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Don't get invited

  • 24-01-2023 11:09am
    Registered Users Posts: 25 New_home_2018

    I'm 37 and married to my husband for 3 years. We have no children.

    I have a tight group of friends from college, some would be quite posh. When I started seeing my husband some, in particular one, who i would consider my closest friend, to be quite rude about him. He's quite introverted, where I'm the complete opposite.

    I've really noticed that over the past couple of years we don't get invited to things they, in particular things this person organises. It's really hurtful as we would have them over to dinner, bbqs etc. I noticed its not reciprocated.

    It's really hurtful and I'm not sure what to do


  • Registered Users Posts: 6,527 ✭✭✭YellowLead

    It sounds very rude that she (and they?) would be happy to come to yours when invited but then not reciprocate.

    Unless your husband was / is treating you badly, a real friend would accept any partner even if generally not their cup of tea as a person, it shouldn’t matter. I’m not sure how you can continue to view these people as your friends because it sounds like they are not.

  • Registered Users Posts: 888 ✭✭✭TheadoreT

    It's very hard to comment on this without more information.

    Was this woman in the past a good judge of character in your opinion? Has she had your best interests at heart in other situations?

    And what's the relevance of them being posh? You've thrown that in with zero context and makes you seem a tad judgemental.

    If on the face of it she's not inviting you both just because he's rubbish socially it's a bit harsh and selfish of her. But we don't really know her motives without more information.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,840 ✭✭✭rolling boh

    This woman is not a real friend if she was she would accept your husband even if she thought he was boring which can happen when someone is quite .Introverted people can come across rude to some people especially if those people are outgoing with plenty to say .I would just let them off as friends and move on with your lives .

  • Registered Users Posts: 19,068 ✭✭✭✭road_high

    Time to cut these people adrift so- if they are that rude and would appear shallow towards you both. Concentrate on people that value you as people and want to reciprocate- once someone starts getting cold or distant to me I pack up and leave- it’s the mature response to being mistreated and shows strength and self respect

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  • Registered Users Posts: 10,453 ✭✭✭✭maccored

    Two suggestions

    1) This person is a close friend, so talk it out. Go see them, tell them you need to talk to them about something important and raise the issue

    2) Re-evaluate your friendship. Personally, I’ve done this over the past few years and I’m much happier for it. Some friendships drain more than add value and slowly removing them - or at least enough to not need to emotionally respond to their actions - has made my life much more fun and less depressing.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,344 ✭✭✭Squall

    Ive been there myself and it is hurtful.I wasnt sure why the invites suddenly dropped off after meeting my SO but eventually found out they didnt like her. Said grand good luck and dont make any effort with them now. Not bothered about it all. As you get older its not worth the effort trying to keep a friendship up with people who are immature and disrespectful

  • Registered Users Posts: 908 ✭✭✭herbalplants

    Wowwww cut this person off fully... Do you understand this person is toxic and not a friend. A friend will invite you to all their events no matter who is your husband!!

    Living the life

  • OP, I was given some very very sound advice when I was much younger than you (I was 20) and it stuck with me forever. Never let me down.

    "There are two things you never stick your nose in to, other people's partners, and other people's money."

    If there's anything that will destroy a decades long friendship, that's it right there. By all means argue your hearts out about who you vote for or whatever is on the news, but stay away from that! End of the day it's somewhat unfair on you that you feel forced to choose, but the situation wasn't created by you.

    If your friend has a problem with your partner then that's all it needs to be.... "your friend's problem" and not yours.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,368 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12

    Are they jealous of your happy relationship with your husband? Are you a different person when he's present? there could be any one of 500 different answers to this question. Youre all adults, id suggest you have a sit down with your friend, just the two of you and talk about what the problem is, dont get defensive or try to be 'right' just find out whats going on.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 1,884 ✭✭✭sniperman

    life is too short to worry about ass holes