. Are you the person who started a thread complaining that everything shuts down if we have a bit of snow in this country?

For goodness sake just talk to your sister.

AMKC · 14-03-2023 11:04am

I will attend the wedding. I am not going to let the weather stop me well unless it's a storm lol. In that case tge wedding g will prob be called if anyway but here is hoping for nice dry mild weather not too warm. Hoping I do not have to get public transport to but that's all up to me.

Dial Hard · 14-03-2023 11:12am

Why would you not travel to the wedding with family? You live with your brother, right???

AMKC · 14-03-2023 11:14am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120356875#Comment_120356875

They are all going over the day before I asked. I will ask the brother but he might be going from his girlfriends and well there is other reasons too.

Jim_Hodge · 14-03-2023 11:15am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120356846#Comment_120356846

Wedding don't get called off over the weather. We've had weddings in sunshine, hail, sleet and snow. You're clutching at straws for some reason. As for transport, travel with your brother or other family members. You're looking for excuses without touching on the real reasons.

AMKC · 14-03-2023 11:33am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120356887#Comment_120356887

That is good. As far as I know its taking place inside and it's all at the same place so you are right weather should not be a problem. The problem is on my end. I will endevor to figure it out because I do really want to go.

Gusser09 · 14-03-2023 11:49am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058288158/so-my-sister-is-getting-married-this-year-she-is-having-a-hen-night-but-never-invited-me

Say absolutely nothing about the hen or the wedding. If she doesn't want you there why would you want to go.

Sounds like you might be the problem here rather than your sister.

Dial Hard · 14-03-2023 11:56am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120356963#Comment_120356963

Is this your first big social event since you started transitioning? If so, I get that the prospect of attending could be daunting. But if that is the case, be honest with your sister about it. Hiding behind (ridiculously flimsy) excuses like the weather and public transport is only going to cause hurt and confusion.

AllForIt · 14-03-2023 12:21pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120356569#Comment_120356569

AllForIt1:25 am

Could you clarify, you say you are her sister therefore you are a trans woman, correct? Are you suggesting that she's not inviting you to the hen party because she doesn't accept you as a woman therefore you don't qualify for a hen party? Is that basically the issue?

Yes that is correct.

No not at all. It feels like that do.

Right well my advice is it wouldn't be wise to make an issue about it pre wedding event, let her have her wedding without any drama because this could potentially blow up and cause serious bad blood. You could always bring the subject up at a later date in which case she would appreciate you kept shtum at the time for the sake of her wedding.

AMKC · 14-03-2023 12:46pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120357068#Comment_120357068

No but it is the first one in a while and yes it is bigger than the last one which was my Mums 70th but was small enough with mostly close family and cousins.

daheff · 14-03-2023 3:14pm

I can't quite figure out what your problem is. You are somewhat annoyed that you weren't invited to your sisters hen night, but say that you probably wouldn't have gone anyways. So you would prefer to be invited to turn it down? How would your sister feel about that?

And as for the day of the wedding. Nothing you have said here is an excuse not to go. If you are invited and accepted "weather" should not stop you going. Get a taxi/drive/get a lift/get public transport/walk. Whatever, just be there or have a damn good reason not to.

Big Bag of Chips · 15-03-2023 8:58am

Is there something other than the weather that would effect your attendance at the wedding? The bride will have bought a new dress and shoes, she'll have her hair and make up professionally done. She'll attend one way or another. As will the other guests. So if you're flip flopping about the wedding then it's likely your sister assumes you'd have no interest in the hen. Especially if you admit you'd probably not go anyway.

I have 1 difficult sister. We have a very significant family event coming up this year. Date is pretty much non-negotiable as it is a milestone anniversary. Every member of the family is available on the date. Including the difficult sister. But, the difficult sister is being difficult and insisting the date isn't convenient as she has something on the previous week. She is making something that is special to 2 other people, about her. As a result the rest of the family are carrying on with arrangements, and the event will go ahead whether or not she attends.

Please don't make your sister's hen and wedding about you. It's not. Maybe your sister knows how conscious and awkward you feel and doesn't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation. If she senses you probably wouldn't go, then maybe she's saving you the awkwardness and feeling pressure to attend, by not asking you.

If however you feel the wedding is too big an occasion, and you'd feel very exposed, but would feel more comfortable in a smaller group of women close to your sister then talk to her about that. But be honest. And stop with the half-baked excuses about weather and lifts.

AMKC · 15-03-2023 9:56am

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120360478#Comment_120360478

Please don't make your sister's hen and wedding about you. It's not. Maybe your sister knows how conscious and awkward you feel and doesn't want to put you in an uncomfortable situation. If she senses you probably wouldn't go, then maybe she's saving you the awkwardness and feeling pressure to attend, by not asking you.

I am not. Yes maybe. Yes maybe that's it.

If however you feel the wedding is too big an occasion, and you'd feel very exposed, but would feel more comfortable in a smaller group of women close to your sister then talk to her about that. But be honest. And stop with the half-baked excuses about weather and lifts.

No not at all. I am looking forward to going to it.

I am very happy for my sister to get this far in life as she has been through so much and never even thought she would have children but now has two little miracles.

So I will attend come rain, hail, sleet or snow but hopefully none of them and its just sun and calm on the day.

But you never know with Irish weather lol.

Dial Hard · 15-03-2023 11:38am

Genuine question, OP, have you ever actually been to a wedding??? Other than perhaps a couple of photos outside the church/ceremony venue, you'll be indoors the entire time. Not sure what this fixation on the weather is about.