Moving to Aus.. don't want to live with my friend

Louisexoxo

Hi All, bit of a background to this one, but I will try keep it brief.

Some of my friend group moved to Sydney in 2022. Myself and my bf are moving over to Sydney to them in the next few weeks for 12 months before returning home.

There is another member of the friend group that I don't get along with very well. We've lived together before and I was miserable for those few months. It was just the two of us living together and they didn't clean up after themselves and they clung to me. I couldn't go anywhere or do anything without them coming with me. Everything we did, we had to do together. And our personalities just clash. This person is also terrible in social situations, doesn't make an effort to meet or talk to new people, and to put it frankly, has a resting bitch face - so nearly deters people from approaching us.

This person has now decided to also move to Sydney. When they arrive (8 weeks after us), there will be a spare room in our apartment as our other friends are going doing regional work. So it will just be me, my boyfriend and them, again, for 3 months.

I really want to put myself out there, make new friends, and meet new people. But I am ALLERGIC to the thought of living with her again. I have not decided to spend 1 year in Australia, to spend one quarter of that time not enjoying myself. I just know that she won't put herself out there and try make friends and meet new people, she will just simply ask me 'what are we doing today'. Any friends I do make, if I introduce them to her, she won't make effort with them. If she doesn't get along with people, I could loose any new friends I do make.

I really don't want to offer her the spare room, but I feel I have no other choice. How to I tell my friend, who is moving half way across the world, that she cannot stay with me?

Even though I will have a spare room? If her other friends who are in Sydney were not going on regional work at the time, it would be so much easier to cope with her as there would be a few of us to essentially spread the burden. But unfortunately, that is not the case. Me and my boyfriend are the only people she will know when she lands.

Am I being too harsh?

Caranica

Find someone else for the room first. No spare room, no problem.

iffandonlyif

Everything you describe sounds like the characteristic of someone very insecure. Certainly feel sorry for her but you’ve got to put yourself first.

covidcustomer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058282708/moving-to-aus-dont-want-to-live-with-my-friend

Has she actually asked? Have you asked her what her intentions are?

Louisexoxo

Thanks everyone for the advice.

I've been speaking with people over there and from their point of view, it would be far too harsh to find someone else to take the room and not offer it to her. However, I feel its easier said than done for them as they won't be their to deal with her - they will be off on regional work.

They have said that it is extremely difficult to find accommodation in Sydney at the moment, and seeing as none of us have family here, we are each others family so we can't see them on the streets - Basically I have no choice.

Its also difficult to say no to having her, because I am obviously lucky and privileged to have friends who are holding a room for us in advance of us getting there, so I don't have the burden of worrying about accommodation, and it would be curel of me to not pass the generosity forward.

Unfortunately, I think I'm just going to have to get used to the idea. When she arrives, my other friends will have 8 weeks of regional work left, so it is only 2 months. I think I might plan some trips with my bf during those 2 months, could make it easier to cope with her. We plan on seeing as much of Australia as we can in our 12 months there, so I will book some weekend trips for around that time.

You never know, we could end up loving it there and want to go do regional work to get a 2nd year VISA too! If that is the case, I'll go for regional work during that time.

covidcustomer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120239583#Comment_120239583

You're a very good friend and person actually, I do hope that your friend appreciates you, best wishes to you, have a wonderful time!

pc7

I'm not sure how old you are but honest to god as I've got older I've less tolerance for doing things that make me unhappy to suit someone else. I think you've a few options

1) Just don't offer it, you won't be happy, why put her needs above yours? Is she only going cause you are? What would she do if you weren't there?

2) Find someone else for it

3)Find somewhere else for you and your boyfriend

4) if you are going to offer it and she accepts it, set some ground rules and point out the things that have made you unhappy in the past.

Friendships come and go as people develope and change all at different paces, lifes too short to make what should be a trip of a life time upset you before you have even left!